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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children


Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.


There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

 
Shaner -10/14/2000
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Read Prayers.


shaner
2/22/2003 15:35

Dearest Selva, thanks for updating us on the young fellow, of course he's still in our prayers. Naturally this would bring up bad memories for you, God love you, events like that can bring us back to square one again, recalling our own memories of the events surrounding our child's death. Yes, it's really tragic about the young lady receiving the wrong organs, then receiving the right ones, but is now declared brain dead. I know that many, many prayed for her, and her parents and family. It's in God's Hands now. I know all this reminds you of Solange, and her loving legacy that she left for others. Our Lord loves you for what you did, never forget that. Yes, Selva, you have a big heart, a very loving one, not only are you in pain, but you're worrying about others. Please be gentle with yourself, I'm worried about you, right now please concentrate on yourself. As I said, I know you have a big loving heart, you worry about so many others, but please take time just for yourself too! We do know how you're feeling, I wanted to die myself that very painful first year.
There's no shame in getting help from your Dr., many moms, myself included, needed some extra help with medication, so as Donna says, tell your psychotherapist exactly how you're feeling, you just may need a little extra help yourself right now. And that's OK. God understands that you find it hard to pray, He knows more than anyone how you're feeling right now, and He loves you very much. Just speak from your heart to Him, you don't have to say formal prayers, all you have to do is reach for Him, He's there waiting for you, when you're ready. I know you pray other times, sweetie, for all of us, our children, and we appreciate it so much. You know we're always here for you and always will be, we love you and I hope today is a much better day for you. Dear sweet Lord, please wrap Your loving arms around Selva, comfort her, protect her, and let her feel Your great love for her. Please post back and let us know how you're feeling, talking about your pain helps to let it out as I've said, much love and prayers to you dear one,
Love Sandy


SELVAM
2/22/2003 17:29

Hi Donna, Sandy and all you Angel Moms. Well today I had a somewhat quiet day, my brother came with my aunt and I cooked for them arroz con pollo (chicken and rice cuban style) and don't like to cook since Solange left. I will cook for them (her and Juny) everyday something different and they loved it, but now I find it very difficult to do it. My sister has been working all day, she is still at it, so she could hardly to talk to my aunt. Now I'm goint to sit down and read, I can not watch the news anymore for a few days. I'm reading all of Dr. Raymond Moody's book, I highly recomend it, specially Life after Life, there is another one The light beyond, my Dr had recommended all these books and they really help knowing that our children and really in the presence of God and in a beutiful place. I have not talked to Danny today, I will keep away from the phone and have some rest.Thank you Angel moms for keeping me in your prayers God knows I really love you and appreciatte you. Love and God bless you Selva


shaner
2/22/2003 19:19

Hello dear Selva, mmm, arroz con pollo, it sounds so good! I've seen a picture of it in my cookbook, but have never tried making it, :). I bet you're a really good cook, and Solange and Juny were the fortunate recipients! That's nice that you had a quiet day, and you had a visit with your brother and Aunt, it's so nice to have family around. That's too bad your sister had to work today, and didn't get much of a visit in with your Aunt, hopefully the next time. I do the same thing when the 'woes of the world' get to me, I shut the tv and radio off, and put music on instead. Good for you, it'll give you a good rest by not watching the news for a few days. Oh yes, I've read all of Dr. Moody's books when they first came out, the first one was years ago, and it was the first time I had ever heard of the Near Death Experience (this was back in the late 70's). I've read many other books on the topic since then, and they are very comforting. I'm so happy they give you peace and comfort too, reading what others have experienced. I'm really happy that you're giving yourself some time, and resting this weekend, you deserve it! I don't want you minunderstanding my earlier post to you, if you're feeling down, in valley days, you make sure and post here, no matter how you're feeling, I'll always be here for you and so will our love and prayers. Much love to you,
Luv Sandy


shaner
2/22/2003 19:34

Hello dear Donna, yes, I've been accused of that before, :). A truly lovely prayer and wishes from you yesterday! (If you read page 114 you'll know why I'm just responding now, :). Thanks for sharing the title of the book with us, I like the fact that it has a Devotional Companion in it with insights. I'll definitely check it out! I read so many books on grieving the loss of a child those first two years, my favourite one still remains "Lament for a Son", I identified strongly with the father who wrote it and his feelings. There are many good books out there on the topic. I hope you and your hubby receive much comfort from reading it together. You have a wonderful day too, Donna, much love and prayers to you,
Luv Sandy


