Prayer Circles

[1]
Hello dear angel moms! Here comes a rambler! Ha-ha!

Selva, ~ Sandy has expressed it well. Lord knows, she is telling you the truth. She understands, and so do I and all the other angel moms! You are our Selva, so you can let it all out here! :) So can all the other angel moms! When I was in that anger stage, I let it all out! I am sure Sandy and other angel moms farther along will tell you they did too! At one time, I was so angry, I felt as though my head and heart was going to explode at any given moment. Let me give you a brief example of just how angry I was during my early years of grieving: I couldn't work, sleep, eat, pray, etc., during those times! I would rather to have died than pray to a God that had allowed my child to die! I wanted nothing to do with God! My thoughts were filled with suicide. I saw dying as the ultimate way to stop the indescribable grief! There were literally times when I was so angry, I could not breathe! So I would scream to the top of my voice hoping that I would die while doing so! I threw things, and wrote notes to God telling Him exactly how angry I was! I made sure He had a chance to read how angry I was before I tore up the notes out of a wired kind of fear; which I later came to recognize as common sense! Ha-ha! As I tell in the book, It is a miracle that God didn't zap me off the face of the earth! Ha-ha! I consider surviving those years to be nothing short of a miracle! It would be much later that I would begin to understand why He didn't zap me away! There are still times when I really don't want to be here. But I know that my being here is God's will, and I will be here until His will, not mine, is done! As one author explains; I would give it all up just to see my child again in this life! So, like the other angel moms, I do understand, and can relate to your indescribable anger, grief and pain!

[2]
In my post the other day, I was trying to share a very personal revelation that God gave to me BEFORE I lost my beloved Diane. Like you, and most other angel moms, I too went through the anger stage for a very, very long time. Someday, God willing, ... You will read about just how angry I was during those first few years! In my posts above, I was going down memory lane, ... Recalling some things involving anger I had allowed myself to hold on to from days gone by, ... very early in life; as far back as when I was in grade school, that practically destroyed my peace of mind all through my many years of living in this imperfect world! Then later after becoming an adult, a wife, and a mom, I held on to a lot of anger over some very mean things that happened to my children as they were growing up; both in and out of the school system, and later on after they became adults and entered the work force. I was also thinking about things that happened to my mother, and also me. I can tell give you examples of what was on my mind when I posted that night; but will do so in an email. Once I explain, I am sure you will understand fully that it had nothing to do with anger over losing a beloved child

[3]
In a sense, I was trying to explain my feelings on the importance of being able to forgive others on a daily basis for things that don't amount to a hill of beans when compared to the kind of anger we experience as the result of losing a beloved child. Nothing, in my opinion, compares to anger at that magnitude! Learning to live with that kind of anger and work through it takes a whole lot of time! I have often talked about my years of anger at God, my hubby, and many others during the early stages of grieving the loss of my beloved child. That kind of anger you don't get over just like that. I will always wish that God had spared my child, and taken me instead. These kind of thoughts becomes a big part of the new you. And it takes a lot of time, prayer, counseling, and support, and reading about the experiences of others moms, before we can even entertain the possibility that anyone could ever have felt the pain we feel and survive! Like the many other stages of grieving, we must travel at our own pace, not someone else's pace. As Sandy points out in many of her posts, there is not time limit to grief, and we each grieve in our own way and at our own pace. Unfortunately, in spite of all the love, support, compassion, etc., nothing will take away the pain of losing a child. And nothing can take away the anger! We all understand that. So, please know that I was in no way trying to infer that you or any other angel mom should try to forgive God or anyone else as it relates to your beloved child!

[4]
The thoughts I expressed in my post, the poem and the words to the song that I shared were merely personal reflections I felt I needed to share at that moment in time. So please know that it had nothing to do with someone else's anger or grief. I only meant to share that at some point in my grieving, I found meaning of a very personal nature as it related to me and my personal experiences only. Try to think of it as sharing, ... Not counseling. I know you know in your heart Sis, that all of us here understand, support, and respect each others right to express their feelings; especially during deep valley days. That is the one thing you can count on here: There is never any judging!

