Prayer Circles

Dear Argt,
You are in no way being greedy because you need prayer that is why we are all here, I lost my 40 year old Daughter 9 weeks ago today and I still need lots of prayer then 3 weeks later I lost another Daughter ( she was my adopted Daughter ) but I loved her just the same, it is hard.Welcome aboard our circle.hello all Angel Moms, I haven`t posted for a few days I was back in the hospital again, they are putting me on a three step diet to try and shock my stomach into working right, the first 3 days I can only eat clear liquids. Wish me luck and pray alot for me. I need to get some rest now. My prayers are with you all. I am still having a hard time.
Phyllis

Thank you so much prayerbunny. I guess selfish would have been more appropriate. I have so many problems right now. Since the loss of my son, my marriage has all but fallen apart. I sometimes think that was fate anyway. But the fact that my soul, and any desire to do anything died when my son did, doesn't help. My psychologist says I have shut off the feeling side of my brain, and he must be right, because I really don't care about anything anymore. People keep saying the pain will never go away, but it will lessen with time. Well, so far it hasn't lessened for me. My best guess is because he was my only child and I only had him for 10 weeks. I would appreciate any prayers from anybody. I talk to God, the way I talk to you, but I'm not good at the "structured" prayers. Thanks in advance, I know there are a lot of special people in the group.
Donna

Hi Dear sister Donna. I am so sorry we have to meet this way, we all know and understand what you are going through. The pain of loosing Marcus is so so very hard, and not everybody, including your pshycologist, really understands this thype of pain, only us, who have lost a child can relate to what you are going through. I lost my only child, Solange at age 20 on Aug 15, 2002, my ex husband and good friend died in 2000. I know that this pain brings a lot of other problems and pain, this is a very lonely road, just try to let your feelings out, and be sure that our prayers will be with you and your husband. This is a very complicated pain my dear sister, just put yourself in the hands of God. Pray to Him and He will help you and your husband, and in the meantime, know that we are all here for you and will continue praying . Love Selva

Hi my dear sister Phyllis. So glad to see a post from you, of course we will be praying for you so that you can have good health again, you really need it my dear sister, you are dealing with so many pains right now. God is with you, He will keep you in His Arms until you are in good health again, and then He will help you to walk through this painful road. My and our prayers will be with you 24/7. Love Selva

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. I need to tell the rest of the story that troubles me so much. It was my father's birthday, so I let Marcus spend the night with my parents as I had gone back to work and mom thought it might do me some good to get a good night's sleep. So it was my mother who had to find him, and she yelled for my dad. My sister in law, Christy, is an RN and lives next door, so they immediately called her. She started CPR while my father was on the phone with 911. She knew it was too late but refused to stop trying until the paramedic got there. I think I still blame myself for what I put my parents through, and what my sister in law went through, it was her first time to have to attempt CPR and she couldn't save her nephew. Then when the police dept got there, they treated my mother like a criminal and she was sure she was going to jail. It was a very traumatic event for my entire family, and I still feel their pain as well. My husband doesn't understand that grief is a personal journey that everyone has to take alone and in their own way. He thinks I should be well past the phase I am still at. I still feel dead. Again, I would like to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers.
Donna

Hi dear Donna, I too am sorry to hear about your little Matthew. You carried him beneath your heart for 9 months and now he's forever in your heart. Your grief sound's very much like mine and everyone else's here, we lost our son Shane at the age of 24 and I felt dead inside for a while. Absolutely nothing would have made me happy in those early years except to have my Shane back.
I'm glad you're seeing a Psychologist, you have someone face to face to let your feelings out to and be validated for them, giving you the help you so badly need right now. As Selva said, it's a lonely road and only another Mom who's experienced this ultimate of losses truly understands how we feel. Dads tend to grieve differently from Moms and that often lead's to problems in the marriage. Don't worry sweetie, your feeling's will come back, keep seeing your Psychologist and he can help you with that. So can God, :-).
You don't have to pray formal prayers, just talk to God the way you say you do, from your heart, He love's to hear from you and trust that He is helping you too.
A big, warm welcome to our Circle of Love,
Love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Dear Angel Mom, Donna, ~ I join Angel Moms, Phyllis, Selva, and Sandy in a warm welcome to our circle of love, support, and understanding. I, too, am very sorry to read about the loss of your beloved son, Marcus. Only those of us who have lost a beloved child can relate to the kind of indescribable grief and pain that you are experiencing. There is a study that's being done which describes what we feel as complicated grief. You can access this article by copying the following link into a new email to yourself, then clicking on the link:

Click here: NEW TREATMENT FOR COMPLICATED GRIEF HOLDS PROMISE FOR MILLIONS OF AMERICANS, UNIVERSITY OF PITTSBURGH RESEARCHERS

Right now, I am under the doctor's care, trying to get over a bad case of bronchitis, among other complications involving my heart. Therefore, instead of sharing my story in detail, I invite you to read about it at a memorial site I had done in my daughter's memory. I write poetry as a part of my healing, and I love sharing these poems with others; especially other Angel Moms and Angel Dads.

The URL is: http://thespearofstrength.com/

[continued from above]


It is my prayer that these poems will give you a measure of peace as you read them. Please know that we truly care and that we will storm heaven with prayer for you and your husband. Believe it or not, everything that you have described is normal, and others, including myself, can, indeed, relate to this additional stress, and feelings of shock, disbelief, hopelessness, anger, guilt, and not wanting to go on living, that you are experiencing. It is a long and complicated road that we are traveling. And it takes a lot of time and gradually making a conscious effort to survive your loss. Though there is no way around it, the pain really does become a bit easier to bear as you begin to surround yourself with other angel moms, who understand, and want nothing more than to honor as well as validate your right to grieve in your own way. Keep in mind also, Donna, that special days are always hard on angel moms/dads. So, it is important that you pamper yourself, and understand that you are not alone. We are here for you, and will be praying for the healing of your shattered heart. It is important to know that men/dads grieve differently; therefore, they find it difficult to give us the kind of support that we need. Talk to your pastor about the problems in your relationship. Believe it or not; your husband is hurting deeply too. Most men tend to wear their mask very well. But, believe me when I say ... He is hurting, too! It's just that you both need time, and lots of prayers. As you will discover when you read some of the prayers, and other words of support that we share with each other, the pain becomes a bit easier. We are committed to supporting and praying for each other and our families, and our world. I talk to God as though He is right beside me. And, my faith tells me that He is. :) Pour your heart out to God. That is the only kind of praying that God respects. Just trust Him, and know ... There is power in prayer! I also recommend the book: When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold Kushner. Sandy will give you the name of a favorite book that has helped her throughout her grief journey. Reading book by others who have lost a child helps you to accept that you are not alone in your sorrow. Again, welcome to our circle of love/support/and prayers.

Love & Angel Hugs,

Verna [aka Miss V.]

"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"
Philippians 4:13

Ay my dear Miss V. it is so great to have a post from you, but like we always say, PLEASE, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND TAKE THOSE MEDS, we need you my dear sister and so does the family, so get enough rest (which I know you don't) but this time it is an order. Love you my dear sister, but remember we all need you. Selva

I promise my dear sister. :) I have been taking my meds on time and sleeping a lot. In fact, today, I took such a long nap that I thought it was early morning when I woke up. It gets dark early here. I went into the kitchen and was surprised to see Antone' was here so early. That is when she told me, "Grandmama, it's evening!" Haha! I was up most of the night, got up early and did my running around. When I got back home, I told hubby I was going to take a short nap. I laid down around 1:30 PM. and slept until 5:30 PM. :) When I asked her why she didn't awaken me when she got in from school, she said that Papaw told her she had better not wake me! :) So, you see my dear sister, I am getting lots of rest whether I like it or not! :) I just finished reading the fwd page about Florida. It made me laugh out loud even though I know some of the statements may seem a little true! Thanks for the laugh. :) I really needed that. I just thank God for keeping you and everyone else safe. This has really been a bad year for both Louisiana and Florida residents. I think the new meds are helping so I am grateful for that. Thanks to all for praying for me. Phyllis, I hope you are feeling better and following doctor's orders. Selva,I will fwd you an email about our grandson to make you smile. :)

Love and prayers to all,

Verna [aka Miss V.]

