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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children

Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.

There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

Shaner -10/14/2000
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Read Prayers.

6/7/2003 07:05

Dear Selva, ~ I know this is a very difficult time for you. The first of everything is difficult. You, Deb, and I have special days coming up in August, but for you, it will be the first anniversary of your beautiful Solange's arrival in heaven. Please know that we will be there for you. We will embrace you and walk with you leading up to, during, and also after that day. We will do the same for our other Moms who also have upcoming special days. We know that our children are alive and well and if they cannot be with us in the physical, we know that they are with us in spirit. We also know that if they can't be with us in the physical, there is no one we would rather they be with, than God.

6/7/2003 07:06

It will not always be so very painful, but I know that is so very hard for you, and the other newly bereaved Moms/Dads to believe right now. That is why we keep advising each of you to pamper yourself and give yourself lots of time. There is no set time on how long one should grieve. Right now, and for some time to come, you are, and will continue to be in shock. You cannot rush getting through grief of this magnitude. As Sandy has reminded us so many times, ... When we lose a child, a part of us goes with them. Life as we once knew it will never be the same. In time, however, we do learn how to go on, but we go on in a different way. There will be many days and nights when we cannot concentrate, recall what we are doing, or believe what has happened. This, again, is very normal during the early stages of grief. The good news is, the day will come when the pain is less intense, but it just takes time. Until that happens, all we can do is pray and ask God to give you those precious moments of peace, and freedom from constant grief. The same is true for any newly bereaved parent; Mom or dad. We all grieve differently, but, at the same time, we can and do relate to each other's grief and pain because we know what our pain was like in the beginning stages.

6/7/2003 07:07

The pain will always be there to some degree, but it is not so intense. I believe it is because of our faith in a loving God, and the prayers and support that we receive from others that we know have survived such a loss, that we finally reach a stage where we can go on from day to day, filling our time in ways that pay tribute to our beloved children. I also find that when I reach out to others who are grieving, my own grief seems easier to bear. I can say that now, because much time has passed since I lost my beloved daughter. I have had a lot of time to work through the shock, the acceptance, the anger, and the many valley days that have come and gone. So, I say to all who are in the beginning stages: Give yourself time. Put your faith in God, and trust Him to deliver you from this dark and painful place where you are today. Please know that we are here for you. Best of all, ... God will be with you through it all.
Love & Hugs,

6/7/2003 09:23

Good morning my dear sisters, I really hope you had some rest, thank you my dear Verna, your prayers and advices are always very soothing for my soul, God Bless you. Eva please know that I'm praying 24/7 so that God holds you and your family in His Arms in these difficult days, remember you are not alone. I also pray that Sandy feels better soon, Lisa you have been quiet, I pray that you are feeling a little better, Donna I'm sure God must be saying by now, will somebody get this woman out of here, that Selva is driving me nuts with all her prayers, but I will continue to do so. I love you all my dear sisters, we will make it through with God's help.Love Selva

6/7/2003 18:58

Hi my dear sisters, I know that I will be such a little help for you, because I'm going through the same pain, but listen Sandy and Donna are going through rough time themselves, so let keep on praying, I know Eva that you are going through dificult times, and I just want to let you know that we are all storming heaven for you, I don't care if God is tired of listening to me, I will keep on pressing on, we are here for you my dear sister, I'm sure you will be here for me in Aug, we are going through the most terrible pain that human beings can stand, but with God's help, we will make it through. Please know that all the Angel Moms in this Circle of Love will be storming Heaven for you. Please cry my dear sister, that will make you feel better. I'm sure our Sweet Smile Angel its with you 24/7. Love you my sister. And I will be praying for you 24/7. Selva

6/7/2003 19:04

My dear sister Sandy, I have been praying for you (in my own way) I pray that you will feeling better soon, God please let Sandy feel better, so I'm been selfish, but I do need Sandy so much, OK God, I'm sure her family needs her more that me, but please keep a little word for me too, and for all our Angels in this Circle, see, she was the one to get us toghether, so If You Please, get her better , I will really apreciatte it. Thank You Lord, and I'm sorry but I will kepp nagging you. Love you all. Selva

6/7/2003 19:22

Donna, my sister, like I said, God its probably saying get this Selva out of my way, but I will keep pressing on, I'm praying that you will find Peace, Health, and understaing for Justin, I'm praying my sister, please make sure of that. I love you. Selva

6/7/2003 23:47

Dear Sandy, ~ I am so sorry to read that you are not feeling well. You know you are in our heartfelt prayers and that all the angel moms are storming heaven with prayer for your recovery. Selva has been doing a wonderful job of praying for all and keeping us informed of all the special dates that are coming up for our angel moms at our circle of love.

