Prayer Circles

Dear Angel Moms&Dads, Hi, My name is Donna I came to this Haven a year ago thinking would I ever heal would the ocean waves of pain ever stop would the longing ease it was here at this Haven I found that Healing Love and Support I had lost my son six years before and I was still wrestling with guilt and grief and many years before my husband and I lost a daughter at six months of pregnancy that was never shared or spoken of her name is Christinina Marie and my Son's is Mikey he died of a rare cancer, you may wonder why I write, I write to encourage you to visit this Haven I know it is hard to express what is so painful but here we come from all faiths all different cultures but here was the offering of Love no judgement just a Haven where healing came in ways I never expected and Peace I know right now you are raw and are facing the hardest pain but as Sandy has said and others you will find sanctuary from a world that would like to understand but does not the journey is the same just comes differently as to when and how my deepest sorrow is that you have lost that which can not be replaced and yet you are Brave and have courage to seek out answers I found them here the ocean waves are less I learned to laugh and love again my Joy is in time so will you slowly step by step the Love received here and healing has helped me to move on to help my family on both sides who are all facing trials of life and death but I could never have moved on had it not been for this Haven so when you feel gray or the world has turned upside down or nothing makes sense I hope you will come here write and keep writing there are so many wonderful guides My Hope is with you and Forever BearHugs Donna

Good Morning AngelMom Sou! I didnt get a chance to respond to your last post on Friday, you were packing up and leaving, so I thought I would write today. How was your visit with your little Sarah yesterday, you were able to breathe in her spirit and still 'feel' her with you. I hope you had a very good weekend, perhaps planning already for your trip!
You know my dear sister, that is THE sweetest thing, it so touched my heart and that of my husband's, with your generous and loving offer to invite us along! And to graciously invite us to stay at your husband's family's home!
What a sweetheart you are! I would GO in a heartbeat if I could, and YES it would be wonderful to finally meet you too, but sadly I have personal commitments at home, and wouldn't be able to go, so I guess I'll just have to rely on you being my 'eyes' and 'ears' when you're in Morocco, :-)
Again, that is SUCH a sweet and loving offer from you, thank you my dear sister!
Well, see, that mean's you're feeling a little better and are getting your energy back if you're able to cook dinner once again, even if it did burn, :-) Oh yes, ha, ha, thank goodness for take-out, sometimes I'll forget to take something out of the freezer for supper, and then I'm on the phone!
Oh, I think that's terrific for you, with the other Group too, you are able to find out more about your condition, see that other Moms who have it also are able to carry and deliver, and it help's to give you the hope you need!
Yes, I called Selva Saturday night, and my post about her is on the previous page. AngelMom Marci also posted to you and I about training for swimming. Let us know how your weekend went, dear one,
salaam my sister,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

OH, our dear AngelMom Donna, it's SO nice to see one of your Posts, and what a beautiful one it is dear one, your words and thoughts are always so loving too, and what an encouraging Post to everyone! Thank you for posting from your heart, AngelMom Sou also lost her little Sarah early as you did your precious Christinina Marie, so it will give her hope also in her pain and Journey! Thank you SO much dear one for posting your feelings for all, I know with your illness and family obligations you can't post here anymore, you are missed, but we fully understand, and only want you to get better! You know of course we'll never forget Christinina Marie and Mikey, they and you are forever in our hearts, and I'm so happy and filled with Joy that this Circle helped you to finally heal, and carry both of your precious children in your heart,
Lots of love & Teddy Hugs,
Sandy

MyPearlie, If I helped in any little way posting about Heather, that's great. We need all the help we can get. My thoughts are with you as you approach your daughter's birthday tomorrow (1/20). It has been so recent for you, you are still in shock. It's only when I can look back and meet someone like you who is in the beginning of this horror that I can see how far the Lord has brought me to peace and acceptance, which for I time I was afraid would never happen. I think we are all afraid at first that we will forget things about them. Part of that I think comes from having to push thoughts of them out of our minds in order to survive, and then we feel terrible for trying to not think about them. Things change as we go along. As I approach the 3 year anniversary of Heather's passing, I find no one even speaks about her really, unless this date or her birthday come. In the beginning you have everyone's concern and constant help, so embrace it if there's still any there. Just no that others feel your pain and pray for you. Your daughter will always be with you, I can assure you that you will not forget her. We end up clinging to those little memories that we probably wouldn't even give a thought to if they were still here with us, they become as precious as gold. Sandy, you are a special blessing to invest so much of yourself to others with this site, because as we all learn, no one else knows like those who have traveled this path. I just tell myself constantly that God does have a plan as to the "why" of it all, someday we will know, but not in this physical lifetime. Thank you for visiting Heather's website.
http://www.geocities.com/regalmap/index.html
hugs to all, Pam

