Good Morning All Angel Moms,
I come wishing each of you a wounderful and Happy Thanksgiving. I pray God will bless each of you as you go about your busy day and keep you saftly in his loving arms.
I have to work today but I already have the ham in the oven and greenbeans cooking. My hubby will finish the reat when he gets off of work at 11am. So, in saying that I must get off of this computer because if I don't I'm going to be late for work.
Love and Butterfly Hugs to all,
Hello all Angel Moms!!! I sit here feeling foolish, because I chickened out of moving. I am so broken and weak that I can't even make a decision on my own. My husband has that much control over me right now. He convinces me that my psychologist doesn't know what he is talking about, and verbally beats me down until I just give in. And I have no "real" support to help me close by. I just don't know what to do. Love to All!!!
Hi my dear Angel sister Arqt. Please don't feel so bad, you are in a very weak condition right now, it is no time to make decitions yet, just wait a while, right now the pain that you are going through is overwhelming, we all have gone through making decisions at the wrong time, and we understand, Just hang in there my dear sister, and God will give you the power and the strenght. Just keep on praying and of course we will storm Heaven for you with prayers, and He will give you the strenght to go forward, and when the time is OK then He will help you my dear sister. Just remember we are here for you, and our prayers really work, just be easy on yourself, right now you are going through a lot of pain etc and this pains is very complicated, we will also pray for your husband, so that he can understand a little more and be easy on you. You are not alone my dear sister, we are all here to help. Love and God Bless you. Selva
Hello our dear Donna, you don't ever have to feel 'foolish' about posting anything here, there's no judging, just support, love and prayers.
It can be a scary feeling, striking out on your own, especially when you're so vulnerable. You need to get more inner strength before you make a major decision I believe. And when you do, you'll also be able to tell your hubby "no more verbal abuse!" I feel bad for you that you don't have any support closer to you, someone loving to lean on and help. but as Selva said, you always have us, we'll always be here for you! Keep praying, put your hope in God, and continue seeing your Therapist.
Our love and prayers are always with you,
Much love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Hello dear Phyllis,
Were you able to have Thanksgiving Dinner at Rhonda's favourite Restaurant yesterday? I hope the day wasn't too hard on you, let us know how you're doing,
Much love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Hello angel moms, Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. My day started out okay. I went to work and had a really good day seeing our residents getting to go home with family. Some of these people never get to go home and it does our heart good to see these people with their familys. It's so sad because some of them only get to go home twice a year and that is Thanksgiving and Christmas. Then around lunch time our Heavenly Father called our sweet little Lou home to be with him.She was such a sweet little lady. We called her daughter to come in but while the family was on there way she died with 3 cna's holding her hand.Well, up until this point I was okay and then something changed. I was depressed for the rest of the day. I was supposed to be happy because I had my own dinner waiting with family after work but my spirit could'nt get into it. I went to bed at 7:45pm last night and I never make it to bed most nights before 11pm. I took a muscule relaxer and went to bed. My husband woke me at 9:15pm and wanted to know what was up with me. He said it was rude for me to go to bed while we still had company. I explained to him that I didn't exspect this ladys dealth to make me so down and out. I was grieving in my spirit so hard.Not only for her but for my Amiee as well. I really did'nt see this coming. I had been so happy for all the people getting ready to go home that it all took me by suprise. My hubby called me 2 times at work today just to check on me. I thank God he is so understanding. I feel like God gave me the best husband in the world. (NO OFFENCE because we should all feel this way about our husbands) Brian (my husband) is my soul mate and I know this in my heart. He is what completes me in so many ways. He is always there for me when I need him. Even if he is at work he is there for me. All I have to do is call.
I've not been as depressed today as yesterday but Brian wants me to go ahead and put the tree up and I just couldn't do it last night.Christmas is always the hardest for me. Not only is it Christmas but Amiee and Elizabeths birthday. Amiee would of been 13 along with her sister this year. CAN YOU IMAGIN A SET OF 13year old twin girls!!!!tHAT IS ALWAYS the hardest part for me. WOUNDERING WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE NOW.
Everyone pray for me that I can make it through the holiday season with out loseing my mind. This year will be different for me because I do have all of you to relie on. This is the first year that I have someone to talk to that reaaly understands the heart break of the holidays.THANK GOD I have all of you.
Love and Butterfly Hugs,
Hi dear Jen, nice to see a Post from you, albeit sad, I'll write more later, (working today) Verna asked me to post for her,
Lots of love & Angel Hugs,
Our Miss V (Verna) is having major problems with her computer and asked me if I could post this for her here - she also requests that all e-mails be held, she thinks she may have a virus, so let's hope she solve's her computer woes soon!
