Prayer Circles

My Sister, Selva, ~ Don't you dare give up! God (ain't) through with you yet! :) You are in training to become one of God's most powerful prayer warriors! You're already good at praying for others, even as you continue to express your heartfelt grief and unbearable pain & loss! And, you warm the hearts of so many angel moms! But you're (gonna) do many more great things in this life for God! You don't know it yet, but you are so full of God's spirit! I just hope and pray that God leaves me around here long enough to watch you grow in the spirit to a point where you will know that God is all you need to find that inner peace for which we all pray! He is our source of strength! He allows us to crawl up on His lap no matter how many times we need to.

Don't ever feel that you are a burden on anyone! The only way through it (grief) is to do it! You will never get beyond grief, but you will learn how to live with it, as you continue to lean on God for your source of strength, and those that (with God's help), have made it through the stage where you are now in your grief. If it were not for God, those of us who are further along on our grief journey would not be able to tell you of God's power and desire to help heal your shattered heart to the point that it is easier to bear. The hard part for you and the other newly bereaved moms is believing it will happen. I know, because that is exactly what was so very, very hard for me to believe! And the other angel moms who are further along will tell you this too! So, how could we not understand what it is like for you where you are now? It is because of God, and the prayers that were prayed for us that we did survive! Now, we who are further along can tell you these things simply because we have lived through the same kind of seemingly unbearable grief and pain! When I think back to the first few minutes, hours, days, weeks, ... that first year, then the second, ... I still can't explain how I got through them, other than to tell you that God picked me up, and carried me each time I felt I couldn't go on!

Any angel moms having thoughts of committing suicide? Do you think I didn't? I even got pretty close once, but God allowed Diane to place just the right thought in my mind to stop me! That is just how God works! He uses our deceased children, and those that He surrounds us with on our grief journey to do His work; which gives us the strength and guidance we so desperately need during those awful pain filled hours, days, weeks, and Lord, the first of each and every special day! Angel moms, ... I didn't come here to preach, but God placed it on my heart to say to each and every angel mom ... No matter how far along you are, ... Keep holding on to God, and watch Him reveal His power in you, and through you! And, please angel moms, don't make the mistake of thinking that we moms who are further along don't still grieve. :( We still have valley days, ... Sometimes, it gets pretty rough; comes at us out of left field. The difference is, we know that God will see us through! We also know that one can't put a time limit on grief! No matter when it hits us, we know we can rely on our Lord and Savior to see us through! To God be the glory!
God's peace and blessings!
LOVE2U!

PS: The editing of Chain Reaction is coming along fine! Now, let's hope that my book project manager, Leia, will think so, too, when we meet on Oct. 10th! Ha-ha!
Love Y'all, and thanks again for all the emails, fwd pages,...but most of all, for the heartfelt prayers! Prayers are the source of my strength, and what picks me up every time I feel like giving up!

I just noticed I took us to a new page. Make sure you go back to page 176 to get the first of my post and also Debs wonderful posts to all. Hey Deb, great seeing a post from you! You and I both have been pretty busy, but the other angel moms know even when we can't post, we continue to pray for all. And, thanks, Deb, for the lovely autumn fwd pages. Don't you just love this time of year! I also love the song Autumn Leaves, no matter how old it is! :)
Love & Hugs,
Verna

Oh Gosh Deb, I'm so sorry to read about what happened to your dog. :( I know that when God decides it's his time, he will have a fit when Michael greets him at heaven's door! I will pray that God comforts him through it all.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31

Ay mis sister Verna. I Thank God for you and for all our Angel sister. Thank you so much for that beautiful poem, I will keep it forever, Thank you my sister I reallly needed that, may God Bless you always, you are an Angel. Love you very much Selva

Hello to all the angel moms. I haven't written much because I have been in real deep valley day's this week. I don't know if I will ever come out of it. I thought I was doing pretty well the week before, but something just hit me and threw me back into valley days. I am back to crying every minute and I can't control myself. I go and visit Nick at the cemetary and ask our dear God why he took Nick why not me. I sometimes think I see Nick's face in the clouds and I really truely believe it is him. I am so lost with out him I just don't know what I am going to do. There is a grief group getting ready to start in November, I think I might try that but I just can't stand people to see me out of control. I don't even like my husband to see me out of control. I am having a hard time trying to figure out what to say on Nick's abby plate at the cemetary. I want it to be special and from my heart but my heart is dead and I can't think of anything. It will be 3 months tomorrow that Nick went to Heaven. Please pray for me to be able to get through this and understand why.
Billie