I will be posting as often as time permits. I think we are all going through the valley these days. I pray that God will see us through these times, and give us the strength we need to carry on in His Son Jesus' name. Please take good care of yourself and get plenty rest ... And, don't worry about posting until you are feeling better. Selva, the other angel moms and I will do our best to hold things together until you return. Take care, and know that you are dearly loved and missed by all.
Much love & (((BigBearHugs)))

6/8/2003 01:55

Dear Eva, ~ You and Ron are truly a blessing to us all. The way the two of you work together to deal with your loss is wonderful and very rare. Often, after the loss of a beloved child, parents tend to grieve separately, or at least try to. According to what I have learned during my research for my book, many marriages don't survive the loss, because parents end up blaming each other in some way. Others feel that they have failed or are being punished by God because of some sin from their past. This is insane thinking, but, still it happens more than you can imagine. That's why it is such a blessing to read how well you and Ron work together in dealing with your loss. I commend you both for setting such a fine example for all couples who have suffered such a loss.

6/8/2003 01:56

Your decision not to go to the cemetery, in my opinion, is the right one. Doing anything that will make your grief worse should be avoided, if at all possible. Yes, it is as you said in your most recent post; All days are the same, in the early stages of grieving. And, of course, no matter what anyone says, or how many prayers are prayed, things just doesn't seem to get any better as far as how we are feeling inside. This feeling of hopelessness is something we all go through in the beginning stages. Unfortunately, there is no time limit on how long this debilitating stage will last. Personally, I always felt that I was the last to realize that I was, indeed, making some measure of progress in my grieving process. Still, all the time, I felt I was getting nowhere. That is just one of the things I found so difficult to understand. I needed to feel that I was making so kind of progress, and I never did, it seems, until long after it had happened. I don't guess I will ever understand it all, but, I have learned enough to tell you, and our other angel moms that you are making progress daily, and that the day will surely come when you will know it.

6/8/2003 01:58

That is the day we, who have been on our grief journey a while longer, refer to as: "In time." or "In God's time." or "Someday." This is not to say that the pain will go away completely. What it means is; When it happens for you, ... No one will have to tell you ... You will know! And, it is one of the most joyful things that will ever happen to you in this life! That, my dear Eva, (and other newly bereaved Moms/Dads), is a heartfelt promise! So, be encouraged, (All bereaved parents), and have faith that that day will come for you, too!

Oh yes, Eva, in the beginning stages, I also felt that I did not want to live. How could I? The pain was just that great! Only later, did I learn that it was not that I did not want to live ... It was just that I wanted to STOP HURTING! :( When I look back, I realize just how good and merciful God is, because, I came Soooo close to giving in and allowing the evil one to defeat me, to completely destroy my faith, my will to live! Had it not been for God answering the prayers that were prayed for me, I would not have made it this far. Sometimes, I think of the many angel moms who have said how much I have helped them on their grief journey. Well, let me tell you something: It brings joy to my heart, and purpose to my life, just knowing that I have helped someone ... Anyone ... who has experienced losing a child! That's because I can relate to that indescribable pain! Just knowing that I have help any parent or family member to reclaim the will to go on in spite of what they are feeling inside, gives me a purpose for living.

