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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children

Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.

There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

Shaner -10/14/2000
send to a friend

Read Prayers.

1/1/2003 13:14

Hello dearest Yvonne, I hope you had a peaceful Christmas, with all your family, and a blessed New Year to you and your family. Our love and prayers are with you always too, you know that, much love to you too,
Luv Sandy

1/1/2003 16:56

Everyone who has experienced one of the tragedies that happen so often in this world should read When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Rabbi Harold Kushner. I am Protestant, not Jewish but Rabbi Kushner's was the only explanation that allowed me to keep being a Christian after my son died. My son was born full term. I took him home and he seemed fine. At the age of three days he died at the hospital - he had been born with an incomplete heart. I believe that God was not able to prevent that tragedy,nor was God able to prevent 9/11, nor can he stop one starving child in Africa from dying, etc. God expects us to realize that he is not in charge of the physical world but can and will provide providence and guidance and strength to us. Using God's providence, guidance and strength we need to be lights in this fallen world helping those who suffer. When we die we will go to heaven and be with our children again. While God does not cause evil or allow it to happen he does "make all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose." Now I am entering menopause, single and celibate (happy about that!) and childless. God guided me to go teach school, so now every day I try to love and help 5 and 6 year olds, many of whom are poor, abused and neglected. God gives me strength and in the face of each student I try to see what my son would have been.

1/1/2003 18:32

Hello teachandsing2002, welcome to the Circle! I'm so sorry to read of your own loss of your baby son, it must have been a very painful time for you. Yes, many of us have read the good Rabbi's book, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People", it's a wonderful book, and I'm happy to read that it helped you with yourloss and your faith. Yes, we do need to be 'lights' for each other, in the world, in our community, in our families, wherever life takes us. That's what we try to do here at this Circle, be lights for each other, lift each other up in prayer, and in our love and hearts. Those of us who are further along the Journey of Grief 'reach back', holding a newly bereaved mom by the hand, and in this process of giving back, it helps us with our own grief and pain, and a way of giving back for the many blessings we received when we were newly bereaved.
Yes, one day when it's our turn, we will be reunited with our child, and we hold onto that thought. No, God does not cause evil, but He does call each and everyone of us to help each other, and one day we will see and know the 'larger picture'. You're a teacher, that's wonderful, next to being a parent, there is no job more important in the world than teaching children! Those children desperately need your love and attention, and you're playing a very important role in their lives. Yes, I can imagine that you do look at their faces, and think about your tiny son and what he would look like now. God bless you for what you do! May God continue to give you the guidance and strength to continue, and the love and prayers of this Circle are with you,
Luv Sandy

1/2/2003 00:44

Hello teachandsing2002..I am so sorry to hear about your son. I too lost a son...he was 15 years old..killed in a car accident this past June the 8th,2002 I miss him terribly.. There are no words to express what I want to say to you... Only that we feel your pain and will lift you up in prayer. I right now am going through a very bad valley day... seems like there are more and more of these days as I try so hard to be strong. I just can't seem to let go....It's like nothing matters anymore....I'm sorry you guys....right now I just need to the tears flow my heart aches so very bad..I went to Matthew's grave today...I kissed his picture on his stone...It just does'nt seem real...My baby.laying there..oh God how I miss hurts sooo very bad.please pray that God takes this burden from me just wanting to be free.I love you all.....Eva

