Dear Sisters and Brothers!
Thank you so much for your prayers to get thru the awful day that my mom and sister took their lives on. It was extremely difficult this year as I have integrated all my alters now and so it was me and me alone, plus you and my loving Lord who helped me get thru the day. Even the next day was difficult and I felt like I was in shock. Migraine and fibro pain was unbelievable. Saw my dr and he gave me heavy duty painkillers to stop the pain enough for me to sleep...have been sleeping almost non-stop from the stress...i'm sure you mom's and dad's know what I'm talking about...I have no idea how you get thru this b/c this was my mother and sister, not my child. My deepest sympathies to all of you!!!
Still have the migraine from the weather, we have a chinook, and the pressure drops and Calgary is Canada's highest migraine city in Canada.
Thank you for all your emails and prayers...I know your help got me thru this horrible day...and my little sissy too...it was very hard for her this year too...my older sister was like a mom to young sissy...9 years diff...7 years with me and sissy...and sissy turns 40 on march 18, mom's b/d is march 17 and my son sean is march 16. Sissy hates her birthday and hates the month of march period. I hate Oct b/c dad died in it and my birthday is in Oct.
But it is progress for me to get thru it on my own without alters to take over for me...I have worked very hard on my recovery and I would never want to go back in time after the progress i have made.
Thank you dear sister Verna for your lovely poem you made for me and I'll get it up on a page in a couple of weeks...still want to rest up...and I made a new page for my mom this year (I make one every year) if you care to see it: Click Here
Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes, and Dear sister Selva, thank you for your loving message!
With love, Angela xoxo
Hi dear Ang, a very loving tribute page to your mother, God bless her. I'm happy for you that the day is now over, these special days are so hard! Ah, that's too bad you're a migrane sufferer, the Chinook always bring's such warm weather, :-) Here is southern Ontario all the snow has gone, hurray, and our temp.'s are in the seasonable range, Spring is here!
Take care of yourself dear one and I'm glad that our prayer's helped you on a very difficult day,
Love & Angel Hugs,
People say I’m the life of the party
Cos' I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing
loud and hearty
Deep inside I’m blue
Outside, I’m masquerading
Inside, my hope is fading
Just a clown, since you put me down
My smile is my make - up
I wear since my break up with you
So baby, baby take a good
look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears.
Tracks of My Tears, Linda Ronstat
For the past two days, I have been sitting at my desk, trying to clear my muddled mind so that I can some how manage the piling paperwork I have so neglected. Lately I’ve got too many cobwebs in my head and not enough brains!
Selva, I keep hearing your voice whispering to me tell me over and over again… "sometimes it helps to work on your books etc, it will keep your mind busy for a while." And you know your right. It does help a little.
Why is it just when you feel as if you were actually “on top of things” something comes along and puts you right back on the bottom again?
My desk and work-area are extremely cluttered. I value each and every stack of misplaced and jumble papers that are piled high in a somewhat systematic approach. If one stack begins to grow taller than I am at 5’1”, I know that it is time to start fresh with a new stack!
I was looking around my desk searching for the contract I had previously printed when I thought what would happen if... a gigantic gust of wind came in and WHOOSH! Everything is gone off my desk and scattered throughout my office. There are papers and files everywhere! Behind and under my desk and the printer, on the floor and even on the ceiling fan! It looks as if a twister came in and tore up everything in its path. Just when my stacks of papers were more or less manageable, they are wiped out and I’m left with more disarray and confusion than before!
And so it is with life… Just when I believe I’ve got it somewhat manageable again, a tumultuous “typhoon” comes along that just about wipes me out.
With much love and prayers to all,
Just wanted to let you know that your "rambling" is AOK with me! Especially on those days that I can't "ramble" for myself!
With love and Prayers,
Selva, Thank you for caring and loving us all even with your unbearable loss of your beautiful Solange. We all know and share your pain. Thank you for being so loving...It helps us all.
I guess it's you and I. The newbies. The only benefit that we may have is that we can learn from those who have walked a little longer in their loss. Grief, it sucks big time! Am I in a mood or what? Anyway, I hope that all is well with you...
My Dear friend and sister, Sandy,
I am in "RARE" form tonight. I think that I have gone past the tears today to darn right "ANGER."
