Prayer Circles


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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children


Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.


There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

 
Shaner -10/14/2000
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shaner
6/14/2004 00:42

Our dear Marci, you know you can vent here anytime, sometime's we just have to and you know this is a safe place to do it!
Love you too & Tender Hugs,
Sandy


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 03:31

Dear Marci, ~ Remember what Sandy says, ... You don't have to apologize for expressing exactly how you are feeling. This is a safe haven where you can tell it like it is. There is never any judgment here, and their never will be.
Also, ... There should not be any reason why you can't grieve in your own way and at your own pace! Pretending that everything is okay does not work. At least, it didn't for me. And anything can bring it all back, just as though it were yesterday!


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 03:34

I remember once during a faculty meeting, they showed a film about the dangers of drunk driving. One of the scenes looked exactly like the scene that was shown in a photo in our local newspaper of the accident in which my daughter was killed. When it came up, every eye turned in my direction. [Of course the lady in charge of the drug program, had no idea that anyone was present who had lost a child in that manner.] I literally could not breathe! Once I got the strength to get up, I headed for the restroom, [in the library where the meeting was being held], but I realized that was not going to work, so I turned quickly and picked up my materials and whispered to my teacher aide, "I have to leave!"


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 03:39

Another painful shocker & big setback for me was waking up on the first anniversary of Diane's heavenly date and turning on the TV and seeing the News Special that Princess Diana, who was also 36 years of age, had been killed. My daughter was divorced at the time of her death, but she had also been married to a guy whose first name was Charles. And, years later, when I finally went to pick up court documents I needed for my book, I was advised not to look at some of the photos of my daughter's remains. I took the advice, and those photos were taken out. Once I received & read the copies of the recorded statements made by one of the drivers, ... I lost ground again in the progress I had made. It took my breath away! Not even my family knows about this report! Still too painful to share. I was advised to put this out of my mind and believe the attending officer's report which was given in the accident report. I still believe that was a very wise choice.


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 03:43

My advice to you on the issue of grieving is the same. As my sister encouraged me to do the night I learned my precious daughter had been killed in a tragic chain reaction wreck involving 2 cars and 2 pickup trucks, ... "You got to let it out!" At that point, however, I wasn't breathing! Once I got enough air in my lungs, trust me, ... I tried to let the world know, I had lost my child! I literally tried to die! Your post brought tears to my eyes. But, I cry out to God with the help of the Holy Spirit in my heart and soul, ... Asking, in the name of Jesus, that your tears will become my tears! ... And your shattered heart will become my shattered heart. I cry out to God, even though I know there is little I, or anyone on earth for that matter, can do to take that god awful pain away!


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 03:45


Having been where you are currently, Soooo many times myself during the very early stages, I can relate so vividly with what you are feeling, & where you are in your grief. Unfortunately, there is no way around it. :( It can literally take your breath away! The pain, ... the reality of all that has happened seems so impossible & Soooo unfair!!! But, like Sandy says, you are still in the very early stages of grieving, where the pain is so intense. It will not always be so intense. Sandy and others who have, with God's help, survived those early stages, will no doubt tell you the same. When I was there, I came so very close to giving up. Talk about being angry! I was angry at God, my hubby, other family members, my friends, strangers, the world at large. I tried to figure out why everyone seemed to be moving on with their lives, ... Just as though my child had not died! I wrote little angry notes to God, ... Told Him how He had let me down! I asked God all kind of questions in my thoughts; Some were so anger filled that I was afraid to say them out loud! I couldn't completely abandon all the good things I had been taught all my life about how God loved us and how if we prayed for protection of our children, He would protect them from all harm. Well, I had done that ... So now,


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 03:46



... What was I supposed to believe??? Not everyone goes through such drastic and severe abandonment of their faith in God, Marci. But, I'm sorry to tell you and the other angel moms, ... I did. And, when I asked God to let me die, ... and He seemed to be taking His time about doing it, I decided that I would find a way do it myself. Damn, I was mad, and I didn't care who knew it. I hated my hubby for moving on just as though our child was across town somewhere, ... Not dead. When alone, I would literally scream and cry until I couldn't anymore! Then, ... I would get angry all over again, ... At everybody!!!! When in that state of mind, with no relief in sight, many, many times, I would pack up a few of Diane's high school awards, and certificates, her photos, ... Cards she had given to me on Mother's Day and other special days, and then I'd get in my car and just drive and cry! The area where she was killed was not very far from where we lived, so I would go out there, and check her cross, flowers, and plaque, and then I would drive the same route that took her from me. Even months later, ... The faded letters IPOI [Initial Point of Impact], could still be seen. And, I would try to figure out how in the hell someone could make a turn onto a dangerous highway, in total darkness, and not see the headlights of an oncoming car! I wondered why, ... of all the seven people involved in that chain reaction crash, ...Why was my child the only one to die! WHY MY CHILD!??