6/8/2003 02:03

As one of my friends who lost her beloved son 3 years before I lost my daughter puts it, ... "It's like saying to the evil one, 'In your face!" :) The things I do here, the book, my work with MADD, continuing on, in spite of missing my Diane, ... All are a tribute to her, and the unconditional love I will always have for her. Like turning a tragedy into triumph. And, the strangest part of it all, is ... I don't feel that I deserve any credit for doing anything, because I know in my heart and soul that it is not me that's doing it ... It is God working through me. Trust me, Sandy is one Earth Angel who knows what she is talking about when she speaks of God whispering in her ear. :) He does that to all of us moms. And, don't worry, ... He is doing the same to each of you angel moms! :) He just has not revealed it to you in a way that you recognize. However, He will ... In His own time! :)

6/8/2003 02:05

As far as you taking off next week ... I think you deserve that special time! And, there is nothing wrong or strange about talking to your beloved Matthew, or about answering for him. After all, he is a part of you, and who knows better how he would respond to what you say to him. That's just another one of God's ways of helping you deal with your loss, dear Eva. It will be 7 years for me come August 31st, and I still talk to my Diane, and answer as I know she would answer. There is nothing wrong with doing that, as long as it brings you comfort and eases your grief and pain of missing Matthew. How can anyone who has not lost a child tell us what we should or should not do? As the old saying goes ... "Until you walk in my shoes." As far as the confusion goes, there are still days when I don't know if I'm coming or going. The other moms will tell you, also, this is very normal. That God saw fit to give your Ron the gift of song writing, and you the gift of singing is not an accident. The two of you are using your gifts to lift others up, and praise God at the same time! Sure, there will be days when there is no song in your heart, God love you. God understands this, and so will others who really matter. What better way to pay tribute to your beloved Matthew, as you continue on your journey? My advice to you is that you should just keep the faith, Eva, both you and Ron... And, as you always say, ... In His care, ... Press On!

6/8/2003 02:12

Hello dear Selva, ~ I know this is still deep valley time for you, but I pray that you will keep holding on to God, and give our prayers a little time to work according to your wishes and God's will in your life. He truly knows how you feel, Selva. Just trust Him to do what's best for you ... For you are His beloved child, and He truly cares about all you are going through. Believe it, and receive it, my dear Selva.
Love & Hugs, and remember, I am here for you 24/7. You and I are the night owls in our circle of love. :)

6/8/2003 02:17

Hello dear Donna, ~ I pray that all is going well with you. I know that you miss coming to the circle to post, but right now, we need you to take care of yourself and allow God's healing to take place. We know you love us just as much as we love you. We feel your prayers and hope that you can feel the affects of our prayers for you. Just take it easy for now, and allow our prayers to help you mend.
Love & (((PowerfulHugs)))!

6/8/2003 02:21

Hi Deb, ~ I just want you to know that I am still praying for your Dad, and also that things work our for you and your precious granddaughter. I hope all is well with you, and I appreciate all the love and prayers you send our way. Just know that as your special days appraoch, you are not alone, and we are already sending up prayers for you and family.
Much love & (((MightyHugs))),

6/8/2003 03:57

Dear God, ~ I come to You this morning to ask that You be with Eva and Ron throughout this day. Lord, please keep the evil one locked down ... For he is always on the prowl ... You have warned us in Your Holy Word; ... his only purpose is to kill, steal and destroy. Lord, it gives him such pleasure to steal our joy, and keep us forever in his clutches! Lord, it's hard enough on us ... to try to deal with the pain and loss that the evil one has caused in our life ... indescribable grief and pain we feel each and every day! We are weak, Lord, but You are strong! Only You, Lord, can take away this awful pain that we feel; if only for a few minutes at a time. This is our prayer, Lord ... Just a few minutes at a time! I ask these blessings for all who are in need on this special day. Thank You, Lord. This is my humble prayer, ... Thank You, again, Lord! In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen!

6/8/2003 04:04

Dear Lisa, ~ God bless you and keep you, dear one. I have been sending fwd pages and emails, but they all come back. I think about you and pray for you 24/7. I hope the email services will get straightened out soon. So many people are having problems with their email service. I thought it was just AOL, but I am finding out that their are others that are having problems also. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love & Hugs,

6/8/2003 04:10

Hi Yvonne, ~ We miss your wonderful prayers that you share here in our circle of love. Let us hear from you when time permits. Give the grands a big hug from us moms, and always know you are in our thoughts and prayers, and we know we are in yours! Please say an extra prayer for our Sandy!
Love & Hugs,

6/8/2003 04:15

Hi Cindy! ~ Thanks again for sharing that wonderful fwd page! I am planning to use it for our reunion. I really appreciate the fwd pages that you send as time permits! :) Thanks again for all the love and sharing. And thanks for joining us in praying for our Sandy. God bless and keep you in His loving care always!