This week my son Matthew went to talk to the Paramedics and Fire Capt. about Sean-Michael. Matthew is very level-headed and has been a coach, lifeguard, and elite swimmer for 10 years. He understands the ins and outs of Emergency Response and Rescue. He wanted to see the acident report and to find out what went wrong.
They admitted that they did not follow protocol. They only sent one man to check Sean and he pronouced him without thoroughly checking him. His report and the coronors do not support each other. THEY DID NOTHING TO SAVE HIM. They could have at least tried. THEY DID NOTHING. NOT EVEN FOR SHOW.They didn't do their job. Sean was strong and had a very strong heart. He was training for the olympics and his pulse rate was very efficient and lower than the average person. They left his car on top of him for FOUR HOURS! They could have used the air bags to lift it off earlier, but since they PRONOUCED him they had to wait for the coroner to come to the scene.
I have been trying to get this out of my mind all week. Had it been me, I would have done everything possible to save a life. My husband has rescued several people...One a family that their car rolled over. He and another passerby had to dig out so they could smash the windows to get them out of the vehicle before it caught fire. I just don't understand. For the rest of my life I will carry with me the thought of how my son Evan reacte by taking a swing at the paramedic because he wouldn't help save his brother.
Today, our Insurance co. called and said that our policy doesn't cover anything because this was an "INCIDENT" not an "ACCIDENT." An Incident because no one was driving at the time. I can't believe it! What the hell do we pay for insurance for? I can't tell you the premiums that we have paid through out the years and how many claims we could have summitted but did not bother. They are within their legal loopholes. There is nothing that we can do. It's not the about the money. Sheesh!
I am pissed, I'm mad and I'm sick and tired of this all. ALL I WANT IS MY SON TO COME HOME! Whew! I'm done.
I know you probaily didn't see that coming did you? Hopefully, with Gods grace, I will be able to sleep tonight and wake up in the morning in a little bit better mood,. I do appreciate you all.
I have been praying for you and your family. I can't imagine losing my Mom and my sister! I'm very close to both of them. As for losing a child, believe me it is a nightmare that will never go away. You once told me that your son was also named Sean-Michael and that you would pray for me. How old is your Sean and why did you name him Sean-Michael? When you said that you would pray for me it made me feel as if someone was on my side. When I couldn't pray for myself just knowing that someone else would pray on my behalf is a wonderful feeling. Thank you.
Dearest Sister Marci!!! xoxo(((((Marci)))))
Thank you hon for your message. My son Sean Michael is 23 March 16. I named him Sean after Sean Connery, the actor. Michael just seemed to go well with Sean and I have always liked Michael and now that I'm a Christian and know Michael fought in heaven it just seems to fit him so well.
I'm so glad you felt relief when I said I would pray for you...also when I am loaded down with grief from Prayer Requests, my spirit groans in utter gasps to our Father for everyone...
sometimes it gets so heavy I can barely breathe...but I know this is my work from the Lord...
Not only did my mom and sister take their lives, but also my brother took his July 10, 2000. It is only by the grace of God that I am still here. I still have my sissy Sue and we are the only ones left from the family of 6.
Please email me Marci, I want to share something with you. Click to email ang
May you have peace my dear sister.
Love to all of you Mom's and Dad's.
Thank you hon for your prayers. You all made a difference in me and sissy getting thru this horrible anniversary.
