I meant. God Bless you. Selva
Hi my dear Angel in Chief. Well my sister decided to call it off today at 4pm so I got a chance to get into the net. I went through therapy, still having pains in my right leg specially my ankle, Have an appt with the Dr. on monday, I will go to take "the pee slides" to the other Dr tomorrow, could not do it today, guess what? I have not done MY taxes yet, I think I will ask for an extension (have to pay ha ha ). Our sister Verna has a hand full but in a way I am sure it is helping her, I wish I had a little one to take care of. Love you my sister. Selva
So glad to see your posts today…They definitely sounded a little brighter!
I think that one of the hardest things to deal with is other people and their reaction to your grief.
I know that at first you feel as if “All eyes are on you.” And it’s true, they are watching you. Eventually everyone gets back into their normal routines; however as grieving parents our lives have been traumatically changed forever.
It’s been 7 months since my beloved son and friend Sean-Michael so tragically left this world. I have learned so much in this short time. I have made MOURNING my job. I had decided that if I were ever going to get past any of this…the anger, guilt, pain etc., I needed God’s help. I could not do it alone. I actually called out to him in such anguish! “GOD YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME OR FORSAKE ME! I clearly had to focus on leaning on Him and not myself. I learned that MOURNING is actually the process of trying to cope with and manage our loss. The pain of losing a child will never go away; it is up to us to find ways to live with the pain.
I looked up the word “COPE” in the dictionary.
“COPE -Handle something successfully and to deal successfully with a difficult problem or situation.
I then looked up “COPE “in a thesaurus; the synonyms (same meaning) for “COPE” are… Survive, manage, deal with, handle, get by, hack it, and muddle through.
The antonym (opposite) for cope is “CRUMBLE”.
The synonyms for “CRUMBLE” are…Disintegrate, collapse, fall down, fall apart, and fall to pieces.
It is up to us to decide if we are going to “COPE OR CRUMBLE”. For myself, I have had to focus not so much on the loss (which is unbearable) but on how I am going to get through it. I read, I pray, I write (journal) and I talk to others. I feel like I owe it to my family and friends to do the best “job” that I possibly can with managing my own grief and heartache. I know that my son Sean would be beside himself if he thought that he were the cause of his Mom's crumbling! In my heart, I can hear him say to me "Mom, you are the Provides 31 woman. I am so proud."
with much love, Marci~.~
Lisa- part 2
We are the founders of an USA Swimming team (the governing body of the Olympic sport of competitive swimming). This is the grass roots of swimming our job is to educate train and encourage and otherwise foster the sport. Our team consists of 5 year olds (munchkins) to the elite college level. We practice and train all year round in an outdoor pool. 5 day- 6 days per week 1-2 hours per day. Our elite group does 5:00 am workouts as well as evening! We travel 2-3 times per month to meets throughout CALIF and Nevada (Las Vegas). For us, it’s always an unending cycle of practices and meets. We have to schedule “LIFE” around swimming! My husband is also a General Contractor, he basically tries to schedule a few major jobs so that we can eat and the remainder of our life is swimming. The glory for us is the swimmers. Loving them, watching them grow and learn and making a real impact in their lives. We have been to graduations, funerals, weddings and baby showers. Many of our swimmers go away to college or go into the military, they all come back to visit. Swimming is a lifetime sport.
Lisa, you live in Texas? I have always wanted to visit. My oldest son had a pen-pal from Texas and he would tell of his wild and wooly antics of squirrel and rabbit hunting! We live aprox. 80 miles north of Los Angeles in the high desert. Yes, Sandy we have been known to have four seasons here too! Only not quite as much snow and cold as I expect Canada gets! In fact, we really haven’t had any snow in a couple of years but all of our local schools get snow days just in case!
Right now it is wild flower season. We have the California Poppy in full bloom-like in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy lies down to sleep in the field of Golden (orange) Poppies. It is absolutely beautiful! That is why I have told Sandy that they are ”paving paradise” More and More people keep building here on smaller and smaller lot sizes. So far I am not moving, my Hubby wants to, but I am not ready. I would love to be closer to the Ocean and my daughter, but my Hubby is dedicated to the community and our swim team. If we move it will probably be a little further out of town but still close enough commute to the pools. For the time being, we put up with progress and all the noise, traffic, and crime that it may bring!