LOVE2U
2/23/2003 03:12

Hello Angel Moms, ~ Thank you so much for your prayers, emails, and fwd pages. :) I want you to know how very blessed you have made me feel. I am still behind opening, reading and responding to all of them, but will play catch-up just as soon as I can. :) I've had to stay off my feet for several days due to swelling in my feet and ankles. This, added to the head cold, which turned into a chest cold, that stirred up my bronchitis (ha-ha), has been quite depressing! But, thank God, I am feeling a little better, so I will start playing catch up on submitting post. I have kept up with the reading, and as always, I pray for one and all. :) Sometimes I just sit and read and try to hold back the tears. :( It's like, when someone is hurting, or having a valley day, I can feel their grief and pain! And, when this happens, sometimes, I just say, "Lord, have mercy on us!" Then, once I allow my emotions to have their way, I then say, "Thank you, Jesus, for all of Your blessings!" I call those my shorthand prayer request, and prayer of thanksgiving." :) That's the wonderful thing about praying ... God hears them all! As MaDear used to say, He knows our thoughts and our needs, even before we pray. Again, thanks so much for keeping me in your prayers!


LOVE2U
2/23/2003 03:14

///////////////////////////////////////////////
Sandy, Selva, and Barb. :) Thanks again for your kind words at Diane's memorial site. As you can tell, it has been a while since I've submitted a post there. Stressful times are here, but with prayer, I know God will see me through. :) Yes, Mother Dear, (MaDear),... That's the way we pronounced it, :) Was a wonderful, compassionate, fun loving and very spirit filled person. Even all of her grandchildren called her MaDear! :) She had a hard life, but I never heard her complain! Some of her most favorite sayings were: [ "Count your blessings!"] ["God is concerned about people ... All people!"] And, the one all of us remember with a smile is, ["Put your trust in God! ... Not man!] ... (And then she would add ...), ["Cause man don't know what he is going to do the next minute!" ] :) And then she would laugh! And, so would we. It was just the way she would say it that made it so funny! :) She really had a warm and loving sense of humor! :) And,Lord knows, I really do miss her! :( But, it comforts me to know that she is in no more pain! Now, she is receiving all of the blessings that our Lord and Savior had reserved especially for her. I can just imagine the beautiful smile on her face when Diane and my three brothers, rushed down that beautiful heavenly path, to welcome her inside! :) I know in my heart that someday, all of us will take part in the ultimate family reunion and experience the ultimate joy of seeing all of our departed loved ones again! Oh, what a day that will be! Until that day comes for each of us, we will continue being their for each other, sharing the valley days, the hilltop days, and those peaceful moments that God sends to us from time to time. I thank God every day for the unconditional love and compassion that He shows to us angel moms no matter how far down in the valley we may fall! He just keeps on loving us no matter what! And, best of all, every now and then, He sends each of us a sign, to let us know that He has our children in His loving arms. God truly is awesome and wonderful! No, it won't stop us from missing them, but what a blessing to know that they are alive and will in heaven under the protection of our Lord and Savior, and that we will see them and hold them in our arms again someday! Thy kingdom come! In Jesus' name, Amen!


