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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children

Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.

There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

Shaner -10/14/2000
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12/2/2001 12:48

Hello to all, as the Holiday Season approaches I thought I would share with you some of the tips I was given by my Bereavement Counsellor to hopefully help some of you as you 'prepare' to encounter the first Holiday Season without your beloved son/daughter and even those of us who are encountering our second or even further on down the road of grief.

There are many Holidays or special days, such as Anniversaries, Birthdays, Graduations, Weddings, to name a few, but for the bereaved, the hardest one is Christmas, or Hannukah. This time and day more than any other means, "family together", they are synonymous, and it is at this time that we are so acutely aware of the void in our lives. For many of us, the wish to go from Dec. 24 to Dec. 26th is what we long for. Christmas, the Holiday Season is all around us, with the stores packed, Carols being sung, houses decorated, and all these things drive home to us the painful realization that our child will not be here this year.
Shopping may be extremely upsetting, it may help to shop by catalogue, through the phone, online, or asking someone to help us out with it.
Family get-togethers may be extremely difficult. Be honest with each other about your feelings, sit down with your family and decide how you want to acknowledge it this year. Undertake only what you're able to handle comfortably.
There is no right or wrong way to handle the day; some may wish to follow family traditions, while other's may want to change, or do things differently.
Whatever you choose this year, you don't have to do the next.
Think about doing something symbolic to honour the life of your child, whether it's beginning to start a new tradition, or incorporate your favourite from Holidays when your child was with you.
Take care of yourself, the Holidays are a lot of work and so is grieving, it's very physically tiring.
Let youself cry when you need to, you will not ruin the Holiday for others or yourselves, letting our emotions out is a healthy thing.
Don't be forced into doing something socially just because other's think you should, set limits, and just do whatever you can comfortably do.
Do something for someone else, although you're feeling very sad, reaching out to others can often bring a certain Holiday fulfillment.
When people wish you a "Merry Christmas", and you're not feeling very merry, you can respond with "Best Wishes to You", or "I'll try".
These are just some pointers that helped me tremendously, especially that first year, you yourself will ultimately decide just how much of the Holiday you will embrace, and how you'll handle the day and season. There is no right or wrong way, just the way that you feel the most comfortable with.
God bless all of you this upcoming season, and all of you will be in my prayers.
Luv Sandy

12/2/2001 17:24

cydny,I pray you will continue to daily seek confort for your loss in Jesus. Only God can confort us and keep us going to do is work when our hearts are sad with such a loss. I especially identified with the conforting words shaner said to you -- a quiet sadness settles in. Maybe you will think me ungrateful, maybe I have not understood my loss and gain. I pray God will be in touch with the right group to help me mend my broken heart. When my son was 10 his father stole him from me. We were out of touch for 8 years. In that time I found Christ. I can not talk to my son when I wish--he is 23 years old and on his own -- away from father and me. He was dead to me for 8 years; I can't seem to overcome this loss--I dream of getting back the child I loss; I dream of forgetting the loss and picking up the pieces and making a new relationship without the hurt, guilt,etc. Pray for me as I will continue to pray for all of you who are sad by your terrible losses.

12/2/2001 20:28

confusedinpr, I just read your posting and my heart goes out to you. You have suffered a 'loss' of having your child with you as he grew up, and my prayer for you is that he and you reconcile and start anew, you cannot unfortuanately get those lost years back, but you can start a new and better relationship with him, and one that this time lasts. Our prayers are with you,
Luv Sandy

12/2/2001 22:27

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you so very much Sandy. I too hope to get encouraging words from others in this prayer circle and outside. I've printed your note to share with my sister-in-law. 2001 has been such a painful year for me - I loss my father in January, my nephew in August, my cousin in September, many dear friends and colleagues in the World Trade attacks also in September and then my mom in October. But by God's mercy I am strengthened. Again, thank you for your kind words. Be Blessed. Charlie

12/2/2001 23:47

Dear Shaner, my tears mingle with yours as I grieve the death of my wonderful son, Casey who was killed in a car accident on his 24th birthday. He was my middle son, who after celebrating his birthday with his friends, fell asleep at the wheel on his way home. He leaves behind his broken-hearted 19 year old brother. We lost our oldest son 4 years ago to heroin. We are devastated. The pain is impossible to describe - someone has ripped out our hearts and expect us all to go on.......I know we will survive Casey's loss but the physical pain of his loss and the void we feel will be slow to heal. I pray for my only remaining child that he may have the strength and courage to go on - to continue to want to live and find joy in life. My heart is broken. Pray for all parents who grieve their children. We all need such compassion and gentle care. God bless you in your journey to peace. With God's love we find the strength.