Hi Everyone! ~ I came here this morning just to read and see how everyone is doing, and to let you all know that I am doing OK, presently. Still stressed at bit because so much is going on right now ... But, as I said in a previous post or maybe in an email to those I have email addresses for; I am counting my overall blessings and thanking God from the bottom of my heart for the many blessings He sends to me on a daily basis, in spite of whatever else is going on at the time. I know God knows how grateful I am to Him and how much I have grown to love Him ... But I personally feel the need to begin praising Him more and more at the start of each new day! I thank Him for life, for family, for friends, and for the many, many other blessings He sends to us daily! This is a personal need I am expressing because as I have shared so many, many times before, there have been times when I was so very angry and blamed God for allowing my child to die so suddenly, so tragically, and without warning! I wanted to know why was it that, of the seven people involved in that tragic crash, my child was the only one to die! What had she done to deserve such a tragic death? Why not at least allow me the chance to say good bye? Did God really expect me to pray to Him at a time like this??? My answer to you is, "Of course not!" God knew the depth of my pain better than I did! It was during these dark, dark, ... I mean, "really dark days," that I could not pray and thank Him for anything!!! I was Soooo angry, and Soooo hurt, and felt that God had let me and my child down! Once I made it through those dark valley days, I began to realize that what happened to my beloved daughter was not God's fault, not Diane's fault, and that she did not suffer any pain! And that if not for Him, and the help He provided through others, I would not have made it out of that deep dark valley! So, I say to all our precious newly bereaved angel moms and angel dad, Angelo; If what you are feeling is anger, and if you don't feel like you are ready to go to God in prayer, please know that it is normal to feel and express it! I sure did! And, so has a lot of other angel moms & dads. Our heavenly Father knows what you are feeling ... And He knows that the only way you can get rid of that built up anger is to feel it, confess it, express it, & allow others to stand in the gap and pray you through that horrible darkness, where you feel that God has let you down! It is so important that we recall that Jesus cried out to God also, when He was going through His deep, dark valley time! Jesus felt that God had forsaken Him too! And, as the saying goes, ... The rest, is history! :)
I will try to post again soon! Marci, thanks for checking in with your wonderful posts to all! I was so touched with your sharing as I read each and every post. You had me laughing about your records and my eyes swelled up with tears as I read all the things you've had to endure in addition to the greatest pain a mom will ever know. There are some information that I need to share with you in an email that may prove to be helpful. My email address is: email@example.com Again, thanks for sharing all. We never know what another angel mom or dad may have gone through and just maybe, what you have shared they will be able to relate to; thus realizing that they are not alone. It is by sharing some of our most hurtful experiences [in addition to our loss], that our crosses [in time], become a bit easier to bear! Also, Marci ... I dearly love that song that you shared! :) It is still one of my favorites from days gone by! And of course the words hold a much deeper meaning now!
God's peace & blessings,
Sandy, now you know I had to sample that peach cobbler! Ha-ha! Thanks for your kind words concerning the work I do with MADD. Tuesday's meeting was a success. I do believe we are making a difference.
Selva, my dear sister, I felt your pain and couldn't help but get all teary eyed when I read your post. Just remember you may have to pass the cemetery, but you do not have to go there unless or until you feel you need too! And if that time never comes, it is OK because your beautiful Solange you carry in your heart always! Sometimes when I am sitting at my computer, I close my eyes and think of my Diane, and I can actually feel her hug me and give me a kiss on my right cheek! :) I am Soooo proud of you for having the courage to drive again so soon! I know that your valley days will come when you least expect, but that is where you are right now. Remember, each of us must grieve at our own pace. And, you will be around here for a long, long time because God ain't through with you yet! We are storming heaven with prayer for you!
Love & Angel Hugs,
Hi my dear sister, friend, Marci! YES, grief suck's big time! No argument from me, dear one, and I know the other Mom's will agree too. When you're in the early stages and quite often on some day's with those of us further along, we'll feel the same way, we don't WANT this grief, we only want our child back! You go right ahead and vent dear Marci, no 'mask's' ever needed here, you can always be in as rare a form as you want to be, you never have to hold back here, it's good to get your anger out, and you know we all honour your feelings, and have experienced them ourselves.
Ouch, reading that report would have sunk my heart even deeper in my chest, and I would be overcome with anger too! Not that I advocate physical attack's, but I don't blame Evan one bit for swinging at that Paramedic. Now that you've read the report, or had Michael tell you of it, you're faced with more pain and question's on top of your already existing grief. I'm so sorry my dear sister that you were hit with that. It has to be playing over and over again in your mind, your hubby's and your other boys, God love you. My heartfelt prayers and love are with you and your family, I can only imagine what a devastating effect this report has had on all of you! I can only say that I firmly believe that when it's your time to be called back home, you are. I know that doesn't offer you much comfort right now, but I pray in time that you will be able to come to some sort of peace over it. The Ins. Co. won't pay for it because they classify it as an 'incident'?? This 'incident' as they term it, took your precious son's life! Not much compassion from them, boy oh boy, you HAVE had a terrible week! You've been tagged-teemed by not only the report, but by the Ins. co. as well, small wonder to me why you're so angry. I truly pray that today IS a better one for you, but if not, hey - we understand, I pray that Our Lord surround's you all with His comforting Angels, and give's you the spiritual, physical and emotional strength you and your dear family need's right now. And never forget that we're always here for you, if you feel like ranting today, tomorrow, you go right ahead, our love and support are always with you!