With much love, Marci~.~
Dear Selva, Did I ever tell you that I have family in Florida? My dearest niece Jenny lives with her hubby and two boys near Hialeah. I don’t know if it’s near you or not. I have told my Hubby that if we ever go to Florida that we are going to visit Selva! I have told him about all of us at the circle of love. Sometimes I have to explain exactly who someone is and the circumstances of our grief. I think that he finds it comforting knowing that there are others who are experiencing such heart-wrenching pain.
Selva, I most definitely agree with you that we can’t blame others for not understanding our pain, because “they do not know THE PAIN” and that you must cry whenever and wherever you are. Tears are Pain leaving the body. When you said “it is MY Pain, so I have to feel it no matter” that is what I feel is the first step in healing. This is our loss, and we have the every right to cry and experience the many other reactions that goes with THE PAIN and hurt of losing our child.
We haven’t done our taxes or anyone else’s yet either! My Mom is a licensed tax preparer and I have been known to knock out of few dozen returns myself! I do love working with the numbers too! I hope that you are feeling well and take a few extra days off after the 15th so you might come up for a little air!
With much Love, Marci~.~
"Come out, come out, where ever you are" (Glenda the good witch-Wizard of Oz!)
Hope that you are doing well and that you are surviving "Driving with Weston". You are much braver than I am. Evan, my 16 year old notified me that he is taking drivers training over spring break. I don't know about that yet. The only training I think he should be doing relates to the basics, potty training(scrubbing the toilet)and cleaning his room! He only wants what every 16 year old wants-FREEDOM! I guess they think that once they drive they are on their way! We don't have to bust their bubble and by telling them that they actually become enslaved?! a slave to paying for gas and upkeep of their car, and not to mention INSURANCE (sore subject for both of us).
Anyway,I have been thinking about you. Hope all is well.
Verna, I am jealous of you and your niece! I love little girls and my family doesn't have any and my daughter is 21! I guess I will have to wait (forever)for grandbabies! Take care of yourself!
Dear anglemoms and dads,
the following address to the GRIEFSHARE website. They offer a free 365 daily devotional regarding grief.
Love and prayers to all. Marci~.~
Hi my dear Lisa! I knew our dear Maric's words to you would be comforting, you're still in your early stages yourself, and I know you're still experiencing a lot of pain.
Yes, I do wonder sometimes about some of the pic's we get in e-mails, the military one's today seemed realistic, but like you I wonder about some of them, if they're really a little too 'out there', I'll check first with Snopes.com or Urban Legends to make sure I'm not sending something that isn't true, but I'm sure the odd one has slipped by me, :-). Thanks for the terrific one's you send me, some of them I'm falling off my chair laughing!
Yep, love my little 'Nini' (my nickname for her) but it's the same with me Lisa, my sis and bro-in-law live in a different city from us, not all that far, a 2 and a half hour drive, so I don't get to see her as often as I'd like, but we have some very interesting phone conversations, ha, ha. My other nieces and nephews are all grown now and young adults themselves, so it's nice to still have a young one to spoil, :-). Ah, I bet your's all love their Aunt Lisa! Gee yes, what a difference between girls and boys, especially when you have boy's yourself and go through all the different phases of raising them. I live in the EST Lisa, so there's probably what, 2, 3 hrs. difference in time? I know when our dear Donna call's me from New Mexico, there's a 2 hrs. time difference, but I'm not sure about Texas??
Hang in there, dear one, eventually we do learn to live with our pain, loss, but we never forget, I also have my moments.
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Hello to all ANGEL MOMS, SANDY, VERNA, SELVA, LISA, DEBBIE, MARCI, SOU, and anyone else that I don't know,
Greetings from Illinois! Spring is here, praise the Lord! I always think of all of you often, it's been very difficult for me to post very often, as my family has been going through a tremendous battle this past winter. As many of you may know, my husband was diagnosed with Hepatacellular Carcinoma (liver cancer) in Nov. He went through surgery in Dec to burn the tumors, was successful, but now we are facing a liver transplant in the near future which they say is the only cure, 6 months to a year on the waiting list. He is listed through Minnesota, his care is through Mayo Clinic, they are the best! We are believing for a healing so that transplant is not necessary. Anyway, I just wanted everyone to know what's been going on with me. It has been very stressful but we have a good support network from family and church family and a small group that we belong to, they have all been very helpful and encouraging.
~~~SANDY, I want to thank you for remembering Joe's birthday on March 7th. It was his 29th. This year was especially hard, I don't know why. I miss him so much. I know you had your 5th anniversary on the 15th of Shane's passing, I hope all is well with you. I commend you Sandy for keeping up this support for all grieving parents, it is a must and look how God has blessed it, it continues to help so many moms and dads! God Bless you.