My husband doesn't understand that being on the computer is my "escape" from the real world. My soul is still dead and I don't really know how to have fun anymore, or don't have the energy to do much. It takes every ounce of energy I have to even shower and get dressed, and he gives me no support, just complains and gripes all the time. It has reached a point I think I would be better off getting away from him. He puts me down and makes me feel about two inches tall. Even my psychologist says I need to get away from the negative influence he has on me. Does this sound unusual?
I can't even say how I feel about him because I don't feel anything about anything right now.
Donna

Good MOrning Angel Moms, It's been awhile since I've posted but there has been so much going on for me. Praise God it's over with. I'm sure the devil will come up with something else for me to go through. I'm also just getting over a stomach virus that put me in bed for two days.I'm still feeeling a little weak but not like I was. Just need to get my strenght back.Sandy and Selva, thanks for all the emails over the past couple of weaks. They have helped to keep some positive going in my life. At least I could smile from the funny emails. Miss V glad you are up and running again.Phyllis, you take care of yoursself and get better.Been keeping all of you in my prayers.

WELCOME DONNA welcome to our circle of love. I hate that we have to meet this way. Loseing a child is the hardest thing a person can go through and anyone who has never been in our shoes can not even begin to understand the pain and grief we go through. I am soooo sorry for your loss. My own daughter Amiee died at the hands of a babysitter when she was just 4 1/2 months old. God blessed me with twins and thank God he did because when Amiee died I still hsd Elizabeth to hold on to.If it had not been for Elizabeth I would of surly lost my mind. My heart goes out to you and your husband.I am now remarried with 3 beautiful children but no one could or will ever take the place of my little Amiee. My first husband ( who is the father of my twins) and I are devoriced. I know that Amiee dieing is what tore us apart. HE couldn't stand to see me cry. He would tell me if I was going to do that than go to another room. He turned to drugs while I choose to face reallity. To this day he still smokes pot and drinks every day. Yes, he is remarried and now has a son but he has noughthing to do with Elizabeth. He dose not even pay child support.Men are so different than woman. I would never tell you that you and your husband should seperate but maybe he should go and have some counseling with you. He should at least try to understand your greif. No one ever has the right to tell some one how to grieve or when to grieve.It's been 12 years for me and I still grieve for Amiee. Not like I used to because it dose get easier as time goes by but you never forget.As our Angel Chief Mom Sandy said in one of her very first postings, I am prepaired to live with this with Gods help. That is the only way I have made it through this and this is ture for all the other Angel moms as well. We are all here to help one another. Never to judge each other just love each other and help one another. You will find much love and support here from all and many prayers. We all understand that life gets tough sometimes but thats why this is a circle of love. I will keep you in my prayers and come back and post as often as you like.
LOVE AND BUTTERFLY HUGS
Jenn

Good MOrning Angel Moms, It's been awhile since I've posted but there has been so much going on for me. Praise God it's over with. I'm sure the devil will come up with something else for me to go through. I'm also just getting over a stomach virus that put me in bed for two days.I'm still feeeling a little weak but not like I was. Just need to get my strenght back.Sandy and Selva, thanks for all the emails over the past couple of weaks. They have helped to keep some positive going in my life. At least I could smile from the funny emails. Miss V glad you are up and running again.Phyllis, you take care of yoursself and get better.Been keeping all of you in my prayers.

