Prayer Circles

[4]
Since you, Sandy, have known me a lot longer than most angel moms ... I knew you would be able to tell that the tragic news about Marci's father REALLY set me back a spell. I was so afraid to submit a post while in such an emotional state, even though I knew I would not be judged. :) Like all who have suffered multiple losses through the years, I know that bad things happen to good people on a daily basis. But when it affects someone we have come to know personally, we can't help but feel the blow a bit deeper. After sharing my true feelings and talking things over with my baby girl, Cheryl, and seeking her advice, ... and guidance on specific scriptures to help me work through my anger, and finally turning it over to God, as to how I could I could be there for Marci, IN SPITE OF all the emotional stuff that was going through my mind, ... Eventually, I was able to put my own feelings of grief, anger, sadness, etc., on hold, and remain strong long enough to send our dear Marci an email with words of support/compassion/and encouragement, and a few inspirational pages; as I am sure many other angel moms have also done.

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But let me tell you ... When I read that it happened on her beloved Sean-Michael's birthday, I felt the kind of shock and pain I had not felt in such a long, long time! It took me all the way back to the night when I learned that Princess Diana had been killed in a tragic wreck on the first anniversary of my beloved Diane. And, just as I did back then ... I began hyperventilating, and questioning God, in my mind! I knew that I was in shock, and about to lose control, but I was so shocked at how angry I felt. I've been on my journey almost nine years now, and read enough to know that sometimes, our grief and pain manifests itself as anger, I still had difficulty letting go of the anger. Then, the feelings of guilt set in, because realizing all the storms that God has brought me through, I felt that I should never have allowed myself to express or feel anger at this magnitude! Then, I reminded myself that God knows us better than we know ourselves, and that He forgives us when we are angry with Him! Besides, we can't hide what we are feeling from God, no matter how well we wear the mask for others. All we can do when we are faced with one of life's many storms or heavy crosses, [in my opinion], is to hold on to our faith and trust that God to see us through whatever we are facing.

[6]
Dear Father in heaven,

Right now, we are trusting in You to keep us near the cross. Please give us the strength to face whatever we are facing as we journey through this land. We thank You, God, for giving your precious Son, Jesus, to die on the cross to save us from our sins, so that we would have a right to everlasting life with You in your kingdom. Thank You for preparing a place for us and our loved ones. Father, we thank You for the unconditional love You give to us so freely on a minute by minute basis. Thank You, Father, for giving us life, and for giving us the strength to go on, and be there for others in our own way, in spite of our many losses. Father, we know the evil one is mighty, but praise God, ... We know that You are Almighty! And when we find ourselves in the mist of life's storms, thank You for giving us the strength to just BE ... And, know by faith, that You are willing and able to see us through the storm! And when this world closes in on me, Father, I have faith that You will be there to meet me at the gates of heaven, and receive me into Thy kingdom. Father, I pray the same prayer for all of who have suffered a loss, or in some cases many losses. Father, we know not the day or the hour; but trust that You will be there when our time comes! And finally ... :) Thank You, Father, for looking beyond our faults and seeing our needs. In Jesus' precious name, I pray ... Amen!

Ay my dear sister Miss V, you always say it like it is, ay my dear sister, yes we are all praying for our dear sister Marci, and we are also praying for all of us, your "ramblings" are just so precious for me, I have been on valley days, but whenever our dear sisters need prayers I will always be there for them. Love and prayers for all my dear sisters. Selva

My dear sister Miss V. and to all our dear sisters who post here. I wish for 5 minutes to have your faith, I know that my little girl is out there with God, I know that she is not dead, she just moved, but I miss her so very , very much, so I need prayers, I need to know that my girl is happy , that is all I want to know, so I need, my dear sister Ms V, prayers? understanding? no judment? I am in valley days. I thank you for prayers. Love Selva