12/3/2001 01:28

I am also a mother who has lossed children.This time of the year asspecially is hard.My son's Rodney an Robert died just 5 mo.s apart they were identical twins born with cystic fibrosis,it was very hard for my family,but like you we found great comfort in God,no other way could we have made it.Like many of you I found to open your hearts to the loss and pain of others somehow helps to releive you of your own.May God Bless and comfort each of you in a special way.
Love Gail

12/3/2001 03:37

I lost a precious granddaughter 8yrs. ago and I must tell you that God does ease the pain with time. I am so thankful for the brief time we had her. It made me appreciate family more.We just don't know when our time is up so we have to take advantage of what time is left. I know some day I will hold that preciouslittle girl again. That is a fact. Until then, I'll hold onto the precious memories I have and with each day I AM HERE I will love those around me and cherish the time we do have. My heart and prayers go out to all of you but know someday we will be reunited with our precious loved ones. May God give you all peace in your hearts and more love to fill those broken hearts. NaNa[Barbara

12/3/2001 08:15

Hello Charlie - Chatzep, you're so very welcome, your sister-in-law will realize that what she's feeling is a part of grief, and these feelings are shared by moms everyday, as so many of them would tell you. I'm happy you printed out the page, I hope and pray it gives your sister-in-law some comfort, knowing there's company out here, and hopefully she'll post here herself when she's ready.
Charlie, Our Heavenly Father is definitely keeping you under His guidance and love, with all the losses you yourself have experienced this year. I just can't imagine handling all those losses in such a short span of time, He has definitely given you the necessary spiritual and physical strength to do so, and also support your sister-in-law! You definitely are strengthened, God bless you, you will be prayed for here as you deal with your own losses and continue to support your sister-in-law. May Our Lord bless you tenfold,
Luv Sandy

12/3/2001 08:27

Hello Kanihai, I am so very sorry to read about your Casey. Your pain is so evident in your post, God bless you. It's a terrible thing, isn't it, to lose one of our beloved children. No, you can't describe the pain, for there are no words available to really say how it truly feels, how if affects your life, and how you live. But I do know the power of prayer, and I know the prayers of others and my own prayers, brought me out of that terrible pain and to an acceptance of living with the quiet sadness of not having our own son, Shane with us anymore. That is my prayer for you, that you will find some peace, that your pain will be lessened, and that you will with God's wondrous help, come to a more peaceful place in your life. That void will always be there, no one can ever replace it, but hopefully in time you learn to live with that void, as sad as it is. My heart goes out to your 19 year old son, Casey's brother, he's grieving the loss of his brother, and as I've said before, when we lose a child, we lose a big part of ourselves, and the future that the child would have given us is now gone also. May you find that peace within yourself, as well as your family. May God in His love and goodness bless you and your family and you'll be prayed for here,
Luv Sandy

12/3/2001 08:38

Hello gaillock, my heart goes out to you as I read about your own losses, your precious twin boys. How difficult that must be. It's hard enough to lose one child, but two would be beyond my comprehension. But God does love us, and He does give us the necessary spritual and physical strength to deal with heavy crosses, so I know He must have held you in the palm of His hand for a long time. This time of the year is so very hard, we face another or a first one without our beloved children being with us. I'm so very happy that you found comfort in sharing your loss with others and reaching out to other's also, it does help to relieve some of the pain, and to give back in the spirit of your child, or in your case, children. Our Heavenly Father will continue to help you, I know, as you slowly come to terms with your tremendous loss. May God bless you and comfort you also, Gail, and bring some peace into your life, you and your family will be prayed for here,
Luv Sandy

12/3/2001 08:45

Hello imforchrist, Barbara, I'm so happy that you posted here. Yes, with a lot of time we do come to a more peaceful place within ourselves, learning to live with the void in our lives, but it does take a lot of time, work, and prayer. But Our Lord is so very good to us grieving moms, He gives us many blessings to help us through a very rough time. Yes, we all look forward to the day when we will be re-united with our children, and until then I take life one day at a time, as I know other moms do too, and with God's help, we will cherish our own time here. Thank you for posting, and also for your prayers, they mean a great deal to us all. God bless you and your family,
Luv Sandy