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 03:56

That's just a small example of what it was like for me. If there had only been some relief from the pain of it all, ... I may have been able to survive for a short time. But, once I figured out that this pain was not going to go away anytime soon, I just got angry all over again, and again, and again, ... Until I finally decided that enough was enough! By this time, I had lost about 17 pounds, smoking 2 packs a day. I was not eating, or sleeping, or praying. I could not pray! I had no one to talk to, ... nothing left to live for! Those were my thoughts, Marci & newly bereaved angel moms. At that time, I didn't know that so many other angel moms had felt the same kind of indescribable grief I was feeling. I simply did not know! And, nobody informed me that I needed to get help and get help fast! I did not know I needed to tell my doctor what had taken place. I did not know that I needed to seek counseling, or join a support group! My other daughter lived in Texas. My hubby did not exist [in my mind]! Ha-ha! I can laugh now, but it wasn't funny during that time. It is literally a miracle that our marriage survived! Believe it or not, we ended up blaming ourselves and each other because we felt there had to be a reason for our child dying; other than a crash caused by drunk drivers! He blamed me for talking him into cashing in both girls life insurance and giving them the money once they got married. I blamed him because he seemed to be moving on, and he had not supported me in my grief when I needed him the most. The driver accused of causing the crash had no insurance, so we ended up paying for the funeral, and storage of Diane's furniture and other personal items. It literally drained what little savings we had. A year or so later, the state reparation board replaced part of funeral expense out of a fund provided by fines paid by drunk drivers.


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 04:00

That's just a small example of what it was like for me in the early stages. If it had only been some relief from the pain of it all, I reasoned, ... I may have been able to survive for a short time. But, once I figured out that this pain was not going to go away anytime soon, I just got angry all over again, and again, and again, ... Until I finally decided that enough was enough! By this time, I had lost about 17 pounds. I was not eating, or sleeping, or praying. I could not pray! I had nothing left to live for! Those were my thoughts, Marci & newly bereaved angel moms. At that time, I didn't know that so many other angel moms had felt the same kind of indescribable grief I was feeling. I simply did not know! And, nobody informed me that I needed to get help and get help fast! I did not know I needed to tell my doctor what had taken place. I did not know that I needed to seek counseling, or join a support group! My other daughter lived in Texas. My hubby did not exist [in my mind]! Ha-ha! I can laugh now, but it wasn't funny during that time. It is literally a miracle that our marriage survived! Believe it or not, we ended up blaming ourselves and each other because we felt there had to be a reason for our child dying; other than a crash caused by drunk drivers! He blamed me for talking him into cashing in both girls life insurance and giving them the money once they got married. The driver accused of causing the crash had no insurance, so we ended up paying for the funeral, and storage of Diane's furniture and other personal items. It literally drained what little savings we had.


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 04:09

Realizing I had just signed up to work an additional 3 years, I realized I couldn't go completely crazy! Ha-ha! I decided that I would live long enough to help build up our savings again, and then, I would figure out a way to commit suicide. Whew! It's true, ... God really does take care of babies and fools! Ha-ha! And, the last time I decided to end my life by jumping of a bridge over the mighty Red River, [Susan, you know the bridge that runs into Barksdale Air Force Base]. :) Anyway, this time, God allowed my deceased daughter to stop me. Just as I approached the bridge that separates Shreveport & Bossier City, ... I heard Diane's voice whisper, [in my mind], "Now, Moma, ... You KNOW you can't swim!" Ha-ha! Now, I don't know to this day, why such a thought would come to me and cause me to laugh at what I was considering doing, ... Other than the Holy Spirit, sent by God, to let me know that I really did not want to die. What I really wanted was to stop hurting!!! I wanted relief from the pain of losing my child, just as I had received relief after all the other loved ones I had lost in years gone by. And, it just wasn't happening fast enough for me! In my mind, I assumed it would always hurt that bad! Call it a mind game or whatever, but in my mind at least, I will go on believing that God sent the Holy Spirit to minister unto me in a manner that I would know that it was not my time yet. My work here; that is, my unfinished tasks, ... The ultimate purpose God had for me was just about to begin. As someone said to Rabbi Kushner, [Author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People], "People are God's language."