I hope I have explained it in a way that you will better understand my motives for sharing. At the time, I was just recalling some sad thoughts that were going through my head. Once I read your post, I realized right away just how inappropriate my sharing may have appeared to you as well as others who are in the early stages of grieving. I know Sandy said we are never judged; but I am judging me for not taking into consideration that my post might be inappropriate or misunderstood! So, Ya'll can't get me for judging me! :) And, I do appreciate you expressing your feelings on this, Sis! Otherwise, I would never have known! Your honesty has helped me in my desire to reach out to others. In the future, I promise I will consider how my words may be taken if one doesn't know the whole story behind what provoked my comments. For that, I thank you! :)

Angel moms, ... I love you all dearly, and will try to get another post in soon! Praying for all that God will continue to give all of us those precious moments of peace for which we all pray!
God's peace and blessings, ...
Love & Angel Hugs,

Verna

Our dear Miss V, you're being too hard on yourself! Selva was having a bad day and she expressed herself honestly as we know she does and we love her for it - your Post on forgiveness wasn't the catalyst for her pain, you know that, losing her daughter Solange is the cause, just as it is for the rest of us here with our own loss of our beloved child.
So no, no self-judgine either here - this is our safe place, our haven, where we can say the truth about how we feel as opposed to the world, where we sadly have to wear that mask from time to time.
Lots of love & Angel Hugs to you and all here at this safe Circle,
Sandy

Our dear Susan, haven't heard from you lately, I pray you're not having complications from your surgery! Please post if you're able,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hey San! ~ Of course I know that. :) That is one of the things I/We love about Selva. :) She tells it just as she is feeling it! That is what makes this prayer/support circle so successful! If it were possible, I would have reached right through my monitor and given her a big compassionate hug! Some days can be soooo difficult! I've started an email to her, but still have a way to go before finishing it. My right hand is still sore and swollen, but that is to be expected until my wrist is fully healed. I, too, am becoming a bit worried about Sue. I will try to call and check on her tomorrow. Lisa, haven't heard from you lately; time to check in and let us know you're ok. Selva, I hope you are feeling a little better today. Even fond memories can sometimes bring us to tears and cause us to be very angry! Letting it out really does help!

It has been a long day for me, angel moms, so I am calling it a night. At least, for a few hours anyway! I was out in the rain most of the day trying to take care of a few errands, but got very little done. Traffic was congested and there were long lines at the bank, post office, and grocery store! I finally gave up and decided to try again tomorrow. My meds have made me so sleepy, so I'll say good night for now.
God's peace & blessings,
Verna

My dear sister Angel Verna. No way you have to apologize to me,and I did not take your posts they way you think, like our dear Angel in Chief said, I was (and still are) having one of those angry valley days. I love to read your posts my dear sister, you are also an inspiration to me, like all the other Angel Moms, we share the same kind of pain and when those terrible thoughts come to my mind when I think I can not take it anymore I think of all of you and it helps me to keep on going, you are all Brave women and I admire all of you. My prayers are with you all and I love you all. So please forgive me my dear sister and hey you should not be writing I am watching you. Love Selva

Hey my dear sister! ~ We know we are going to have those valley days off and on from now on; so we all understand and no apology is ever necessary. Like you, & our other angel moms, there are times I still have to deal with the stress of it all. It is during those painful moments that I really have to remind myself there will be brighter days ahead! But, trust me my sister; someday the valley time will be easier to bear. Take it from an angel mom who has been on this journey for a little over 8 years now. :) Love you Sis, and hope you are feeling a little of that peace for which we all pray! God bless all angel moms everywhere!
Love & prayers!
Verna

Hi Angel Moms! ~ Just checking to see if anyone has heard from Sue. I have not been able to find the email with her phone #. If anyone has it, please send to me in an email. In the meantime I will check our local directory to see if she is listed. I will let you all know if I am able to get in touch.