12/3/2001 11:43

Thank you Sandy for sending me words of encouragement and letting me know I can count on someone else praying for my situation with my son. I have read all the new sorrows today and realize that I still have an opportunity so enjoy my son -- I just have to figure out how -- better yet maybe it just has to do with intense prayer. I heard Joyce Myers this am and she talked about really turning our sorrows and worries over to Jesus and trusting him. I think maybe if I invest my time praying for others more than myself and getting my involved instead of sitting on the sidelines, the waiting for tide to turn will go much faster and less painful. I do know there is a loving God who is in charge -- there is a plan. God bless all the mothers and fathers who are suffering the loss of a child. I hope you all have the comfort of knowing you were loved by your child -- I am very unsure if I can ever experience the love of my son -- pray for me as I get more involved in praying for your needs which are greater than mine.

12/3/2001 13:39

Hello confusedinpr, I'm so happy you posted again, and yes, you can count on prayers to help you with your situation. I just know that God has a plan for you and your son, perhaps it won't happen as soon as you'd like, but one never knows, for God's time is not our time, so we leave everything in His Hands. The more you give of yourself, the more you're 'filled back up', you will be blessed tenfold praying for the needs of others, and then blessings will pour onto you. You still do have that opportunity to have a relationship with your son, and I know that Our Lord will bring a reconciliation about for both of you. You will both grow in your relationship, and then you will experience the wonderful love between yourself and your son. Thank you so much for your prayers, as you can see there are a lot of hurting people in this world, everyone has their trials and crosses, and with the power of prayer we can rely on God to get us through. May God bless you also and keep in touch, let us know when this happens for you!
Luv Sandy

12/4/2001 09:29

Loving friends, yes I feel you are my friends already--a friend prays when one is hurting. It feels comforting to pray for people with names who are hurting because of a situation I can understand how it feels. It is also wonderful to know that I too am being prayed for. This morning I meditated on our true purpose of being born -- to live for God. He gave us his salvation and we now have someone to lean on, talk to and when we need a physical sign that we are not alone, he provides friends. Now even sitting in this room alone, I know I not alone. Truly he is a God that makes everything right. God bless you all -- thank you Sandy for your kind words -- I hope all of you make this day a beautiful day with God -- he has promised to do the rest. God bless you all.

12/6/2001 16:20

Hello Sandy, Just a short note to please pray for me tomorrow i am having surgery on my shoulder and quite scared of this. I don't know if it because I'm so worried i will not wake-up or just the whole hospital scene. You see it has been just a little over a year since I lost my daughter which you do already know. I guess I just am afraid of the whole ordeal. I will be praying and need some prayers from others that everything will be ok. Thank you and God Bless. Wendy

12/7/2001 02:12

Dear Father in heaven, I pray that You will calm the fears of my sister in Christ as she awaits surgery. Father, reveal to her, that You will be there to watch over her and that all will go well with the surgery. Let her know that all of us here will keep her in our prayers. In Your Son Jesus' name,I pray, Amen

12/7/2001 09:09

Hello Wendy, you are most certainly prayed for; everything will come out alright, you are safely in Our Lord's Hands, guiding the surgeon's, so I just know the surgery will be a success! I also pray for a speedy recovery, and that you will be on the mend quickly. I pray Our Lord calms your fears for you and sends your Angels to be with you during your surgery. I hope we'll hear from you as soon as you are able to type again! May the peace of Our Lord be with you, and you know you'll have plenty of prayers from here to help you through, God bless you,
Luv Sandy

12/7/2001 09:18

Lord, let your angel Shane watch over and comfort his family, and help lead them to live in your way in honor of him. And Lord, especially now at Christmas time, at the time that we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ our Saviour, bless all the parents who lost children, and the children who lost parents, in both the attacks on America and in our continuing efforts to hold back the forces of evil that caused them. To the Blessed Mother, for all their behalf, pray along please:

HAIL MARY, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

12/7/2001 09:36

plese pray from the heart for patsy harjo and her family. she lost a son to a murderer 5 years ago. 5 Days ago she also lost her youngest daughter to a very brutal murderer. the people who attacked her were out on parole and bond. they never should've been given the chance. i know God has His reasons, but does murder count? is it in His Plan to take TWO very loving kids from the heart of a Loving Mother? the preacher at the funeral mentioned Cane and Able. he said that eveil kills the Good...not the evil. i guess that is some comfort...but not to a mother who was just now able to Live life after the tragic loss of her first born Son...and now her last born daughter. pray that the Lord will guide and comfort her.

