Prayer Circles

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Oh, believe me, I would give anything just to see my Diane and give her a big warm hug, or hear her beautiful voice again. The pain of missing her is not so intense now, but I think of her every single day. Only now, I think of her as being right beside me; especially when I am feeling sad and missing her. I try to imagine what it will be like when we meet in that heavenly reunion. :) But, I will have to wait until my God calls my name.

I was missing her so much the other day when I was out shopping and getting my nails and pedicure at Wal Mart Super Store. It was so crowded and the Christmas decorations and music and oh, did I miss her! I don't fight it, though; the sadness, I just allow myself to miss her, then ... I go buy something special that I know she would like me to have! That is the fun part; because it is my gift from her, and then I get her a gift! We both loved stuffed animals, fluffy pillows, beautiful dolls, etc. and we both collected teddy bears and angels. So I just have myself a shopping good time! Ha ha! Then I leave everything in the trunk of my car until Papaw [Hubby] goes to bed, and then I go out and sneak everything in and hide it. Sometimes I don't find stuff for months! Ha ha!

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Oh, I know ... But, it makes me feel better; so I do it, but only on very special days! Then, I go play a few nickels at the noisy riverboat. :) And most of the time, I find myself sitting and talking to someone who has lost a child also. :) It is strange how God uses us in ways that we would never have dreamed. :) I won a little the other night, but by the time I got through shopping for Thanksgiving dinner, blessing Auntie [who is now 92 years young - God bless her], and came out of Walmart ... I was almost back to square one. :)

So, hang in there my dear sister; we will get through the special days together. :) OMG, Dec. 1st is hubby's birthday! I gotta get with the Rues and see what they want to do. When the kids/grand kids, or I ask him what he wants for his birthday, or Christmas, he always says the same thing: "My health and strength." So, we just do what we want to do for him. I remember once, years ago, when the kids were still in their teenage years, he told Cheryl and Diane to please try to keep me out of the stores! Ha ha! But we weren't on fixed incomes then. As the saying goes, ... Now, I understand! Ha ha!
Love & Angel Hugs,
Yo crazy sister in Christ,
Verna [aka Miss V.]

Hello my dear Angelmoms! No, I haven't gotten lost, :-) just very busy lately. But I wanted to make sure and come to the Circle today!

Our dear Yvonne, it's wonderful to see a Post from you, I often wonder how you are, dealing with your husband's passing on top of Joe's. Yes, I imagine it is a different type of grief, but still very painful nonetheless. I know your grancuties are your pride and joy and they fill your heart with love, I'm so happy for that, they help so much to keep you from getting too lonely too. I pray that you can keep your home for a long, long time, I know what you mean about taking on Gary's role now too, our hubby's do things for us and then suddenly we have to learn to do them on our own, it open's up a whole new set of complications in your grieving, God love you. Please take care of yourself and let Our Lord be your pillar of strength to lean on when the days are very difficult.
Our dear Kaye, it was my honour to post at your Joshua's Memorial site, such a beautiful smile as I wrote, that light's up his face, :-). Most of us here have Memorial sites and we'd love you to write a little something in our own! Yes, I do believe that your dear son was present at your Thanksgiving at your Mom's, I don't think it was a coincidence about the rolls! Look for the sign's, my Shane left many for me, as well as coming to me in the dream state, but it was no dream, it was very, very real.
We're so happy to have you here, at our Circle of Love, you post whenever you feel like it, our love and prayers are with you.
Our dear Phyllis, it's so early in your Journey, don't you feel bad at all that you called it turkey day instead of Thansgiving, our loving God understand's.

Our dear Miss V, thank you for your very kind words, but you know me by now, thank God for whispering in my ear and thank my beloved Shane for his inspiration to start this wonderful, loving Circle!
You've been holding down the fort and again, I thank you for your unending help, you're truly a treasure to us here!

Our dear sister Selva, I know how deep in the valley you are, I think most of us are starting to experience the dreaded Holiday blues, and I'm so happy you took my advice and posted here, we all need the love and support from each other that we find here.