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 04:12

Like our dear Sandy, and a lot of other angel moms who are a bit further along, God has used me to do His work; to touch the lives and spirits of Soooo many grieving moms who no doubt in my mind, have literally lost the will to live because of the crosses we must bear in this life. And, l like to believe also that God, the Father of all creation, ... The same God who saw fit to give me my precious and beloved daughter, did not cause her to die. I believe what the good book says: The devil, [satan], came to steal, kill, and destroy! Oh, what a cross we must bear! But, with God's help, and the help of the Holy Spirit, and those earth angels, like Sandy, and Selva, and Lisa, and Debbie, and you, ... [Yes, that's what I said, "You", too! :) And, Susan, and Billie, and Cindy, and Sou, and ALL OUR ANGEL MOMS!!!! ... We will win this WAR OF THE SPIRITS! We will grieve for our children, but we will not give up, and we will not give out, and we WILL NOT allow the evil one to succeed. We will, no doubt, always have that longing, that sadness in our hearts because our child is no longer with us in the physical. But, with God's help, we will do as the Rabbi suggests in the latest addition of his book: We will live out the rest of our children's life! We will always remember our children's wonderful sprits and the joy and unconditional love they brought into our lives. We would give it all up; all the good work we are doing for our Lord in a split second, to have our children back! That's also in the Rabbi's book! :) And, that is also in my heart, and your heart, and all angel moms and dads hearts! Our beloved children will always be ours. And someday, we will join them in heaven, never to be separated from them again! Until then, ... We will grieve at our own pace, ... [That's a major part of the healing that is taking place.] We will continue to pour our hearts out to each other and comfort each other. We will pray for those who cannot pray for themselves. And, ... We will bear our cross, [together], with God's help. We will never have to bear our cross alone! And when one of us grow tired, or confused, or loses faith... We will storm heaven with prayer until they receive those precious moments of peace, which only God can provide! I am a living witness that He gives us the help we need to: [As Eva says, ... "Press On!"
LOVE2U,
Verna


SELVAM
6/14/2004 11:06

My dear sister Marci. It is OK to post here all the feelings good or bad, anger, hurt and all that his awful pain brings, we all understand, we all go through it, sometimes I just demand God to give me my daughter back and get angry at Him for not doing so, some days I closed the door of my office so everybody will know that I am having a bad day, ay my dear sister, this is such a complicated pain, there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better, but there is one thing I can advise to you,let your feelings out, no matter where you are, you have every right in the world to be sad, angry etc, you lost a child, nothing can compare to that, some people will never understand, but like one of Cindy's note says/ You don't have a clue? Thank Heaven. Don't worry about other people, cry if you must my sister, and remember we are all here to pray and understand. Love Selva


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 18:26

Hi my dear sister, ~ You have given our sister, Marci some good advice. I also received that note from our dear angel mom, Cindy which said, "You really don't have a clue, do you? I hope you never do!" That really describes exactly how we feel when people around us think we have moved on. Even though we mask our feelings when we are around others, the pain is still there. They really don't have a clue! It takes a lot out of us when we try to act as though we are doing OK. There were many times during the very early stages when I have wanted to say those words to those around me. So, I began avoiding people being around those people as often as possible. To be honest, I still do, even after all this time. :) We do find little ways to go on, but with the knowledge that our lives have been changed forever. On valley days, I still have ways of letting those around me know that, [mildly put]; ... This is not a good day!" And, fortunately, I am given the space I need until I am able to regroup, and move on. So, angel moms, don't feel that you are not making progress just because you are having a bad day or week for that matter. We all have them. But, as Sandy says, the day will come when the pain will not be so intense and so constant. Until that happens, we do what we have to do to survive at our own pace. May our Lord continue to ease our pain with more and more peaceful moments as we continue on our never-ending journey. Thank You, Father, for understanding and keeping us in Your loving care! Amen


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 18:35

Dear Eva, ~ I am sorry I didn't get to post to you on your baby's birthday. I know it was a difficult time for you and Ron. Special days are always difficult for those of us who have lost a precious and beloved child. I wish I could make it all go away for you, Ron, ... For all bereaved parents, including yours truly. Unfortunately, this is a cross that we must carry for the rest of our days. The good news is, we know now that we will never have to carry our cross alone. We know that God is always standing by to send us the help we need to get through the difficult moments, hours, days, months, and yes, ... Even years for that matter. Come this August, I will have to face getting through my beloved daughter's birthday, and heavenly date. Diane was my first born, ... The joy of my life, for six years, 7 months, and 17 days, before God blessed us with another daughter, Cheryl. [Cheryl, our surviving daughter, and I figured out the difference in their ages a few day ago, while remembering her sister's fun loving spirit.] :)