Love, hugs, & prayers,

Verna

Angel Moms, ~ I just heard from Sue! :) Our prayers have been answered; She's gonna be fine! Will let you know how she's coming along once I find out details. I know if possible, she will be in touch with all; but if not, I'll keep all informed. Gotta run take auntie to the store!
Love & hugs,
Verna

Hi my dear Ms V, Thank you for letting us know about our sister Susan. Thank God that she will be OK, my prayers will be with her until and I hope that she gets out of the Hospital real sson. Thanks for letting us know, and I think you are over doing it with your posts, please my dear sister give those arms a rest. Love Selva

Tonight I come with a very aching heavy heart.I know you all know the feeling. To let you all know what has been happenning these past few months. I did get admitted into the hospital. I stayed for one week. Though the Doctor felt the need for me to stay longer. I went through some major treatment for my depression. I am now on anti-depressant meds. They seem to be working very well. I now cry without getting hesterical and not having the suicide urges. I have biweekley visits with a great Psych doctor. He has been helping me "move on" along my stages of grieving.He tells me tho there is no "time period" on grieving . He does feel like I have been in denial for too long. I have been told that I still talk as my sweet Matthew is still coming home. I know now that he is not, for he is already "home". My mind accepts it now. It's my heart that refuses to let him go "in peace". I still struggle with the thoughts of losing Matthew and how I was not there when he left this world. It just does not seem fair...for I was there when he came into this world. God help me I will still continue to press on. I'm sorry for not posting any sooner.
Tonight Ronnie was not having a good night. He felt the need to talk about Matthew. Though I sat and listend to his pain, I let him cry and felt the strong need to just hold him as he did let himself "go".he rarely does that.He still chooses to "drown" his sorrow in the beer that he drinks. I sat and listened with silent tears coming down my face as he let his sorrow come to it's surface. It has been 28 months and 6 days since our sweet Matthew has been called home. I will never forget the embrace of his arms around me and his sweet smile that he gave me that Friday morning as he said "bye mom I love you..see ya when I get home". I have finally come realize the true meaning of those words that I will forever cherish in my heart and mind.
I want to thank you all for the emails that you send, for they are so encouring.Especially on days when I feel there is hardly strength to "press on". I love you all..

Ema of Matthew Cordero Parr
November 17,1986-June 8,2002
In His Care I Press On,
Eva

Selva, my friend..we must press on.I know you have just went through a"second" as well. I pray God lifts you to his highest.
Sandy and Verna.... May God continue to lift you up as well. Thank you so much for being here for us all.

Hi our dear Eva, it's wonderful to hear from you, your last Post was so full of pain I've been wondering how you've been doing.
Sweetie, I am SO happy you got the help you needed, it was definitely the step you had to take and Praise God that He steered you to that help! Your Dr. sound's like a very good one, you like him and that make's it much easier to open up and let out all those feelings, bringing you to a 'healthier' way of grieving. By healthier I mean your suicidal thoughts are gone thankfully and the Dr. will help you out of that black hole you were stuck in, (the denial part) and enable you to grieve for your dear Matthew as you slowly move along. No, there is no timetable for grieving, it's uniquely personal, we all do it in our own time.
Oh gosh there's so much more I'd like to say to you but I have to leave now, but again dear Eva I'm so happy you're getting the help you desperately needed and still need, and you're always in our love and prayers!
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi my dear dear sister Eva. I am so glad you posted again, yes my dear sister, we are both into very little time yet, I am 26 months and 21 days, so I understand, I am very glad that you are seeking professional help, so am I, I still go to my pshyco every week and I am taking my anti depression pills every day, yes my dear sister, we have to do that, we are only human beings, who are going through the worse pain any human can endure, just try to remember, our children are happy now, and yes they know we are sad and we cry everyday, they understand, it does not harm them, they will try to send us messages and signs, always be aware of the signs, I get butterflies, rainbows, feathers, and sometimes I feel this energy next to me, our sorrow does not harm them, they understand we are only humans, we have to grief in our own way, no matter how long it takes, also remember that men grive diferently, the are brought up with the idea that they have to be strong and men don't cry, one of these days they will understand, that they are also humans and it is OK to cry, but in the meantime my dear sister, let him drink his beer, he finds some relief in it, that is his way of mourning and crying, and when he talks, OMG it is great, let him get it out. Remember my dear sister, we are all here for you, we understand, we all feel the pain, in our own ways we try to heal, we can not judge one another, everybody tries to cope with it in whatever way, but we are united in the same pain, we all understand and we all pray for one another. Please my dear Eva, keep coming back to this Heaven of rest when you are packing a load. Love you my dear sister and my prayers are with you. Selva