1/2/2003 09:35

Dear Sandy, blessings to you and welcome to the new year of 2003! I've been reading all of the posts and just now got caught up! Lots of them over the holidays. I've been very busy since Christmas all the way through last evening. We had a nice quiet Christmas with only 2 of our kids home. And of course our 2 new granddaughters, 4 & 2 months old, they were a complete 'JOY'!!!!! Aaron and Brianne couldn't be here, I sent them a big package though! It was sad not having them home, it wasn't the same without them. We videotaped our Christmas so we could send it to them as a gift. My daughter Sarah stayed a few extra days after her husband went home to tend to church duties, he's an assistant pastor and youth pastor. So we had Sarah & Ruthie to ourselves until we took them home on Sunday. And then on New Year's Eve we got to babysit Zoe so her mom could go out bowling with her family, my son Bryan had to work, but got off early and came up to spend the night with us. Tara got back at 2 a.m. That was the first time they stayed all night with us since they've been married, 3 yrs, they only live 45 minutes away, so there's really no need to. I coaxed them into it by telling Bryan I would make his favorite chinese egg rolls and chicken fried rice for New Years. It a yearly holiday tradition to make them. They are so good, we made 5 dozen and then he takes half of them home. It was fun for us and Zoe was really good for Gramma & Grampa!!!!!! She's so much fun now! Ruthie's getting there!! She still seems newborn, but she's smiling alot. I love my grandbabies!!!!!!! God must have known we needed them to help fill our lives up once again, but nothing will ever replace our beloved Joe.
~~~I feel the pain in some of the letters above. As you have said Sandy we who have been on this journey longer know what Selva and Eva are going through right now, the pain is immense beyond belief and nothing can help it except going through it and relying on God for His strength. I have had some valley days recently too, I think they will always come. I had a sense of loneliness last night after the kids left, just looking at the decorations still up from Christmas and how fast it all went by this year and then thinking of my Joe and him not being with us again for another holiday season, it just breaks my heart over and over. But I have hope in the coming new year that my Lord & King Jesus will always reign in my heart and continue to bring me His peace and love to fill the days ahead as I trust in Him. He is my only source of strength. And He is working through you and all of the other 'Angel Moms' here to help each other on this grief journey that we all share. It really is awesome that this circle has grown like it has to 103 pages already! And to think I first posted back in Feb last year on page 41! I really do believe this has helped me tremendously to get through some of the rough times and it has helped me also to offer words of hope to others that are just now experiencing this awful pain of losing our most prized possession, our beloved child/children. I still have to remember that our children are not our own, that they belong to Jesus, that they are given to us as a gift to take care of and to love just like He loves and cares for us and that we will never know when we will have to give them back to Him. We don't always know the reason for them being taken so young from us. Sometimes I think these things happen to bring us closer to a loving Savior and a closer relationship with Him, because I know that's what has happened to me and I can see that in all of you here, how we all rely on Him more and more everyday inspite of all the deep pain that we are in from our loss. He loves us so much. I keep going on and on. I will submit this before I lose it!
Love, Yvonne<><

1/2/2003 10:03

Hello Eva, I know you're in a lot of pain, sweetie. You don't have to 'let go' right now, your loss is so recent, you're still in shock, disbelief and a pain so bad that it tears your heart apart. Don't try to rush through your grief right now, just let it be, you cry as often as you need too, and talk about it as much as you want to, that's the way we let the pain out and slowly the harsh pain you're feeling right now will become less in time. We never get over losing a child, but we do learn how to live with it. It takes a long time, though, it has taken me 3 years to learn how to do that. I'm not saying that it's going to take you that long, everybody grieves at their own pace, that's why it's OK right now to hang on and not let go, you're not ready, and only you will know when you are. So please, allow yourself to grieve, you've lost your beloved Matt, and there is no pain worse for a parent than losing a child. We all know of the awful pain that you're feeling right now, and our hearts are breaking for you, the first year is a very painful one. You're in our love and prayers, and you post here how you're feeling anytime, we'll always be here for you. Dear Lord, please wrap Eva in your arms, and give her some peace today, Amen. Much love and prayers to you Eva,
Luv Sandy

1/2/2003 10:09

Anyway, Sandy! You are a prized child of the The Most High God. I just wanted you to know that and that we all love you as you are always here for each one of us. I hope you are doing ok. I know Shane is looking down on his Mama and smiling ever so proudly! It sounds like we all got through the roughest time of the year. Every year seems a little different. I think we need to do things that will help us get through, at least to make it more tolerable for us and memorable for the family.
By the way, I hate football!!!!!! Is that ok??? I thank the Lord my husband doesn't like it either! But my daughter has to put up with it with her hubby, he's a Chicago Bears fan big time. And he thinks he's going to get Ruthie into it!!!!!! Not if Sarah can help it! My son Bryan likes to watch football but basketball is more his thing, don't even talk to him when the final four comes around!!!! Aaron could care less about any of it! Joe always liked baseball! He collected baseball cards for years and they are in mint condition, he has thousands of them! And probably worth alot! I would buy him sets for his birthdays & Christmases, that was all he ever wanted and books! He has a whole library of books that someday when I can get my husband to build us an office area for our computer (he's seriously thinking of it now!) I will proudly display all of his books from childhood on. I only have a few out now.
~~~It really does help to have a place where we can come and talk about our child/children. I usually can't go on like this with anyone else, because they don't want to hear it. I have a need to talk about my Joe, but only when I want to bring it up, it's a very personal thing to me and my family. We can talk openly about him, but not when others are around. No one knew him like we did.~~~
~~~Dear Father, I thank You for this New Year that You have so generously given to each of us. Help each one of us to do what pleases You in it. Father, give us your hope and peace to live according to your Word everyday this year. I lift up each and every 'Angel Mom' here and ask that You would fill them up with your Joy and Peace in their hearts day by day. Bless them all in Jesus Name, Amen.~~~ I love you all!
Love, Yvonne<><

1/2/2003 10:33

Dear Debby, How are you doing? I wanted to thank you for the poem about the 'Christmas Dove' and what that meant to me. When I first saw you post it here I thought how beautiful it was and later on I read where you posted it at Joe's memorial site. Thank you for thinking of me. You are so sweet. I haven't gone there for so long that I didn't know you posted it there until I read it here. I love the poem. You know, anything that has to do with a dove means so very much to me. I got a Christmas card from my sister and it's small enough that I think I can make an ornament with it somehow. It's a 'white dove' inside a 3" circle on blue paper. I hope I can find a frame for it. I think I will print that poem on the back. Then it will remind me of you and how thoughtful you were to send that to me! God Bless you Debby!
~~~ I hope you are doing ok. I know how hard the holidays were for everyone. I lost my Joe at Thanksgiving 3 years ago and Christmas was a blur to me then, I was in so much shock, I don't even know how I got through it, but somehow I managed to do it all, the shopping, everything except sending out cards, I didn't want everyone to be so depressed, even though we were, we had to have some kind of remembrance. Now I look back on that dark time and I can't help but think that God was truly carrying me through it. I give Him all the glory. I love him so much. I hope this finds you doing ok Debby and that this new year of 2003 will bring you more and more peace in your heart as you continue to trust in Him! God Bless you Debby! I love you!
Love, Yvonne<><