Dear Angel Moms, ~ I am trying to think positive, but it [ain't] easy at the moment! :( Thank you for praying for me. :) My computer woes are ever present AGAIN. Is anyone else here having problems getting online or signed in at Beliefnet? Anyway, when you don't see a post from me, just assume it's because I am having problems with my computer and/or problems getting online. I have been trying to figure all of this new stuff out for the last several hours! Finally getting the right connection a few minutes ago [I think, then signed on to Beliefnet only to have the homepage show up blank. After waiting several minutes, I just clicked the X and saved my post in my waiting to be sent email file. I hope Sandy will be able to get this post submitted for me. If she can't I've asked her to let everyone know why I haven't been submitted a post in a while. Maybe it just problems in our area??? Anyway, ...
I pray that your Thanksgiving was blessed and that you found those moments of peace for which we all pray. I am just grateful that our Lord and Savior has seen fit to allow me to stick around a while longer. I feel so blessed that He has given me such wonderful lifetime friends here in our circle of love. There is not a day that I don't find myself thinking, and sometimes worrying about how each and everyone here is doing; praying that God continues blessing each and everyone of you in every way that He knows you need blessing.
When stressed out, like I am presently, I try to remind myself of the following: :) If you woke up this morning, you are blessed; because someone didn't. If you can see, still hear a little, talk, move, feel; even if you don't feel joyful ... You are still blessed. If you have at least one person in your life that loves you and thinks of you often ... You are, indeed blessed. :)
I guess I am just reminding myself to continue to give thanks even when I'm feeling a little down; because things could always be so much worse. :) So lets keep praying for one another, and giving God the glory dear angel sisters.
Once I have recovered a little from the Thanksgiving pace, and my computer recovers from it's woes, ... I will try to get caught up on reading back posts, and maybe get in another rambler or two or three before the Christmas holidays are upon us. :) In the meantime, I ask that you please keep me and my entire family in your prayers, and you know you can count on me to do the same for each of you and your families.
I pray that each of you will continue to post whenever possible, even if it is just a line or two, to let everyone here know that you are hanging in there because we truly care, and understand how difficult the holidays can be for all; especially for those who are in the very early stages, or for anyone who is having a valley day. Just remember, it is always OK as we continue on our endless journey. May it help to know that you will never have to walk this road alone. We will always have the love/compassion/support that we share with one another, and with God's help, we press on ... By any means necessary ... one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
May our Lord and Savior keep each of you close to His heart and in His loving care!
Much Love, Tender Angel Hugs, and Prayers always,
Verna [aka Miss V.] :)
God bless you all is my prayer today,
I'm honored to call you "friend";
I pray God will keep you safe,
Until we write again.
Hi all! My 11 year old grandson did something to help get me online.:) My computer isn't dragging anymore! I just hope it keeps working until I get this short [ha ha] rambler submitted. I will then try to copy/paste, go offline before they kick me off again, and try to catch up on reading back post and then respond to each one. As I am sure you all know, our beloved Chief Angel Mom, Sandy, has her hands full hosting another site for Beliefnet, so we try to check on each other until she has gotten caught up and can come here and comfort us all with her heartfelt posts. :) Talk about gifted; She was truly chosen by God to start this wonderful haven for all who have lost a beloved child. I know her Shane is so proud of his beloved mom! :) Just think angel moms ... "She could have given up!" She is living proof that God ain't through with any of us yet! :) Sandy, we love Ya, and on behalf of all angel moms, thanks soooo much for all the love, compassion, understanding, and words of wisdom you share with all! We love you dearly, and thank God, ... And your hubby, Palmer, [ha ha], for sharing you with us! I for one, would be loss without our wonderful circle of love, as well as all who are a treasured part of it! :) OK ... Say a prayer, Miss V. and try to submit this short rambler! :)
Love and Angel Hugs, & Prayers,
Verna [aka Miss V.]
PS: Oh ... and thanks, Sandy, for submitting the post for me!
Dear Verna & Sandy & All Angel Moms,
~~~God Bless you both Verna & Sandy for remembering me on the 6th anniversary of Joe's death on Nov 20th. It means so much to me to know that you all still care so much! It has been a very sad year for me in having to deal with the loss of my husband as well. It's very different than losing a child but still very difficult, so many more aspects to it. I've had to deal with so much responibility on my own and learn so many of the things that Gary always did, it is a full time job for me, (sometimes it makes me feel crazy)as I also live on 5 acres that have to be maintained. I will be staying here as long as I am able to take care of it, this is my home and I do not want to leave it. I am trying to get through the holidays at this point in time with the help of a counselor. My children have been wonderful through all of this even with their own broken hearts.
