Dear Shane.Happy Birthday , I know there is a big party in Heaven today, and I also know that you will be watching over your parents today, I pray they will be able to feel your presence, this will be a great gift to them. Seek His Light dear Angel Shane. God Bless you. Selva
Dear Selva, ~ You know how very special you are to all who post here. Even though you are still in what is known as the early stage of grieving, you still manage to come here and encourage other newly bereaved moms on a regular basis. Being much farther along, that really means a lot to me, because I know that takes a lot of courage, effort, commitment, and determination. It is such a very fragile stage; and it is not an easy thing to do. Your pain is still so raw right now and in addition to that, you have gone through a life threatening accident which could very well have taken you from us. But, I think God knew how very much you were needed here. :) You are such an inspiration to all who post here! I admire your honesty in expressing exactly how you are feeling from day to day, no matter what! That is such a blessing to all, because it encourages others who might be a little shy to express how they are feeling from day to day. We, who have been on our grief journey a while longer, can assure our newly bereaved moms that the pain will not always be so intense; but you are the one who offer prayer and encouragement while still in the very early stage, on a regular basis! As the line from a very special poem says: Sometimes I wonder where you've hidden your wings! For you must be an angel; that would explain it! :) God placed it on my heart to tell you this. As you will discover in the days, months, and years ahead, reaching out to others, is a very big part of the ongoing healing of your own heart. I thank God every day for all our angel moms who have the courage to come here and share their pain, and allow those of us who are farther along to pray for them and tell them what we already know! Yes, the day will come when the indescribable grief and heartfelt pain will not be so intense! I know all too well how hard that is for our newly bereaved moms to believe! I didn't believe it either when I was told that by those who were farther along! I figured those moms just didn't understand the depth of my pain! But, once God lead me to this circle of love, ... I began to realize that, ... Yes, there are others who have felt the pain of losing a child just as deeply as I have! And, the only way I reached that conclusion was by reading what those moms had to say! That, I could believe! Because I could relate to their pain! When we talk about our pain, and how our li hanged forever, ... It encourages our newly bereaved moms to do the same. We know we can do that here without being judged! So, I thank God for giving us this safe place where we can come and express our sadness, or anger, or rage, or disbelief, or what ever the emotion might be. And, I thank God for Beliefnet making it possible! God bless all angel moms, and Beliefnet.com! :)
Enough rambling for now! :) Angel moms, I have to go make my rounds and check on my sister, Felecia, and Auntie! :) Don't forget to pray for our dear chief angel mom and family! Please join me in lighting a candle in honor of Shane's birthday!
Hey, Selva, you know you can count on me to help with your special Angel Mom's project. Please let me know how I can help.
Marci, Lisa, Sharon, Susan, Billie, Debbie, Yvonne, Cindy, Sou, & all other angel moms, ... I pray that you all are hanging in there! I know it's so very difficult right now, ... But, please know that God hears our prayers! Those peaceful moments WILL become longer and longer! Don't try to get over it, ... Just through it, ... One minute, one hour, one day at a time! Just remember, ... You are NOT alone!!!
God bless all angel moms near & far!
Love & Angel Hugs,
ANGEL MOMS ALERT!!!
[Shane's birthday is tomorrow]
Ha - ha! Hey Sandy! Just you wait til YOU turn 63!!! Ha-ha! Girl I am laughing my rear end off! (or wish I could)! As you can see on my list, that's the date I recorded for your Shane at Birthday Alarm a long time ago. Now I'm wondering ... Did I do this last year also? Ha-ha! Boy oh boy! Whew! I guess our angel moms who know better are going, ... What the heck is this lady on? Ha - ha! Especially Cindy, & Selva, Lisa, & a few others who have to know without checking, how wrong I am. Oh well, better a day early than late, huh? One of my classmates, Maryann, who lives down the street from me has a phrase she uses for this kind of stuff. She calls it having a "senior moment." So, I guess that is what I was having when I typed the incorrect date at Birthday Alarm. Notice that the very next name on the list, [a classmate of mine], is the 27th, so maybe that's how I made the mistake back then. Something told me I should check your most recent post in which I remember you mentioned the correct date. :) Anyway, thanks for letting me know the correct date is May 28th. Also, I am glad you liked the poem. :) You know how much I love writing poetry; especially for our angel moms and guardian angels. :) I am posting this email to you at our circle of love so that everyone will know I'm a day early with my birthday wishes for Shane! Take care, our dear Chief Angel Mom, and enjoy the rest of your day! The grandkids should be walking in the door at any moment, now ... [Their last day of school], ... so it's off to Taco Bell & the park for us!
