Prayer Circles

Verna,
Thanks again for your words of wisdom. You have an awesome gift to be able to compose poetry like you do. It is absolutely beautiful. Have you always been a writer?
Lisa

Selva,
How did the test results come out? I hope they didn't find anything else...Juny is so lucky to have you on her side. You keep her on the right track. Is your pain as bad or has it let up some? I know a long time ago my back gave out on me and that was the most excrutiating pain I have ever endured. I pray for you to have a speedy recovery and for the pain to lessen each second of the day.
Lisa

Sandy,
It is a holiday here to in the states, but mostly government, etc. too. I had to work....:( The nerve of some people...I can't believe they actually wrote you because the didn't agree. I think everyone should have their opinions but they don't have to expect everyone else to have the same ones. Sometimes it is best to just keep our opinions to ourselves! Have you heard back from them again? God bless them! They need all the help they can get. We have sun here today too! It is an absolutely beautiful day. It has been raining here for about 10 days off and on. We are way over our expected rain levels already this year. That means it will probably be a HOT, DRY summer.
Peace be with you!
LisaLou

Hi Lisa. That is great news that Christopher is going to Germany, new experiences, new world, more mature. Don't worry he will be OK. The young people need that experience and it will do him good to see how other people live and they will appreciate democracy and the freedom we enjoy in our country. I am feeling just a little better from the fractures, the one that was operated on (my vertebrae) is doing great, but the other ones pelvis and sacrum are still a pain in the a...., but I will be doing OK. Love you my sister and please keep on mind that my prayers are always with all of you my sisters and brothers. Love Selva

Hello to all the angel moms & dads. Thanks for all the birthday wishes for my son Nicholas (Nick). I was away in Bloomington for a class on Nick's birthday and I think that did my a lot of good. We did celebrate his birthday with 16 of his friends the Saturday before, we let off ballons and then we went to lunch. It was really good seeing all of his friends sitting around just talking and having a good time, I know they miss Nick just as much as I do. I haven't had time to read all of the post before. I hope everyone is doing well. Love and hugs to all. Billie

Hello our Lisa Lou, :-) So it was also a Holiday in the U.S., but you too had to work, now is that fair or what, :-)
You sound much better, from your posting's, and that warm's my heart! I hope and pray these hilltop day's hang around for a while, you've had such a hard time lately yourself, God love you.
Wow! Chris is going to Germany on his March break? Good for him, what a wonderful opportunity to see some of Europe, and experience new adventures, it'll open up a whole new 'world' for him, I think it's fantastic! I know, the only other Country I've visited is the U.S., there is nothing more I would love than to travel this World of our's, and see all the wonderful sight's and savour all the different culture's that I only see in Movies, or on tv, ((:-
Rain - you've got rain? I'll gladly share some of this snow with you, :-)
Oh yes, please tell us about the Video when you get it! Look's like it'd be a very good one for anyone who's grieving.
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi our dear Billie, it's terrific to see a post from you, I wasn't certain if you still had access to a Computer or not, but yes, we were all thinking of you on Nikki's birthday. It sound's as though it was a very good day for you and you weren't plunged into valley days over it, Praise God. Ah, that sound's like a very sweet way to celebrate Nikki's birthday, it alway's warm's our hearts when their friends still remember too, they all have their own special memories of Nikki locked in their hearts, :-). I'm so happy for you dear one that it was a celebration of his life and helped to 'soften' the day for you, dear AngelMom.
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Great to see you posting, my dear sister, I know it's hard for you, but we need our Selva around here, :-)
Lots of love & Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Helloooooooooooo Angel Moms & Angel Dads ... [Angelo, Palmer, David, Mike, & all other Angel Dads whose names I don't know or can't recall at the moment!] :) I guess Y'all can tell, I am having a heck of a hilltop day!!! Nothing special going ... Just happy & grateful to still be here! :) I am still hacking away, [The noise I am still making no longer qualifies to be called a cough, so I decided to rename it!] Y'all, I have been so bad today! If I have your email address, I will share some of my joy with you later on tonight. {NO, ...Nothing special going on; just tiny moments of peace & joy for which we all pray!!! Seemingly, for no reason ... But, trust me, ... I know the source from which my joy comes!!! And, I know the reasons why!!! Thank you, angel moms and angel dads for your prayers ... for healing, & moments of peace!!! I pray that God will give you many, many more of those precious moments of healing/peace for which we all pray! God bless all!
Much love, & may you feel Your very own Guardian Angel's warm & tender Spiritual Hug, :)
Yo Miss V.