WELCOME DONNA welcome to our circle of love. I hate that we have to meet this way. Loseing a child is the hardest thing a person can go through and anyone who has never been in our shoes can not even begin to understand the pain and grief we go through. I am soooo sorry for your loss. My own daughter Amiee died at the hands of a babysitter when she was just 4 1/2 months old. God blessed me with twins and thank God he did because when Amiee died I still hsd Elizabeth to hold on to.If it had not been for Elizabeth I would of surly lost my mind. My heart goes out to you and your husband.I am now remarried with 3 beautiful children but no one could or will ever take the place of my little Amiee. My first husband ( who is the father of my twins) and I are devoriced. I know that Amiee dieing is what tore us apart. HE couldn't stand to see me cry. He would tell me if I was going to do that than go to another room. He turned to drugs while I choose to face reallity. To this day he still smokes pot and drinks every day. Yes, he is remarried and now has a son but he has noughthing to do with Elizabeth. He dose not even pay child support.Men are so different than woman. I would never tell you that you and your husband should seperate but maybe he should go and have some counseling with you. He should at least try to understand your greif. No one ever has the right to tell some one how to grieve or when to grieve.It's been 12 years for me and I still grieve for Amiee. Not like I used to because it dose get easier as time goes by but you never forget.As our Angel Chief Mom Sandy said in one of her very first postings, I am prepaired to live with this with Gods help. That is the only way I have made it through this and this is ture for all the other Angel moms as well. We are all here to help one another. Never to judge each other just love each other and help one another. You will find much love and support here from all and many prayers. We all understand that life gets tough sometimes but thats why this is a circle of love. I will keep you in my prayers and come back and post as often as you like.
LOVE AND BUTTERFLY HUGS
Jenn

Hi my dear sister Donna. Please be patient if you can, we all know of this unique pain, we also know that men react differently, but my dear sister, we are all here for you, just take one day at a time, visit us here as much as you can, there is no judgement here, we all understand this pain, you can let your heart and soul out in this Circle of Love and you will find prayers, love and understanding. We all feel the same way you do, we have gone through all the pain, we know. If you ever need prayers, understanding, and love, please come to this Heaven on Earth, we have experienced all the pain, I lost my only child Solange on Aug 15, 2002, so the pain is still here, with our prayers we will go on living on this planet until God calls on us, and then we will be together with our children, and this time forever. My (our) prayers will be with you and your husband. Love Selva

Hi my dear sister Jenn.So nice to see your posting again and I am so glad you are feeling better, keep in mind that we all pray for one another, and God listens to us, after all (and this is the way I feel) He should. Thanks for being a great warrior and you deserve all the health, luck and love in this world. Love Selva

Hello All,
Hey Miss Verna your guestbook a few hours ago. What a fantestic web site. I went back and read some more after I signed it.My Rhonda`s birthday was August 15, 1965.I have another daughter who lives in Missouri but we aren`t close she was born in 1960, I also have a Son who lives nearby.Wellit is midnight and I need to get to bed. God Bless yoy all and take care cause God and I care.
Phyllis

YES dear Jenn, terrific to see you posting again, you've been missed. I'm happy you're feeling better and your trials are over! Praise God for that.
Hope you see a Butterfly today, :-)
Lots of love, prayers & Hugs,
Sandy

Hi dear Phyllis, I know, isn't Miss V's site and poetry beautiful and uplifting!You could probably identify with a lot of it, after losing your own precious daughter.
God bless you too and take care, God love's you and so do we,
Much love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi Everyone, :) I am just now finding time to come here to catch up on reading and post a short rambler. :) I've been very busy around the house trying to get caught up since I've been feeling a little better. My sister and I got in a couple of days of fishing Friday and Saturday, [wore me out] but I was out of energy all day Sunday and earlier today. But we had fun. :) The meds are helping, but I've been dealing with a few side affects; one of which is sleeping a lot. But hubby says it's not the meds; it's just that I am a night owl. :) Also having a few problems with my right wrist so had to give it a rest. Anyway, I am feeling better and getting my energy back I think.