Much love, & Angel Hugs,
Yo "Krazee" Miss V.
Hi my dear Miss V, well we goofed, I lost the list that Lisa prepared (Lisa we have not heard from you), so I went along, but I know our Dear Angel in Chief will understand, it does not matter if we are ahead 24 hours, it is your poem and our birthday wishes to Shane that matters. By the way my friend, you make me embarrased, I am not a special person, I am , that it's all, very honest yes, very hurt, angry, sad, and everything else that you have felt and feel. Now, back to my suggestion, I have a Non Profit Corporation, and I want suggestions from all of you my dean angel Moms, what can we do about it, I read in Miami's newspaper a while ago, there are this parents who lost their daughter, what they do is try to geto the girls who graduated , give her prom dresses to them and they give it out to girls who don't have enough money to buy Prom dresses, so they can have Thei Prom party with beautiful dresses, now our Circle of Love is National and International with our dear Sandy in Canada, lets think of what we can do to help others, specially children, there are so many children whose mothers are abusive, poor, there is such a need out there, so lets think how can we help. Suggestions are welcome. Love you my dear sisters. Selva
Don't worry, Miss V, I seem to have many senior moment's, I can't remember if you did it last year or not, ah, another senior's moment! Actually Lisa wrote me and said "Isn't Shane's Birthday on the 28th?" And I replied to her yes, but I don't have the heart to tell Miss V, after reading the beautiful Poem you specially wrote, but then I though perhap's I'd better, :-) You know I love the Poem, printed it out, showed it to Hubby, he loved it also, and as I told you I'm getting it framed and it'll go on the wall, over my PC!
Thank you to all who sent Card's, Prayers, e-mails, Cin, who's going on vacation, sent me a special page she made up for Shane earlier, and also sent me a beautiful poem as well. You're all such loving, thoughtful women, Moms, that I'm so blessed to know and you've turned one of those 'special days' into a softer one, may God bless you all for what you do!
As I told some of you, I'm playing the 'what if', 'could have' 'should've been' game, Shane would have turned 30, and I wonder what would he look like now, would he be married, have children, etc., etc., you're all familiar with that game, and as I said, we'll probably play it the rest of our live's. I miss him so much, he is and always has been my hero, and the wind beneath my wing's, and nobody or anything can ever fill the void he left,
miss you my Shaner, so, so much, but love you Eternally, Mom xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Love and Angel Hugs to all,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you dear Chris, that's so sweet of you, :-) your Stephanie may be showing him some new dance move's today,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
I need prayers for strength. It will be 9 months Sunday since I lost my beautiful little girl Madison. She was my everything. We were inseparable for the full 4 years of her life. She was my shadow. I knew the cancer would probably take her, but that didn't stop me from fighting to keep her. I lost, I am so miserable. I thought I was getting better. I miss her, I want her back so bad. I am scared now to move on, make decisions, to live. The only thing i have learned is grief is undescribeable.. this is so hard to get through. I just miss my Madison. Thank you for allowing me to speak these words today. www.madisonsmemorial.homestead.com
Hi Madison's Mommy, welcome to our Circle of Love, I'm just very sorry for the reason why you're here. All of us here have experienced the same ultimate loss as you, one of our beloved children. We know only too well of that undescribable searing, raw pain that paralyze's you, take's your breath away, leave's a hard knot in your chest, that's with you 24/7. There is no worse pain in this World than for a parent to lose a beloved child. A part of your heart went with your Madison, and has left a gaping hole in your own.
And you know, even in your case, with your precious Angel having cancer, you think it may prepare you better for her passing, but when that final moment does come, and in the days, weeks ahead, you realize that nothing prepare's you for the longing, the missing, and the pain, all-consuming grief.