I love you all and my prayers are ever present for each of you,

Lots of love & Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Hello all my Angel Mom sisters!!! I know I haven't posted in a few days, and I have to shamefully admit that I hit bottom Sunday night. Marcus would be 4 on December the 12th, so this time of the year is always hard on me anyway. I lay before God and admit that I attempted to overdose, but I obviously didn't take enough pills because I'm writing to you all. My husband's reaction was not fear, it was pure anger, and Monday morning he sat me down and scolded me and (excuse me) bitched at me for longer than I can remember. He still reminds me how "stupid" I am for what I did, and says he has no sympathy for someone who would do something like that. I think now I know what I need to do. My family wasn't angry at all, just all worried sick, so I'm obviously in the wrong place. It has been almost 4 years since Marcus passed, but I never did really get to grieve, so I think that is why it is still so fresh to me. I'm sorry I only talk about my problems when so many of you have your own. I do love you all though. Miss V, your "journal" did wonders for me, thanks. Butterfly hugs and kisses to all!!!!

Hello dear AngelMom Donna, I'm very happy it failed too and you're still here! Please don't do that again sweetie, it's not the answer, although I know how despondent you are right now, God love you. Have you ever considered joining a Grief Support Group for Moms who've lost a child? I did for the first 3 years after my Shane passed awaw and it was a wonderful way to get my grief out, in the presence of other Moms who knew exactly how I felt. I believe you've hit the nail on the head, so to speak, when you say your grieving has been delayed. You can't keep it bottled in, you have to have someone to talk to about it, sooner or later it is going to come out in one form or another and I believe that's what has happened to you, your hubby wasn't there for you after a while and you kept it bottled up, knowing he was uncomfortable talking about it. And now it's coming out and it's so very hard for you, especially dealing with it alone. Are you still seeing your therapist? I pray so, dear one. You know you can always post here, and our love, support and prayers are always with you too, so make me a promise that you won't try that again, OK? I care, we care,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi my dear sisters, I forgot to post this yeaterday - I received an e-mail from an ljoy @aim.co asking me to let them know at the Circle if I received it, but there was no name to go with it?? I replied to them asking who are you but I never received a reply! If it's someone from here, could you let me know, or did any of you receive an e-mail like that?
Love curious Sandy :-)

Hi our Dear Angel sister Donna. I am so grateful that nothing bad happened to you, but like our Dear Angel in Chief Sandy said, that is not the answer, we undertand how you feel because in one way or another we have wished to die and be with our children again, but that have to wait until God decides it is our turn, He gave us life and He is the one that will take it away. It has been 3 years since my Solange let to be in Heaven, and this is a very lonely road my dear sister, it is also a very complicated grief, you can not handle it alone, like Sandy said,maybe you should look for professional help, that is what I did also, and I am still going to a phycologist. You have to let that pain out, cry as much as you need. Post here as often as you need , we are all here to support one another, to listen and to pray for one another, and we all understand the pain, just remember you are not alone my dear sister, we are all here for you. Love and prayers. Selva

I was seeing a therapist, but he won't see me anymore. He told me I had to come out of the land of the dead and back into the world of the living. I told him, no offense, but even with all of his degrees, he cannot even begin to imagine what it does to a mother who loses a child. The father might grieve, but he still doesn't know what the mother goes through. So at that point, he told me our meeting was over. On the other hand, the bereaved parents society was sending monthly letters for a while, but my husband didn't support me going to the meetings and he certainly wasn't going to go with me. He has some issues with control. He is also very selfish. It is always what he wants, when he wants it, and doesn't give notice when he has made plans for me.
The night it happened, he had some friends over, and they stormed the house, screaming and yelling and cussing at me. And as I said before, the next morning he dragged me out of bed to scold me. Last night, one of the "screamers" came back over and I refused to socialize with them and I told him I really didn't want to be around her right now.( she is dating one of his friends ) And he said why?, because she was right and what you did was stupid? He wouldn't have stood up for me if she said anything, he would have sided with her and it would have just been another "let's beat down Donna's spirit" scenario. Worst part is, she works for a counseling agency.
Another reason I should probably just go, get away from here, she's going to be coming over all the time and I have no say in the matter.
My mother called and told me that I have to come home, and it seems like I would get a lot more support there. It's not easy looking at walking away from someone I've been with for 6 years, but then again, I'm not the same person I was 6 years ago, and he certainly isn't the person I thought I knew. As everyone has already said, I am very vulnerable right now, but I'm afraid if I stay here, the next time won't be just an attempt. I really need and appreciate all of your prayers, especially now.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The strength to change the the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I know I need to change things, I just need the strength.
Love and kisses and hugs to All!!!!
Donna