My dear sister, Selva, ~ OH how glad I am I decided to check back again to see if you had submitted a post here. I just sent you a short email a few minutes ago! I have been so very worried about you and family. Especially with all the bad weather; which I pray is over! I always seem to know when you are in valley time, my dear sister! When you get very quiet and I don't see a post or get an email from you I worry! That is what I just finished saying to you in an email. :( Oh, gosh, Selva ... I know how very, very difficult the grief is during the early stages and you my dear sister are still very much in the early stages. Besides, Solange was your only child! And you know you will NEVER, EVER, be judged for anything you say or express, or feel no matter what! Heck, ... It's been almost 9 years for me, and I still have those moments when I feel like it was only yesterday! And when it happens, I just go with it and express it in my own way! And that is what I recommend for you and any other angel mom. Remember, ... Grief is something we never get beyond; and there is no such thing as a time table when it comes to the loss of a beloved child my dear sister. Although the pain is not so intense, there will never be a time when we can say, ... OK, I am over it. Never! And sometimes it takes years to accept that. So as you feel it you express it. That is your God given right. When you feel you can't pray, you know that we angel moms will be standing in the gap. When you are in deep valley time, or just angry with God, ... Or angry at others for moving on with their lives just as though nothing has changed, you know we understand. Then too, my dear sister, Solange's anniversary is coming up August 15th. How could you be anywhere but in valley time? Special days are always hard on us; so don't feel you have to apologize for whatever you are feeling. It is always OK to express your grief in your own way! I want you to promise to check on why we can no longer chat and I will do some more checking. That way, when you are in valley time, ... We can just talk about it and cry together using our sad smiley icons :( OK? I expect to hear from you SOON!
Much love & prayers always,

Verna
Diane's mom
8/16/60~8/31/96

Dear God in heaven:

I know You understand! :) Thank You for giving us the courage to tell it like it is, so that other angel moms/dads who join us will know that it is always OK to do so; and they will NEVER, EVER be judged! It doesn't matter if we have been on our journey 5, 10, or 20 or more years, the love bond will always remain between us and our beloved child/children. Thank You again and again, Father, for assuring us by your Word and by means of the Holy Spirit that it is, indeed, OK! And, as always, thank You for friends and family and for hearing our heartfelt prayers! Yes ... It's a long hard journey, Lord; but with You on our side, we know we don't have to worry because we will never have to travel this road alone! In Jesus' name, I thank You! Amen!

Verna, Thank you so much for posting your poem for me. Thanks to all the anglemoms for being there for me.All of you just opened you arms and excepted me and have showed me such love and heart felt compassion. Words could not express how this makes me feel. All my Love Jennifer

Sandy, Thank you so much for the words of encouragement.I have'nt been sick but I have been having so trouble wiyh mt mouth and had to go get some work done on my mouth . Today has been the first day in a week I haven't had any pain.Thanks for being concerned. I have been going though alot lately as you already know and it seems like my heart is breaking all over again.I don't want to be angry with anyone or hate any one because it's not Godly. My heart is feeling so different and yes I am stuggling with this. I have been praying and asking God to remove these feelings from my heart.Just keep praying for me. By the way, church went great. My husband even said he enjoyed it and would go back. I'm now praying that this is the church that God wants us at.They have an amazing youth program and I'm really excited about that. I have to work Sunday morning so I will have to go Sunday night. Thanks again for your words of comfort. All my love, Jennifer

Jennifer, ~ You are quite welcome. :) It warms my heart to know that the "healing" words God has given to me to write through the years are a comfort to others just as they were to me at the time I wrote them and long after. I might add: If it wasn't for Sandy's undercover work, my poetry might never have gotten the exposure they currently have ... Right Sandy? Haha! God really is good, all the time! :) Thank you again, dear, dear Chief Angel Mom, Sandy! You do our Daddy [God] proud in so many, many ways! I just pray that we all meet someday and just have a wonderful time laughing and sharing and crying tears of joy! :) Yea, ... I know we will in heaven; but I'm talking about down here on earth! Haha! Right, Selva?

Back to my rambling ... I still find it amazing that God chose to speak to me in my dreams, as well as in the poems that I write. I tell you, angel moms/dads ... my faith in God's existence and His unconditional love for us, and in His awesome power is strengthened because of the things He has revealed to me through the years on an ongoing basis; even before I lost my beloved daughter; Diane ... Only I didn't understand what was going on back during those days! I know now that God was preparing me for sometime wayyyyyyy in the future! By the time I began to realize what He was doing and why, ... Boy, was I ANGRY! Which, by the way, is just another way of saying MY HEART WAS SHATTERED!!! In other words; God was preparing me to survive losing Diane! I know that now. :) Otherwise, I wouldn't be here! :) And, I thank God every day for finally revealing these things to me, [In His time] :) And, Lord, do I thank Him now, for being my spear of strength back then, ... even though I didn't know it at the time, :) and for keeping me from giving up! As I've told angel moms here many times through the years; When I lost Diane, ... God acted as though He didn't even hear me, each time I begged Him to just let me die! :) To God be the glory!!! :)

Hang in there, angel moms/dads, ... 'Cause God "Ain't" through with you yet! :)