Hi dear Pam, thank you for your very kind words, but with Heather's website you're doing the same, :-) No, unless you've travelled this Journey yourself, you have no comprehension of what it does to you and how you feel. It changes us in a way that other's can't comprehend, but thankfully we have support among ourselves, Parents who've also gone through this. May God in His great love bless you and give you peace, as you approach Heather's 3rd year Anniversary,
Love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hello AngelMoms and Dads. What a hard day today was. I went to my daughter's friends funeral because I wanted to be there in case my daughter needed me. I let her sit with her friends and I think we both handled it very well. We made it through the service and the sad songs, we made it throgh the procession and seeing that sweet 14 year old angel-boy. What I couldn't handle was watching his Mom and Dad leaving the church. Seeing their heartwrenching pain was too much because I knew what that pain was. I felt every bit of theirs. I just hugged my daughter tight...she told me later I was choking her. But she let me! He is buried close by my Alex; I stopped to tell him there is a new angel-friend for him to show around. But my heart just breaks for his parents and the journey they are about to start on. Especially his Daddy; I think sometimes people forget that the Daddys grieve just as much as the Mommas and they don't get the comfort that women get. They are just as devastated but are expected to bounce back quicker than women. Does anybody else feel this way?

Hello Angel Mom Susan, great to see you posting again! I can just imagine how hard that Funeral was yesterday, that was so nice of you to go and give your daughter support, and I can understand how it would make you revisit your own pain, and KNOW what lay's ahead for his Parents! I just finished reading our morning Newspaper, and there was a death of a six yr. old, and I thought the same for his Parents. Men and women do grieve differently, some Dads are able to open up and grieve, cry, let their pain out, others, there is no outward sign, it's all internalized, which is not only harmful to them, but also affects their wives, who get no support from them. I've read that the statistics for divorce, separation, skyrocket after Parents lose a child, because of that fact. I believe that most men are conditioned to be the 'strong' one's, which is very unfortunate, they consider themselves 'weak' if they break down and cry, so they keep it all inside and don't share their pain with their wives, rather they grieve in private, away from everybody. It will eventually come out, but in the meantime, as a dear friend said to me when they lost their son, "grieving can be a very lonely process", and it can indeed for wives whose husbands carry on as usual, but holding it all inside. Other Dads, are freely able to open up, be great support for their wives, grieving together, supporting each other, and that's terrific. So that's the main reason why Dads don't seek help and support as much as Moms do, we have no trouble opening up, there is support for Dads out there, just very few use it sadly. Look at these Pages, we only have one Dad here, Angelo who lost his daughter to a murder by a pedophile, he's able to let his anger, hurt, pain out, which is wonderful, but sadly he's among the exception, rather than the rule. Very sad indeed. My own husband thankfully came to the Support Group with me and shared, but in the beginning, he too internalized, until one day he completely fell apart, around the 6th month mark. He sadly felt he had to be strong for the two of us, I hope and pray that your husband is able to open up and share his grief too, if you live in the US, there's a wonderful group called "Compassionate Friends", who offer support to both,
Love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Good morning Angelmoms,

Dear Susan, I can imagine how hard it was to attend the funeral. Your own pain comes back in an instant and plus you have to look at this young boy's parents who are suffering the greatest pain a parent can. I don't know how close you are to them but I am sure they would love if you went there and just talked to them and tell them that you understand since you are on the same journey which they just began. My heart breaks for you and for them.

I have some sad news too. I spoke to my mother in Germany she told me that one of my uncles passed due to some heart problems a few days ago. I don't know whats going on inside my poor auntie, she lost her oldest son in a car crash two and a half years ago, while she and her husband were on vacation. Probably she just started to accept that her son is gone and now his father followed him. I have been thinking of her all time, my mother told me to wait with the phone call until they are done with the funeral and all other arrangements, I am scared to talk to her, I don't know if I can do it, but I will try God willing.