Phyllis, I was glad to see that you had visited my site and equally glad that you enjoyed reading the poems. Thank you for signing the Guestbook. I was notified that someone had signed. I love writing poetry and hope to add more sometime in the future. I'd love to read some of your healing poems sometimes. :) I will be forever grateful to our Chief Angel Mom, Sandy, for doing a little detective work to help get my poems out there to be shared with others. :) I couldn't believe how beautiful they looked in those awesome graphic settings that the web master selected to display them in; music and all. :) Thanks again for the visit. Your beloved daughter, Rhonda's birthday is August 15th; just one day before my Diane's birthday; August 16th. I know they have become close friends; the same as all our other beloved angels. The 15th of the month is a special day [birthday or heavenly anniversary date] here in our circle of love for several of our angel moms and guardian angels. The months/years vary; but the day of the month is the same. We try very hard to pay tribute to our angels on special days such as birthdays and heavenly dates. I am trying to update my list of special days and so are other angel moms. One of our angel moms had done a special day list and shared it with everyone; but I think I lost mine when I changed computers. So every now and then, we ask angel moms to share their special days so that we can pay tribute to all. Sometimes we are a day or so late, but the important thing is that we try. :)

Also, Phyllis, I may have forgotten to mention it, but I have a niece whose name is Phyllis, and also a niece whose name is Jennifer. :) I know I have shared this with Jennifer some time ago. They are the daughters of my youngest brother who is deceased now. He had cancer and committed suicide in 2001; the year after our mother passed away. They lived in Missouri. His other daughter, Phyllis, lives in Louisiana, but I seldom here from either of them. Jennifer was his baby girl and I here she took her father's death very hard. I pray that she is OK now that some time has passed. Anyway, I just thought I'd share that with you. Good to know that you are feeling a little better, dear one. I will keep praying for you and family. Enough rambling for tonight; I am getting sleepy so I'll try to catch up on posting tomorrow, God willing. Please keep me and family in your prayers.
Love,prayers, moments of peace & blessings to all,
Verna

Sisters, I love you all for being so supportive and understanding. I receive none of that at home. I saw my counselor Monday, and he made me promise to move this weekend while my husband is gone to the deer woods. He also made me promise to change my phone number so that he cannot contact me in any way. He has such a negative influence over me, I almost took my own life last weekend. My counselor said that I am one of his few patients that he would even recommend trying to move out of state if it is at all possible. So I guess I need a few extra prayers for strength this weekend. My son's birthday would be December 12, he would have been 4, so I'm coming up on a hard time of the year anyway. I don't know where I'm going just yet, and I don't know when I'll be back online, but I will be thinking about and praying for all of you. I will keep you all in my heart just as you have done for me. Angel kisses to all!!!

Hello our dear sister Donna! I'm so sorry that it's come to this for you but your therapist know's the situation far better than we do, for the sake of your own mental health it just may be good to get yourself out of the negative surrounding's you're stuck in at the moment. I'm just worried about you living alone, you know, without other close family members to talk to or visit. In other words, I don't want you to be lonlier than you already are. That's just the worry wart in me coming out, :-).
Oh, sweetie, of course you have our prayers and love, they'll follow with you wherever you go, that's a promise!
And can you promise me this? As soon as you get back online you'll write here and let us know how you're doing?
We love you and support you in whatever you do,
Lots of love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Of course I will let all of you know where I am and how I am doing. You all have become like family to me. This is the first time in four years that I have been able to find any support from others who truely understand what I'm going through. Everyone thinks that after all this time, my life should be "normal" again. You will certainly hear from me again. Angel hugs and kisses to all!

Good! God's blessings to you this weekend and we'll be waiting to hear from you. You're our sister here at this Circle of Love and never forget that,
Much love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hello all,
I`m back. I slept all day. I just didn`t feel like facing the day, I still need lots of prayer. My Husband was gone to work, poor guy he has to get up whether he feels like it or not. Yes Donna men do grieve differently then us women. Whevever you go our prayers will go with you. I need to get off and visit with my Husband. Prayers & Angel hugs to you all.
Phyllis