~~~DEBBIE~~~CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!On the announcement of you expecting and not only one but TWO, how AWESOME, God is good and knows just what we need. And He knew He could count on Debbie with two little ones!!!
~~~I pray for all of you new to this circle of prayer and support that God has put together for His purpose. He loves each and everyone of you and wants to heal your broken hearts. We will never get over our loss but we can heal and learn to cope with it the best way we know how, I like what MARCI wrote of the explanations of COPE and CRUMBLE, it is our choice in how we deal with it, it has changed us forever and we have to learn to live our lives without our children and I believe the only way we can truly do that is by letting God in and surrender it totally over to His control! He knows our pain, for He gave up His only Son. The Movie "The Passion' said it all, the suffering He went through for us was tremendous, what we all saw in that movie was probably even much worse in reality. I was also deeply moved by Mary's love for her son Jesus, so much so that I sobbed all day after I saw it. I think every mother that has lost a child could relate to her 'passion' for her son Jesus. I have a mcuh deeper understanding now of Christ's suffering for my sins.
~~~My prayer is: My Dear Heavenly Father, I come before You today and surrender my life over to You and ask for Your peace and comfort in the hearts of all these grieving moms in this circle of prayer. I pray for healing in their hearts of their loss of their precious child, help them to COPE and not to Crumble, help them to make the choice to give their lives over to Your control so that they can learn to Cope with their loss. I ask this in Your precious Name Jesus, Amen.
God's Blessing to all of you and I will post from time to time.
P.S. SANDY, I wanted to tell you that God did bless me with seeing a 'Dove' on Joe's birthday, we just happened to be on our way up to Rochester Mayo Clinic that day for more testing for the week and we just pulled out of the driveway and there was a dove along the side of the road, we were on our way to the cemetary before our trip to pay our respects to him on his birth-
day. God is so good to continue His gift to me in that way. Our oldest son was with us so he got to see it too!!! It was the first dove I had seen all winter! Just wanted to share that with you.
Hello my dear sister, it was really late when I came to the Circle last night, so I only got as far as our dear Lisa, and then the sandman came, :-).
I'm glad Nancy called it an early day yesterday, she must be so exhausted too, the both of you must be dreaming about numbers! So today is the day to drop off the 'pee slides', ha, ha, well, it's good that they're moving fast on it, and you'll know your results quickly, instead of having to wait! Ah mi sister, your right leg and ankle are still causing you a lot of pain, you're probably overdoing it too, glad you're still going for your Therapy and seeing your Dr. on Monday, it's a slow go healing all those fractures you sustained in the accident, but I think you're doing remarkably well, and there's no point in me telling you to slow down, I know you like to be on the go, :-). How could you have time to do your own taxes, but hey - if you have to pay this year, no big rush to get them done! We got a little bit back, so we did our's early, :-) Chris has to pay big time too, so he's not a happy person right now. It's TGIF, but not for you and Nancy, give her a Hug from me too, and when April 15th comes, you should both take a little vacation, yes, our dear Miss V has her hand's full, but I think she like's it,(the nieces and grandchildren) and it does help her too, although I know she must be worried about her niece. Please take care of yourself, love you, and hope to hear from you this weekend if you're not too busy,
Lots of love & Bear Hugs,
Thank you ! everyone that posts in stephanies site. we made it through the 6 month day. now on with the rest of the 1st year. You're all in my prayers. Chris
Hello our dear Yvonne!! Gosh, it's so good to hear from you, I've been wondering how you and your dear hubby have been doing, so I'm very happy to see a Post from you!! Miss you too here, but I know this is a difficult time for you and your family. I pray your hubby get's the call soon, he's under the best of care re the Mayo Clinic! Oh, I can only imagine dear Yvonne how stressful this is for you, your husband and your family, God love you all, I'm glad to hear that you've got support around you, that really help's to make a difference. Your grandchildren must be growing so fast, I know what a delight and joy they are to you both, and I hope your other children are still doing alright, they must be so worried about their Dad and you too! Hey, I would never forget your precious Joe's birthday, or Anniversary, you and I are around the same time frame in our loss, I had a difficult time with Shane's Anniversary this year, and you had a difficult time with Joe's birthday, I think it's because we're sort of in the 'middle' years, and that's why it hit us so hard, but we all know that this never really goes away, you just do your best in whatever way, to learn how to live with it. OH, you saw your Dove - I'm so happy for you, God is so good to us grieving Moms, and your Dove was another sign for you that your Joe is there with you during this worrisome time for you and your family! Glad you DID share that, it warm's my heart. You saw the Movie too, what an experience, that's what I call it, profoundly touched me, and yes, Our Lady (Mary) is someone we can all relate to in our own grief.