As for me and my own grief, surprisingly I have been coping very well the last few days. Every morning when I wake up I hope that this day will be a good one, too. I think of Sarah a lot but instead of sadness, I feel joy.

I finally had a dream about her. She looked so pretty, just like one of my favorite cousins who is the most beautiful girl. My Sarah has huge brown eyes and dark brown long hair and the sweetest smile. I was hugging her like crazy, we were dancing and had fun. When I was in the stage of waking up, I tried to fall back asleep so I can dream a bit longer but unfortunately I couldn't. I told my husband about her and he was smiling.

Dear Sandy, it's too bad you can't come with us! My husband often took friends home with him, and he has the kindest family. His grandmother is a walking angel, I have never seen a person with so much love for everbody. When kids, with their pure hearts, see her, they go running to her although they don't know her. They can just feel her love. I am looking forward to see her again, I would get the stars for her if I could, God bless her.

Another thing is that my own grandmother has passed away last April just when I found out I was pregnant. Before she died she always asked me if I was pregnant when I talked to her on the phone but I never was. When I finally got pregnant, she was already in a stage where she couldn't speak or understand what people were telling her. I felt so sad that she had to go without her knowing that I am indeed pregnant. God in his wisdom, took my daughter and now she's in heaven with my grandmother, who is amongst the first to see my girl. How things can turn around so quickly, God's ways!

May God be with you all
Love
Sou

Happy Birthday Angel Heather! May you have a great party with all our other angels, may they make your Birthday a very happy one! May your mother enjoy your Birthday and may God ease the pain from her heart!

Good morning Angelmom Sharon,

You don't have to worry, you are not lazy at all. I read that our behaviour is very normal, and if you think about it, who can blame us? Of course chores and everyday things are the last things on my mind. At the beginning I closed all window blinds and just lied in my bed in the darkness and wished I was dead. I never wanted to see the sun or anybody else again for the rest of my life. I didn't pick up the phone, I just didn't care.
Still, I don't do that much in the house. I only do the minimum, which is laundry, dishes and the bathrooms every now and then. Every few weeks I have a company come and clean the house from bottom to top so it won't start stinking :o)
They cost only $60 and they stay for three to four hours, until they are finished with everything. I don't cook that often, probably once a week, and it takes all my energy. Before my girl passed, I was cooking, making huge cakes and laundry at the same time, now even thinking of what I was doing drains me!
So take it easy and be gentle to yourself and be just how you want to be, we are in a different mode and everything has to go in our own pace.

May God be with you,
Love
Sou

Hello Angel Moms and Dads,
I have been very busy lately and haven't taken the time to post. But I do read on a regular basis. I still pray everyday for all of you.

Pearlie, I hope you have a good day today on your daughters birthday. Those special days are always bittersweet and hard. My son, Aaron's birthday is coming up in March and I am already thinking about it.....
Sandy,
Thanks for keeping me updated on Selva, I worry about her constantly. I am still storming heaven with prayers for her to have a quick recovery.

God, please watch over all of the angel moms and dads and help them find peace, and ease their pain. Let your light shine down on them and carry them through this terrible grief journey we are all on. God Bless You All. Amen.

Lisa

Hello Mom's & Dads
well the first day of jury selction is over. they went threw over 50 and did not chose any juryiest,, and they what the trile to start on Feb 2nd ..
Angela's case is know nearly 20 years old I guess another few week or month will not make any difference know
Please keep your prayers coming and let me say that my family is so very thankful
Peace to all
Angela's Dad

Hello our Lisa Lou, :-) if they're working you too hard, you go for a raise! I'm teasing ya, great to see a Post from you, yes, our dear sister Selva, I feel so bad for her, she isn't having the procedure done until Thursday, so that mean's she won't be out of the hospital this week. And I pray the procedure works!!
Love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi dear AngelDad Angelo, oh, I didn't know that the Jury selection had been started already, well, if none of the 50 so far have been picked, then perhaps they're just not the right one's, this has to be so hard on you, it doesn't matter that it's been 20 years, losing your precious Angela, I know that Justice will prevail, my heart and prayers are with you, dear AngelDad, please keep us updated on the Trial,
Love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Mypearlie,
please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you today on your daughters birthday. God Bless you always.

Nancy, Please tell Selva to be strong, we are praying for her and that we love her and miss her!