It's only been 9 month's since you lost your little Angel, you're still in the early stage's of your grief, please, let me assure you what you're feeling right now is very normal, whatever 'normal' is in grieving, because there are no rule's. But all of us here can oh so relate to what you're going through, and it is hard.
I pray you have supportive people around you, people who will listen to you, let you talk, vent, let any anger you may have out, and let you grieve at your own pace, with nobody trying to push you forward before you're ready to.
Sweetie, you can speak your word's here today, tonight, tomorrow, every day, you'll only find love, understanding, support, never any judging, this is a very safe haven to let your feeling's out, and of course you'll be in our prayer's. I'm going to visit your Madison's website, Memorial, but please post back here, there's strength in number's, and we all share in the same pain dear AngelMom, please dear Lord, you know how Madison's Mommy is hurting so badly right now, she miss's her sweet baby so much, please comfort her as only You can, and give her the necessary spiritual and physical strength to deal with this, while she also feel's Your great love for her, please let her feel her sweet Madison close to her, and wrap her in Your loving arms, especially this Sunday, thank You Lord.
As I said sweetie, please post back again, this is your Circle now too,
Much love & lots of Angel Hugs,
Our dear Sandy! I am so happy I came by to day and read the posts, I almost missed Shane's Birthday! Happy Birthday Shane! I am sure he's watching you Sandy, I hope that God will surprise you with a sweet dream of your hero tonight. I don't know how you are feeling, Sarah's birthday didn't come up yet, so I pray that you made it well through the day, although I can imagine how much you miss him. I pray that God gave you and your husband and the rest of the family the peace of heart on this very special day.
I am sorry I didn't post for a long time. I was busy with doctor visits, it turned out that I have an underactive thyroid, so they put me on pills for life and monitor me. It probably developed during pregnancy and might be the reason why I lost my Sarah, but in the end nobody really knows.
Dear mother of Madison, I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time, the pain must be just unbearable. I went to Madison's homepage and tears fell from my eyes. She is so adorable, especially in her Cinderella dress! I wish I could do something to bring her back into your arms but unfortunately all I can do is pray for you to make it through these cloudy days and years to come. I am sure she's in good hands now, pain free and happy dancing on clouds and playing with other angel children. One day God willing, you will join your little angel and hold her in your arms forever!
Hello my dear sister Sou! Gosh, you've been missed around here, I'm happy to see you posting again!! Oh, that's too bad about your thryroid condition, one of my sister's has an underactive one too, and she's also on med.'s for life.
So they think it started in your pregnancy, and may be the cause for losing your little Pearl? I guess it is hard to say though, and doesn't bring any comfort to you, not knowing for certain. Yes, today is Shane's Birthday, he would have been 30, actually the day wasn't so bad, I kept myself busy, only had one breakdown, just missing him so much, you know what I mean. Ah, thank you for your prayer's, I hope so too, when I fall asleep! I pray we all do. You know when Sarah's Birthday come's, you have all of us here to help you through, God willing. I hope that you're feeling a bit better now you won't be a stranger, we hadn't heard from you since your Parent's left to go back to Germany, (you probably missed them a lot) it's so nice to see you Posting again, now I don't have to worry, :-). You went to Madison's website, I'm just going there now, I'll probably cry too. As I said, terrific to see you back, but you know you're always in our love and prayers,
salaam my sister,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
It's been awhile but I have thought and prayed for all of you daily; that you feel our Heavenly Father's presence not only on bad days but the "just okay" days also. Thank you for remembering my Alex on his anniversary date. That week had so many emotional ups and downs sometimes I just wanted to hide in my closet and lock the door! But there were also so many Blessings that I know my Alex was looking out for his Momma. Mother's Day was hard; even though I had my son and my grandcuties here with me; there was that sad feeling that someone was missing. After church there was a constant stream of visitors...most of Alex's friends came by with cards and flowers and small gifts. Alex's roommate came by with the largest "non Valentine" box of candy I had ever seen. They all were so very sweet, constantly hugging me and holding my hand. The blessing was that most of them said, "This is from Alex" when they hugged me. It was so special. We also had my 17 year old son, Weston graduate high school that week. I put on my happy face and celebrated the fact that he can now SLEEP all day without worrying about missing school. Also that week Louisiana Tech University held a memorial service for students that had passed, there were 3 families. What a beautiful ceremony. We received glass lanterns that were lit during the ceremony. Wonderful words were spoken by fellow students, friends and teachers. They also gave a scholarship in Alex's name and I got to meet the recipient. She told me she would never waste the opportunity that Alex gave her and even though she never met him, she would always consider him a mentor and friend. It was a touching moment that I will never forget.