I remember that song from Linda also, it's very a propos in our live's now, thank's for posting it, I have it here somewhere on tape, but haven't played it in year's. If there's anything more we can do for you as our dear sister Selva said, please let us know, you have a voice here, and you know by now that we want to help you in any way.
Much love & Tender Hugs, Prayers,
Hello AngelMoms and Dads,
This will be short; I am still sick. YUK! I started with the bronchitis and now have some kind of icky crud (my doc's term) that my son Weston also has. Weston and I have been spending some serious quality time together. My husband and daughter have been staying very far away and when they do "visit", they dress like the guys did in the movie "Outbreak" If you haven't seen it, just use your imagination...EVERYTHING is covered. My husband is a medical supply account mgr and you would not believe what we have in the house. Anyway...seeing Savannah and Russ coming in like we have the Martian Flu was funny the first time; not so funny now.
Marci,it looks like you and I are walking the same walk. Even though Alex was involved in an accident that involved another vehicle, there has been one inconsistency after another. Police told me he was basically dead at the scene, when we got to the hospital (we live near Shreveport, Louisiana but the accident occured in Monroe about an hour and a half away)the doc told us there was nothing they could do (not, we did everything we could) We still got a $10,000 plus medical bill. His new car is totaled but our insurance didn't pay all of the bank note so we are still paying on a car we don't have for a son we don't have. The 18 wheeler that HIT Alex got the max amount from the insurance co, but they still want to sue us for an obscene amt. None of the info I've received adds up. I just want to find out what happened to my boy. If someone said to me Mrs. Merriott, your son was a crappy driver and showed me proof I would be done with it. Sue me, take my money, my house I don't care. But that's not the info I am getting. Everyone wants to cover their own behind and meanwhile no one can speak for Alex. They drug and alcohol tested him (basically dead already, remember?) but did not test the truck driver. My lawyer is getting any info he can on a twisted piece of steel, but no infowas collected at the scene on the mechanical condition of the 18 wheeler. All I know is I won't stop until I know what happened, how it happened, how it could have been prevented and justice for whomever merits it; whether it be Alex or the trucking co.
So, Marci, I guess what I am taking so long to say is if you feel like you have some questions and you are getting the runaround and if you have the desire to take it further, it will be like "eating that elephant"...little pcs at a time. You might get full or sick and tired of eating elephant all the time and have to excuse yourself from the table at some point. Only you know how much you can put up with. I wish you peace in your journey.
p.s. my goodness,I said this wouldn't be long...
I hope you are all doing well, I didn't read the posts for the last two weeks. I stopped working and when I was at home and upgraded our operating system I somehow got rid of our internet connection... it's finally working again!! It's hard to be without the internet, I never knew how much I got used to it!!! Although I couldn't post, I was thinking and praying for each of you here. I pray that God is giving you all the peace of heart we are longing for so much! I have done a lot of (book) reading while I wasn't online and I am at a much better spiritual stage than before. I had a few light valley days but they weren't merely as hard as at the beginning. When I think back few months ago I couldn't even stand listening to music without feeling guilty and now I am attending hip hop classes at the gym and am actually able to enjoy it, I see that I came a long way, Glory be to God. I did a lot of deep thinking since I didn't have anything else to have to concentrat on and I learned that God wants us to be happy without feeling guilty, although our children are gone. I learned that if we don't try to accept the fact that God has taken our beloved children in a time that was too soon for us, we still didn't learn to totally submit to God's will and trust in every thing He does and sends us throughout our lifes. I know it is not as easy as that to be happy but I just take it day by day and pray that the happier days will be more often soon.
Ok, enough said for now, I have a lot of catching up to do to read your posts and my emails... :o)
God bless you all!