Angelo, We pray for Justice but we also pray for peace for you and your family. May God bless you with the strength and the determination to continue with this battle.
Sou, When are you leaving for Germany and How long are you going to be gone? We sure enjoy your posts...I think we might even miss them when your gone! ~.~
Have a great time and know that your loved!

With much love and prayers to all, Marci~.~

Hello dear AngelMom Sou! I'm so happy that you're feeling a little better, the sun IS starting to come through the clouds for you again, you must be very happy too, even if it's just peeking through a little, that's far better than only cloudy days, :-) my dear sister. Oh, I'm so very sorry to read that about your Aunt, they just lost their son two years ago, and she's probably still grieving over him, and now to lose her husband, it has to be very, very hard on her, God bless her!
We'll keep her in our prayers. I understand how difficult it will be for you to make the call, but I bet when you do, the right words will come to you, and you'll be able to offer her your love and support. So sorry, dear one, as well as your Grandmother! OH, that's wonderful that you had a dream about your precious Sarah, hugging her, dancing with her, smiling, I would be the same way, I'd want to be able to fall back asleep and continue on with the dream! I'm very, very happy for you, it must have been the most wonderful dream, and made you SO happy!!
Whah! I KNOW, I'm very disappointed that I can't go, ((:- it would be so wonderful to finally meet you, and see Morocco at the same time! Ah, your husband's Grandmother DOES sound like an Angel herself, she's probably one of those rare people who has only love in her heart, and others who don't even know her, can see it and feel it, they are attracted to her because of that!!
Please tell her (and your family) that your friend say's hello and wishes her and all God's blessing's on them. Yes, it's unfortunate that your own Grandmother didn't know about you becoming pregnant, BUT she was the first to see and hold her little Grandaughter, the precious Pearl. God bless you mightily too, my dear sister, I'm so sad that I can't go with you, but VERY happy that the sun is out for you again, :-)
Salaam my dear sister,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi Angelmoms,

Today I am a bit sad. This girl I know who was pregnant at the same time as me is having her baby today, her contractions started a few hours ago. I must admit I feel a bit jealous :o(
I feel the tears coming up again but I try to hold it since I am at work but thanks God we are only two people in the office so I don't have to make a happy face.

God bless you all
Sou

Ah, dear Sou, of course that would be hard for you, and right now, very hard to be happy for your friend. Your heart is saying 'that should be me right now, having contractions, about to give birth to my Sarah' so it's not really jealousy, it's a reflection of your own loss, and that you didn't get to experience what this Mom to be will.
So of course it's very hard to be happy for her right now, my dear sister! Any Mom would feel the way you are now. I understand dear AngelMom how the tears would be in your eyes, it's a sad reminder of your loss for you, dear one. It doesn't have anything to do personally with this girl you know. You have every right to feel sad right now, and no, you don't have to have a smiling face right now. God bless you my dear sister, and I'll be praying for you,
Much love & lots of Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Hello AngelMoms
Dearest Sou (what a beautiful name!) I had feelings similar to yours last Sunday when friends of Alex's announced their engagement. I couldn't help but feel a pang of sorrow. I am very close to all of his friends and they have all been so wonderful to me; so caring and loving. But it will be hard watching them all move on as adults; graduating college, getting married, having babies. It's a hurt that I will have to learn to live with because they are special to me. The love they have shown me is greater than the hurt I feel; thank God.
I also had a dream with my Alex. It was so real and comforting. He showed up at the house and told me that God was only going to let him visit for a short while. I could only stare at him until he said "Hug me Momma, you're wasting time!" And I hugged him and kissed him and felt his little stubbly beard against my cheek and felt his muscles. I always loved to feel his muscles!! I showed him the tattoo I got with his name and angel wings and he couldn't believe that an "old lady" like me got a tattoo. And we laughed and talked and then he said he had to go. I told him to visit me again and he said if God lets him, he would. That dream seemed so real and made me feel good. I needed to see him; it has been almost 9 months and we never spent no more than 4 or 5 days apart. I'm glad your dream brought you happiness. I have dreamt of Alex before and this is the first time it brought me comfort.
I have to say, I have been reading some pasts postings and what a wonderful group of women you all are! I feel blessed to be able to contribute. Selva is in my prayers. I want to tell her she has an "island neighbor" sister in me (I am Puerto Rican) I know we all pray for the day that we can read her wonderful words of wisdom and support!
God Bless you all, Susan

Good morning AngelMoms!