Lord, I ask for your continued comfort for Shaner and her family. I also wish to include a special prayer for my Aunt, Uncle and cousins. My cousin Jasmine died very unexpectedly Dec. 22, 2003 at the age of 18. It has left their family in shambles. My aunt especially has found it impossible to continue on and is barely living a life. My cousins continue to mourn and live in a grief stricken home. Please pray that they would find some peace and solace in knowing that Jasmine is in Heaven. I can't begin to imagine their pain and can't say whether or not in a year they should have started to re-enter life...but my heart aches for them-who find such little joy left in life. Please include them in your prayers.
Thanks Shaner for starting such a needed prayer circle. I pray that you are daily blessed with the Lord's grace and love.

Hello dear momofHISkids, welcome to the Circle and thank you for your prayers and kind words.
All of us here know of the undescribable pain your dear Aunt and cousins are going through right now and our hearts go out to them. There is no worse pain in this world than for a Parent to lose a beloved child. It must have been incredibly hard on them losing Jasmine so close to Christmas as well, her first Anniversary next month is going to be oh so hard on them, God love them. They've all been living in a nightmare this past year, their world as they once knew it has been shattered and they need plenty of time, especially your Aunt. You sound like a wonderful loving cousin to be concerned about them and that's what they need right now, loving, supportive family members. Don't be afraid to talk about Jasmine with them, they need to hear her name, even if it bring's on tears, it's very important for them to know she's not forgotten. And listen, they need to talk about Jasmine and everything her death has changed in their lives, so be that 'ear' for them, it's so important they your Aunt and cousins let their pain out.
Of course they'll be in our prayers, God bless you for posting about them, they're very fortunate to have a loving niece and cousin in you.
Love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

And, The Holy Spirit said, "Go write this down!"

From:

Prayers and Poetry for The Bereaved

Angels

Angels are everywhere!
They are the homeless living on the streets.
They are the unwanted child ...
Neglected and frightened,
Denied tender loving care.

Yes, Angels truly are everywhere!

Angels are everywhere.
Giving help to the homeless living on the streets,
To the unwanted child - Who is
Neglected and frightened,
Without tender loving care.

Yes, Angels truly are everywhere!

Angels are not hard to find,
They walk with us daily;
Giving hope to the downhearted,
When all hope is gone;
Showing love of a very special kind.

No, Angels truly are not hard to find.

Angels show love and compassion
In everything they do
I thank God everyday
For embracing me - And allowing me to be a part of
A Very Special Group of Angels like you!
LOVE2U ~ Sandy,Selva,Cindy,Sue,Barb,Yvonne, Debby,Emma,Ron,Lisa,Donna,Cher,
Sou,Angela,Angelo,Marci,Billie,
Chris,Cheryl,James, Angel Moms & Dads everywhere,... & You! :)

By: Verna R. Clay
11/11/2004
12:36 AM
[Dedicated to Angel Moms/Dads/Friends at:
Bereaved Parents who have lost a child]
http://www.beliefnet.com/