6/8/2003 04:32

My dear Selva, ~ Ha-ha! I wish you knew how much joy you bring to our circle of love! :) So many times when I am feeling low, I come here and read something you have posted, and end up laughing out loud! :) Such as in your post above. Of course, we know that God would never say such a thing to one of His beloved children, but, the way you say it, it seems as though you really think that. I can assure you, my dear sister, that God loves His Selva much too much to say such a thing to her! :) As a matter of fact, I believe that keeping our spirits up with your funny sayings and sharings is just what God has for you to do right now ... Even as you grieve for your beautiful Solange! Remember the pictures of Jesus smiling and playing with the children? That is one of the most wonderful things about our Lord and Savior: He is full of love and joy! And, I believe with all my heart that He wants us to spread that love and joy as often as we can! Sure, we are grieving our tremendous losses, but it does no harm to have a good laugh every now and then. I think that laughter is very good for the soul, and that is helps to take our minds off things for a little while. So, whenever you can think of something to help us smile or laugh, I think it is wonderful! God bless you, dear Selva, and you know you are in my heartfelt prayers, always!
Love & Hugs!

6/8/2003 04:40

Speaking of laughter ... Hey you angel mom who sent me the fwd page with the guy playing the bagpipes! Ha-ha! When I am feeling low, that is one of the many fwd pages that always makes me laugh out loud. :) Thanks again for sharing it with us!
Love & Hugs,

6/8/2003 04:52

Dear Precious Father, ~ Thank You Soooo much for allowing me to come here to our circle of love and post prayers and messages that I hope will be of help and encouragement to all our angel moms in some small way. Lord, there have been so many days when I felt I could not go on, and after coming here to read, I always found something that gave me hope, and encouragement to press on in spite of what I was feeling. Thank You, Lord, for whispering in our Sandy's ear, and telling her to start this wonderful prayer circle as a tribute to her beloved Shane. Little did she know that it would become a safe place for Soooo many bereaved parents! Lord, You are so awesome and wonderful to us Moms/Dads, and all who come here to read and/or submit posts. We thank You from the bottom of our hearts. We love You, Lord. Thank You, also, for taking such good care of our children and other loved ones, both here and there! To God, be the glory! Amen!

6/8/2003 12:44

Hello Angel Moms,
I know it's been a while since I have posted, but I have been reading your posts. Thank you Selva for being concerned for me. I have been in some really really deep valley days. I just can't seem to get out. I have had a lot going on in my life physically and emotionally and have been isolating from everyone. My Mom and I had a sort of falling out about Christopher's graduation and it hurts me so much because I am really close to her and my Dad. She finally called yesterday after not speaking for a week and I told her how what they did affected me and Christopher and she ended up crying. I feel so bad...I don't like to hurt anyone's feelings but it is something that needed to be said and I said it out of love not anger. My therapist tells me that I need to stand up for myself and let people know my feelings. That I DO count. At least we did tell each other that we love each other before we hung up. I am trying to call her this morning but her phone line is busy. I went back to court with my ex-husband on Thursday and he is fighting the amount owed so we have to back on July 2. I am almost ready to just give up, because it just doesn't really matter. But my therapist also said that would be letting him treat me the same way as he always does and if I don't stand up for myself he will never stop treating me like that. I have to let him know that I am done being run over and he can't get away with it anymore. I just don't have the energy to keep fighting.
Since reading Aaron's autopsy all I can think of is the way his body must have looked. I know in my heart and keep telling myself that his body was just a temporary house for him and now he is home with the body he always wanted. I am just really really having a hard time with the God thingy. I am trying SO hard to find him but I just can't seem get it. I pray night and day for him to show himself to me and nothing happens. If any of you have ever felt like this, please please talk to me about it.

Eva, I am thinking of you today and want you to know that I wish you peace with your thoughts. I know nothing anyone says or does will help so please just hang in there and maybe some day it will get better like the other Angel Moms with more time say. I am waiting also. I will pray for you and Ron today and please know I love you.

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