Helloooo Miss V! You sound like "Miss V's got her groove back", ha, ha!! I'll say you're on a hilltop! Wow, I'm impressed, you remembered hubby names!
Nice to see you so happy and spreading it here, hope it's contagious! Soak up all the SONshine you're getting right now, you can draw on it's reserves for later too! Love ya Miss V,
A Big Spiritual Hug back, :-)
Sandy

Our dear AngelMom Sharon Lee, my heart, love and prayers are with you today on your precious Christie's Birthday. I have a Candle lit for Christie in celebration of her life, and for comfort for you, on this very special day my dear sister. My prayers are with you on this difficult day,
Much love & Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Dearest Sharonlee,
I know our children are having a great party for Christie today in honor of her birthday! Please know my prayers are with you today and every day.
Happy Birthday Christie!

Lisa

Our dear AngelMom Sou, you haven't posted this week yet, I hope and pray you're not ill or experiencing very cloudy days again, it's unusual for you not to post, so I'm just worried, 'worry' is my middle name, :-)
So please post and make me stop worrying, OK, :-)
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hello AngelMoms and Dads.
I pray that everyone feels the peace that comes from ABOVE. Everything is back to normal here (as normal as anything can ever be again)I visited Alex's grave yesterday and as I sat and just let the waves of feelings wash over me I realized that although the sharp pain of his being gone has lessened; the dull ache of just missing my child sooo much will be one I carry forever. I was trying to convince myself that it was okay, because if I didn't feel, then he didn't matter. Does that make sense?
Love and God's grace to all,
Susan

Good morning Sandy and all other Angelmoms!

Unfortunatley I don't have much time so I am just telling you Sandy not to worry about me :o) Thanks for asking, I hope you are doing well also.

We had a little flood (once again) in our house, we spent last night at my mother in laws, since we had to turn off the main water supply. The kitchen is in the garage and waiting to be installed but every time we have little things coming up that need to be taken care of before the kitchen can be installed and we still can't use our bedroom and master bathroom, so we have a huge mess in the house, furniture and kitchenware everywhere. My husband stayded at home today to take care of the leak, I think we need to exchange a wall also, which means that today the kitchen can't be installed again. And the thing is that the installed are waiting at the house and don't know about all this, yet. I hope they won't be too upset.

Other than that, I went to see my therapist on Sunday, she said I have come a long way and tha we should end the sessions. I can still call her if I fall into a crisis, so it's good to know that I made it pretty good and let my baby rest in peace without her always being worried about my pain. I have also started a yahoo group on pregnancy loss, especially for Muslim parents since there is not a lot of support out here, I have 3 members and they are at the beginning of their journey. So I try to help out a bit there.

On my other group, the one with the ladies who need their cervix stitched to hold their pregnancy, two other women got their babies fullterm! So I am starting to hope that one day God willing I will have a brother or sister for my angel Sarah.

Dear Susan, of course it's normal to miss your son, if you weren't, we would be worried! Cry when you feel like it, cry because you miss your son, but try not to cry because you doubt God's will, I know it's hard sometimes but at the end we will join our children in heaven if we have accepted God's will. I hope you will be feeling much better soon, keep up your faith, go to church or temple and get more spiritual healing, that's what is really helping us survive our nightmare.

I will be travelling tonight and come back Sunday. I can't wait to get out of here for a while, I still need to get adjusted to US lifestyle, 10 days of vacation time instead of the 30+ days I am used to from Germany :o(

I wish you all a great weekend, you are always in my prayers.

