Prayer Circles

* OOPS! “HEY MOM, HOW DO YOU EAT AN ELEPHANT?” I replied “ONE BITE AT A TIME!”

Hi all my Angel sisters. Just a little note to let you know that I am home (just came back 2 hours ago), I am still in a lot of pain but the vertebrae is OK, no more pain on that one, I still have 3 other fractures to deal with, I will be getting therapy at home etc. Can not sit down for too long, but I wanted to Thank You all for your prayers, my dear sister Sandy told me you were all praying for me, and I really felt those prayers. Just wanted te tell you I love you all and my prayers are with you also. As soon as I can I will read the posts and welcome our new Angel Moms, and pray with you all Love Selva

OH HAPPY DAY!!

Welcome back our dear sister with open arms! Hurray, our dear Selva is back, Thank You Lord for all prayers answered for our dear sister!! I was overjoyed seeing your name in my e-mail box, knowing you're now out of the hospital and back where you belong!! I know you're still in a lot of pain, take your time and let those fractures heal!
We're just very happy and so thankful that you're back home, and back with us, you were so missed!
Love you my dear sister, and lots and lots of Tender Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi dear Marci, nothing wrong with being a lurker, right now your energy is zapped to the MAX, and every little thing you were once able to do with ease, has now become a major chore - even the sheer thought or will to get out of bed in the morning. It has to be especially tough on you right now, being, as you describe, a Perfectionist to the Max. There's no perfect way to grieve, or handle the myriad of emotions that your loss has brought up in you. Don't be so hard on yourself, dear one. I think perhaps you needed to let out some steam, anger maybe? and just need an 'ear' right now. The other day I went back and read the first 2 pages of the Circle. It was painful in a way to read them, I remember all too well how I was really feeling at that time. I know now, that I was putting a 'face' on for everybody. I learned that it takes more courage to let your feelings out, than to keep them bottled up inside. Understand though, that it was something that I had to learn, part of my own personal and spiritual growth as a woman. The sad irony of our loss is that we all learn something truthful about ourselves, and it slowly emerges as we go along, hell of a price to pay, but most Moms will tell you that are further along that some things very positive came out of their loss. Yeah, we get sick of hearing the platitudes of well-meaning people, friends, family. I remember Lisa saying to me once, "I don't WANT to be an AngelMom". (She'll tell you that's true) I said "I know - I don't want to be one either". I understand WHT you don't want the label of being a "grieving Mom". Trust me, that label won't stick, at least with those around you who've put that label on you right now. We all share the same loss, and most of the same feelings, but each of our losses is unique unto ourselves. And losing a child is not a disease, like the cold or the flu, you don't get over it, you learn HOW to live with it, and that too is unique to each of us.
OK, I'm just rambling now, :-) I had a bad day yesterday, that's why I wasn't online.
I had to laugh when I read Sean's joke to you, it sounds so much like something Shane would've said to me. I love your analogy though, it struck a chord with me, yep, one breath, one bite, :-) one hour, one day at a time. Sorry I rambled on, and hey- you can vent here anytime, not only are you helping yourself, but you're giving another Mom (or Dad) the comfort of knowing that they're not alone in their feelings.
Much love & Tender Hugs,
Sandy

My Dearest Sandy,
Thank you. I needed that life preserver!I was just floating around in my own sorrow. MAD at the world, MAD at God and MAD at myself for being so MAD at everyone! I went for a run (walk) and cleared the MAD right out of me! I even felt like praying again! Thank you for sharing your own sorrow, for letting us have a place that we can rant and ramble. Thank you for caring, for understanding and for loving us all.