~~~Yes, Verna, I did remember that Zoe was born on your Diane's birthday on Aug 16th, she was 3. Then I have Ruthie who was 3 on Oct 18 along with her new little brother Micah Joseph born April 29th, 7 mo old now. And they are grandcuties indeed, I love them so much, I don't know what I'd do without them, they truly keep me going.
~~~There are so many new moms here at this loving prayer support circle now. I wish I could write everyone of you but my time does not allow for it. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you all. And also remember that Jesus is the only One who can give you comfort and peace as you call on His Name. He loves you all so very much and knows the deep pain that you feel from your loss, that's why He came to earth to suffer for us. I don't know where I'd be today if I didn't have that special relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, it is Him who has been with me through all of my hurt and pain. He has brought people into my life to help me and I know that I'm going to make it. I still have my days where I just want to give up, but He always pulls me through and it is only by the grace of God. He promises to never leave you or forsake you even though it feels like it some days. He's always there for you. Thank you my Lord Jesus!
~~~And now I ask You Lord to be with each and every mom here who has lost their most precious child, You know each one's particular circumstance and please comfort them and give them Your peace in their hearts that only You can give. In Jesus Name Amen. God Bless you all.
Mom of Joseph (3-7-75~11-20-99)
Wife of Gary (6-4-50~1-23-05)
Thanks Verna for the post.I just got home from the hospital 3 hours ago and my Husband and Step- Son had done some stuff to the PC so I couldn`t read it until my Husband got home from work and our Son was gone to his home 3 hours away, but it`s ok now. The PC is my escape.We didn`t get to go for our turkey day as I was in the hospital. I`m sorry Lord but I just can`t call it Thanksgiving yet it was just turkey day.But Rhonda was in the hospital with me. Today the Doctor said if I could keep some food in my tummy I could go home, so here I am. God Bless you and all you Angel Mom`s, I am tired and going to lay down awhile it is only 8 PM but I`m very tired. Love To All.
Dear All, I had my grandson over night and most of the day [yesterday now] and he always wears me out! We don't get to see him often;just mostly on weekends for a few hours when school is in session; so we try to make up for the times we don't have him over whenever we can. I am just not getting here to post my rambler to Donna which I finished earlier before going to bed. I am up not mainly to read, take meds, and then go back to bed.
Hey Yvonne! ~ It warmed my heart to see a post from you! I think about you often and continue to cover you and family in my heartfelt prayers! I can only begin to imagine how very much your life has changed since losing your beloved hubby. Your beloved Joe, and now your Gary, [and so recent] is a double whammy, God love you. I know what you mean about the precious grandcuties being the love of your life. I only have this one grandson; but I have 2 neices who seem like the granddaughters I will never have. My Diane had no children wanted two; a boy and a girl. :) My baby daughter, Cheryl, and her hubby, James, wasblessed with twins; but she miscarried very early on a couple of years ago.
Thanks for letting us know you are hanging in there with God's help. You will always be covered with our prayers!
I'd better get this copy paste started before my computer starts acting crazy again. We had rain late today so I'd best hurry! God bless you and family and give those precious grandcuties a big hug from all of us here.
Love and Hugs from Heaven, :)
Dear Donna, ~ I feel your pain. :( In your post you state that you are so chicken. Well, I beg to differ. I think talking about your grief and pain, no matter the source, is very brave, and so much a positive part of the healing process. Keeping it all inside is a hard road to travel. One of the keys to the healing process is discovering a support system that works best for you. Many times the support and understanding that we need; especially in the beginning stages, doesn't always come from those we expected it would come from.
Both Selva and Sandy have given you some very good advice. I think you are being much to hard on yourself. As Selva often advises other angel moms who are still very much in deep grief; you need to let it out. All of us here understand and can relate to your pain and feelings of worthlessness. Most moms will tell you how they wanted very much to die in the beginning ... Only later do we discover that it is the indescribable pain that we want to end; not our life.
Believe it or not, Donna, someday the pain won't be so intense. That was the hardest thing for me to believe in the beginning. I simply dismissed that kind of talk as nonsense. I thought ... Surely, this person has no idea as to how deep my pain goes. Sometimes just hearing those words made me so angry! Only in time, and only after I felt in my heart and soul that my pain had been validated did I begin to consider trying to pick up the pieces of my torn and shattered heart and begin to find ways to go on.