LOVE2U
2/23/2003 04:10

Dear Selva, ~ It always fills my heart with joy when I come here and see a post from you. Like Sandy says, it doesn't bother us when you express exactly what you are feeling! Remember, we have been where you are now. And, I can assure you, I did not do half as well as I think you are doing! But then, I didn't have this prayer circle of loving and understanding angel moms! As I have shared before, my other daughter was grown, and married and living in Texas when we lost Diane. She was here for me throughout the funeral and helped with the planning, but once she left, I felt completely alone! My husband, could not comfort me because he was dealing with his own grief and loss, which he chose not to express openly. I thought I would die! I had no idea how to deal with such indescribable grief. I had what I like to refer to as "panic attacks!" Sometimes it would happen on the job, and sometimes in the mall or at church, etc. I felt as though I was caught up in a nightmare!


LOVE2U
2/23/2003 04:12

Some days, I would wake up and WHAM! it would hit me, "Diane is dead!" Whew! But, I couldn't cry out, because I didn't want to upset my husband! So, I would hide away in the guest bathroom until I could handle my emotions! So, when you come here, and say exactly what you are feeling, I feel as though God is giving me the chance to go back, in a manner of speaking, to relive, and to feel, and express the grief that I felt compelled to keep inside for sooo long! When the other angel moms come here and express their grief, it's like, I feel it just as though I was grieving for my own child! And, once I shed tears with them and for them, and say a heartfelt prayer, I feel the relief, the precious moments of peace which I pray that God will bless them with. It's like, we are helping each other to carry our own individual cross of losing our own child! It is comforting to know that others who have been there really and truly care!


LOVE2U
2/23/2003 04:13

And, you don't have to wonder if the other moms can relate to how you are feeling; Somehow, you know in your heart that they too, have known such pain! And, though it is hard, almost impossible to believe, when those of us who are farther along keep telling you that the pain won't always be so intense, It helps to increase your faith; to believe, at some point, that if it were not so, we would be honest enough to tell you so! No, we cannot say how long it will be before this happens. We each grieve differently, but the pain is the same. It might take up to a year or more before you reach that place in your grieving where the pain is not so intense. Another Mom might take two to three years. Some moms will take longer before they feel they are making progress! It's not that they are not making some progress; it just doesn't feel like progress is being made. But, trust me, it is! The more you express it, the better is will be in the long run. That is why Sandy advises us so often, especially the newly bereaved moms, to be gentle with yourself, give yourself all the time you feel you need to grieve for your child. This is something that you can't place a time limit on! So, you just keep expressing your grief, and in God's time, it will become easier and you will learn how to live with it.
Much love,
Verna


Leander72
2/23/2003 06:54

Dearest Selva, I'm so glad you posted today and you are feeling easier and taking care of yourself. A friend said years ago whatever you do don't stop talking,unfortunately I did and so many times people would say the worst loss is a loss of a child and I would minimize my feelings,being here with all of you has helped me more than words can say for the first time since Mikey died I feel more alive and whole,and most of all loved and supported and I don't need to wear a mask that yup everything is fine when there are times my heart is crumbling and all I want is to scream that no life is not the same and it never will be again. I worked so hard at letting go because I was always told you have to be strong all my life every loss from my Mom till most of my family was gone, I can truly say that is the biggest lie we can tell ourselves. I have seen and felt more strength here in these pages and no we don't have to let them go not in the way that is going to make others feel better by denying that we mourn.Here I've faced a loss of not only Michael but of my baby girl that we lost at six months of pregnancy her name is Christina Marie and then I had to be strong my husband was going to sea Mikey was greiving and some part of me shut down. I admire the strength here through all of you through your honesty your pain and in your love,Thankyou ALL for your truth and helping me to not lie to my heart or put on a mask or ever hear "You must be strong" It is our tears and sharing that bring strength and for me I have a sense of peace that was never there before, I tell my friends about your courage,to say what your heart feels and be true to the memory of your precious child. A Dear friend is going to make a memorial why because I tell her of a special group of Moms whose courage surpasses all understanding whose love is there openly wether it is one month or twenty years it is ok to greive. Thankyou Selva for your honesty and please never stop posting.When I fell asleep last night I felt like I was for the first time in 26yr that I was holding my baby girl and I knew peace. Love to All & Thankyou Donna