Hi my dear sister Marci, oh do I know what you are going through. I remember and for the first time I am going to share this, the night Solange had her accident I knew she was tired, I begged not to go out that night, my last words, Solange there is a limit to everything. She went out anyway, at 3:20 am the police knocked at my door and told me my daughter had an accident, I just went crazy, they realized and offered for them to take my to Jackson Trauma Center, when I heard that I knew it was bad, I called my sister and I screamed please go to Jackson, after that I have no recollection, I went into shock. Marci, it was their time to go, I know it is difficult to accept, after they said Solange was physical dead, I still did not accepted it, my sister had to take me to Jackson's Hospital Phycritist center (please forgive my miss spelling) I still did not accepted it, as a matter of fact I still don't. Please my sister, read and get inform about Life after Live, by Dr Raymond Moody, read about all that we are grieving for and it will give you a little more understanding about death. Our children are not dead, they just moved to another realm, see our love its eternal, so we are still mothers, and our Angels are still our children. Hang on my dear sister, and you know our prayers are with you. Love Selva
Hi my sister Ang. Ay my dear sister, I know you are going through rough pain, don't think that you pain is no as big as ours, you lost your mom and your sis, and that is a BIG PAIN, we understand, our pain is as much as yours in a diferent way but it is hard for you, and be sure that our prayers are with you 24/7. Love you Ang. Selva
Hi Susan we all understand your pain, but pleae my sister, Leave it to God, for sure that everything will come to justice, His justice.He will take care of everything. Please keep coming back here, we will help you , believe it or not, you will find understanding, love and no judgment here. Love Selva
Hi my dear Sue, great to hear from you again, yes my sister you are so right, our children are Ok and finally they finished their mission here on Earth, now they are in Heaven, they are happy and waiting for us, until we finish our mission here on Earth, you know and excuse my way, but no matter Who, Abraham, Jesus, and whoever, our children are all together, and we will be with them. no matter our religions we all believe in God (or whatever you call it) we will be together again, and this time forever. Love you my friend Sue. Selva
Good Morning AngelMoms and Dad's! Every day Beliefnet send's out a "Prayer of the Day" to those who subscribe to it, and the one on Friday describes our Circle to a tee! Here it is:
Prayer for Friendship
You have blessed us, O God,
with the gift of friendship,
the bonding of persons
in a circle of love.
We thank you for such a blessing:
for friends who love us,
who share our sorrows,
who laugh with us in celebration,
who bear our pain,
who need us as we need them,
who weep as we weep,
who hold us when words fail,
and who give us the freedom
to be ourselves.
Bless our friends with health,
wholeness, life, and love.
- Vienna Cobb Anderson
What a prayer!
Hello my dear sister Sou! It's wonderful to see a Post from you - I put out 'a call' last week to you and another AngelMom, you know me, the big worrier, :-) and when you didn't respond I thought ah! I hope she hasn't left us! So I'm VERY happy to see your Post and now I know why you weren't here for a while! You sound much better dear one, I know you still have some valley days, but thankfully they aren't as bad as they once were - your little Sarah will always occupy a piece of your heart, and one day you will see her again.
That's right, I forgot, you're done work now, are you enjoying your time off? Ah, I'm so happy for you dear AngelMom that you've been reading, learning more and your faith has deepened. Good for you being able to enjoy the hip-hop in your exercise classes, it mean's you're slowly starting to enjoy life a little more and the precious gift it is that God give's to us. I agree, we have to totally trust God and submit to His will in our live's, not our's. But for any Mom or Dad who is still newly bereaved, and even myself during those first couple of year's, there was no way I could accept that. It only happenend with me after a lot of time had passed. Anyway, VERY glad you're back, and the sun is shining brightly on you once again, :-)
Much love & lots of Hugs,
My dear sister, I know you're still in the valley and you're still suffering physically from your injuries, you're also working your butt off with tax season here, I'll be so happy for you and Nancy when it's over, then I hope you'll slow down a bit and get the much deserved rest you need! Love you my sister, take care of yourself, order's from the Head Office, :-)
Much love & Angel Hugs,
hi my angel moms,
i have been so busy with school and our house and i found out i'm exspecting and the due date is halloween. I have an altrasound on monday and can't wait. My husband and I are so happy. My son Chris is happy for us too. This exsplains why i have been so moody and can't control my emotions. I've been going to church and praying and thinking of my Michael alot and trying to remeber when i was pregnent with him. and this one is different from him and his brother. I believe my prayers where answered and i know michael is very happy too. I miss him so much these last couple of weeks. still haven't been able to see my granddaughter yet and don't know when or if i'll ever be able to untill she is older. she will be in my prayers as well as all you angel moms.
Sandy, Selva, & Barb
I pray for guidence and strenght for you and that god walk by your side with his arms around you and lift you up when your down and continue to give you the courage to go on day to day. i ask this in the name of the father amen.