Prayer Circles

Hello Eva, it's so nice to see you posting again, but there's a lot of pain in your post, God love you. No, as Yvonne said, you're not going insane, grief brings up many, many emotions so what you're feeling right now is very normal, we've all been through those feelings, and we still struggle from time to time with them. Family, friends, say things to us to try and make us feel better, but instead sometimes what they say hurts and causes more pain, as Yvonne said, they just don't understand. I believe that only another mother who has lost a child truly understands how we really feel. So you say Matthew's name as much as you want if it comforts you, and helps you feel connected to him. It's also natural to have feelings of anger towards God sometimes, many moms do, and continue to pray to Him at the same time, God knows how much you're hurting, and how confused you are about Him right now, but He's there for you to help you with your anger and your feelings. I think you're in shock too as Yvonne said, and I also think the 'Reality' phase is starting, when you begin to realize your child isn't coming back. That phase can be just as hard as the first, (shock & disbelief), so please let your feelings out, as you've done here, and with your husband, and those you feel comfortable talking with. Your life is now split in two; the one you had with Matthew, and now the one you live without him. My life changed also slowly for the better after my Shane passed away, I also became closer to God, and I live my life to make my Shane proud of me and honouring his spirit for doing so. You'll gradually see changes in your life too, but it takes time, it's also been close to 4 yrs. for us, and 3 yrs. for Yvonne, so please give yourself plenty of time to grieve first! Changes don't happen overnight, you've experienced the worst pain a parent will ever have, losing your precious Matthew, and it's going to hurt for a long time. Please post here anytime to let your feelings out, it's a way of starting the healing process by talking about them, and here we all understand, and offer support, love, compassion and prayers, we all are united by the common bond of losing one or sometimes more of our beloved children. Much love and prayers to you,
Luv Sandy

Hello Angel Moms! ~ Well, I finally figured out how to get my doctor's permission to start posting again! :) I went in today, supposedly for my monthly hormone shot and to have my blood pressure checked. When she entered the room and asked how I was doing ... Without looking at her, I told her I was doing just fine, and then I stood up and rolled up my sleeve and told her that all I needed was my blood pressure checked and get the heck out of Dodge! Ha-ha! Of course she's been my doctor for 30+ years, so she knew I was upset. So, as usual, she just calmly ignored my mood, and told me I needed to step up and sit on the exam table so she could take my blood pressure. Now, by this time, the tears are quietly rolling down, and I am still not making eye contact with her ... I chose to look directly at the wall ... So, she let me! Ha-ha! I guess that's why I have been with this doctor for sooo long. :) She is the best! The good news is, my blood pressure was fine, and my glucose monitor reading was down from the day before. She warned me to keep eating right, and exercising; take my medication without failure, ... Get plenty sleep, and do whatever it takes to have peace of mind! :) So, since posting here gives me peace of mind ... Here I am ladies! :) And, I promise to start doing all of that other stuff that she mentioned...God willing, tomorrow night, Just as soon as we return from down home. We are planning to go down home for a short visit with my husband's Mom. She is doing OK, but we just feel it's time for another visit. We learned late last night that we may have company coming in tomorrow from Texas for a short visit, and "if" that happens, we will wait until Sunday or Monday to go down home.

Gosh, how I have missed posting to all you angel moms! But, I realize I must still take it easy, so I will refrain from trying to play catch-up and just post when I can, without overdoing it.

I would like to thank all for the fwd pages and emails! They have really helped to keep my spirits up during my valley days. A lot is going on here, and I am dealing with it all, with God's help, and the knowledge that I am being prayed for by all. :) I truly thank you all for keeping me in your prayers. They really do carry me through when I'm under a lot of stress. I know God has me in the palm of His hands, so it helps to know that, and I continue to meditate on His Holy Word.

I have kept up with the reading of back posts, so I am always praying for all, but I ask that God will hold those who need it the most extremely close to His heart, and comfort them as only He can. Having been where they are now, I know how extremely painful grief can be; especially during the very early stages! And, as always, Sandy, Selva, Yvonne, and other angel moms have given such good advice to those who are really hurting now. I will continue lifting all of our angel moms up to our heavenly Father, in prayer! Hold on to God, angel moms, for He is our Father, and He has paved the way for us to embrace our children again someday! And, He really does understand our pain! He also understands our anger! And, He knows we can't help but ask, "Why!" The "Why" and the anger is all a very normal part of our grieving process! God understands, and so do we! It has been a little over 6 years since I lost my beautiful daughter, and there have been days ... Very recently ... that I have found myself feeling such deep sadness and longing to see my child and hold her in my arms again! There are some things going ... even now, 6 years later, that are heartbreaking for me, because of some heartless things that are happening in our justice system. :( But, I know God is going to handle it for me. But, still ... I have to let go of it and let God handle it! :) And, sometimes, that is sooo difficult for me to do! I have to remind myself often that the evil one is always on the job ... He never gets tired of trying to steal our joy! So, angel moms, let us just keep right on praying for one another, that God will see us through all the valley days! Let's continue to hold on to God's unchanging hand! We must remember always that God's grace ... really is sufficient!