Hello our dear Miss V, what a beautiful and touching poem for our dear sister, and what a lasting gift you have given her! Our dear Selva shared it with all in an e-mail, and your use of the graphics made it all the more special, I told Selva to print it out and keep it close. You are a dear and I know that it touched our dear sister so very much!! It is simply beautiful!
Lots of love & Hugs,
Sandy

Hi dear Deb, I'm so happy to see a post from you, I know how busy you are during the week! I know you must be looking forward to your weekend coming up, make sure you do some relaxing too!
Aw, I'm sorry about your dog Deb, but if she's Michael's dog, then you know how happy he'll be to have her with him again, running, playing, healthy again and so happy to be with him! It will be hard on you to say good-bye to her, but you have the consolation of knowing she's happy again with Michael! Hope you're enjoying Autumn too Deb, besides all your work, :) and yep my friend, we're still going to clog up your e-mail box, even if you don't have time to read them all, we're still thinking about you when we hit the 'Send' button!
Oh, and thank you dear Deb for the kind Birthday wishes! My prayers and love are with you,
Much love & Big Hugs,
Sandy

Hi Angel Mom Billie, yes, we missed you posting, but we all know when you're in a lot of pain sometimes you just aren't up to it - as long as you're making sure to let your pain out besides posting here. Sweetie, you will come out of the 24/7 pain, but it's only been 3 months for you, so never be disappointed if you experience some very difficult days, I'd be very surprised if you didn't, and so would the other Angel Moms! Your loss of your precious Nick is still so recent, just take it one hour, one day at a time right now. Our children send us signs all the time, so if you saw Nick in the clouds, it may have been his way of saying I'm OK Mom, and I still love you! I think that's wonderful that you're joining a Grief Group, you'll receive a lot of support there, one on one, and please don't make the same mistake some of us did, thinking that we have to put a 'brave' face on, we now know it takes more courage to let your tears and pain out, only by doing that do you slowly begin to heal. God bless you sweetie, and know that you are loved and prayed for everyday by us, and please keep posting,
Prayers, love & Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Hi my sisters. Deb I am so sorry about your dear dog, I undertand, we have 3, a mut that Solange found 9 years ago and she is a sweetheart, then Frankie, my sister dog who passed 3 years ago and by a miracle Fluffy appeared 2 weeks after that , she is a bihon frizze, as crazy as they can be, and Rambo who I gave Solange at a Xmas 6 years ago he is a maltese, so I know how much you can love this dogs, they are part of the family, but I am sure that michael is happy to have him there. Billie my dear sister, we all know of the pain, please keep on posting here, we all know how you feel and please let your pain out, it is not good to keep all that inside, what you are going through its the worse pain any human being are scare off, this is it, so you have to feel that pain, there is no a pain that can be compared to this, so my dear sister ,let it out, if you have no other place , then come here as much as you can, we all understand and we all will keep on praying for you.You are still in shock, so everything you feel is OK, but please keep coming back here, see, we have so many beautiful Angel Moms that understand and can give you advice, And must of all we can give you lots of love. Selva. Verna, I printed out the poem and I have it with me, and there is something I want to say, the picture of the Angel looks sooooo much like Solange it is incredible, but coming from you I believe it. Thank you my sister. I love you. Sandy, Donna, Deb, Lisa, Eva, you are all in my prayers, whenever I can pray, so is Verna, I am trying my best, thanks to all of you. Love you my sisters. Selva

Just a quote to share:

"You don't get over it. You just learn to deal with it. To keep it hidden from view. Tucked away in a room of your own -- a place only you know exists and which you visit, every waking hour of every day. And no matter how hard you try, you know that you'll never rid yourself of that room. It's with you now forever."
by Douglas Kennedy

Once...
Not so long ago
I said "goodnight" to you,
I said, "I love you too."
Then I layed me down
and said my prayers...
God be with us tonight
Go with us everywhere
But somewhere in the stars
It was'nt meant to be
God had other plans
he needed you more than me.

And the angels sang in Heaven
when you got there.
While your mom and dad were sleeping,
you met Jesus
But no matter how we try,
we still miss you.
But Jesus....needs you more than we do.

Once...
sitting by your grave.
I kept thinking of all we've done,
how we had so much fun.
Then I'd start to cry,
I could'nt say "Goodbye"
But I knew down in my heart,
we would'nt always be apart.
You would wait for me...
you'd wait patiently
You'd wait there for your mom and me
Then we could start eternity.

And the angels sang in Heaven
when you got there.
While your mom and dad were sleeping
you met Jesus.
But no matter how we try
we still miss you.
But Jesus, needs you more than we do.

Words and Music by Ron & Eva Parr
Written in memory of our dearly
beloved son, Matthew Cordero Parr
11-17-86....6-8-02

I am sorry for your loss of Shane. We all know and are told they go onto a better place. In reality, we don't really die, we only transform as a worm performs a miracle of becoming a beautiful butterfly. That's where Shane is, flying in heaven at peace with his beautiful wings! You will put your wings around him again some day, stay on the path that God has chosen for you and before you know it we'll all meet again!

Wow dear Eva, what a beautiful and touching song you and Ron have composed for Matthew! I love it and thanks so much for sharing it with us all,
Love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi nickodemus, thank you for your kind words, and yes, what a beautiful analogy, we don't die, we 'metamorphisize' just as the caterpillar does and becomes a butterfly, so do we, shedding our physical bodies and glow with the magnificent spirits that we are, shining with the Light of God. What a day that will be, when we can fly together again! Thank you sweetie, for posting here, we always appreciate it when someone who hasn't thankfully gone through the loss of a child takes the time to come here and offer comfort!
Love & Hugs,
Sandy

Hi my Angel sisters, well I am feeling just a little better today, I printed out Verna's prayer from Solange and keep on reading it , I also showed it to my friends and family. I'm having a little trouble with AOL, so I will run the virus program, but I just wanted to let you know that you are my support, mu teraphy, mu keep me going, my everything. I thank God for all of you. I love you my sisters. Selva

Oh my sister, how good it is to read that you are feeling a little better today! Yes, Verna's prayer is SO touching, that was wonderful of our dear Miss V to do that for you.
And I thank God for you, dear Selva!
Lots of love & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Another quote:

We search for Rainbows
But we must weather a storm
before we see one

by Diantha Coen

Hello Angel Moms, our dear Miss V has asked me to post asking for your prayers for her; not only does she have her Oct. 10 deadline looming, but now her sister doesn't want to come to Louisiana, refuses to eat, so Verna is planning a trip to California to see her and hopefully change her mind - not sure when though. She's feeling depressed and very stressed, God love her.

"The Leaf"
By Bob Perks
Bo-@BobPerks.com

"Honest hon, it just followed me home!" I said jokingly to my wife.

No, I didn't find a another pet to add to the Perks household. For now the two dogs I have are just enough.

But a leaf came home with me and I knew there was a reason.

This week has been rather hectic. You might have noticed I only wrote one story on Monday. So by thursday I was desperate to find one. I don't like to force myself to find a story. Every day of my life is filled with stories. The days I can't find one simply means I'm preoccupied and not paying attention.

But I thought for sure I'd have a million stories on thursday. You see, the hospice I work with was holding a staff retreat in the woods. There would be at least 60 people there with more stories than I can dream of all waiting to be told.

But I just wasn't paying attention.

At the end of the day I was driving down the long dirt road to return to reality and struggling with the fact that I had not been inspired to write something.

That is until I noticed the leaf.

As I pulled out of the parking lot I noticed a small leaf from the oak tree I was parked under had fallen on my windshield. It was right in my line of sight and not budging an inch.

Driving slowly down the winding dirt road I watched it closely. Partially eaten away by insects, brown from the autumn recall, its points curled in like arms clinging to the surface, not wanting to let go.

Now on the highway leading to home, I was fascinated by the fact that no matter what speed I traveled it would not move.

"Take me with you! I want to see the world beyond the forest," I sensed it saying.

Truthfully, I've seen this happen before with insects. I find them clinging there and wonder if they know that I am taking them miles away from their habitat. As silly as I can be, I worry that they were on a mission to bring back food to their family and suddenly find themselves lost, while little insects struggled somewhere waiting for nourishment.

Told you it was silly.

But this leaf...this little leaf was growing when nature declared the growing time was over causing it to fall from the branch above. Unlike all the others that fell within a few feet of its source, this leaf would see the world beyond.

The game I played along the way made the ride home more interesting. I wanted the leaf to hold on until the end of my journey. Although it looked frail and lifeless, I appealed to the energy inside that still remained.

"Hold on, we're almost there!" I said.

Imagine the force of the wind against the glass as I traveled 55, 60 miles per hour. Still the leaf would not move. This convinced me then, that this was the story I searched for that day.

Not a mile away from my house, the leaf suddenly slipped up over the top of the glass.

"It's gone!"

I felt like a failure. I lost the game.

I pulled up into my driveway believing that somewhere along the road normally lined with maples, spruce and evergreens, lay a small oak leaf. The only one from the forest that made it that far.

I paused for a moment as I sat in my car thinking.

"I wanted a hospice story and I got one," I said.

That's what all of those wonderful hospice people do everyday.

The people they care for are called long before their journey should have ended. Their life source suddenly cuts off and they begin their fall.

Hospice people step in and make the journey easier, not by prolonging their life, but by helping them to move on to a place beyond, in peace and comfort. A place outside the world they lived in.

Hospice...to die the way you lived... with dignity.

I found my story about dying in the final journey of "The Leaf."
"I believe in you!"
Bob Perks

A comment copied from Bob Perks website:

Dear Bob,
Thank you for all your inspiring and thought provoking stories. Today's story of ‘The Leaf’ reminded me of a time years ago when my children were very small. Times were really rough for a family with four very young children and the fifth child only weeks from being born. With winter coming on and no job, my husband was getting anxious and I was praying for something to lift his spirits and give us hope to keep things going on our little Farm which he had bought when he came home from the Navy before we were married. I watched as the leaves fell from the trees in the chilling late fall winds and wondered if we could hold on until the baby came and spring brought new hope for us with job prospects. The oak trees were nearly bare but there remained one lone leaf that just wouldn’t let go. I thought about that leaf holding on until spring when new life would burst forth and it was a prayer answered for me. If I would just hold on and not give up there was a new life coming and the giver of that life had plans we could not even imagine. And so it was; My husband found a job, our beautiful daughter was born and our life was blessed beyond measure. My wonderful husband lived to see our five children grown and married and our 12 grandchildren got to know and love their grandfather before his death in 1995. I have wonderfully sweet memories of that year and the lesson I learned from that leaf that wouldn’t let go.
----------------------------------------

Good Morning Angel Moms, ~
This touched me deeply and I decided to share it with you, because it reminded me Soooo much of the many times I've had to hold on to my faith in a loving and caring God, during times when the storms of life kept wiping out so many of my loved ones and friends throughout my lifetime. People who not only meant the world to me ... They were my world! My reason for living. There have been many times, I saw no reason to keep holding on! It was during those times, however, I believe that God was like that tree! That is, He was holding on to me. Never was this more true than when I lost my precious daughter, Diane, to a drunk driving crash ... and then, MaDear, due to a stroke, and my beloved brother, Charles, {Who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer!} But through it all, God was ... And still is, my source of strength that keeps me holding on! Angel Moms ... I know that many of us are in the mist of many of life's never-ending storms. But none compared to that of losing our beloved children. But ... If we can just remember to hold on ... To continue to reach out to each other with love and compassion, and keep storming heaven with prayer, God will see us through ALL of life's storms! Angel Moms ... Remember "The Leaf" -- And, Keep holding on!
Love & Tender Angel Hugs,
Verna

Ah yes, dear Miss V, aren't Bob Perks stories SO uplifting! Our dear Donna sent me one a few months ago, and I signed up immediately, and I highly recommend his stories to all - they don't come much better than his, and he has the knack of taking something so simple like a leaf, stuck to his windshield, and turning it into a wonderful story with a great lesson attached!
In that particular story, he recommended a book called "Freddy the Leaf" by the late Leo Buscaglia. It's a story meant to help children understand death - and adults too!
One evening when I attended a Bereavement Meeting, we were each handed a leaf as we walked in - all of us wondering what this was about. As we got our coffee's, drink's and went to sit down, there on the coffee table in the middle was a huge mound of dark, warm earth sitting ontop of plastic.
Then Rita, our wonderful Counsellor, started reading "Freddy the Leaf" to us, very slowly and gently, letting the words of the book sink in. By the end of the story, all of us were crying, as we grasped the analogy of death and "Freddy". Some Moms who were further along their Journey than me at that time, were able to put their 'Freddys' into the mound of dark earth. There was NO WAY I could do it!
Letting go of my 'Freddy' meant to me letting go of my Shane, and it just wasn't going to happen!!
I brought my 'Freddy' home with me, and put 'him' beside our Shane's remains, along with some of the earth, and today 'he' still is there. Some things, even a leaf, are worth holding onto. It reminds me of that special night, and the beautiful story.

Lots of love,
Sandy