Well my grandcuties were outrageous!! Damion will be 3 tomorrow and he is a Daddy's boy. He fears nothing and is such a loving, sweet, happy child! Dianna is 5 going on 15...YIKES!!! They are back in Germany now and I am praying that I can convince my husband to go and visit them during the Christmas holidays.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANE!! I hope you ate lots of birthday cake!! Can you imagine the birthday cakes you get in Heaven?? If I know my Alex, you were probably trying to blow out "trick candles"
To all of the new Moms in the group: This is a wonderful blessing for us. When one of us is having a good day, we see that there is hope...when we are having valley days, there is a circle of loving, caring women that will surround you with prayer. This group has helped me tremendously. Like my 15 year old daughter, Savannah says "YOU ROCK!!"
God's love to all,
Hello our dear Susan, wow, great to see a Post from you, you've been missed around here too! Sound's like you've been busy though, with some good moment's, and some happy memories made, :-). Having your grancutie's with you and the terrific support of Alex's friends helped to soften Mother's Day for you, wow, what a terrific thing they all did for you, that was really sweet of them, :-). It always mean's so much to us when their friend's remember them, but they wanted to make sure YOU were OK, what a great bunch of young people! Congratulation's to your Weston, yes, Momma, you don't have to worry about waking him up now, he's done! Oh gosh, what an honor Susan, a Scholarship set up for other student's in Alex's name, I can imagine what a touching, hearfelt moment it was, especially hearing what the young lady who received it said to you, I probably would have started crying all over her. That's such a beautiful way to honor Alex, and the effect his life had on others, be proud, dear one. Your grandcuties sound so sweet, 5..going on 15, ha, ha.
Ah, I hope you can visit them in Germany at Christmas, you've got lot's of time to work on your hubby, :-)
It sound's like you're having your good days and your bad days, keep pressing on Susan, and you know we're always here for you and praying for you.
Ah, thank's for that, if Alex put trick candle's on the cake, Shane would be laughing so hard, I can just see it!
Now don't you be a stranger around here either, miss not hearing from you when you don't post, our love and prayers are always with you,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Hello dear Moms, Sisters
Our dear sister Selva's great-great Niece in is the hospital in Intensive Care, she's only 3 yrs. old, and was tragically run over by 2 Motorcycle's.
She will live, Praise God, but you can just imagine how badly broken and bruised her little body must be, I know you'll join me in Prayer for our dear sister's little niece, as well as her family, thank's everyone,
Also our dear Ang wrote me and asked me to post at the Circle that she's been ill, that's why she hasn't been posting lately, but expect's to be able to post soon,
Much love to all,
hi angel moms,
sorry i haven't posted in a while. alot going on before the twins come. we have started building our home even though i know we will not be in before they are born but at least by christmas. i hope you have felt all the prayers i have been saying for you all. you are all so dear to me after the first couple of years after michael had past. i'm so thankfull for this site. shaner sorry for missing shanes birthday since we upgraded the computor we don't have all the things we had before. like the birthday reminders.. maybe you could send it to me again so i can program it in my computor. :-) verna i want you to know tht my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family this weekend.
selva so sorry to hear about your niece and my prayers are with you too. i love all the poems they are so beautiful. i put in to take a year off of work and it was granted so hopefully i will be able to post more before the twins are born. i found out that baby a is a girl and baby b is buy 80% but 20% it could be a boy. we will know on wednesday. we have a level 2 altrasound.
the month of august is very special to me as well as the 17th.