shaner
2/23/2003 09:51

Hello dear Verna, it's so nice to see you posting again and feeling better! I loved reading about MaDear, she was an incredible woman, I felt as though I 'knew' her from your postings. An insightful post to Selva and all newly bereaved moms, even those further along the Journey. I'm so happy for you that this Circle has given you the opportunity to let your feelings out, that you didn't have at the beginning like so many other Moms. God bless you dear Verna and may He continue to keep you in His loving arms,
Luv Sandy


shaner
2/23/2003 10:47

Dearest Donna, your post brought tears to my eyes knowing you've held all that pain inside for so long, trying to be strong. I used to do a slow burn inside when people would tell me that in the beginning. It is the biggest lie that we sometimes tell ourselves, but now we know that strength comes in many forms, your own posting is a testament to that strength! No 'masks' needed here or wanted, we may have to wear them sometimes for the rest of the world, but not here, everyone has a 'voice' here that is honoured, you can safely let out all your feelings and will only receive love, support and prayers, and I'm SO happy that you've found a sense of peace here that you haven't felt in a while, it truly warms my heart! God is so good to us grieving Moms. I'm so sorry about Christina Marie, what a beautiful name for her, I'm happy that you shared this with us, and how wonderful it must have been to finally feel her in your arms last night, finally knowing peace! I know she was there to greet Mikey when he crossed over. We're so blessed that you found this Circle and are sharing your own courage, love and support, and remember, I'm holding you to your word, :). That's terrific that your friend is making a Memorial for you, I'm sure it will be a lovely one, reflecting the great love and faith you have yourself, that comes shining through to others. God bless you dear one, and you always have a 'voice' here. Much love to you and prayers,
Luv Sandy


Leander72
2/23/2003 13:58

Dearest Shaner, Thankyou for your love and support. If you had not in your suffering created this haven, healing would not come for many of us. What I meant about the memorial that my friend is making is for her loved ones. She has lost so many. She miscarried and never conceived again,she lost her husband in one weeks time to cancer and lost someone she loved very much in a car accident, Angel Mom's you have helped her to find a place she can come It is your courage that enabled her I was just the messenger. I wrote to Mikey about the circle that happens in life and the ripples that go out and beyond. It is your love for others that has rippled out there for me and for those I meet who suffer and need a Haven. Through your postings others will find healing and like me peace. Yes Sandy God is so good to us and in the valleys and through our tears he uses each of us. Verna reading your stories especial about MaDear are so heartwarming her love passed to you to Diane and now we benefit by what this loving courageous woman did through tragedy and I'm so glad that she was regonized before she left to go home. Thank you for sharing her story and I'm glad that she helped create love where once bitterness was and I think she must be very proud of you.I ask your prayers for my friend for her grief has been a lonely journey. Selva I hope today is as beautiful for you as yesterday and with all my heart THANK YOU for your courage.Love & BearHugs to All.


Leander72
2/23/2003 14:10

Angel Moms what flower or rose would you like planted in a remembrance garden I plan to put in my back yard I'm planting a new yellow rose for Mikey and a pink one for Christina and I would be honored to include your Angels but I need to know what you would like, I'm putting an Angel in the middle. Sandy I have no idea why I write Shaner sometimes learning your names and your Angels names means alot to me, I would love to send forwards and e-mails to you especially when the sun isn't shining so let me know if you would like me to.Love Donna


shaner
2/23/2003 15:23

Hi Donna, I knew that I wasn't the only one to lose a precious child, our Shane, and that others were going through the same raw pain that I was. Knowing the power of prayer, God whispered in my ear to start this Circle, that we now call a Circle of Love. And I thank Steve and Martha here at Beliefnet for keeping it up and running. Oh, your friend is making a Memorial, I misunderstood you. How terrible for her, losing her baby, never having another, losing her husband in ONE week to cancer, and her friend in a car accident! She's certainly experienced much pain in her life too, God love her. She has a good friend in you, I know you must be loving and supportive of her. I hope she posts here, we welcome her with open arms and look forward to meeting her! I pray she finds peace and healing too, it's not only our courage Donna, but you're also, rippling out to her with your message. We wouldn't have that courage ourselves without Our Lord's help, and the support of others. That's such a beautiful thing to write to Mikey, explaining about the ripple effect! Everything we do in life has a rippling effect, and so often we never know what affect we have on others, from the smile we give a stranger on the street, to the love we have for others, rippling out to all. And on the flip side, we're so often blessed with the ripplings of others, if everyone of us sent out ripplings of love, just think what this world would be like! Thank you Donna for your beautiful post to all, and as I said, we look so forward to meeting your friend. Much love to you,
Luv Sandy