Selva! WELCOME HOME! We all pray that you will be blessed with a speedy recovery! You have been missed! with much love to all Angelmoms and Angeldads And a blessed good night,
Marci~.~

Hi Sandy,I seem to be doing better.Jessika & Danielle have been off school since Monday due to snow& ice,well they are off again tomorrow.They're ready to go back and I'm ready for them to go back.We live in Virginia between Lynchburg & Roanoke,everyone panics when they hear snow here.We have alot of back country roads and mountain roads.I know this has nothing to do with grieving parents.Well in a way it does,this is a small town where everyone knows almost everyone(at least for the ones that are born and raised here or have lived here along time.I know what Marci is talking about,with the labels,but with time it does pass.
Marci Honey,I know your anger,when I felt that anger,I would go into a room and just scream,sometimes thats all that would help at that moment.I know how friends say,I couldn't do it,I'd be insane.Not having lost a child thats probably what they think they'd do. I use to say the same thing,I would say you have to put me in the ground with them,and at the time I meant it.Being in a small town where you know alot of people,one year my kids lost 4 friends from high school.Then the year before my Christie was killed,my husbands cousins son was killed in a car wreck,he was 20yrs,old.It was hard enough losing friends and relatives children,and trying to help my children deal with losing friends.
I use to pray every night for God not let me feel that pain,to keep my children safe.When Christie was killed,I wanted to know what I did wrong for God to punish me like that.
The answer,nothing,things happen that we have no control over.I know that doesn't ease the pain or makes us feel any better,but as the years have pass for me,I have realized I didn't do anything wrong,God just had a different plan than I did. I'm not always this logical,some days I still scream and cry,it just depends what day it is. I guess what I'm trying to say is,just take one day at a time,thats all any of us can do.Just know you have friends here and you are in our prayers & you are loved.Also if want to just let off steam,or yell or scream,go ahead,we'll understand.
Love & Hugs to all the Angel Moms
May God Bless Everyone of You
Sharon

Hello AngelMoms and Dad, It is my prayer that everyone here feels a tiny bit of comfort and God's love today. I have been a little unhinged today; my kids have been tagteaming me with their teenage drama. I don't have the patience I once had and Alex's death has changed who they were also...so there's been a lot of yelling going on in my house today!
Lisa, I will have to remember that the opposite of worry is faith. I would rather be more faithful and less of a worrier. Oh I just LOVE my tattoo! I love the fact that people look at it, then look at me and I get a sort of a sneaky pleasure from seeing the look on their faces. Believe me I look and act like the last person on earth that would have a tattoo. Alex got one a month before he died. He had asked my opinion about getting one when he was 18 and I told him it wasn't a good idea at that stage in his life. He waited 2 years and when he showed it to me, I put on a stern face and said, "Alex, as a mother, I think you made a big mistake, you should have waited until you were older and settled in a career." His face just fell. Then I said, "But as a girl, I have to tell you it's the COOLEST thing I've ever seen!" His face just lit up and he said, Momma, the next one we get together!" But we never did, so I got mine a month after he died. Looking at it brings me comfort and it makes me smile. It's fairly large, with his name in big curvy blue letters with white angel wings and a golden halo above his name. My husband thinks I have lost my mind and that makes me smile too! Thank you for giving me a chance to end my crazy day on a happy memory.

Dear Angel Mom's & Dad's

(((((Selva)))))

So happy to hear you are home Selva! You are very brave to post while you are still fragile but I know what a relief it is for everyone to hear from you, me included!!!

Take your time and get lots of rest. There is a healing hormone released ONLY during sleep, so you have to get a lot of sleep the next month.

(((((Verna)))))

Have placed your hubby back on the Prayer Thread at Christian Faith & Life so he can have his surgery.

(((((All Other Mom's and Dad's)))))

My prayers are with you all as I now go to bed at 5:30am!!! Was up all night, so maybe will sleep a bit now.

Love to all!!! Angela xoxo

Selva,
Hurray!!! Your home! I was so worried about you. I am glad you are home and that you felt our prayers. I'm also glad the pain is not as bad. I wish you a speedy recovery. You were sure missed here. Please take the time you need to heal yourself and please (I know you) LISTEN to the doctors orders.
Love and missed you,
Lisa


Marci,
Yes, I do remember telling Sandy that I did NOT want to be an angelmom and understand completely what you are going through. I still haven't gone around some people that I did before because I think they will look at me differently and think things like, how can she do it, etc. That is my own fear and I am trying to deal with it "One Bite" at a time, lol.