12/8/2001 07:59

Hello Matthew1120, thank you for taking the time to post here, it means a great deal to us all. Yes, may our Angel Shane watch over us and may we lead a life pleasing to God and honouring the spirit of our son, may all parents here do this as I know so many of them do!
Your beautiful Christmas prayer for us all is very touching and heartfelt, we appreciate it very much. As a fellow Roman Catholic, may Our Blessed Mother wrap her loving Mantle around us all, and pray for us through our trials and tribulations of life. May God bless you and once again, thank you for posting here.
Luv Sandy

12/8/2001 08:21

Hello mrg819, I am so sorry to read your post about Patsy, my heart goes out to her and her family at this terrible time for her and them.
Having already lost one child to a murder, I can't comprehend the pain of losing a second one, her last born daughter, to another. She must be in indescribable pain right now. I know how you must be feeling right now, but no, in my opinion, it's not in God's plan to have your children murdered, He is a loving God and would never put that into His design for life. It's difficult enought to lose one child, but then another five years later at the hands of another, must be unbearable for Patsy and her family right now. I'm so happy that she has you there for her, she needs a lot of support, understanding and love now as she slowly comes to terms with her horrendous losses, and I pray that she will receive all the support in the world that she needs, now, tomorrow and in the months and years to folow. Grieving for a child takes a long time, and in her special case, it may take longer than most. I won't pretend to understand all her pain; I don't walk in her shoes so to speak, I do understand how it feels to lose a child, and I send my love, comfort and prayers to Patsy and her family at this time. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted", is one of the Beatitudes that comes to mind with Patsy, I know Our Lord will definitely be there by her side as she mourns her loss of her children. He cries right along with her, knowing more than we do of how she feels in her heart right now and in the times to come.
Patsy will definitely be in our prayers and thoughts and we will storm Heaven for her as she grieves this horrific loss. May God bless you for posting here about Patsy, and may He wrap her in His loving arms at this time.
Luv Sandy

12/10/2001 05:29

Dearest Shaner, My mother lost her two oldest sons to suicide. I know God was with her during those darkest hours of her life, or her light would not be shining so brightly now on her grandchildren. My brother in law was saved by the generous kidney and pancreas donations from a family who lost their 25 year old physical therapist son to meningitis. My brother in law was on his death bed, when this strange twist came about. It took a little time, but he finally wrote a very grateful letter to the donor family. And they wrote back and all have since become very special friends. To all of you who have suffered the greatest of tragedies, Dear God, please touch all of those suffering the incredible loss of a child so that they may know the State of Grace you have planned for their loved one and give them the inner peace
that comes only from our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit and God Almighty. Amen

12/10/2001 08:27

Hello ivycolleen, and thank you for posting. I'm so sorry to read about your loss of two brothers, and your mother's loss of two sons! She must be a woman of very strong faith, to endure something as hearwrenching as that.
Yes, Our Heavenely Father was definitely with her, as He is with all of us who have lost our beloved children, He does see us through the darkness of the night, so to speak. I know her light must be shining so brightly on her grandchildren, and her love that shines through for them and her family!
What a wonderful gift that the young man's family did for your brother-in-law, the gift of life, what better gift or legacy could they leave, and honour the life and spirit of their son at the same time. I think it's truly wonderful when people donate in order to help other's have a healthy life, a second chance. God does work in His ways, doesn't He! That's so nice that they have become friends, they are bonded in a special way that will last them a lifetime.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and praying for us all, we greatly appreciate it, and may God bless you and your family abundantly,
Luv Sandy

12/12/2001 12:24

To all of you my heart aches and I send my prayers. I too lost my daughter,At 8mons. That was 16yrs ago.I was 20yrs old. I can tell you only this Hold on to Gods sweet hand for he has a plan.For each one of us is changed how we change is up to you,but if you hold on to God he will pull you through. The pain never goes away but remembering your loved one talking, writing,any thing that allows you to exspress your loving memories will help.Prayer is so important.May God be with you all.

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