shaner
2/23/2003 15:34

Hi Donna, I guess we were posting at the same time! Oh, that's beautiful, a Memorial Garden, what a sweet and loving thing to do! I think Shane would like forget-me-nots, if that's possible, if not, let me know. YES, I'd love to correspond with you, my e-mail address is sewhalen@yahoo.com That's so special that you want to include our children in your Garden, it's an honour, and they'll all be in good company! Much love and prayers to you dear one,
Love Sandy


SELVAM
2/23/2003 18:29

Hi Sandy, Verna, Donna and all you Angel moms. We are so blessed to have such a beutiful family between ourselves. Thank You Lord that I have this wonderfuld Angel moms. I'm in deep valley, I read todays newspapers and found out "with details" about this poor 17 years old girl who died. It was almost like Solange. re living myself of what I had to go through, it is horible, My sister poor thing did not let me work today, she went to rent "happy movies" so I can watch, she renter My big gat greek wedding wich is supposed to be one on the funniest movies, and guess what? I cried thinking that my Solange nerver had a chance of having a wedding, of course I did not tell her that for she meant so good. Donna I',so gladyou came back to this Circle of Love, you seem so be such a wonderful person, so as a cuban, you are part of the family. Verna I just want to say a little thing that came from my heart. MaDear it still a part of us all, why don't you write about Her, I feel it is going to be a Best Seller. I will like to know so much about her!Sandy Thank you my sister for being there for me. To tell you all the true, I am here because of all of you, otherwise I don;t know what I could have done with my life. Also thanks to my sister that she has put so much with me and also my brother. I love Angel Moms. Selva


Elparro
2/23/2003 20:25

Hello my dear angelmom friends...I sit here and read the posts...I try not to get upset....for it hurts so bad to cry. I had my 41st birthday last Thursday(20th).I had phone calls from friends and my dear family...My Army daughter(2nd born child) came home for two days espcially for my birthday..I was so happy to see her..My oldest daughter called me to wish me a happy birthday...then gave me a birthday "present" she told me she will be having a girl this coming July...We all kinda been praying for her to bear us a grandson...for she was going to name him Matthew..In mememory of her brother..For we are thankful for her safe pregnancy so far...she has been tested and has been diagnosed with cervice cancer..the doctoer has told her she will be able to carry the baby "safe" and that she will be able to have a safe delivery.we are so thankful....after the baby is born ..My daughter will have to go for more tests...She then will have to have a histo..I am so sad about that....for my daughter wanted to have all the children my Matthew will never have a chance to hold..I cry about that...for I remember that day when my Matthew and I were talking about his future..and laughed about how he was going to ask his wife to give him 6 children!! Oh how sweet his voice was when he asked me will I love his wife...I simply took him in my arms and said,Oh son,I will love whoever you fall inlove with!...Oh the smile..I can still see his smile when I close my eyes and think back to that wonderful day.Thank God for memories...The day of my birthday...I prayed that God would let me "hear" from my Matthew to wish me a happy birthday...Lo and behold!...I did!!..It was in a form of a scripture....after Matthew died..I turned to a passage in the Bible....John 11:25-27.I would read that everynight before I went to sleep..for months I would read this....well....believe this or not..but on my birthday...after I prayed that God would let me "hear" from Matthew to wish me a Happy Birthday....well that scripture was the scripture for the day!! I cried when I read it.Is'nt God wonderful!!!well I will go for now..just wanted to try and to put a smile on someone's face....Selva honey...You have to know that we love you sweetie...I pray that tomarrow comes a better day for you...Sandy.....that book Lament for A Son..yes I have read it....I cried of course..I tried to get my husband to read it....but says he cannot read something sad...maybe later in time he will able to. And that other book that Leader mentioned...I bought that at a christian book store awhile back...great devotional as well....well I need to go..been on here much to long for my husband is giving me that "when are you going to feed me look"...I love you all...ohhhh wanted to ask....does anybody still have to take sleepaids? Since the Doctor took me off the ambien's..I can''t seem to sleep unless I take a tylenol pm...am I making things worse for myself?by not just trying to let my body try to go to sleep on it's on? cause I do lay there for the longest time and think alot of Matthew..and at times I cry myself to sleep...but when I take a pm I go to sleep much easier....well ...I will go now..I love you all....please continue to pray for Ron and I...as I continue to pray for my angelmom friends..In His Care I Press On....Eva