my son michael's birthday is thw 12th and he passed on the 14th, his wake was the 16th and then he was layed to rest on the 17th. it will be 4 years this august. not a day goes buy tht i don't think or feel him with me.
my thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
Hi our dear Deb, our Momma to be, :-)
Great to hear from you, you've been missed too, but hopefully now that you're off work, we'll hear more from you! You started building your home - wow, that's exciting new's too, imagine, you'll be able to celebrate Christmas in your brand new home, with Chris, the twins, and of course Michael in spirit! Ah, you're such a sweetie, still praying for everyone, and you know our prayers and love are always with you too. Yes, let us know the result's on Tuesday, have you gained much weight yet? I know you're still working out, but if you have any craving's, indulgence yourself!
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Hi my dear Angel Sisters. I want to Thank You all for your prayers and love, I just spoke to my sister in law, my little niece is doing better, she is still in ICU, but they are doing all kinds of tests and the worse fear is over, the Drs toughed she had a blood clot, because she can not talk or move her right arm, but Thank God and your prayers, she does not have a clot, it is just swelling and eventually with medication it will go down and she will be OK.She has a broken leg and a lot of bruises on her little body, but she will be OK. Thank God. Thank you again my dear sisters, again God heard our prayers. Love Selva
Thank you so much for seeing Madison's website. Thanks for the response and warm welcome. I will continue to stay in touch on here it really seems to be a neat place to be. Today i am extremely sad because today is the day my daughter had her first fever that wouldn't go away until the final day of her life in August.. this summer is going to be a bit tough because last summer we were in the hospital, rushing a 4th birthday and planning a quick trip to see Cinderella at Disney... so many memories and now i am sitting saying to myself, i knew i would be sitting here without her and now look what i am doing ... nothing!!! I am seperated from my husband now after 14 years because i can no longer make decisions and don't know what to do to go on with my life i am only 31. I feel so ruined with no direction in life. I have a son 8, and i am here with my husband and son visiting .. i haven't ruled out our marriage could work, he wants to so badly .. but at the same time i haven't ruled out i might want to move on in another direction ... to many decisions i can't face right now. I just knew that Madison was my life and shadow and as i sit and cry for her, i know i have a son who desparately needs me ... i don't understand why i can't be ok with that!!! Here i go rambling again ... thank though i do need it.
Hi my dear sister, that is wonderful new's! It's not a blood clot, and she's going to be OK, wow, you all must be so relieved, yes, thank You Lord for answering all prayers said for our dear sister Selva'a niece! Poor little one, she's still got a road ahead of her, with her broken leg, all that bruising, etc., but the main thing is she's going to make it, I'm SO happy for you all!
You know we'll still keep her in our prayers, love you my sister,
Lots of Hugs too,
Hi our dear AngelMom Laura, I'm SO happy to see a Post from you! This is a neat place and as I said, you think of it as your Circle too, we all need a place where we can say whatever we want, how we're feeling, (honestly) and know we'll all be supported and loved for it, so please, wipe the word 'rambling' out, it just doesn't apply here, :-). Yes, I went to Madison's Memorial site, whew, as soon as I saw her picture, she grabbed hold of my heart, what a sweet little Angel she is! I did write at your Guestbook, and i dropped back in yesterday, knowing it was a difficult day for you, but my Post had disappeared. I did see though that Selva and Chris had posted also, so perhap's I did it wrong?