Love
Sou

Hello dear Susan, terrific to see a Post from you, and I didn't even have to put out 'a call', :-). I'm very happy that your severe painful day's are a little lighter, you've once again weathered a storm and come through and I pray these lighter day's last for a while. Yes, Susan, it make's sense, we all try different coping mechanism's to try to take the piercing pain away.
Our live's are forever changed by our loss, and eventually we do learn how to live with the sadness, underneath it's always there, but it doesn't mean we'll never laugh or enjoy life again, we will it'll just be in a different way. God's peace and love to you on your Journey, and if you happen to slip back don't be disheartened, grief is very much like that. The important thing as our Eva say's is to keep pressing forward. And you know we're always here for you, through the sunny day's, :-) and the stormy one's.
Much love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hello our dear Sou! OK, I can stop worrying about you for now, :-) you posted! Oh gosh, you're really having problem's with your home, but just think, once everything is fixed and your new kitchen installed, you and your hubby will have a nice brand new home to enjoy - until then, :-) you both have to put up with some chaos around you, hope you can return to your own home tonight. Oh, my dear sister, that IS wonderful new's, it really warm's my heart to hear that, your Therapist should know, and thankfully she'll be there if you need her again! Look's like the sun is really out for our dear Sou, :-). Wow, I'm impressed and delighted to hear that you started a Support Group for other Moms who've also experienced such a painful loss, and you're filling a need in your own faith, I know God will bless you tenfold if not more, for answering this call! Maybe I'll drop in as a 'guest' and say Hello, :-). And now you have the hope in your heart to one day, God willing, have a sister or brother for your precious Sarah, I KNOW it will happen for you when you're ready! I'm really happy for you my sister, but you still have to drop in here and say hello, :-) otherwise we'll miss you and wonder how you're doing. Good for you going away for the weekend, I hope you and your hubby have a terrific time! Enjoy it to the fullest, and yes, it's always nice to get away,
salaam my sister,
Much love & lots of Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Dear Sandy, ~ Thank you Soooo much for the update on our dear sister, Selva. I am thankful to God that our prayers were answered according to His will for our dear sister. This may sound crazy, but sometimes, I feel Soooo sorry for God when what we pray for is not within God's will. Even though we know God loves us, and provides us with many blessings throughout our lives, when something bad happens to our loved ones; such as terminal illnesses, or tragic deaths, we begin to question God, our faith, and everything we were taught about a loving and compassionate God. Sometimes, we get angry at God, ourselves, and others. At least, we think we are angry, but really ... We are hurting! And, Lord knows, ... We feel guilty, blame ourselves for things over which we have, or had no control. It is still so hard for me to accept that, because we have been given a free will, we will experience both good and bad in this life. That was the one subject that I had the most difficult time accepting when I read Rabbi Harold Kushner's book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Like the Rabbi, in order to accept that bad things sometime happen for seemingly no reason, and through no fault of our own, I had to accept the explanation that God cannot always keep us and our loved ones from bad things which happen on a daily basis. I had to rethink some of the things I had been taught to believe over a period of many years. It took a lot of time, but with God's help, and the help He sends to me through others I no longer doubt God's unconditional, compassionate and everlasting love! I will always miss my Diane. And, sometimes, it hits me hard! Nothing will ever change that.

Still, no matter how many times my grief overcomes me, I know that God's unconditional love will sustain me, just as it has other parents who are further along on their grief journey. To all newly bereaved parents, ... No matter where you are on your grief journey, that same unconditional love, will sustain you too! Hold on to your faith and always that God is on your side! Thank you, again Sandy, for the update, and may our Lord and Savior keep you in His loving care!
God's peace & Blessings,
Verna

Good Morning Angel Moms,
Hey, when I signed on this morning to post music started playing. The song celebrate was playing. Is this happening to anyone else? It kinda freaked me out, lol...
I am still in valley days but still struggling to get out....I'm not giving up. I don't know if it's because the numbness/shock has worn off or if I am sinking lower into a depression, but I just cannot get Aaron off of my mind. I am reliving the accident, I am visualizing him in the accident and how he was the last time I saw him, etc. I just want to touch him, smell him, etc. I can't stand it! I am driving myself crazy. I came to work this morning early because I couldn't sleep and he was all I was thinking about. I was working myself into one of those feel sorry for myself moods. So, here I am at work and STILL thinking about him. His Birthday is in a couple of weeks....maybe that is why...I don't know????
Sandy,
I got the video in the mail the other day and plan on watching it this weekend. I will let you all know about it! Thanks for letting us know about Selva! Thank God the results came back good! Another sign of the power of prayer!
Love and Peace to all,
Lisa
Mother to Aaron
3/2/83 - 9/26/02
PS: I almost can't even type that...it makes it too real...