Leander72
2/24/2003 02:01

Hi Angel Moms its me again,my e-mail is Candelight72@aol.com. Thank you Sandy and I will be so happy to grow forget-me-nots when I shared this with my husband Mike he liked the idea too. As soon as the weather permits we will begin. I'm so excited. You are all so dear I will buy the book Lament of a Son. Mike looked at the memorials today and smiled and when I was there tonite he said "Your not going to change it" He has said more lately and we are sharing together which makes me so happy. Selva,I'm so glad you have such a loving sister and I'm sorry the movie caused pain there are some funny ones like Snow Dogs and Dr.Dolittle that are light I still think blowing bubbles would be fun or at least light. You touch my heart when you said I'm part of the family I am honored because of what you posted in the past about your homeland and how you were raised. You inspire me and if there is any good beleive me thats from God you can ask my loving Husband after 32 yrs still tells me to behave. Once I picked a movie for a bunch of us Mom's to see we pretty much lived at the hospital with our children guess what I picked Steele Magnolias I could have crawled in a hole I had no idea it dealt with the same issues we were dealing with and we were all sobbing. I recommend Snow Dogs because my husband laughed so hard and Dr Dolittle was a crack up. I've wanted to say something to you Selva and I'm sure all of us do Thank you for having the strength and Love to give others life. I hope someday they will come and I'm sure Solange will manifest throught them but all in God's time.Our Love is being sent out to Jessica's family there are no words except hope that it will never happen again and that they will devise a better system. In the beginning so much of life reminds us of the injustice of losing our children but then there comes a spark of joy something small at first something precious that only you and Solange knew or shared and you find yourself laughing and crying at the same time. I don't beleive in concendece, I do believe God does it to make us know He loves us so much the winter of loss is the hardest but spring does come gently cautiously and then full bloom but the ocean waves of summer still catch us off guard but we learn to ride the waves. I think God gave us a beautiful family too. Selva I pray your winter will ease and a sunbeam will shine on you and I hope your sister will feel it too. DearestVerna, I agree with Selva your story needs to be told of MaDear and Diane and you I think many are waiting to hear it and need to . Dear Eva I'm so sorry and yet excited a new baby to love and God gave you a special Birthday wish from Matthew, his love sparkles in his eyes and I'm sorry it's been so hard and yes I will keep you and Ron and your daughters in my prayers.I hope you will be able to be with her when her daughter arrives God Bless all you Angel Moms, Eva I think it would be good to ask your Dr. I'm sure it is not good to be sleep deprived and can let you know if its safe. I hope sleep finds you and John11:25-27 does say it all my favorite Psalm 91 it has always brought me comfort since I found it.May God Grant All Peace and Rest. BearHugs Donna


SELVAM
2/24/2003 16:43

Hi Angel Moms, just a quick note,I received this e mail and wanted to share it with you.
WHISPER JESUS
Today I got a burden
and I felt that I should pray,
For God's spirit seemed to tell me
That you were having a bad day.

I don't know just what the problem is,
But I sure do know the cure,
And if you'll only let Him,
God will keep you safe and sure.