I wish I could tell you that it was an easy and continuous effort; but that is not how it worked for me. One day I would be ok, and the next day I was back to day one. The important thing is that I didn't give up entirely. I started seeking ways to find peaceful moments, hours, etc. You don't ever get beyond the grief; but in time ... You will be able to look back and discover that you have, indeed, made progress on your grief journey.
In your postings ... I see the beginnings of a strong willed individual ... even in the mist of the most debilitating of circumstances. While most psychologist or grief counselors are against making major decisions while in the very early stages, many couples have done so. It is not an easy thing to do while you are still in shock and the grief is still so raw. Therefore, I hope you will give yourself credit for taking your time on making any major decision, and also, for having the courage to share your pain and talk about it here where you know you have the support, compassion, and understanding of other angel moms who can relate to your grief and pain. When we talk about what we are going through; it helps others to begin to let go of some of the built up grief and pain they may unknowingly be keeping inside.
Shortly after my hubby and I lost our beloved Diane. I sought help; once I realized God wasn't going to let me die, :) and also, what killing myself would do to my mom, [who already had a problem with her heart] & the rest of my family. My hubby, on the other hand, was not into seeking help. I kept what I was feeling towards him inside, but I was very upset at how well he seemed to be moving on! Ha ha!
Literally, years passed before I could tell me how much it hurt to lose Diane and also to accept that there was nothing he could do to change what had happened. If he had said those words to me early on, I think it would have made all the difference in the world. In time, I learned through counseling and attending a local support group and also reading many books on how most men grieve, that seeking help to him [in his way of thinking] would mean that he was not handling it [the loss of our daughter] like a man. While most moms have no problem crying and sharing their pain, most dads do what has been dictated by society. While this is not always the case, in my opinion, many times it is. That is one of the reasons I believe so many couples separate or divorce shortly after losing a child.
Remember, dear one, you are still very much in shock, therefore, the emotions are ruling. You say that you I can't even make a decision. Well I think it took a lot of strength for you to come here and share your feelings, and receive the love and support God is sending your way. As someone once said, "People are God's language." :) As Selva expresses it; God understands. And, even if you cannot feel His unconditional love yet, it is there for you. It comes through to you right here, in our circle of love on a daily basis. The day will surely come when the pain won't be so intense. And, believe it or not, you will find a measure of joy in life again. Remember also, you are covered in our prayers 24/7.
Love and Angel Hugs,
Verna [aka Miss V.]
Hi Phyllis, ~ I had a feeling that you might be back in the hospital, so I sent up a powerful prayer for you! Thank God for answered prayers. Getting your rest is very important and also be sure to take your meds! Speaking of which, I'd better get back to bed before I do an all nighter! I am learning to take better care and get some much needed rest ... Finally! :)
Selva, Jennifer, Sandy, and all other angel moms; whether you post or just come when you can and read ... Please know that all are covered in my heartfelt prayers!
Love and prayers,
Dear Love2U, Shaner and Selvam,
Thanks for the posts on Joshua's site. I read with tears what each of you had to say and could feel your pain as well, as I read the prayers and thoughts posted there. I had not returned until tonite. Thanksgiving was not as bad as I had dreaded. The entire day before was mostly teary, but Thanksgiving I felt strong. Please if you can go to www.tributeforyou.com and look up Joshua Delaney. I want you to take a look at one of his pictures I posted of Thanksgiving past. The story is that every year we go to my mothers for Thanksgiving dinner, she ALWAYS makes homemade rolls. Well this particular Thanksgiving, she brought a hot basket just taken out of the oven and Joshua grabbed them first and wouldn't let anyone else have them. Everyone else had to wait on the next batch to come out of the oven. He licked them and then buttered them and ate every one when I snapped the picture. This year mom attempted to make rolls like she always has and they would not rise, immediately she thought of my Josh. I told her that was his way of saying at least for this 'first' Thanksgiving without him, if he couldn't have her rolls noone else would either. That would be his sense of humor. I had to laugh because he was letting me know he is still here in spirit. I read with much interest the 'rambler' and could relate totally to all you said. I cried at the story of your daughter. I know the horror and wondering........Did my child suffer, what were the last thoughts. I will tell you all in another post of how his spirit reached out immediately to his brother. Just wanted to let you all know I made it through, I am sure with a whole lot of prayer from all of you. I just wanted to say Thank you!