Oh, if anyone want to email me directly, my email is dickensdonna@yahoo.com

My dear sister Donna. All I can say to you is, you are a MOM, you know how you love your children, so I am sure your Mom loves you a lot. My (our) prayers will be with you always, you can count on that. Love Selva

Hello dear Donna,
Our sister Selva is right, I think it would be a very good idea if you went to your Mom's right now, just to remove yourself from the situation you're in and be able to think more clearly without other people telling you what to do - not necessarily permanent, but at least try it, tell your husband you're going to visit your Mom for a week? Yes, you always have us, we love and pray for you,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hello dear Donna,
Our sister Selva is right, I think it would be a very good idea if you went to your Mom's right now, just to remove yourself from the situation you're in and be able to think more clearly without other people telling you what to do - not necessarily permanent, but at least try it, tell your husband you're going to visit your Mom for a week? Yes, you always have us, we love and pray for you,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

I Lost My Daughter Maggie 8 Years When I Was In My 4th Month I Never Got To See Her And I Just Recently Got Diagnosed With Polycystic Ovary Syndrome And They Don't Know If I Can Have Children Unless God Heals My Ovaries

I Lost My Daughter Maggie 8 Years When I Was In My 4th Month I Never Got To See Her And I Just Recently Got Diagnosed With Polycystic Ovary Syndrome And They Don't Know If I Can Have Children Unless God Heals My Ovaries

Oh Donna,
what sadness it brings to read your words. NEVER for one minute would I think of taking my life, as I told my other children if I did then the murderer who took my Joshua would have succeeded in taking out my entire family. I will NEVER give them the satisfaction. I will be a constant reminder of who he was and what he was about. I will fight to the end so that his death was not in vain. Please get away for awhile from all who seek to control you. You are a grown woman who I am sure if given the chance can decide for yourself what is right for you. I got out of a verbally abusive relationship after 13 years and often wonder what took me so long. It is constantly an uphill struggle to do it alone, but there is nothing like peace of mind in my Queendom. I hope you will strongly reconsider your options and make your baby proud.
Love
Kay

Hello All!!! First of all, Phyllis wanted me to let you know she has had trouble getting into the prayer circle and she misses everyone, so we all need to pray to help her be able to get back in. (computer trouble?)
I wonder daily why I am still here. We have a few good days, then he turns back into himself. He HATES the computer. Even if he knows I am just posting in the prayer circle, he gets mad. Worries about what I am telling all of you.......
I think Marcus knew he wasn't going to be here long, he would never let me lie him down. I held that baby for 8 weeks 24/7 before I went back to work, then every waking moment after I got home. I had to sleep sitting almost upright so he could lie on my chest, or he would not sleep. I have to be thankful for the time I had, but after already starting to get to know my child and all his quirks, he was taken so quickly. I'll never understand. As far as having another, they found I have a rare kidney disease due to symptoms during the pregnancy, and a biopsy months after his death. They tell me it would be risky, that the kidney disease could progress if I become pregnant again. My question has and still is, I had it the first time I was pregnant, they just didn't know about it, so what would the difference be now? They would just know what extra precautions to take since they know it's there. And there's not a doctor that can tell me what would happen, only God knows that.
I love you all so much for listening, and understanding, and helping me to cope. I haven't had that since Marcus passed. No one really understands unless they have experienced it themselves and NO ONE know what the mother goes through. God Bless You All!
Oh! Phyllis's email is phyllis98382@yahoo.com if anyone wants to email her. Butterfly hugs and kisses to all!!