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 18:37

Every now and then, she and I talk about the fun things we did together, and also, how much we love her and miss her. During our special days, however, like her daddy, she tends to go into her shell, avoiding coming over, or when she does, she avoids bringing up Diane's name. Which leads me to believe both she and her daddy are still holding a lot of grief inside. Being an angel mom, it is so important to talk about our feelings and how much we miss our children. Over the years, I have explained this to both my hubby and daughter. Nevertheless, I can still sense that they think they are making it easier on me by not bring up Diane's name ... [No matter how many times I have assured them that it's really OK ]. They always acknowledging what day it is. Then, they manage to disappear. :)


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 18:39

It took a while, but I finally accepted that many dads, surviving children, [If any], other family members, and what few true friends that are left, seem to feel that they are making it easier for angel moms if they don't come around or mention their child's name or recall fond memories. Does it still hurt? Personally, I don't think hurt is the word that describes how I feel, now that I better understand that this is considered a normal reaction for many. Actually, it has turned into a blessing for me, because I can spend the day exactly the way I choose. :) Oh, I know that's a little selfish, but it's the truth. I call it pampering myself, while spending the day with my Diane. :) I do pray, however, that God will continue to bless me, and surround me with others whom I know truly understand what it's like to lose a child, and therefore they are there for me, as I am for them; ... Praying, acknowledging my child's special days, [On time, when possible], :) & providing words of compassion and encouragement. We know that our lives have been changed in a way that know one else knows. We also know that it helps tremendously, to be able to talk/post about our child and express exactly how we feel; realizing all the while that we will not be judged, and that it's really OK to do so, ... No matter what's on our mind. This is what I mean when I say God sees to it that we don't have to carry our cross alone. :)


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 18:40

Even though the circumstances surrounding our child's passing is different, we can still relate to the indescribable pain we experience during the first few years, and the quiet sadness that our Sandy talks about on page [1] :) that eventually settles in, the heaviness of heart, ... Especially leading up to/on/and after special days, ... The longing to hold our precious and beloved child in our arms again, which can happen on any day, ... No matter how long it has been. As our chief angel mom often reminds us: Grief has no time limit or schedule when it comes to the loss of a child. The left fielders can throw us a curve out of the blue at any moment. Thoughts of what might have been, ... Wondering "Why me, ... Why my child!" Seeing someone that resembles your child, ... Having to resist the urge to approach that person, who no doubt is a total stranger, who would not understand your starring at them, or following them around; while trying to get a better look at them; just to make sure that it isn't your child.


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 18:41

These are the kind of things that can make an angel mom question their own sanity; especially during the early years. When it happens to me nowadays, I feel that rush of sadness. I may begin to hyperventilate or even experience blurred vision. Yes, there are moments when the tears still insist on showing up. :) I never doubt, however, that it is OK to shed tears, to feel that sadness, that whatever. And, I always know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that someone, somewhere, has already said a heartfelt prayer for me. :) That, and my faith in our loving Father, gives me the courage, and the strength to press on, and the desire to encourage other angel moms/dads, to do the same. May our heavenly Father give us those precious moments of peace for which we pray.
Love and Angel Hugs,
Verna


SELVAM
6/14/2004 18:42

Hi all my dear dear sisters Angel Moms. First of all I want to thank you all for your prayers, I just came back from my oncologist, the biopsy (hated it) came back negative, I had my passport all ready for the Visa to Heaven, but I guess , God has another plans for me, I asked Him to let me know what does He wants me to do. But anyway, I have no cancer, so now I don't know what I will do. I can not be with my Solange as soon as I wanted it, but I have placed my life in His Hands, I wish that He will tell me what to do. Please anoce again i ask you to pray for me that God will show me the way, and what does He wants me to do. Again , even if I wanted to go with Solange, I Thank you for all your prayers. Love Selva