Dear Kay, ~ It warmed my heart to see a post from you! I thank God that your Thanksgiving was filled with fond memories of your Joshua's wonderful sense of humor! I think God gives us those fond memories, among other things, to help us on our grief journey. I don't recall whether or not I got to do a copy/paste at Joshua's memorial site or not; but I do know I made it a point to visit there and send up a heartfelt prayer. If you've been reading, you already know about my computer woes and how frequently they occur! :) So, if I didn't get to post there, I will in time. Right now, I am so grateful to be able to be online. I know it was God and Diane that helped me get here after I tried most of the night to get here; only to be denied access over and over again. I still can't access my email account so I will have to wait until the cable company sends someone out to get AOL rolling again. :) Due to a severe hearing loss, I have trouble trying to decipher what's being said on the recordings when I try calling to request service; so I always end up having to go down to the cable company to make the appointment, which ends up being a week or two away! :( I do almost everything; including banking online, so you can imagine the stress this causes. As much as I hate to get rid of AOL, I may have to because the error message I keep getting says: AOL is no longer in your area; or, unable to connect to AOL. So today, I clicked on the big "E", then typed in www.Beliefnet.com, and was pleasantly surprised to finally get here and post! That's why I know in my heart it was a blessing from above! :)
I loved reading your post; the part about Joshua and Grandma's rolls. :) The way you described it in your post made me feel as though I was there watching all the fun and laughter! Keep those fond memories alive, dear one; and hold on to them forever! I can assure you, they will always be a welcomed part of your new found peace and joy!
Much LOVE2U, & (((Joshua's Hugs))) from heaven!
PS: Oh, Kay, thanks for your kind words and understanding about the loss of my Diane. Also, I will be sure to visit www.tributeforyou.com and look up Joshua Delaney. :) If I have difficulty, I will keep trying until I get there! :) Also, I hope you get a chance to visit www.thespearofstrength.com and read some of my poems, and Guestbook entries, and if you can get beyond all the unwanted advertisements, please sign so I'll know you've been there. :) Lord, with all that's going on, I hope my baby's site is still there!!! :)
Hey Chief angel mom, Sandy! ~ I see I took us to a new page. :) So everyone, just click on the previous page number at the bottom of the screen to read other posts and my entire post to Kay. :) Ya'll ... I have to go out now to make appointment to have my ISP & computer woes checked AGAIN! :( I know they are tired of me! LOL!
Love and angel hugs,
Verna [aka Miss V.]
Hi all my dear Angel sisters. I'm sorry I have not posted in a few days but i have been reading your posts, one more time I want to thank our dear Angel in Chief for giving us such a Heaven of rest on this Circle of Love, God Bless you my dear sister Sandy. Ms V you are overdoing it with your hands and computers, the techs at AOL are going to go on strike if you don't fix it up soon, and you owe me a picture of our grandson at the wedding. Arqt, Jenn, Phyllis, Donna, Ivonne and all my dear Angel sisters, these Holidays are very hard on us, I have been down in the Valley for so long, but I will keep on praying for all of us so that God will help us go through the Holidays which brings so many memories of our children. Solange's birthday is coming up next week, she would have been 24, I can't help wondering how she will be, will she be married?, will I have been a grandmother?, will she be a successful professional? Oh well, I know she is an Angel now, and that is much better than being a professional, or married etc, but I still miss her so very much. I am sorry to sound so sad, but that what this Circle is all about, my dear sisters, we can share our so much complicated pain here and everybody understands. My prayers are with all. Love Selva
Oh my dear Sister, ~ I have not forgotten to send you the picture of our grandson in the wedding. I just hadn't thought to ask them if any of the photos are back yet. but I promise to make a note to ask about the photos later today or tomorrow. Both Cheryl and James know how to send photos on the computer; in fact they have a scanner, etc. so I will be sure to remind them that we want to see those photos.:) I've been so stressed about getting online; and you are so right, I bet all of the ISP'S are very tired of me worrying them, but for the amount I pay them I think they should understand. Our grandson got things working for me yesterday, but when the rain and wind come, everything goes crazy with our computers. But maybe it will be ok for a while I hope.
Oh my dear sister, I feel your pain so deeply. :( Before coming here, I had just spent time at the birthday alarm site where I have a membership. I have already scheduled a beautiful card to be sent to you on Solange's birthday. :) You know how I enjoy using my imagination when it comes to the fun our angels are having in heaven; especially on special days such as birthdays & holidays. I told Solange we angel moms are beginning to figure out when one of our angels is having fun sending the signs to let us know that they miss us as much as we miss them. I believe they want us to be happy, but know we cannot help missing them; so they do fun things to let us know when they are around us in spirit form. :) But even with all the signs, it is still not like having them here in the physical. And, with Solange being your only child; God love you, I cannot even imagine how difficult it has to be for you especially on special days!