In life there's always problems
Cropping up to spoil our day
But my friend, you know the answer,
All you have to do is pray.

If you still feel you're defeated,
And you want to run and hide,
Just reach out ahd He'll be there,
Standing right by our side.

So remember.....whisper Jesus,
For He's just a prayer away,
He's so close that you can touch Him,
All you have to do is pray!
Love you all. Selva


LisaLou862
2/24/2003 16:44

Hi Angel Moms,
I have only posted here once or twice before. After reading Donna's post about being strong I decided I would post again. I never know what to say...I keep everything inside. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to burst. But when I try to talk to someone the words just won't come. I don't know why they just won't. I think I write better than talk. I was always taught to be strong and not cry growing up too. I guess I have made myself TOO strong. I don't know how to let anyone comfort me or know if they even can. Today I received an email from one of the ladies in this compassionate friends group that I have been attending. I just started screaming in my head when I started reading it. One (and the only) other person in the group that I have talked to lost her 2nd child friday night. I am so upset, I can't believe that God would take 2 children from her. I don't understand. I am finding myself questioning my faith and I don't like the feeling. Do any of you ever doubt? You all seem to be so believing and faithful in God. I am SO confused, angry, sad, lonely and I don't know how to express it. The visitation and funeral are tomorrow and Wed. and I don't know if I can (should) go or not. It has only been 4 1/2 months since my Aaron died, I don't know how I will react. Please someone help me. It seems that whatever I pray for, just the opposite happens. I am literally scared to pray anymore.
Lisa


SELVAM
2/24/2003 19:49

Hi Lisa, my name is Selva, I lost my only daughter aug 15 2002, she was 20 years old, so like you I'm going through this horrible pain, don;t feel bad, just read our post, we new bereaved moms, go through all this disbelieving, anger, and all these kind of awful feeling, the only thing we try is PRAYER, even if you don't feel like it we will pray for you, most of the time I don't feel like praying and I ask all these wonderful Angel moms to do it for me, and they are so wonderfuld that THEY DO. Please keep on coming to this Circle of Love, we all understand, some of the Moms here have more experience that we do, they have been with all this pain longer than us, and they will guide you through the pain. Its OK to ask WHY, God understand and does not get offended it(forgive my spelling I'm cuban-american). Let your pain out, cry as much as you want and give yourself time. I cry 24/7 I feel the pain 24/7. but do not keep it inside, just let it out no matter where you are. I go to the supermarket and I cry all the way to the cashier, because my Solange will call me at the supermarket to give me her list of things she wanted , now nobody calls me. I am not ashamed of crying, it is noone business. So please let it out, and come here as many times you want, We are here to help each other because we understand the pain. Love you Selva


SELVAM
2/24/2003 20:04

Hi Donna. I also built a memorial garden for Solange, she likes Sun Flowers , so I will make sure that I will plant our Angel kids' flowers what a great idean, and here in Miami everything grows, only impatients die in the summer,so I will take note of your flowers and for sure I will plant it.Hi Sandy I'm still deep valley, I'm going to my Dr tomorrow, I just received a bill from Miami Rescue Dept with details of "why" I owe them and it was not nice to read it. it took me back to that horrible night, I feel like sooooo baaaaad, I cried all evening and I'm still crying, my poor sister could not hide it from me, she is sick and today she went to the Dr. and he told hershe had emphysema, I don't know how to spell it but it is a lung trouble due to smoking, so we both decided that tomorow we will buy the patches and try to quit the smoking. I will make sure she quits. Well it has not have been an easy day, but what else its new, we have a new mom at the Circle of Love, please my sisters, try to help her. Love you all very much. Selva


SELVAM
2/24/2003 20:11

Hi Eva. I keep on telling Solange to keep in touch with Matthew and all our Angel kids, I just want you to know that whenever I can pray, you are also in my prayers. I hope everything comes out fine, just keep your faith (that is all we have) but prayers can make miracles and we are all praying for you. Love Selva

 
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