Again, one of your beautiful prayers for all, please keep us update if you can, you know we all care, and even when you're not posting, you're always in our love and prayers, may Our Lord wrap you all in His most loving, gentle arms, and give you some peace, and His strength,
Much love & lots of tender hugs,
Good to hear that Chris, I know it's far from easy, but one moment at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time, and you and Mike cry, let the tears out, you only slowly begin to heal from the awful pain by letting it out,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Hello dear Godslove4u, AngelMom Ebony,
Our thoughts, love and prayers are with you today on your precious Aislanique's birthday, you'll get through this day, I promise, lean heavily on God,
Love & Angel Hugs,
Hello nomondenyero, our thoughts, love and prayers are with you today also, this is such a bittersweet day for you, your precious daughter's birthday, and also the Anniversary of your son's passing, I pray that God give's you the strength and peace to be able to celebrate with your little daughter, and to cope with your son's passing, God love you dear one,
Love & Angel Hugs,
His peace and strength to you too our dear Ang, I know this is also a difficult month for you too, you know you're in our love and prayers too,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Angelo asked me to post that Angela's murderer got sentenced to 9 years to life today....he will be elligible for parole in 2013....and his file is stacked full of letters from family to not grant parole for about 30 years from today....angelo will fly home sunday....there is a nice article on angelo in the Orlando Sentinal but I cannot access it...so if anyone has a password for it, please get the article and send to me Email Angela
Father will see killer learn fate This is the article to click on if you can access it.
Thanks and Angelo sends his love and greetings to you all....
Bless YOU Marci!!!! Thank you for sending the article!!!!
Love Angela xoxo
Hi Yvonne so great to hear from you, Ay my dear sister, we will be storming Heaven for your hubby to get the transplant, you know my daughter Solange was an Organ Donor so i know how important this is for him, I pray that people will be more aware of becoming Organ donors, after all, when we leave this Earth, we don't need our body parts anymore, and still we can help others whose time is not ready to go. I am so proud of my daughter! I am involved with Life Alliance, here in Miami, Solange's picture is in their brochures and all, I will pray very very hard so your husband will get a so much needed organ, you can count on my prayers and of course all your sisters here on our Circle of Love, please keep us up to date, you know our prayers are with you 24/7 Love Selva
Hi Marci. God Bless You my dear sister, we are so new at this and yet you are reaching out to help other Angel Moms, yes I know it helps to reach out, but remember , cry if you must, be angry if you must, let it out when you must, (excuse my spelling after all I am cuban), but I am writing with my heart and there is no gender in that, we are here to help one another, we understand THE PAIN, so if you need to let it out, we will be here for you my dear sister, I'm into this PAIN for 19 months, and HECK I miss my daughter sooooooo much, yes I have to Cope, but I need HIS help. Love you my dear sister, I am in valley days. Love Selva
Ay, my dear, dear sister, I told you not to worry about posting, everyone here understand's, when one of us is having a very bad go, and I know your valley days have been so hard for you, everyone understand's when one of us just can't post! You've had a very difficult week too, and you've been working so, so hard, please my sister, use the tape tonight, get some rest, all of our hearts, love and prayers are with you and all, once again I'm placing you under the care of Our Lady, and let your feeling's out, you know you can always safely let them out here, love you mi sister,
Hugs too, Sandy
Good Morning dear AngelMoms
Our dear Miss V wrote about her niece, she's in Intensive Care and is Critical, Miss V ask's for prayers from us that she will be healed, and/or God's will be done and strength and comfort for the family.
Thank you all my dear sisters, and I know our dear Miss V is grateful that she can count on us,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
I also em'd the Prayer Warriors about Dear Miss V's neice and some have written back with their prayers so I have fwd'ed them on to Verna for strength.
Also posted prayer request in CF&L on the thread prayer requests by Caseyp57.
Here is a link to get there if you like:
Love you All!!!
Hi my dear sister Verna, please know that I(we) are storming Heaven for your dear niece, keep on pressing on my dear sister, and by this time you know that whatever happens WE CHOSE OUR LIFES BEFORE COMING HERE, only He knows why, but in the meantime, I will keep you and your niece in my prayers 24/7, I promise. Love you my dear sister. Selva