Thank you Sandy and Susan for your kind words. What a nice dream you had Susan! When I read things like this goosebumps run down my spine and my faith in God gets stronger again. Isn't He wonderful that in our pain He let's us see our loved ones who passed too soon?

I am doing better today, a lady in my pregnancy loss group got her first child today after 7! miscarriages, so I am happy for her, and two other ladies there are awaiting their babies anytime these weeks after they lost babies, too. So at least I see that with the cercalge (stitch to close the cervix) is working! I am still debating on getting pregnant now or wait.

Other than that there was a huge accident this morning at our intersection. The car looked pretty bad and I pray that nobody died in that wreck, it broke my heart to see that. It's just horrible.

I hope you all are doing fine. I pray that our sister Selva is going to recover soon. Selva, we miss you girl!!!

Love
Sou

Hello our dear AngelMom Susan! I know how you feel, at first it bothered me and caused me pain to see Shane's friends getting married, buying homes, starting families, although I've known most of his friends since they started school together, I had mixed and bittersweet thoughts and feelings towards their happiness at that time. And like you, Shane's friends have also been a great source of comfort too, they have their own special memories of their friend, :-)
OH, dear Susan, you had a wonderful dream about your precious Alex, I am SO happy for you, God in His love let Alex and you have another connection, I KNOW it filled your heart with much joy, I too had a 'visit' from Shane in the dream state, unlike any other dream I've ever had of him, it was very, very real as was your's, what an awesome God that we love and serve! I chuckled a wee bit just hearing what Alex said to you, "Hug me Momma, you're wasting time", :-) And also about your tattoo! You'll carry that with you in your heart forever, again, I'm VERY happy for you dear one!!
That's so sweet of you to say, our sister, after reading back postings, but you're a part of this 'family' of our's now, and we're equally blessed to have you here with us!! Our dear Selva will be thrilled to know she has an Island sister in you, thanks to her, I've picked up some Spanish and some Cuban recipes! She has a very big, loving heart, misses her beloved daughter Solange so much, but still reaches out to other's in her own pain. I can't wait for her to meet her too, she's a special Lady! When I told her on the phone the other day that so many were praying and thinking of her, especially those who haven't met her yet, she was deeply touched, today she has her procedure, so I'm praying that all goes well and it work's for her, I'll know more tomorrow, so I'll let you all know. Again, SO happy for you dear AngelMom, what a gift!!
Love & lots of Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi my dear sister Sou, oh, that's terrific that today is a better one for you, you had a little step back yesterday, but today you have again stepped forward on your Journey! The woman in your Group who suffered 7 miscarriages and now has given birth, must be one very happy Mom! She must have been very determined to have a child, even though she went through the pain of 7 miscarriages, God bless her! And with the other two Mom's awaiting delivery soon, this procedure of stitching the cervix has to be a very successful one, giving much hope to you, knowing that it does work!! Hurray for you dear AngelMom, I'm happy you joined that Group, I believe God led you there, so you would know that there is help available, and in the process giving you the comfort and hope in your own heart that is needed! Hm, are we all going to be Aunties one day?, :-) Whatever you and your husband decide, my dear sister, you know either way you always have our love and support.
OH, forgot to tell you, I started my swimming, have gone 3 times now, ouch, was I ever sore after the first time, ha, ha! But I'm determined to keep it up, our other dear AngelMom Marci gave me a beginner's plan to follow, and I've discovered that it's exactly what I need, :-) - a beginner's plan! Yeppers, we all miss our dear Selva, but I know all our prayers will help you to recover soon,
salaam my dear sister,
Much love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

p.s. I meant "her" (Selva) I really should reread my Posts before I submit them, :-)

Hi our dear Marci, hope and pray you're doing better too, but very understandable if you're not, dear AngelMom. You'll be happy to know that I'm following your plan you set out for me, I've gone swimming 3 times now, the first night I thought 'is Marci trying to kill me here?', ha, ha, just teasing you, it just proved to me that I do indeed need more cardiovascular work-out's! Going again tomorrow night, my muscles aren't as sore as they were the first time, it was basically in my arms, I guess my leg muscles aren't too bad with the walking I do. Thanks again, dear Marci, and,
Love and Angel Hugs to you,
Sandy