Hello dear Lisa,
I know what you mean, - I was online here last night involved in one of the Disccusion Boards, and when I first logged on, music started playing, and I thought WHAT???, ha, ha! I thought at first something was wrong with my PC, but it's an ad here at Beliefnet for 'Wonderland? that has the music to it, :-).
Oh gosh sweetie, you know, you just may be right. Once the shock and disbelief fade's, usually the 'Reality' phase set's in, and that has a pain all of it's own. It usually start's to set in during the second year, and that's where you are right now. We slowly start coming to the realization that we're never going to see our child again, they won't be walking through the door, we won't be picking up the phone and hearing their voice, there's no doubt about it, it is painful. Yes, of course one day we will see them again, but when the reality phase set's in, it's little comfort for the intense physical longing we have for them. So that could very well be playing a part of what you're experiencing right now.
As time goes by, we miss them so very much, we yearn to have that physicality back in our live's. Your own painful word's seem to reflect that, dear one.
Hey - when it come's to grieving the loss of one of our children, self-pity doesn't apply! Your feelings are very normal, in so many way's, the reality phase was more painful for me than the early stages. Oh definitely Lisa, with Aaron's birthday fast approaching, it's playing a big part in how you're feeling too. I also believe that Mom's such as yourself who weren't able to view their children (for lack of a better word) have a tougher time, so your last memories of Aaron are the painful one's surrounding his accident and how you visualize in your own mind what happened. The one good thing about all of what you're experiencing is that you're letting it out, you're talking about it to all of us, and please keep talking! You know we're always here for each other.
YES, tell us about the video, I'm glad you finally received it, and I think you'll find much comfort and hope from it, from what I've seen of the trailer!
I forgot to add one part in my post about our Selva, she's also going back to work on Monday, she's going crazy just sitting around the house, so I pray she'll be able to do it.
And you remember, no self-pity, just a very honest sharing of your own feelings right now, my dear friend, and that takes courage!
Much love, prayers and Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Dear Angel Mom's & Dad's

I am okay and waiting for new internet provider to connect me on Monday Feb 23. Using friend's pc now.

Spoke to Angelo on phone last night...it is not going good...but he is strong in the Lord!!! Praise God!!!

God is also being merciful to me and helping me thru this time. I know I will be okay!!!

Love Always, Angela xoxo

p.s. Verna, dear sister, I did receive your mail. I sent you a card in mail.

xoxo

Dear Angelmoms and Angeldads,
Boy! Talk about a tough week! We had a swim meet over the past holiday weekend. I thought I was ready. The last championship meet that I attended full time was the last meet that my beloved son Sean-Michael swam at just a couple days before his accident.

It was wonderful watching my youngest son Evan swim, but when it came time for the 200 meter Butterfly, Sean's best event, I just couldn't handle it. I wished his best friend Matt good luck and went to a corner and cried. It's so hard to watch others do what he did. I tried not to let the other swimmers see me cry. Fortunately we only had teenagers at this meet(championship.) Our little swimmers never miss a thing! They tell it all whether you want them to or not! I did enjoy bonding with a roomful of teenage girls at a first class hotel. Something that I rarely get to do since I am always surrounded and outnumbered by boys(Hubby included!)Anyway, it's bittersweet to watch them swim. They practice and train hard and deserve to do well. We just miss seeing Sean in his glory. Hopefully with time it will be easier.

A parent/friend that we have known for 15 years spoke to me for two hours about Sean and his passing. It was the first time that we have been able to talk. She wanted to know everything all the details. Her son went out of state for college, her father passed away six months ago and then Sean. It put her into a major depression. It was tough going through it all again.

My sweet Husband (Coach) kept telling everyone that Sean was there watching them swim. He told them "you know what Sean would say? He'd say "I'm goin' hard and I'm gonna be at the end of that wall first...You gonna be with me? cuz I'm goin' hard!" Sean always gave everything 110% and wanted his team mates to be there too. He was a wonderful motivator. I saw a Hummingbird at the Hotel pool and told my Hubby that there was Sean...an hour later there it was again a mile away at the swim meet! Maybe it was a coincidence? I don't know. I have never seen a Hummingbird at an outdoor 50 meter pool with 1000 swimmers in attendance! I told Evan that I had seen a Hummingbird named "Sean" and he too had seen him! I'd like to think that perhaps God was just letting me know that Sean was and is watching us at swim meets and is always with us.

I have felt so frustrated all week. I just miss him so much. He enjoyed eating and cooking. You would have never known it...he was lean and strong. He had an "eight-pack!" I try not to let anyone see my sad or crying. Sometimes I just can't help it. Last night my oldest son Matthew showed me pictures of Sean's last swim meet that was posted on a web site. He wanted to purchase them for me. Bless his heart. I just wanted Sean.

Sometimes I just want to be over this all. I don't want to go anywhere because I don't know how I'm going to feel. I hurt and I am getting pretty darn good at pretending that I am okay. It is like we live a life of lies. Pretending that we are coping, pretending that all is well. In reality all we want to do is to scream out in agony “I have lost my child and I want him back!”

With much love to all,
Marci~.~