God's Peace and Blessings!
Verna

From: Chain Reaction By Verna R. Clay

[For our newly bereaved Angel Moms ...]

Poem: AMAZING GRACE

By Cheryl Denise Clay

His grace is always sufficient
No matter how great the loss
When Jesus died and rose again
He completely paid the cost

So know His grace is sufficient
Your part in this is FAITH!
Just believe and rely on Jesus
And His amazing grace!

When my youngest daughter, Cheryl, wrote Amazing Grace, I realized that she, too, had been given a wonderful gift. God had given her the ability to express her undying faith in verse. I believe this poem, like many other anointed poems which have been written by people throughout the ages, was given to her to share with others to help increase, or in some cases restore, their faith in a loving and caring God.

Sometimes, this is not an easy thing to do; especially when we are faced with a
devastating loss such as the loss of a child or other loved one. It is during these times that we must depend on a power which is so much greater than any power we have ever known. No one can bear such devastating losses alone ... Especially the loss of a beloved
child! There is no greater loss! There is no greater cross! Only those who have been there can truly understand such statements! God, however, has, indeed, been there! So,
He does know the depth of our pain! When we fall under the weight of such a heavy cross ... The cross of losing a precious child ... It is during these times that God uses others ... Others who have been there ... to help us carry our cross. God already knows
our hearts have been shattered beyond repair. All we need to do is learn to trust Him, and have faith that He will see us through, no matter how great the loss!

Dear Margaret41653, ~ First of all, welcome to our Circle of Love. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your beloved son. May it comfort you to know that you are now surrounded by other Angel Moms who truly care about what you are going through. Each and every Mom who post here can relate to the heartfelt grief and pain you are feeling. We, too, have know the greatest pain that anyone could ever know in this life. Because I am under the doctor's care,presently, I am not able to say all that's in my heart right now, but please believe me when I say I will lift you up in prayer ... To our heavenly Father, from which all our help comes! And so will all our other Angel Moms! They can tell you that we all get down in the valley many times throughout our journey, but God always sends the comforter to lift our spirits again and again ... Giving us those precious moments of peace ... no matter how for down in the valley we sometime find ourselves. :) God truly is amazing, awesome, and wonderful! As hard as it may be for you to believe right now ... You, too, will feel that peace, in God's time!
God's Peace and Blessings,
LOVE2U
Verna

Dear Elparro,(Eva), ~
Eva, ~ The same holds true for you! I've read your post and tears filled my eyes as I did, because, oh how vividly I remembered my own pain during the early stages! And please know that it is the evil one who comes to kill, steal, and destroy! Jesus came so that we might have life, and also to pay the ultimate price so that we will see our beloved children again someday! Like you, I thought the pain would never get better!! But, I am here to tell you that God, will send the comforter to you also, in His own time! Right now, though, you need to grieve your loss! The grief that you are feeling just comes out as anger, and God understands this! We have all felt anger, and many of us, including me, felt anger at God. Take your time and grieve in your own way! And, as you do ... Please know you are not alone! All of us here will help you go through this painful time! We will lift you up in our prayers daily!
God's Peace and Blessings,
LOVE2U
Verna

Hello Yvonne!! Yes, I was just about to send out the troops looking for you, :). It's so nice to receive a post from you! Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you had a rough time with your meds., most of them are non-addictive, but I've heard of a few of them that are, and just like you're doing, you have to be weaned off them gradually so you don't experience withdrawal symptoms. So thank goodness you're back on them, and your Dr. will be able to monitor you and wean you off them when you feel ready to stop. I'm taking Zoloft, but I don't find it doing much for me, so I'm going to my Dr. on Monday and I'll ask her for some other type. Clinical depression and anxiety are awful diseases, aren't they, but thank goodness there's help out there for it, much more than what was available 10 yrs. ago. I'm happy that you're feeling better, and like you, I don't want to stay on them forever, I just want to feel like my old self again! Oh, yes, it would be wonderful to sit down with a cup of tea and just talk, what a weekend that would be, all of us finally meeting face to face and sharing our stories, pics, and most of all just finally meeting each other!! I feel like you Yvonne, we all know each other so well, from our common bond and our sharings, it would be the weekend that nobody would ever forget! It's definitely something for everyone to think about, perhaps it could be sometime this summer - just a thought. Thank you for your kind words Yvonne, but it's my joy to respond to all, I've done it from the very first page of our Circle, and now that some of us are 'regulars' I love to hear from all of you, you all bless me in ways only God knows, so I thank you all for that! I love you all and all of you are in my prayers. Once again Yvonne, a very beautiful prayer, and I pray the same for you, God has brought us this far and will continue to be with us as we travel on this Journey. I'm happy you're feeling better, and my love and prayers are always with you and your family, much love to you,
Luv Sandy