I woke up really really mad today. For the last 2 weeks I haven't been doing very good and today it is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I am so very angry at God for taking my son, but don't know what to do about it. I'm angry at everyone else whose children seem to be a problem and complain, when I don't have mine. I'm mad that everyone elses lives are going on and I seem to be stuck in this god awful painful rut. I am really mad today. I wanted to just run and scream as soon as I got to work but I couldn't, but at the same time I am feeling just numb. I don't know if any of this makes sense but.....that's how my day is today.
I seem to over analyze everything so therefore I can't tell what feelings I am truly having.
I am praying for a better day with a little peace for tomorrow.

God Bless You All.
Lisa

Hello AngelMoms!

Sister Selva!! How great you have you back! We were all waiting for this day to come! I pray that God will heal you quickly and take away the pain from you. We surely missed you girl!

Dear Sunny, what a tragedy Veronica has to go through. I can understand that she is feeling guilty and I don’t even want to start complaining about the police here. Oh my Gosh, I can’t imagine what this poor woman is going through right now, please tell her that we are all praying for her and we hope that God will give her the patience to stay sane at this point and not to completely loose it.

Dear Prettybird, I hope your son is doing a little bit better and I pray that God will lead you and your family through this horrible accident. I also pray that this was the last time you had such terrible news.

Dear Chris, Thank you so much for the poem, it really touched my heart. It is good to know that there are women out there that feel the same as me, a lot of people think that we have not right to mourn an unborn child but we do. It’s very hurtful to see your little baby and you can’t do anything to bring her back. With them, all dreams and hopes are gone too.

Dear Marci, the elephant story is so funny :o) but yet so true. It is very eye opening. God bless your son giving you such joy in your life. Don’t worry too much about losing your energy, it is very normal. I once was a very sharp girl and at thousand places at the same time but now I am just a mess, I make appointments and forget the minute after, making the bed in the morning is a huge undertake, so just be gentle to yourself and with time God willing we will have our energy back. I am sorry that you have so many people around you that stamp you off as the ‘woman who lost her son’. It must be tough and I remember that I was thankful that I don’t know many people here. I was happy that I didn’t lose my baby back home in Germany. I was happy that I could lock myself in my room and just stare at the ceiling with nobody bothering me. I hope that you will find peace of heart soon dear Marci.

Dear Sandy, I am so sorry that you had a bad day, too. I hope it was not very bad but just a little bit bad and I hope that you are doing much better now. Thank you again and again for your love and understanding for us while you deal with your own pain. May God always bless you!

Dear Alexznangel, What a great tattoo you have! Alex must be cracking up on you up there :o). Now you have a special thing that you did just for him and I am sure he is happy about that. I myself bought a little heart pendant with my daughter’s name engraved and with stones for the month she was conceived, the month she was born and the month she was due, and a stone for her father’s birth month and mine. I always wear it and when I miss her, I kiss the heart.

Dear Lisa, I am sorry that you are having a bad day. We all know how you feel, we don’t know what do about not having our child with us. If anybody ever finds out please let us know :o) I know you are angry and I don’t know what to tell you, nothing seems to help. Try to pray or do something active like walking or even running, I know it’s hard but if anyhow possible, please do it. My little nephew complained that my sister (his mother) is not playing with him enough. I got so mad at her. I understand that she’s is busy with his younger sister too and that little children need a looooot of attention but sometimes I can’t understand how you can’t give it to them. I always think that if I had my girl I would spend every second playing with her, but on the other hand, if she was here probably I wouldn’t appreciate her as I should. One good thing is coming out of the loss of other children. We grow and learn to appreciate our other children (if we have any) much more. I know that if I ever have children, I will spoil them until they throw up :o) no matter what anyone says how I have to raise my children. I hope you will feel better soon dear one.

So, that’s it from me for today. It’s funny but since I learned the company is closing it got busy here! And plus I am going to have braces next week, I’ll be a teenager again! I had one tooth extracted and the other one is coming out on Monday (yuck!) to make space for the other teeth to line up, and I also have spacers that bother me a bit but it’s nothing compared to the health issues some Angelmoms and their loved ones are going through at the moment. I wish you all a quick recovery!