Hi Maggiesmom, welcome to our Circle. I am so sorry about you loss, but remember God is so Poweful and nothing will stand on His Way, if He wants to be a Mom you will be, and mabybe He wantso you to consider adoption, there are so many little angels there who needs so much love that you can give, there is always an option and I am sure that God will take you to the right place. Welcome to our Circle, and please keep on posting here, we all understand and will pray for you my dear one. Love Selva

My dear dear siter Donna. Get a break, please, take a few days off and go visit your Mom, I am sure that you will find a little Peace and love, we all need a little Peace, just take a little break. You can count on our prayers for you. Love Selva

My dear sister Kay. I admire your strenght and your faith, yes I know that Joshua is very proud of you, and in the meantime my dear sister, you can count on our prayers for you, and also be asure that Joshua is having a great time in Heaven with all our Angel kids, I am sure that Solange, already told him what to do to get in touch with you, just be aware of little signs, he will let you know that he is happy in Heaven with all our Angel kids. Love Selva

Helo maggiesmom, welcome also to the Circle. I think our dear sister Selva gave you some very good advice, if it turn's out that you're unable to have your own children, there are so many, many chldren that need a loving Mom and a home, no pressure, just another option for you to think about. Keep up your hope, God is a constant love for you,
Love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hello our sister Donna, thanks for letting us know about Phyllis, goodness, she's having computer problems, Miss V is having them and so is Jennifer - my dear sister Selva, let's hope and pray our's stay OK!
Did you read dear Kaye's advise to you our Donna?
Please give it some serious thought about getting away, even just for a few days at your Mom's place, It would help you greatly to see things from a different perspective - this is all up to you though, we would never want to make you feel you had to, just to please us. We love and care for you, whatever you decide to do,
Much love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hello our dear Kaye,
It hasn't been that long since you tragically lost your precious son and I know you're still grieving over his passing strongly, God love you, yet you have this amazing inner strength to keep going and fight the good fight for your son and family! In the midst of your grief you are a very brave woman.
And bravo to you for leaving an abusive relationship and starting over, I know it must have been hard, but you did it.
My prayers and love are with you as you face very difficult days ahead,
Lots of love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hello our dear sister, on this special day for you, your precious Solange's Birthday, my Candle will be lit for you and Solange, with my love and prayers to help you through this day.
Just think of the wonderful party that she's having with all the other Angel kids, Happy Birthday Solange! Love you
our dear sister and tender Hugs,
Sandy

Hi my dear sister, ~ I am so sorry to be so late getting here today. I had an appointment with my Ophthalmologist today, and I am just getting back after making a couple of stops on the way. You have been in my prayers throughout this very special day... I know that your beautiful Solange is so very, very proud of you for all the good you have done here in our circle of love; knowing all the time just how difficult it has been for you to continue on your painful journey. I am so very, very proud of you also. I know first hand that it has not been an easy road to travel. Nevertheless, you have made it this far; by the help of God, your beautiful Solange, and all of our angels, and always our heartfelt prayers and compassion. I pray that you were able to feel the results of all of our prayers throughout this very special day. Solange, beautiful angel with the radiant smile ... We love you dearly, and know that you can always count on all of us here to surround your mom with love and prayer. Please give my Diane a big hug from me, and tell her that I love and miss her so!
My Love to you, and all our angel kids as you celebrate your birthday in the Heavenly Gardens! :) My Candle is lit for you and your Mom. :)

God's peace and powerful blessings,

Verna, [Diane's Mom] :)
8/16/60 - 8/31/96
Never Forgotten - Always Loved!