Hello Verna! It's so nice to see some posts from you, I know you have to rest your arm, but I'm happy to hear from you! That's wonderful about your blood pressure, now you follow your Dr.'s orders and bring it down even more,:).
What a beautiful poem from Cheryl, hmm, wonder where she gets her talent from, :)!! Have a wonderful time with your company, and your visit to your mother-in-law, God bless her, and post again when you're feeling up to it, you're in our love and prayers,
Luv Sandy

Hi all you Angel Moms. Lets get together in prayer for those astronauts and their family. May God help them with their pain and sorrow right now. Selva

Hello Selva, I agree, what a terrible tragedy, my prayers are with them and their families left behind to mourn.
Beliefnet has a Prayer Circle on the front page for the Shuttle disaster, if anyone wants to post a prayer there.
Luv Sandy

Hi Verna. So nice to see you posting again. Thanks for your e mails, I'm glad that you are keeping Dr's orders, I'm trying to do the same thing. I'm in valley days but you know how that is it's only 5 1/2 months and I'm going to really severe depression . Just trying to hold on to God and you Angel moms. Now don't overdo it , we need you. So take it easy on your postings and remember you are always in my prayers (when I can do it). My love to you. Selva

Hi Sandy, Verna, Debby Yvonne and all you Algel Moms. I have been glued to the TV watching that horrible story about the astronauts, and that really got me deeper in the valley. I feel so bad for those families, I saw an interview with two of the mothers and I was amazed how well they are and how strong the seemed to be (maybe still in shock) I wish I have that strenght but I don't. About the meeting some day, I talked about it before and again my house is you house, here in Miami, between my sister's house and mine I think we can all fit, besides I', planning to construct behind my sister, we are in the process of the engineers, aprovals etc but if we finish it before our meeting we will have more space, and I promise I will cook cuban food, it will be a change for all of you. How wonderful it will be to meet all of you Angel Moms that has helped me so much for the last 5 1/2 months. But if Miami seems far away to you, count me in and I will go wherever. Verna take your medications, I went to my dr friday and he increased all my medication (high blood preassure) 190/120 with the medication, we are under a lot of stress for everytingh that has happened, I told him that I wish a get a heart attack but he reminded me that if I didn't get a heart attack I could have a stroke (family history) so I think iI better start to take care of myself for I don't want to be a burden for my sister and brother (they have enough) so think of your daughter and family, this will make you take care of yourself. Love you all. Selva

I know a day does not go by that he is everywhere. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my son to a rare cancer and everyday I miss him but I keep his light shining. Maybe this will help, it has for me. How did Jesus's mother bear such a grief, she leaned on Our Heavenly Father and like you took her pain and did something for others. I know there is no greater suffering, and on the bad days may God wrap his arms around you and put you on his lap and comfort you and all the parents who miss there children. God Bless You and Yours and Grant You PEACE.

Hello Leander72, and welcome to the Circle. I'm so sorry that you lost Mikey, losing a child is the worst pain that a parent will ever experience. And you're so right, our children are everywhere and like you, I miss my Shane everyday. We probably always will. That's beautiful, keeping Mikey's light shining, and yes, I strongly identify with Mary, Our Blessed Mother (I'm Catholic) who endured such suffering herself seeing her son, Our Lord and Saviour, suffering so much Himself for all of mankind and living the rest of her life in loving service to God.
Thank you for the beautiful prayer, and please post back again, this is a safe place to talk about how you feel, and you'll only find understanding, no judging, support, compassion, love and prayers here. We all have a common bond that only another mom who has lost a child would understand. May Our Lord give you His peace today, and in the days ahead, and my love and prayers are with you,
Luv Sandy

Hello dear Selva, gosh yes, I watched some of it myself yesterday, but it was too sad, so I shut it off. But of course all the newspapers this morning are filled with stories of the Astronauts and their lives, God bless them, brave men and women that they were. Yes, I remember you offering that before Selva, wouldn't it be terrific if we could all meet - yum, Cuban food sounds good, :)! Guess we'll all have to wait and see if it's possible. Selva, take care of yourself, get your blood pressure lowered, and I'm very happy to read that you are going to, it's the grief that makes you want to be with Solange, most of us felt that way too the first year, but God pulled us through. And He will with you too!! Much love and prayers for you,
Luv Sandy

Hello Love2U, thank you for your comforting words. My son was killed while riding a dirt bike. My only son. I have only visited his grave only once. I don't yet have any of his pictures out, it hurts so bad. I try so hard to face each day but at times I feel so unstable. I enjoy this site because of moms who has lost a child, they understand my pain. I pray for all of the mommys who carry this type of pain and hurt. God bless us all.