God bless you all
Love
Sou

I thank God that our dear sister, Selva, is back! Oh how we have missed you! Still, we don't want you to worry about posting. We will wait and give you plenty time to rest and allow your body to heal. For now, just be content to read whenever you feel up to it. I know it will be hard to do, because I get so depressed when I can't post due to my swollen hands and wrists. Then when I can, I tend to over do it, and end up not being able to post again for a long time. But lately, I have been trying to do better and not over do it so much. So, if you can, please resist the temptation to do too much too soon. We are just so glad that God answered our many heartfelt prayers, and brought you back to us. I continue to thank God everyday for answering our prayers and I thank Him also for the continued healing that is taking place in your body and spirit at this very moment. Give Nancy a big hug from all of us here. We appreciate her updates that let us know how you were doing. Take very good care of yourself, my sister, and know that you are dearly loved by all who post here!
Love & Angel Hugs,
Verna

Hi dear Marci, I'm very happy that you're feeling a little better, the credit goes to you, you needed to vent, as we all do, and what really makes me feel good is that you know by now you can safely do that here, and know that your feelings will be honoured! Just look at all the other dear Mom's posts who can relate strongly to what you were feeling. So you vent anytime you want to, dear one, this is your Circle too, you were very honest about your feelings, bravo for expressing them! When I reread my my posting to you, I thought, good Lord, did I ramble, or did I ramble, :-) I was still feeling the effects of my own bad day, and I should have posted here about it, but I knew I couldn't offer any support to anyone, so I stayed offline.
Anyway, I do love you all, and I do understand, so my heart and prayers are always with this Circle of Love,
Much love, and Bear Hugs, :-)
Sandy

Hi my dear Angel sisters and Dad. Thank you so much for your posts and prayers, I have not been able to go back and read all the posts I missed, first , my sister is at the computer all day, it is tax season and the poor thing is handling everybody because I can not sit down for a long time, but I want you to know that I keep praying that God will give us some peace in our heart. Now that I am home and have more time to myself, I've been having a hard time, the pain is horrible but the thought of the accident is even worse, I keep asking God WHY He did not take me and He took Solange, I felt so bad while I was going around inside the car, thinking how bad it was for her, but I know she did not feel anything, Thank God, but yes once again I am angry, so my dear Marci, it is OK to be angry, He understands. I will post again tomorrow. Sandy , Verna Lisa, you are always in my prayers also all this wonderful Angel moms. As soon as I can I will be in touch more often. Thanks so much for your love and prayers. I thank God that I have so many dear Angel sisters. Love. Selva

Hi Sandy,

PLEASE when you feel bad tell us about it, you are the one who gives the most support here and whatever support we give you, we can never pay you back. So if you don't feel good, you have every right to come and vent here too, just like us. We don't always expect support from you here, ok?
Love
Sou

