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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children

Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.

There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

Shaner -10/14/2000
send to a friend

Read Prayers.

9/5/2003 11:56

Thank you Selva and Sandy for your kind words. I am still in valley days but not quite as deep. I still can't seem to concentrate and could probably cry if I would let myself, but I am trying to work, etc. Maybe I will cry tonight when I can let it out alone. You know it never fails, whenever I decide to wear make-up, I can't stop the tears. LOL, what's with that? I swear I hardly ever wear make-up anymore but just let me put it on and I can guarantee you that I will cry it off! Anyhow, I just wanted to let you guys know that I am still here and still alive. Your words mean more to me than you will ever know.
Thanks for being here.

9/5/2003 13:20

My Dear Sisters, First Thankyou for your Prayers for Shar and for my family. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you Lisa but please know there isn't a day I don't think and Pray for all of YOU and I agree Why is it when we do wear makeup surely tears will come are we wearing a mask so we won't cry I don't know but have wondered. I'm going to write something that I hope will help these weeks have brought me to my knees Shar's experience when the Dr's wanted to put a breathinig tube and than talked to me as to knowing her wishes for a living will and than Justins move each of these experiences brought me to Surrender I've done this before Surrendering to God the well being of there souls and my letting go at Justins I was cleaning and finished in his new bedroom and the tears began makeup and all and from my knees to the floor from Pray to Surrendering to God again for my son for my Sister that was at the chapel but repeatedly this is the letting go we all know and I don't know if it would help but when the pain comes and your heart is wracking with pain we are humbled to complete Surrender and it is the hardest letting go "Lord I can't but Your Will be done" after sobbing and releasing to God my Love my Concern and releasing my desires but asking God for His, trust me humble I'm not but peace does come and every time I take it back I am humbled again to Surrender and in God's Mercy Peace comes Mikey Christinina Justin I thought I had Surrendered but I find again and again I had to learn to Surrender to Our Precious Jesus I hope you will find some comfort in what I wrote I felt lead to share so that maybe someone would find Hope To God be the Glory for the nudge came from with Love and gently from the Holy Spirit and I know this has been a trying and heartbreaking time for so many. Sending Love&Big BearHugs Donna and Thankyou for your Loving E-mails and cards and words of encouragement I'm reading them today and I Thank You for such a Loving Family. Donna

9/5/2003 16:52

Hi Speedyni, I'm so happy you posted back, and I hope you continue to, as you can see, we all support each other and pray for each other, knowing that Our Father in Heaven hears all prayers and loves us all so much! I'm so sorry you had such a bad day, but you just lost Nick, so it's going to take time and lots of it, so never feel 'badly' about having them, it's SO important that you allow yourself to cry and grieve. You visit Nicholas's grave as often as you want, if it brings you some comfort, some Moms do, other's find it too painful, but it's up to each Mom to make her own decision. Oh, that's wonderful that you had so many phone calls that day, when you needed support so much, Our Lord and Nick were surely looking after you! Sweetie, every Mom wants to dream about their child, be assured they're OK, even though we know they are, but we all want a sign or a dream to reaffirm it!
Don't feel too badly right now that you're not dreaming of Nicholas, it WILL come! Keep praying to Our Lord about it, and when He knows the time is right, it WILL happen. It was a year and a half for me until Shane came to me in the dream state, but oh how the wait was worth it, I'll never forget it!
In the beginning my dreams of him were very sad ones, and just dreams, but when he visited me in the dream state, it was unlike any dream I'd ever had, I know without a doubt that it was very real! Watch for the little signs too, sometimes we dismiss them, thinking it's our imagination, etc., but if we pay attention, you'll see them. I know sweetie, the pain is so overwhelming at times, and it's going to be for awhile, I know it's hard to believe right now, but in time you'll live to learn with it, the pain won't be there 24/7, and the good memories in your heart will start to outnumber the painful ones.
My love and prayers are with you, and please keep posting, we'll all walk alongside you on your Journey,
Love & Hugs,

9/5/2003 17:01

Hello ILUVNY321, I'm very sorry to read about your dear friend Rose losing her son, but having a wonderful friend like you will do much to help her in her grief and pain. You can't 'fix it' for her, but best of all, you can be an 'ear' for her, she needs to talk about her feelings and cry and let it out. Of course we'll pray for Rose, God bless you for posting here and asking for them, and perhaps one day Rose herself will feel like posting here. She's in our prayers,
Love & Hugs,

9/5/2003 17:22

Shaner, Thank you so much for your warm thoughts and words. I am just searching anywhere I can to find support and ansers to my questions. I am so lost without my Nick that there are days that I don't think I am going to make it. Yes I know it has been just a few months but it feels like it was just yesterday. A friend told me today that she went by where the accident happened and said that the Cross I put up for Nick was gone. So I went to the accident scene and it was gone the Cross and the Angel statue that someone left there. I can't believe someone would take down a cross that was put someplace in memory of someone. I was so upset. I know I can replace the Cross but not the Angel statue because I don't know who left it. I have a lot of anger in me as you can tell. I will be praying for all of you.

Lots of love

9/5/2003 19:12

Hi Billie, it is so nice for you to come back to this Circle of Love, you will find lots of understanding, love and prayer, I am so sorry the someone took the Angel from the accident scene, but remember, your Angel is with you no matter where, my sister tried to put up an Angel and a sign where my Solange went to Heaven, but I refused to pass by there, not ever again, I avoid the area, and will never go through it again, because My Solange is still with me, so is Nick, he is with you no mattere where you are. Try to build a little space in your home for him, this way strangers will not take anything, let your feelings out , let your anger out, you deserve it, you know what I did, I bought a punching bag with gloves and all, and believe me I punch that bag everytime and it makes me feel better, so whatever you do, we will all understand, My prayers are with you. Love Selva

9/6/2003 03:17

Dear Angel Moms, ~ It's been a while since I've submitted a post, but I have done my homework and caught up on the reading of back post, and will begin submitting individual posts to everyone soon. As most of you know, I have just been through a double whammy. :) That is, Diane's birthday on Aug. 16th and her 7th anniversary on Aug. 31st. I'd like to thank everyone again for the extra prayers for me during the entire month of August. Had it not been for my family here praying it would have been much harder to get through those days. As some of the moms who have been on their grief journey a little longer can tell you, sometimes, close family and friends that you expect to come by or at least call and check on you, don't. And, even though you understand, it's still kind of hard to digest. I always try to convince myself that it doesn't bother me, but the truth is, it does, even though it should not. :) I decided that I should acknowledge how I really feel, so that the newly bereaved moms will be prepared as they continue on their grief journey. I have learned through counseling and much reading, and even from some of my daughter's old friends, that people, in general, tend to feel that they make it worse by coming by or even mentioning your child's name. As crazy as it may sound to those of us who have lost a child, they seem to feel that you will feel better if they don't remind you that your child is no longer alive. The truth of the matter is, ... as all angel moms know ... no one has to remind us that our lives have been changed forever. With much prayer, our faith in a loving God, and the love and support of other moms who have been where we are, we do eventually learn how to survive what once seemed impossible. Once we reach that stage in our grieving, we are then better prepared to reach back and give love and support to other moms who are just starting out on their painful journey. I am a living witness that prayer works! Otherwise, I would not be here. Like most of the newer moms, there was a time when I thought I didn't want to go on living. I had no earthly idea of the things God had left for me to do. Now I can't thank Him enough for bringing me through the deep dark valley days! Right now, as Sandy knows ... I should be packing for a weekend trip, or asleep! :) But, because of my love and concern for all of our angel moms, I just had to stop everything and come here and catch up on reading and ... well, just visit with everyone to let you all know that no matter where I am, I am thinking of you and storming heaven with prayer for all angel moms, here and everywhere! I pray that God will hold you close to His heart, and give you those precious moments of peace for which we all pray.
Much love, & BigBearHugs,

9/6/2003 07:57

Selvsm, thank you for your kind words, I know that my angel Nick is with me at all times. I just wish there was someway I new it for sure some sign some touch I don't know, just something to let me know. I am always gasping for something,I look into the clouds and think I see his face, and sometimes I really do. He is with our heavenly father now and oneday I will be with Nick again.

9/6/2003 08:05

love2u, I know what you are saying about friends and family not calling or coming around, they think that everything has gone back to the way it was before our loved ones passed. I also can relate to no one talking about your loved one who has passed over to the spirit world. I put a poem up at my office. Which basicly states that don't be afraid to talk about my loved one who has died. I am like you Verna I rather them talk about my Nick instead of pretending that there is nothing wrong. I talk to my son's friends more than I talk to my family or friends. I know they are wanting some comfort into what had happened. I just talk with them about Nick and then I tell them that everything is going to be okay and that they really make my day when I see them. I saw a hole bunch of Nick's friends last night at the High School football game. I was really hisetend about going but my youngest son Michael wanted to go so I took him. I am so amazed of how many friends Nick had and how much they cared for him. He is truly missed. They made his locker into a memorial at school this year. I thought that was so kind and thoughtful. Lots of prayers to you and all of the angel moms.

9/6/2003 18:08


9/7/2003 13:18

Hi Tonya, so nice to see you posting again, yes, even children go through a grieving phase, it's so difficult for them to understand, that must have made you so sad to see what your 10 year old wrote, but he's letting his feelings out, and that's VERY good! Talk to him about his Uncle, how he still loves him and now watches over him, and tell him it's OK to feel very sad right now. Yes, it's very hard for a 3 year old to grasp the concept of death, they KNOW something has happened to their Uncle, but they don't understand what. Perhaps when your 3 year old asks about their Uncle, you could tell he/she that he's now in Heaven with Baby Jesus, or something to that effect, and is now an Angel watching over them. It's just very important that your 10 year old be able to talk about his Uncle, let him cry if he has, and perhaps talk about all the good times he had with him too.
Hope this helps a little, and maybe some of the other Mom's have some ideas to share with you. God bless you sweetie, and your children,
Love & Hugs,

9/7/2003 13:57

Hi Billie, it's terrific to see you posting too, that's why we're all here, to support and try to help one another.
Oh, of course it just feels like yesterday, and it will for a while, it's only been a couple of months as I said, so give yourself plenty of time to grieve and let it out, that's very important. Ah, isn't that a shame that someone would steal the Cross and the Angel, that was left there by a kind person. That would make anyone angry and cause you more pain. That's wonderful of his friends, it always warms our hearts when our child's friends miss them also and talk about them, and that really was a very nice thing to do, make a Memorial on Nick's locker at school! It shows just how many lives our child has touched, besides our own, :) Angel Mom Billie, please call me Sandy, you don't have to address me by my username, :) God's blessings on you and Michael, keep praying, and know that we are praying for you too,
Love & Hugs,

9/7/2003 14:22

Hi dear Lisa, I know, forgive me, I'm late posting to you, I was just very busy this weekend, but it's wonderful to read that you're not as deep in the Valley as you were, of course you're still in pain, but that's so understandable. Oh gosh, I agree with you and Donna, on the make-up phenomenon, :) and there also seems to be another 'unwritten law' - the minute you zip into the store to buy a loaf of bread, etc., with no make-up on, is the time you're going to run into someone you haven't seen in a while! I'm glad you posted back to let us know how you're doing, our love and prayers are always with you,
Much love & Hugs,

9/7/2003 14:36

Hi dear Donna, it's great to have you back, such another trying time you went through, and your sharing on Surrendering is touching and I pray the new Moms have read it, because it really gets to the heart of the matter.
Surrendering and fully trusting God when things are out of our hands, and putting them in His, is the hardest, but most loving thing we can do! But when the pain becomes unbearable, and we can't change our circumstances, surrendering and trusting God, from the deepest part of our hearts DOES bring a Peace with it that is so comforting, it takes the burden that we're intent on carrying, and then realizing we just can't, we need God's love and comfort, His peace, and that happens when we humble ourselves and put it in His care where it belongs. Thank you dear one for sharing that, it's something we all need to hear and remember.
Lots of love & Bear Hugs,

9/7/2003 14:54

Hello our dear Miss V! Gosh yes, we've missed your posts, but we all know that August was a very hard month for you (and Deb and Selva). I'm so happy that our prayers helped you with such a difficult time, just as your heartfelt ones always help us! Once again very wise advise for newly bereaved Moms, and by your Sharing too, they will see what they're feeling is only too well felt even with those of us further along the Journey. We still have our 'bad days', valley days, and always will, but you're oh so right, with Prayer and lots of it, the impossible to deal with becomes slowly more possible, and even though we think we'll never make it, we do survive and then reach back to help those who are just starting out. God bless you Miss V, I know He has, and will continue to!
Much love & Bear Hugs,

9/7/2003 17:18

My dear sister Sandy, YOU ARE AN ANGEL, and I thank God for letting me found you. Love Selva

9/7/2003 21:03

And you my sister are a big sweetie, loved by all with wings yourself!! And I'm so happy that God guided you here too!!
Love you my sister,

9/8/2003 13:20

Dear Speedyni (Billie) ~ Welcome to our circle of love. I am so very sorry to read about the loss of your precious son, Nicholas. When I first read of your loss several days ago, it hit me so hard, and bought back such painful memories, I knew I needed to wait before I submitted a post to you. I felt your pain so vividly! I prayed and asked God to comfort you as only He can, but I knew I couldnít rush it ... And that I needed to wait on God to restore the strength I needed before I could embrace you and all that you are going through as a result of your loss.

9/8/2003 13:21

Make no mistake about it, grief at this level is hard work. That is why it is so very necessary to pamper yourself and to give yourself all the time you need as you grieve your painful loss. Now that I have officially made it through the month of August, with God's help and the prayers of angel moms, God willing, I will begin submitting post more frequently to you and our other newly bereaved moms. With the help our Lord and the other angel moms, I will walk with you through those deep dark and painful valley days. When I first read of your loss, I immediately clicked on your user name to see if you had done a memorial for your angel. I then clicked on the links and read every post that you had submitted and read your painful story and all the responses that others (who care deeply) had submitted, in an effort to let you know that you are not alone.

9/8/2003 13:23

During my reading, I saw where another mom at one of the other sites, lost her beloved child on the same day that you did, and in a like manner. Therefore, I know that the two of you will be of help to each other in the days ahead, as you continue to lean heavily on our Lord and Savior and other angel moms. Please share with her and all the other angel moms that we will be praying for them also. With God's help, and in His time, you will begin to learn how to cope and deal with the greatest loss you have ever known. Please know that at any time ... No matter how indescribable your grief is ... Each and every newly bereaved angel mom, and also those of us who are farther along are praying for you and with you, and we can relate to what you are going through.

9/8/2003 13:26

Nothing I say, (unfortunately), can stop the pain ... But the good news is: You have the blessed assurance that you will never, ever have to go through your painful loss alone! The other good news is: As painful as it is for you right now, God made sure that you would not have to experience the full impact of your loss ... Otherwise, you would not have survived it at all. Also, Billie, you need to grieve at your own pace ... You cannot rush through grief at this level. Don't try to force yourself to move on too fast. I discovered that is impossible to do anyway! And although the deep valley days may cause you to question your faith and your sanity, and you may feel this way for a long while, all of these feelings are very normal. As you continue to express what you are feeling and cry out to God in anger which is your grief and the need to stop hurting, And, as you step out on faith ... [Trusting in God to carry you through these dark and painful valley times], you will begin to feel His presence and His unconditional love. It is then, that the slow, but steady healing of your broken spirit settles in.

9/8/2003 13:27

Keep in mind that our loving Father, God, is always on call ... Always! And the closest way to reach Him immediately is on our knees. Prayer and our faith in a loving God, are our most powerful resources on the road to survive. So, when the painful panic attacks come, (And, they will for what seems like a long, long time), meditate on the promises of God, Then ... learn to do as I have learned to do so many, many times throughout my 7 year journey. :) That is ...

Take It To The Lord In Prayer
by: Verna R. Clay

God has given us His Son
All our sins and grief to bear
Still so often we forget
To take it to the Lord in prayer

If we donít we Ďll continue to stumble
In our wilderness of grief and pain
Sometimes even blaming God
Cause our lives are not the same

satan smiles when our Faith is tempted
If it wasnít for Jesus we Ďd refuse to try
But in Jesusí name we rebuke old satan
And of God stop asking why

Oh if we would just remember
Jesus knows how much we can bear
When we feel we canít go on ...
Letís take it to the Lord in prayer!


Also, Billie ... I will try to pull up some resources to help your precious 6 year old, Michael, to learn how to express his grief and loss. This has to be so very painful for him being so very young. :( It was very difficult for my surviving daughter, Cheryl, and she was fully grown and married at the time of Diane's death. I'll let you know if I come across something I feel will be helpful. You and family will remain in my heartfelt prayers!

9/8/2003 19:37

Hi my dear sister, ~ The poem you shared was one of the most beautiful and touching poems I have ever read. It speaks to the heart of what angel moms feel in their hearts for each other. I pray that when I go to our circle to submit this post, you will have already shared it there. If not, then I hope you will do so when time permits. I know in my heart it will richly bless all angel moms, as well as others who come to our circle to read, or post a prayer or prayer request. As we all know, the healing of our shattered hearts is ongoing and requires a lot of compassion and prayer.

9/8/2003 19:41

This is the first chance I've had to submit a post since early today. Today is my brother-in-law's birthday. My niece asked me to bake his favorite cake. By the time I finished the post to Billie, and went to pick up the ingredients I needed to bake the cake, and then bake it, it was almost time for her to pick it up and deliver it to him. So, now, after a much needed break, I will go to the circle and submit a post or two. I am still trying to play catch up. :) I hope you are feeling the results of all our prayers for you and your precious Solange. I pray that God will send you a very significant sign that you will recognize very, very soon! As I told you in an email, it was a long time before I had my first dream of Diane. I experienced a lot of other signs, but the dream took time. As a matter of fact, I had given up on it ever happening. Then, all of a sudden ... It happened. :) Again, the poem has blessed me greatly! I pray that it will bless you, too!
Love & Hugs,

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