Much love, heartfelt prayers, & Angel Hugs,

Verna
AKA Miss V. :)
[Diane's Mom]
8/16/60~8/31/96
www.thespearofstrength.com

Dear God, ~ Thank you for Sandy, and the Beliefnet staff, for providing this warm and wonderful and much needed safe haven for angel moms/angel dads/ ... as well as all others who come here to share words of compassion and to pray for us and with us. Whether we are in the valley, experiencing sadness, anger, anxiety, or having a hilltop day; experiencing a measure of new found joy and precious moments of divine peace. We are grateful to You, Lord, for Your divine wisdom, Your patience; for standing by us, for hearing our prayers, for leading us and guiding each of us along our unique journey. Thank You for drawing each of us nearer my God to Thee. And even if I am down in the valley later today or tomorrow, ... If it is within Your will for me,I know You will give me the strength I need ... In Your own time ... to climb back up each time I stumble or fall. That is just the kind of Father You are! Father, I know not the day or the hour or the minute ... But I know in my heart and soul that when my time comes, You will be there, just as You were for my Diane, and each and every other Guardian Angel! :) And, for that, ... I am mighty, mighty grateful!!! On behalf of all bereaved parents ... In the precious name of our Lord and Savior, I pray this prayer, ... Amen!

my name is maria bertreaux,i also lost my son feb,21.2004,he was murder then raped,and since then my life has been a living hell,i feel like i was murdered to.i have not found a way to deal with this.

Hi Marie, I am deeply sorry that you lost you beloved son. I to, am new to this prayer circle and you will meet so many wounderful, loving, God filled,anglemoms here. My grief is the same as yours except I lost my daughter 12 years ago. The pain is still there and sometimes just as great but with time it is not as intense. God is there for you honey and so are all of us angle moms. As they all will tell you we all still have bad days and this is a place where you will be excepted, understood, and never judged for how you feel or what you say. This is a place where you can let it all out and we all understand. You will never have to feel alone b-cause thats what we are here for. Marie, I can relate to how you feel when you said that you feel you have been murdered also. My daughter was murdered by her babysitter when she was 4 1/2 mounths old. I to felt like I was dead to. The only thing that kept me going was her twin sister, and I can look back now and say that only by the grace of God did I survive. It's normal to question your faith in God, and to even be angry wiyh him. All of us anglemoms will agree that we've felt the same in the begining. Don't loose the faith and know that you have many people here praying for you. Love and Butterfly hugs, Jennifer

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Hello Bigshug85, ~ Welcome to our prayer/support circle of love. I am so very, very sorry to read about the loss of your beloved son, Michael. Please know that I, and the other angel moms who have read your post will storm heaven with prayer, on an ongoing basis; asking our Lord and Savior to provide you with precious moments of peace and relief from the indescribable grief and pain which I know you are feeling. You are no doubt still in shock ... also in the very early stages which is so very difficult.

I lost my precious and beloved 36 year old daughter, Diane, on August 31, 1996, as the result of a tragic chain reaction crash which involved 2 cars, 2 pickup trucks and drunk driving. She was a front seat passenger in one of the cars. It will be nine years next month. Although the pain is not 24/7 and not so intense as it was in the beginning, there are still times when it seems like a bad dream. With the divine help of God, and with prayers and support that I've received through the years, and also with a conscious effort on my part once I was strong enough, I have learned how to live with my loss.

[2]
To say it has not been easy is an understatement. If you've had a chance to read any of my back posts, or even the more recent ones, you already have an idea of what it was like for me back then. :) Having said that; ... I cannot begin to understand the depth of your unique pain. Losing a child as a result of an intentional murder has a grief all its own. My heart goes out to you, angel mom, and I join with our chief angel mom, Sandy, who started this circle as a tribute to her beloved son, Shane, and all other angel moms/dads who post here in storming heaven with prayers for you and family.

Please know in your heart that we share your pain, and welcome you with open arms. You are in a safe place to talk about your son and whatever you are feeling. Feel free to post as often as you feel the need. You will never be judged for expressing your grief in whatever way you feel the need to express it. We embrace you spiritually, and with heartfelt prayers!

I have already visited your beloved son's memorial site. I will visit again and leave a poem there that I wrote during my time of loss. I hope it will help provide healing to your shattered heart. Please believe me when I say that the grief which you are feeling is a normal reaction, and though it seems so unbearable where you are now, in the early stages of grieving your loss, the day will come when the pain, the heaviness you are feeling, even now, ... will not be so very, very intense. It just takes a while. But, it will happen. I can still recall the exact moment it happened for me! :)

[3]
I have a very dear friend who started a support group for parents of murdered children in our area after her son was murdered by persons unknown and she and the other moms were able to council me and offer words of encouragement during the very early stages of my loss. At that time, I had no idea what to do with my grief. I didn't even know that help of that type was available in our area. I thought I was not going to make it and had thought of taking my own life several times. But God provided the help I needed to keep my here. :) A dear lady at the sheriffs office recommended that I contact this dear lady and that was the best thing that could have happened to me at that time. Although the group was made up of moms of whose beloved children had been murdered intentionally, they still accepted me with open arms. Although I am no longer a member, I will never, ever forget them. It was the beginning of the long road back.