Hi Margaret41653. I'm so sorry to hear about your son, please keep coming back to this Circle of Love, you will find such wonderful Angel moms that keeps helping us. I lost my only daughter 20 years old 5 1/2 months ago, so I know of the raw pain, but I find such peace and love in this Circle, that I have not gone insane thanks to these Angel moms. My advice, please come back and post anytime you want to. We are all going through the same pain so we understand. My love and prayer are with you and your child. Love Selva

Hi Angel Moms. I'm in deep valley days, I went to my house (I can't call it HOME anymore) on sunday, slept there but by monday evening I had to come back to my sister's, yesterday I spent a little time there with Juny, she was the girl that was living in my house and Solange's best friend. She always keeps in touch with me, I made her go back to college, and she is doing OK, but she is really depressed about her sister, imagine me trying to help her (only 21 years old) and she feels so guilty for leaving Solange alone that night. So in another words I'm tired and very sad. On top of it, one of my co workers (very dear) felt bad enough for me to call rescue, I had to go to the emergency room and that brought back many memories, but she was there for me when Solange was in the Hosp so the least I could do was be there for her. But that did not help me at all. Please pray for me, tonight I feel very weak to do so. But I know I can count on you Angel Moms, that its wonderful I thank you and I love you. Selva

Hello dear Selva, I guess it does feel more like a house right now than your home, but at least you tried, and that's good. It's wonderful isn't it when one of our children's friends keeps in contact with us, they also have their own memories of their friend who passed away, and I always find it comforting when they phone or drop in. So that's very nice of you to help Juny, she must miss Solange so much herself. Yes, going back to the hospital Emergency would bring back a lot of painful memories for you, but that's so nice of you to help your friend. You just rest tonight, it's been a hard day for you emotionally and physically, and our prayers are with you as well as our love.
Luv Sandy

Having worked as an EMT for many years I witnessed may people leave this earth. Be assured that somthing very sacred occurs when someone passes on. I know that wherever our souls go it must be somthing. Also know that our loved ones never really leave us. They are in our hearts, and in our minds. We were joined to our children before they were born and we remain joined to them even in death.

Hello neiser, and thank you for posting your comforting post to us all. I can well imagine that working as an EMT you have experienced some very amazing, sacred moments at the time of a person's passing. It must be awe-inspiring for you to witness it, how blessed you are! I agree, as I've said so often here, love never dies, it's eternal, and the bond is never broken. Yes, as badly as we'd like our children back, they wouldn't come, not because they don't love us but because the life they're living right now is beyond our wildest dreams, and they can't wait until we experience it ourselves, united with them and all our other loved ones who have gone before us. They're with God, enjoying their Heavenly Reward. It doesn't stop us from missing them, but with Our Lord's help we live our lives until we too are called. It was very nice of you to post here to us all, we love it when someone who hasn't lost a child reaches out to us, offering comfort. May God bless you in whatever way He knows you need,
Luv Sandy

Thank you NEISER for your posting, you have no idea what a good deed you are doing. We moms who have lost a child (I lost mine only daughter 5 1/2 months ago) really apreciate your words. Please keep coming back to this Circle of Love. You will be doing a good deed just like Our Jesus wants. Thanks again. Selva

Hi Angel Moms. Stil deep in the valley, I just received an e mail from the Organs Donors, remember I told you I wrote to the guy ( the only one to say Thanks) I even sent a picture of Solange . I'm so proud of my daughter, well . they told me they could not send the picture or the web site to Solange's memorial, (their rules) in the meantime they told me that they we welcome me in an open house to their new office, where DONORS and RECIPIENTS WILL METT (?). QI wrote them back that I understand that she will follow the rules of UM (University of Miami) but how can they have a get together witn donors and recipients (?). I', still waiting for hteir reply. I will forward you the e mail tomorrow from my office. All I wanted to do is that he will know what a wonderful person Solange is. Well I will keep on trying (what I don't know) Love Selva

Hello dear Selva, I know how hurt you must be over this, but as I said in reply to your e-mail, attend the Open House anyway, and if it's meant to be, you just may meet the person who wrote you the thank you letter. Pray about it, and perhaps Our Lord will open the door for you to meet this man! Our prayers and love are with you, as you discern in prayer what to do. Nothing is impossible with God!
Luv Sandy