Good Morning All! :) Just checking in to say you're in my thoughts and prayers 24/7. While I cannot post as often as I would like to; due to a sprang wrist and my efforts to meet the editing deadlines set by my book project manager, I want you to know that continue to check in and read, so that I am aware of all prayer request. Therefore, all are included in my heartfelt prayers. I am asking that you please storm heaven with prayer for me during this somewhat stressful time. I still have several topics to review, and a deadline for adding any new topics I might wish to add to my manuscript. Once finished, I will have one day to read through the entire manuscript. Then, a final 3 hour work session with my book project manager. Once we are satisfied with the finished project, I will receive a copy of the final manuscript in print and on a disk! Then comes the hard part! :) That is, finding a sponsor, or sponsors to provide financial help with having Chain Reaction published! As you know, I've been working on this project of and on for a long, long time. So please continue praying that soon now, it will come to pass. I am guided by the scripture which reads: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13. And, as always, "To God be the glory!" Galatians 1:4-5

My prayer for all is that God will grant those precious moments of peace for which we all pray.

God's peace & blessings,
Verna

Good Morning again Angel Moms! :) As my dear sister, Selva would say, "Guess what?" :) I finally finished all of my book editing assignments to date. Next comes the Nov. 18th meeting with my book project manager to review our final drafts from cover to cover. THEN, ... :) [God willing, ... On Nov. 23rd, my project manager will deliver angel mom Verna Clay the FINAL MANUSCRIPT! YEA!!!! :) Her last comment on my Assignment Sheet is: [With this schedule, we will be done before Thanksgiving ... And we will have much to be grateful for ... AMEN!!!] HA-HA!
As the youngster used to say, "I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT! :)

So, keep right on storming heaven with prayer, Angel Moms/Dads; 'Cause Yo Miss V. is really going to need all DE heavenly help she can get the last 2 assignments which will require very detailed reading! HA-HA! I want Ya'll to know that the next time I decide to write a book, I will do my homework first! You would not believe all the legal issues involved. I will also make sure I rent a cabin in Duh woods to avoid constant interruptions that interfere with what's left of my creative writing style! Ha-ha! Needless to say, ... At my age, I don't have a lot of that stuff left. :) In the words of one of my favorite oldies says, ... "Ain't it funny how time slips away!" :)

As always, Angel Moms/Dads, I'm storming heaven with prayer for peaceful moments & blessings for all who are bereaved. Please remember angel moms/dads, to grieve at our own pace. Grief has no timetable, and always know that you have the unconditional love, compassion, and support of all who post here in our prayer/support circle of love. We are here to share each others grief and pain. There will never be any judgment here. We all need help making it through the special days which we sometimes refer to as valley days! When we are having valley days, we need to come here and let it out!

God's peace and powerful blessings,

Verna
Diane's mom
8/16/60 ~ 8/31/96

Hi my dear Ms V,Iknow it is hard work but you have to finish it and then we will go to Oprah, even if I have to go to Chicago or wherever she has the program Ipromise you I will, see, this pain that we all share have to be understood. I promise my dear sister I will try my best. Love Selva

OK my dear sisters, here I go again. Today is the 15th, that means I have not seen Solange for 27 months, you all know that what that means, I miss my daughter! I want to see her again I want to wake up from this nightmare. So what I am going to do? Sorry my dear sisters but this is the way I feel right now and guess what? I am very angry, why can't I have my daughter back with me at home? Please God tell my why? Sorry but you know I tell it like it is. Selva

Good for you my dear sister, for letting it out. All of us have the date our child died indelibly stamped in our hearts. When that day come's around each month our heart and mind realize just how much time has passed, and how we ache to see them again. We think back to that last day and so badly wish we could stop it or hope it is a nightmare.
You never have to say "sorry" here, you know that, you can always say how you're really feeling and you know we all understand,
Love you my dear sister,
Sandy

Our dear Marci, my heart and prayers were with you too of course yesterday, please let us know how you're doing,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy