Prayer Circles

My thoughts & prayers go out to all you parents who have lost a child. My Nicholas went to heaven on July 5, 2003. He was 16. I am lost, confused and don't know how I am going to survive. I pray and pray for God to give me the strength to get through this, and somedays are better then others but most days are horrible for me. Please pray for me and my family, I also have a 6 year old son Michael who is confused and not for sure what is going on. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Speedyni, I am so sorry about your Nicholas and I understand how you are feeling right now, my only daughter Solange, was callled to Heaven Aug 15, 2002, so I am going through the same pain and confusion, but please keep coming to this site, you will find lots of help, understanding, love and prayers from all the Angel Moms that are in this Circle of Love, some of them have been on this road longer than we are, and their love and guidance is incredible, I am also very sorry about Michael, you have to explain to him in a very gentle way, he is going through his own pain and little children deal with grief in a different way than adults. Please keep coming back, I am sure the toher Angel moms will be able to help you. In the meantime you , Michael and the rest of your family, will be in my prayers, May God give you lots of strengh, remember "If God puts you through it, He will help you through it. Love and prayers. Selva

Hello speedyni, and welcome to the Circle! We're all very sorry for the reason you are posting here, the recent loss of your beloved Nicholas just a few months ago. You must be in so much pain, shock and disbelief, God bless you. Without a doubt, the worst pain a Parent will ever experience is the loss of a child. It's unlike any other loss, it throws your world upside down and puts you in a tailspin of sorts. In the very beginning, it's even hard to imagine that it's real, and not a nightmare that you'll awaken from. Your feelings of confusion, being lost, are very normal ones in the grieving process. You may experience a myriad of emotions, and all of them are very normal, so don't worry, one of the most common questions Mom's wonder is "Am I going crazy", but trust me/us, you are NOT - grieving does that to you. A part of you 'died' when Nicholas did and went with him, leaving a gaping wound in your heart. In time, this gaping wound will heal and leave you with 'scar tissue'. I/We lost our Shane 4 yrs. ago, but I can barely remember most of that first year, except for the sad memories, I was just in too much pain. I know you won't believe me right now, but eventually you'll arrive at a better place in your loss. In the meantime, let yourself grieve, let yourself cry, only by doing this do we slowly start to heal. I pray you have supportive people around you that you can talk to, it's so important to let your feelings out and feel validated. Don't listen to others, who are well-meaning, that tell you to 'get on with your life, Nicholas is happy now'. Yes, Nicholas IS happy now, but we're left behind to mourn for them, miss them, and wish so hard this had never happened. Please continue praying, and leaning heavily on Our Lord, He is there to hold you in His loving arms as you cry. And please post back here, at this Circle of Love as we call it, it's a very safe haven to let your feelings out, whatever you're feeling will be honoured, and please trust me, you won't say anything that any of us have felt ourselves in our grief. Here you will find, compassion, understanding, support, prayers and most of all love, to help you along, it's too lonely a Journey to walk alone. If you go back one page, you'll see an example from CKBRYSON, how she explained her daughter's death to her little grandaughter, it may give you some ideas to help you with Michael, children have a difficult time understanding death. God bless you sweetie, and please post back whenever you want, we all understand and we all care.
Prayers and love to you,
Sandy

Hi my Angel sisters, well still in deep valley days, I talked to Juny today and the poor thing she is going through valley days herself, but Thank God that she is going back to school, I made sure of that, I recomended that she should try meditation, so she will enroll in a meditation class they have at her college, I am sure that will help, I should try to do that also,. Just wanted to let you know that I am going back to Omega (upstate NY) on Sept 19 just for the weekend, they have a workshop with Dr Moody, Dr. Brian Weiss (Many Lifes Many Masters) he is the head of the pshichytric (?) Dept. of Mt Sinai Hospital here in Miami, very well known for regreations theraphy, and 2 mediums, so what the heck I am going to try it again, that place its so wonderful that just being there its a therapy, I will be coming back sunday the 21st. I am into so deep valley days that anything that will help me, I will try. I posted an add in Fort Myers newspaper, all weekend for Don or Evelyn (Solange's reciepient) to call me but no luck, I had a call today from a Don that he must be 87 years old, it was so dissapointed, but I will keep on trying, whenever God wants me to be in touch with them, I am sure we will. Love you my sisters Selva.
PS Donna please let us know about you and Shar when you get a chance, you know my (our) prayers are with you. Lisa you are keeping quiet. Love Selva

Hi my sisters, I hope that you will able to see the Latin Grammy tonight, it will be on ABC at 9pm, we are already watching the stars going through, but I hope they show some of Miami, so you will see my city and I hope you'l like it, remember our reunion, I will be closing the construction loan next week , so I will be able to give you a date sometime soon. Love you my sisters. Selva

Hello our sister! Yes, watching it, (commercial break right now) talk to you in the am,

Love & Hugs,
Sandy

Hi Angel Moms,
Selva, I know I have been keeping quiet, I am in very very deep valley days. I just can't seem to get out. I totally lost control yesterday at work and just sobbed on my co-worker/good friends shoulders. I just couldn't keep it in any longer. Then I went to my therapist appointment and cried the whole hour I was in there. You know, I think it is hitting me that I will never see Aaron again, it has felt like a dream or something and I couldn't wake up until just the last couple of days. I don't know if it is because it is September or if I am just getting rid of some of the denial. Man, it hurts, I can't stand it! My brain won't shut off, even at night time, I am not sleeping, i'm overeating, can't concentrate, etc. What is wrong with me? It has been 11 months and I thought I was over all of this but it hurts worse now than it has. I almost didn't come to work today, I just want to lay in bed and cry and cry. But me, being the good girl, came to work because I know they won't understand. I have not dealt with feelings for years and now all of a sudden I am flooded with them and I can't control them. I don't want to feel. I just want to die.
Lisa

Donna,
My thoughts and prayers are with you today on Christina's anniversary/birthday. Let the feelings out and don't bottle them up like I do. It will be worse later. God be with you. Love, Lisa

Hi Speedyni,
Welcome to our circle of Angel Moms. I am SO sorry about your Nicholas. You have found a GREAT circle of love here at this prayer circle. These women have all gone through the same feelings and thoughts that you are going through. This is a place where you can come and post anything you want and no one will judge you. Please know that you are not alone in your grief. Come often and let some of your pain out. It's not a group that anyone would choose to belong to, and I certainly don't want to have to be a bereaved mom but these women's faith, hope and love have helped me more than anyone or anything else in the past 11 months. I lost my first born son 11 months ago on Sept. 26, 2002. He was 19 years old and much much to young to have to die. To this day I still can't believe he is gone. I just keep expecting him to walk in the door or call me at any moment. It's a nightmare and these women understand. God Bless you and Michael.
Lisa

Our dear Donna, you know our prayers and love are with you today, on your little pink Angel's Birthday, here on earth and in Heaven! I pray that you and Mike think and remember it with Joy, and that the blue sky with clouds helps to whisk away the sadness, but if the tears do come, I know the Angels will dry them tenderly for you, Happy Birthday pink Angel,
Lots of love & Teddy Hugs,
Sandy

i have not lost a child...but a brother.he died on aug15,2003 and his b-day was aug 27,2003.and i don`t know what to do.all this just don`t seem real.but i know with the help of god we all will get through this.so i`m sending up a prayer for everyone.

Hi my sister, I didn't get to watch ALL the Grammy show, but did see and hear Celia Cruz, what a powerful songstress, and now her voice is still singing, heard throughout Heaven, giving Glory to God! I thought the Comedian was pretty funny too, can't recall his name just now, but he's got his own show on TV. Bet YOU watched it all, :))
Bunches of love & Hugs,
Sandy

Hello tonya31n2003, and welcome to the Circle. I'm so very sorry to read about the loss of your dear brother, just last month, with a birthday so close too. You must be in so much pain and grief right now, and that's OK, cry and let it out, don't hold it in. It won't seem real for a while, so give yourself plenty of time, and remember that love never dies, the love that you and your brother shared will always be there, the Bond can never be broken! Yes, lean on Our Lord, He knows your pain, and will help you as you grieve. Thank you for your prayers for us, we truly appreciate them, and rest assured that our Prayers are with you and your family during this very tough time,
Love & Hugs,
Sandy

Hi dear Lisa, ah, having a real rough time right now, but I'm so happy to hear that you are crying and letting your pain out, it's so important to do that and what wonderful co-workers you have that gave you support and let you cry! I may be wrong, and if I am please tell me, but I think you've been holding a lot in, not wanting to upset anyone else, so reading that you are crying and letting out the pain is a wonderful step for you! As painful as it is, you don't have to force yourself out of your valley days, good gosh, it'll only be a year next month! You deserve and need to grieve for Aaron, for only by doing that, will you slowly begin the process of healing. But you grieve on your own timetable, not on anyone else's and I truly pray that your Therapist was able to help you, even a little. At least she/he is someone who is right there with you and you can freely cry and express your feelings, face to face. You KNOW you always have us, we'll always be here for you, but it's important too to have someone right there with you to give you support. Ah sweetie, there's no way you could 'get over' it in just 11 months, you need time and plenty of it!
If you're starting to experience feelings of the finality, you just may be entering into the Reality phase, and that's painful too! When those feelings hit, they can feel like sharp knives hitting your heart, we don't want to accept the fact that it's final.
Plus you have Aaron's 1st year Anniversary coming up shortly, so you're probably feeling overwhelmed right now with everything you're feeling. There's nothing wrong with you Lisa, it's very painful, but also very normal! If your inability to sleep, etc. goes on too long, please see your Dr. about it, grieving is hard work emotionally and physically. And quite often we neglect our own health during those early months. Your co-workers knew how you were feeling yesterday, could you not have phoned in sick today and stayed home? Please deal with your feelings, let them out, talk to us about them, we can't take your pain away, but we who are further along know oh so well how you're feeling. I'm going to light a Candle for you, prayers will be offered up, and our love is with you now and always,
Much love & Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Hi my dear sister Lisa, Ay how I do understand what you are going through, we are only 1 month apart from all that grief, no you are not going crazy, and yes you want to die, but you will not, because our Angels don't want that to happens, I know my dear sister, I cry everyday at work, days will come when you can't cry and that is even worse, crying is good for the soul, my co workers are really like family so they let me be, Lisa, I still can not accept reality, and after the second year that is what hitting us right in the face, I still refuse to accept it, this long weekend I waited all day monday for Solange to come home, and when she didn't I just went nuts, and cried and cried, please keep on holding on to God and to all our Angel sisters, they are truly Angels. Try to get into books like Dr Raymond Moodys, Sylvia Brownned, Raymond Weiss, and you will find some kind of an answer. I am going to Omega again Sept 19, looking for answers, but please my dear sister keep on posting you know this is the only place where we can find understanding and true love, let your feelings out that is the only way we can deal with it, and here, we all understand the pain. Love you my sister and I pray that God will help us. Selva

Hi my sister Sandy, yes I watched the show but only the tribute to Celia Cruz, she was a special lady, helped so much with charities, we have a cuban League against cancer in Miami, where they offer medical treatments to people who do not have the $$$ to get treatments, they have an marathon to raise money every year, and she was the heart of it, she was there every year no matter what concerts or else, after she died she left a foundation to keep on helping people, believe me, she was a special Angel, after the tribute I did not watched the show, really not in the mood for music. Still in valley days, went to my phsycho today, she is happy that I am going back to Omega, it really helped me a lot the last time I went.The valley days are keeping me very low, even at my work, I notice it is affecting me, I have no energy or (brains) to handle so many numbers, but I will keep on trying, I know God must be there somewhere looking after me. Love you my sisters. Selva

Hi my sister, well, you watched the most important part I guess, and it was nice that it was held in Miami, your hometown! That's wonderful, isn't it nice when people like Celia 'make it' they contribute so much back to the Community and now even though she's in Heaven, people will still be helped by her loving generosity. I looked at the list of winners this morning, but I didn't recognize many of the names, uh-oh, maybe I'm getting old, yikes!! :) Actually I LOVE Santana, still listen to their music, AND my sister named my niece Selena after the singer, :) she liked the name and the singer.
Ah yes, sweetie, being in valley days I don't blame you for not watching the rest of it, it's difficult to find enjoyment when you're feeling your grief. Glad you went to your psycho, our grief affects our energy levels and memory, but I hope you're taking care of yourself, watching your blood pressure, and your health, as I said to Lisa, we neglect ourselves during the early stages because we don't care, but that's wrong, so promise me you'll look after yourself!! Yes, God IS looking after you, He's brought you this far, and He'll continue to help you on your Journey!! Love you my sister, take care of yourself,
Lots of love & Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Hi Angel Moms, a little quote I came across about grieving and wanted to share,
Our grief always brings a gift.
It's the gift of greater sensitivity and compassion for others.
We learn to rise above our own grief by reaching out
and lessening the grief of others.

And I see a lot of that on these pages from you wonderful, amazing Moms! Love you all,
Sandy

Shaner, Selvam & Lillou862, thank you for your warm thoughts and prayers. Today was a really bad day for me. I visited the Cemetary were Nicholas is, and then I came home and just cryed all day. I really didn't think I was going to make it today. But everytime I started to get lost, my brother or sisters would call. It seemed like they new I was having a bad day and needed someone to talk to. Even my friend Gary called me from Ohio, I live in Indiana. We have been friends for a long time but don't talk as mush as we used to. It was just like Nick was telling them hey she needs you all right now. Some of you have been talking about mediums that you go and see. I am going to see James Van Praagh in Atlanta in October. What do you angles think of that is it real or not. I believe that the spirits are all around us. Ever since Nicholas has went to heaven I haven't dream of him at all. It is like something is keeping me from doing it. I dream of other things but not of Nick. I really want to dream of Nick so I know that he is okay. I know he is with our father above, but like every mother you want that reansurance that he is. I has been two months now that Nicholas has went to heaven and it feels like a life time. I can't image the pain get any easier. I miss him so much, he was my whole entire life. My prayers and thoughts are with all of you mothers who have lost a chld.

Please pray for my friend Rose, she lost her son Author a few days ago. She can't cope very well with this problem,as she is very nervous and only has a sister who is trying to help her. She is my Friend and co-worker. People are saying that she will probably not come back to work again, we are middle-aged woman so sometimes that even makes things tougher. Please Pray that the Lord will send an Angel to watch over her. Thank you and God Bless All

Hi Speedyni, I am glad you came back to the Circle, I can imagine how you are feeling, I have never visited the cemetery since Solange was called to Heaven, I rather think of her as been in Heaven, yes I know you want to dream of Nicholas, that is one of the mains things we all want, and it will come with time in God's time. As far as I am concerned I do want to believe in mediums, I will be attending a workshop in upstate NY, with Dr. Raymond Moody (I recomend that you reads his books specially Life after Life)also Dr. Raymond Weiss and 2 very well known mediums, just like you I am looking to hear , dream or see Solange just to make sure she is happy in Heaven, that will give me peace which I badly need right now.I am sure that Nick is watching over you and did send those friends and family to take care of you. Keep on praying and of course all of the Angel Moms in this Circle of Love, will pray for you too.Selva

Hi IuvNY, of course we will pray for your friend Rose, that is so nice of you asking for prayers for your friend, we understand the pain that Rose is going through, it is the worse nightmare for any parent, there is no greater pain than this one, i hope that your friends goes back to work, it will help her to keep busy. My 20 years old daughter, was called to Heaven Aug 15, 2002, so I know the pain, I came back to work and it did help a little to keep my mind busy, otherwise this afwful pain could drive you crazy, maybe you should advise Rose to seek professional help. And yes I am sure that all the other Angel moms from this Circle of love, will storm Heaven with prayers for your friend Rose and for all bereaved parents. Selva

Hi Speedyni,
Oh, I can so relate to your pain. I have been trying and praying so so hard for the past 11 months to dream of my Aaron and it just won't happen. I still keep hoping everyday and everynight when I lay down I think of him so hard hoping that he will come to me in my dreams. I know it will happen one day and maybe we are just trying to hard. I don't know. About the medium thing, I went to this woman's seminar 2 weeks ago and I was truly amazed by her. Before going I was very skeptical and unsure of what I was in for, but now I am looking forward to seeing her again. She knew things about Aaron and mine's relationship that "only" he could have told her. It was the most awsome experience I have ever had. At the end of the seminar they drew names for a free one hour session and "I won"!! I couldn't believe it. I go on the 25th of September and I am really looking forward to it. So, follow your heart and believe in whatever makes you happy and helps you find peace. This is the most painful, unnatural and devastating thing that has ever happened to us and we welcome all the hope, love and prayers available. Feel free to come back here and post your feelings as often as you like, we are here for you. We all storm heaven with prayers together to find some sort of peace and serenity.
Lisa

IluvNY,
Of course we will say a prayer for your friend Rose. It is much too soon for her to make any sort of decisions right now, for it has only been a few days. You are a really good friend to come and ask for prayers for her. She will need a lot of good friends for a really long time. This is the worst pain anyone could ever imagine. Let her talk and cry about Author as much and as often as she can. That is how the healing process begins. Bless you for being such a good friend.
Lisa