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 20:03

Dear Susan, ~ I finally got around to adding your email addy to my prayer circle group. I had to go back and find the post where you shared it. :) I've had a lot going on here lately. Trying to follow doctors orders,help with taking care of my niece and her little one, taking one day trips to south Louisiana to see about my hubby's mother, and trying to replace flowers in 3 flower beds which were lost during the storm. We redid the beds on Saturday, and it rained again Sunday evening! The guy that does the beds said they drowned! The ground is still soaked, and it's looking like rain today. We are hoping it lets up a little so we want lose the ones we just replaced. Hubby said that if we lose these, he is going to forget about flowers and fill the beds with some rocks,weeds, or monkey grass! Ha-ha! He said having to pay $10 dollars a tray for flowers is killing his budget. :) I will email you later this week to plan a day that's convenient for us to get together once the rain lets up. Coming from your way, my doctor's office is right up the street pass Barksdale Air Force Base, and I will probably be going over there sometime this week; not for an office visit, just to get an injection which only takes about 5 min. since I don't need an appointment. I go to Dr. Emily Jones. Her office is located on the left, just a couple of blocks up from the base, on Barksdale Blvd., just before you get to Airline Drive. So, I will let you know when/if I decide to go this week. Actually, I should have gone on the 25th of May, but have been so busy. :) But, I won't get fussed at, because I don't have to see my doctor, :) ... Just the nurse! Take care of those kitty cats & pulleeze don't bring any with you when we meet, 'cause I am allergic to cats, and I've never figured out why! Auntie has a slew of them that takes up at her home, but when I drive up, she begins to "Scat them away, ... spray & pray!" Ha-ha!
Love & Angel Hugs,
Verna


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 20:37

Dear Selva, ~ Oh, how I have prayed that the test results would turn out fine! No, God is not going to let you off the hook yet! :) He knows how much we need you and love you, so you will just have to wait a while longer. We need all the wonderful & touching prayers you pray, your sharing on valley days, your humor that brings a little joy into our lives when you are having a break during peaceful moments. I so love the humorous pages that you fwd to everyone on those days! Believe it or not, both God and our children wants us to laugh again, ... To feel a little joy, even if only for a moment or two at a time! I still laugh out loud at some of the silly pranks Diane, Cheryl, Dinah, [my stepdaughter], and I use to pull on their daddy! Ha-ha! We were a family who loved music, acting, dancing, family get-togethers, and parties & food, food, food! On the 4th, we would all gather at our house and have a big barbecue! We planned games for the little ones, the middle ones, and the adults! We were in and out of the house ... bringing out more food & beverages for everyone! The young ones loved running under the sprinkler, and diving into the little pool someone had provided for their enjoyment. The middle ones played volley ball, formed dance lines, and the adults played cards, dominoes, while others were assigned the task of watching out for the little ones in the pool, or shooting firecrackers, or riding their bikes or skate boards in the circle in back of the house where all the main action was. This went on all day, [from about noon to dusk. Such fun memories, ... Such, laughter, ... Such peaceful moments, ... Even if only for a little while! :) Perhaps you will share a few fond memories with us, my sister, when you are having a few peaceful moments. I know your beautiful Solange was your life, your reason for living. It is still so very early for you, my sister. So don't rush, ... Continue to move at your own pace. That is so important. Just remember that they day will come when the intense pain will settle in, and you will begin to feel longer moments of God's peace and blessings! Remember, ... He is always online, & always just a prayer away!
Love & Angel Hugs,
Verna


LOVE2U
6/14/2004 20:53

Dear All, ~ Sometimes, I tend to stay away and keep all my feelings inside. Just remember, it's OK to do that. But never forget that we are here for you, we are praying for you during times when you cannot pray. We are here for you whether you are having a valley day or a hilltop day! Whatever your feeling are at any given time, ... Just know it is a normal reaction for where you are on your grief journey! None of us grieve at someone else's pace. Each of us must grieve at our own pace. At times, we who are further along may say something or give advice that may not prove helpful to you because of where you are on your grief journey. That is OK, and also normal. Only you and God know the kind of help or encouragement you will need on any given day. Always remember that where you are is where you need to be, until you feel you are strong enough to continue on your journey, one minute, 5 minutes, 1 hour, & eventually, ... one day at a time! God bless angel moms, ... In Jesus' name I pray, Amen


beachmom45
6/14/2004 23:01

Verna,
Thank you for reading through the lines and sharing your own feelings of loss and despair. I am in deep in the valley. Thank you for praying for us all.
With much love,
Marci~.~


beachmom45
6/14/2004 23:04

Selva, mi hermana,
God doesn't need you yet. We need you here. I need you!
with much love,
Marci~.~

 
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