At the first meeting, however, I was still so deep in grief that I couldn't even speak. That was a little over a year after I lost my daughter. Just listening to the other moms who were much farther along on their grief journey let me know that I was not alone. Lord knows ... I need to hear that! Up until that time, I was convinced that no one could possibly have felt the kind of pain I was feeling and continue to live. In my mind and in my soul, I just could not believe that anyone could relate to such indescribable grief as I was feeling. She, along with the other moms of murdered children were able to convince me eventually, and later, provide the incentive I needed to make the effort to regain my will to live.

[4]
I know; it sounds unbelievable right now, but someday, the grief that you are feeling will not be so intense. It will happen. :) As our chief angel mom Sandy describes it in her post on page one:

[A piece of ourselves goes with our child, and a quiet sadness settles in. I am prepared to live with this, with God's help.]

In my opinion, ... Truer words have not been spoken.

On behalf of Sandy and the other angel moms, Again, I welcome you to our circle of love, and please know you are covered in our heartfelt prayers!

Love and Angel Hugs,
Verna
Diane's mom
8/16/60~8/31/96
Forever In Our Hearts :)

Sorry, angel mom Maria ... :) I meant to go back and type in your son's first name, Wayne, before clicking on submit. :) My sister lost her son, whose name was Michale, a few years ago, and I think that's why your son's middle name stuck with me. :) I went back to check and then forgot to type it in.:(

Love & Hugs,
Verna

Oh, these senior moments! Right Sandy? Remember the page you shared with me about the little old lady and her big senior moment? Haha :) OK ... No more Zoloft for me tonight! :) Lord, ... I am trying! :)

Correct spelling of Wayne's middle name [in post above]: Michael :)

Right now I am soooo sleepy, so I think I'll call it a night!
Love to All,
Verna

Our dear Miss V,
You know we all love reading your ramblings, so ramble on, :-). I thank God that He led you here to this Circle, I thank God that He's led all to this Circle of Love!
Perhap's that '7' typo wasn't a mistake afterall, :-)
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi my dear sister Jennifer,
Terrific to see you posting again, you've been missed around here.
I didn't know you were having dental problems and in pain, thank goodness you're alright now, we have enough emotional pain we don't need too much physical pain on top of it all.
I know sweetie, forgiving is a very hard thing to do, especially when the person who's caused the harm hasn't asked for it, but keep doing what you're doing and in time it'll come, God's time, not our's. Just leave it all in His Hands and trust completely in Him! Oh, I'm so happy for you and your husband that the Church worked out and you're going back, sounds as though this is the one that God wants you to go to and you need that right now. Hang in there dear one and know you're in my love and prayers,
Much love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Sandy
p.s. Love the Butterfly ones!

Hello Marie and welcome too, to this Circle of love. I can't imagine losing my son so tragically, its bad enough just to lose a child, but then have to deal with terrible memories as well, God love you!
It's only been just a little over a year for you since you lost your beloved Wayne, so naturally you're in deep, deep pain and grief, you're just starting on this Journey of grief and I know some days it must be very difficult to even get out of bed. You've taken a big step dealing with it, by sharing your feelings here, I know you have so many different feelings inside of you, many you've never of course felt before, so by letting them all out, it help's, it truly does. As everyone has said, you're safe here, so please post anytime, everyone's feelings are honoured and validated. May God bless you and sustain you,
Love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Our dear sister you know it goes without saying that you're always in my love, heart and prayers. Try and get some rest this weekend, you've been working too hard as well.
Love you my dear sister,
Sandy

My dear anglemoms and sisters in christ,Sandy andVerna, I love you two with all my heart. You ladies are the greatest and I praise God that he aloud you two to be in my life. The two of you have really blessed my life in the short time we have known each other. I pray that one day God will give me the wisdom to be able to say to others the things you do and the way you say it.I can never put into words whats in my heart the way the two of you do. When I reply to some one on this site my heart will be sating so much that I just can't put into words the way the two of you do. God has truly given you a gift and I'm sure he rewards you for using your gifts for his Glory. Don't ever stop doing what you do, besides I would miss you to much. I've grown to love you both dearly and would love to be able to give the both of you the biggest butterfly hug you could ever imagin. Praise God for answearing prayers big and small and Praise God for the two of you b-cause he knew just what I needed. ALL MY LOVE AND BUTTERFLY HUGS, JENNIFER (AMIEES MOM)