Hi dear Sharon Lee, that's much better news to hear, :-) I know that my friend who has MS savour's the good days, so it's terrific to hear that you're feeling a little better. I had to chuckle reading about the girls, and how you're ready for them to go back, I know you love them dearly, but they're looking forward to going back too. Panic? Over a little snow & ice? Ha, ha, I know what you mean, if you're not used to getting it, it can be a major problem, and people just aren't used to driving in it, :-) I gripe and complain like everyone else over our snow and cold, but I love living in a clime where we experience the 4 seasons, although I'd still love to go to Morocco with our dear Sou, or maybe a South Seas Island.........:-) I knew our dear Marci's sharing would strike a chord with other's, and bravo to you too, for sharing your own,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi dear Susan, you ARE one cool Mom, and your other children know that too, it's just a bad day, and Alex's death does affect the whole family, sometimes the grief manifest's itself in other ways, so perhaps your daughter and son are letting their own out, the only way they know how right now. Praying for peace in your own heart and your dear family's too,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hello my dear Lisa, I didn't think you'd mind if I shared that with Marci, and the truth is, you still don't want to be one! You have every right to be as mad as you want, I know you've been having a very hard time lately, and it sounds as though it's come to a head today. Scream, rant, rave, punch your pillow as hard as you want, let it out dear one, and let it out here too, as you've done, you know we're always here for you with our support, understanding and love. YES, it makes perfect sense, probably only to us who know and have experienced the same feelings, but nevertheless, it does. I pray too, my dear Lisa, that tomorrow is a more peace filled one for you also,
Oh - by the way, you belong to Indigo too, don't you? Did you see the Video, DVD they have for sale there, I think ? it's called the Journey Home, they have a trailer for the movie you can watch, and wow, do I want it! Check it out if you haven't, it's listed under their 'Store'. I should post a link here about it for any Mom who'd like to view the trailer, and perhaps want to buy it themselves.
God's peace and blessings upon you,
Much love & Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Hi dear Ang, thanks once again for your prayers for all here, please get your rest, and take care of your own health, our love and prayers are with you too,
Love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hello our dear sister!!
Oh, it's so wonderful to see a Post from you, you know how much we miss you around here, but no, don't overdo it, ay mi sister, the pain has to be very, very bad, please take your meds. and rest as much as possible. Your other pain and anger is so understandable my dear sister, not only was the accident physically harming to you, but emotionaly as well. In a way, you suffered from a double trauma, and the accident would bring your own Solange's passing into the foremost of your pain right now. You can't go downstairs and hit your punching bag, but you know that you can here, hey- I don't have to tell you that, you are ALWAYS very honest about your feelings, and have helped many a Mom with there's, mine included. We love you dearly and just want you to get your health back, so as stubborn as you are sometimes, :-) please rest, and just post when you can, love you mi sister,
Love, Prayers and lots of Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Hello my sweet angel sister Sou, I thought you'd love that poem that Chris posted, you are a Mom and always will be one, so never let others tell you otherwise! Thank goodness that Society is FINALLY recognizing that Moms who lose their child through miscarriage, or stillborn, grieve just as much as any other Mom who's lost their child. When I was oh, about 15 yrs. old, my little 3 yr. old cousin passed away in my Aunt's arms from a very bad asthma attack. I remember her being told to pack up little Stephanie's belongings, clothes, toys right away, so she wouldn't have any reminders of her around, and that one day she'd have another child. She was denied her right to grieve, but sadly that's how it was done back then. Now, we know better! Anyway, I don't want to bring up painful memories for you, although I know they're still there, but you're dealing with them a little better, and I'm happy for you. Your locket sound's so very beautiful, and it bring's you some comfort wearing it, I think that was so nice to put all 3 of you in the locket, with your birth stones. You may have given another Mom a good idea with your own! I agree, yuck, the Dentist, :-) I'm not a big fan either, it's the needles that bother me, but good for you, getting braces, you'll still be the beautiful Sou that you are, so you smile away! Oh, my dear sister, I don't want to be 'paid back', your love and prayers are enough for me, and remember the prayer I posted - that's what I truly wish with my life. Yes, I had a bad day, and yes, I should have posted here, it was a very strange dream, just before awakening, I was back at 'square one' again and sobbing and saying over and over again I miss you so much, my Shane, when I awoke fully, I was still crying, and that lasted part of the day, it was very unsettling for me, and I kept thinking all day, why did I dream that?? There was nobody in my dream, just the strong pain and emotions over missing Shane. Maybe I've been suppressing some of my own pain, and it came out in the dream state?? I feel much better today, but I'll always miss my Shane, :-), God's Shane.
Much love, prayers and Tender Hugs to you too,
salaam my sister,
Sandy

Hi AngelMoms and AngelDad,

Here is the link I mentioned about in my post to Lisa, for your info only, and you must have Windows Media Player to view the trailer,
click on Link
Love Me

Hi Sandy,

Thank you for the link, what a great trailer! I am definately going to get this video, it will be good for my husband, he's having some bad days now, he's angry and questions life after death so hopefully it will help him a bit.

And about your dream, I was learning dream interpretation long time ago, dreams that early in the morning don't have any meanings, at that stage in sleep we are usually just 'going wild' and you can have all kinds of scary or strange dreams but they don't have any meanings. So hopefully this helps you a little bit. Good to know that you are doing a bit better sister.
Salaam and have a great day.
Love
Sou

hI EVERYONE Sean went to his doctor app. he has some swelling in the brain and they took more test to see if it is leaking somewhere his leg will take about 3 years to heal it is not crushed but smushed i passed out looking at it i am asking for strengh to be able to handle this because next week i have to start taking care of him myself the love i have for jesus is pretty strong to love him after all my trials i do tend to think he tries our love so i guess sometimes i don't know what to think lost my child my home now my son barely making it on one pay god bless me sometimes my brain cannot think anymore