Oh gee sweetie, today is the day that set everything in 'motion' so to speak, no wonder you're feeling the way you do, and yes, I understand just how difficult this summer will be for you, all those memories of last year are rushing back at you. Don't be too hard on yourself though, your 'head' may have told you you'd be without Madison, but your heart is saying otherwise, there's no way you could ever prepare for the myriad of emotions, pain that you're feeling, nothing can ever prepare us for the way our live's are turned upside down when we lose one of our precious children. Our live's are split in two, the one we had with our child in it, and now the one we have to slowly rebuild, as I said, it hasn't even been a year for you yet, so you're feeling all sort's of emotions, feelings that you've never had to deal with before, on top of the pain and grief. It's so complicated and complex, isn't it. Don't feel badly that you can't make any decision's right now, it's virtually impossible to do right now, all the other Mom's here including myself are saying, 'Yes, that's how I feel/felt too'. I remember standing in the grocery aisle, oh, about 8 mos. after my Shane passed, and I couldn't even make the simple decision over whether to buy a can of peas or a can of carrots, what would have been once a simple decision was now a monumental one, expert's in this field advise us not to make any major decision's the first year or so, we're just not capable of thinking logically, our heart of course is ruling our thought's and life right now. I'm so sorry to read that about you and your husband, Dad's do quite often grieve differently from Mom's, and seem to come to term's with it sooner, but I don't know if that's something that's affecting you and your hubby. It's so hard when you have another young child, your son does need you badly right now, but there are time's when you just can't be there emotionally for him right now. Did I say that this is so complicated and complex, it affect's every aspect of your life, in way's that other's can never really understand, thankfully so. You are doing something very important though, you're talking about how you feel, and that take's courage, by talking and letting it all out, letting your tears come, that's really important for you, it take's more courage to do that than to keep everything bottled up within. Please don't be reluctant to talk with your Dr. about how you're feeling, many of us had to do that, there's never any shame in asking for help! You're in my heart and prayers, as well as your family, and as I said, this is your Circle now too, so you post here anytime, sometime's we just need an 'ear' and you'll find that here too,
Much love & lots of Angel Hugs,
My Dear Sandy,
Please do not feel that I have forsaken you or our circle of love!
Our DSL provider was down throughout Southern CA for 3 days! Talk about panic! Its finals time here for our college and high school students and the internet is their foremost resource for their studies and communications.
We left early Friday morning (May 28th) for a swim meet in Las Vegas, Nevada, without being able to get online to check email, postings etc. We arrived home this evening (Monday) and have been busily checking in and out after being away from home for 4 very full and exhausting days!
And so it is with much heartfelt love and prayers that I offer my belated wishes to you and your beautiful son Shane. May God bless you always with the desires of your heart!
With much love and Prayers,
Just to let you know how fortunate you are that gas is only $1.99 per a gal. This past holiday weekend in Southern California it was a whopping $2.35 -2.59 per gallon! We were thrilled that in Las Vegas we filled up our gas guzzler at $2.19 per gallon! Maybe it is time to bring out the horse and carriage and we all could lead a much “slower-paced” if not a more resourceful one!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful poems with us all. And Please let our Dear Sandy know that now days all you have to do is get a "disposal digital camera" and they will process your pictures on a cd for you! Know excuses or scanners needed! Photos for everyone!
(Got it Sandy?;} }
Love and Prayers,
Please know that we are praying for your little niece, that God will give her strength to heal quickly and that she will overcome the trauma and painful memories.
Speaking of photos...you promised me a picture of your beautiful Solange! We'll trade!
One last thing, I set up our swim team (70 members) as a 501(c)3 nonprofit public benefit corporation...Let me know if I can assist you in any way.
With much love,
I would like to share with you all that I am scared to death to face the days and months that are leading up to the first anniversary and birthday of my beloved son, Sean-Michael. I do know that it is only with God’s strength and grace that I am able to survive.
Last August we were at a Junior Olympic swim meet where my son Sean had done extremely well, placing in several events and achieving personal bests. He was the type of person that felt that hard work and determination took over where talent left off. We were sitting under the shade cabana waiting for the next posting of events for our team when Sean and I began discussing the ins and outs of mental training and motivation. He said to me “MOM, HOW DO YOU EAT AN ELEPHANT?” and without hesitation, I replied “ONE BITE AT A TIME!” That small wise crack soon became the mainstay and preserver of my sanity and being.
It is now with one bite at a time, that I am taking on the most excruciating and horrendous ELEPHANT of all time…mourning the loss of my child.
It is with one day, one night, one minute, one second and one bite that I learn to cope. On the days that I fee like I just can’t endure another bite of grief, I remind myself that if I can manage to get through the next moment, the next hour, the next day, the next night, that the “elephant” is shrinking to a more manageable size.
In reality I know that I may never eat the whole thing, but at least I can try.
Please know that my prayers are with you all.
With much love, Marci