1/2/2003 10:40

Hello dear Yvonne! It's so good to hear from you again! Blessings to you too, and a Happy New Year. It sounds as though you had a Christmas just like us, quiet, with our children home, but that's the only way I can celebrate it now, don't like large crowds. That was nice to video tape your Christmas for Aaron and his wife, they'll treasure it and watch it many times over! Oh yes, it must be so nice to have your grandchildren around you, I can imagine what joy they bring into your lives. No, nothing will replace Joe, but the beautiful grandbabies are another source of joy for you, isn't Our Lord wonderful! It sounds as though you had a good New Year's Eve, tempting Brian with his favourite meal, :) Sounds good to me too, gosh, it must have taken a while to prepare 5 doz! But now you have some on hand for yourselves when you feel like some. I'm so happy for you that you had a good time with your family over the Holidays. YES, can you imagine, on Page 103, this Circle of Love and Prayer has certainly grown, hasn't it. It's sad that we need it, but I truly believe that it has been blessed by Our Lord, with all you wonderful moms. You're all so dear to me! We're a source of comfort, understanding, support and love for each other here, and this Circle has helped me so many times myself. We still do have our valley days, and always will, we love our children so much, but with God's help, He carries us through it. Yes, it breaks my heart too, seeing the awful pain of Selva and Eva, we all know how terrible that pain is and how it affects our lives 100%. But as you say, leaning heavily on Our Lord and drawing closer to Him as we grieve, He knows of the awful pain, and wants to help us. Unfortunately yes, we can't take their pain away for them, we wish we could, but we all had to go through it, and we know how they feel. I pray that this Circle of Love helps them in their grieving. We're always here for each other, and every Mom is loved and prayed for. God bless you Yvonne, you're a woman of great faith, and you've helped many a mom here yourself.
Take good care of yourself and your grandbabies, and may the King of Kings sustain you and your family. Much love and prayers to you dear Yvonne,
Luv Sandy

1/2/2003 13:35

Hello again Yvonne! We must have been posting at the same time this morning, and I missed your second post! Oh, thank you Yvonne, that's so nice of you to say, we're all His beloved children!
I love all of you too, and all of you have been a great help to me, I miss my Shane so much, and all of you have been a blessing to me in my own Journey. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of your help, it has seen me through some very dark days myself.
YES, ha, ha, in my books it's OK to hate football, but not in my son Chris's! He loves his NFL. Actually he loves every sport, much to the dismay of his girlfriend, :) My husband and I are big hockey fans, so I understand people's love of their sport.
I agree Yvonne, with each passing year we do have to do what makes us comfortable, tolerable for us, our lives have been forever changed, and we have to do what's right for us to learn how to live again, without our precious child in our lives. But I find it sooo hard! Oh gosh, your Joe collected baseball cards just as my Chris has, and we did the same, buying him sets for his birthday and Christmas. Yes, I imagine the cards are worth quite a bit of money, but I know they mean more to you in your heart. Joe's collection of them and his books will be so beautifully displayed in the new office you're making! I know what you mean, other's don't want to hear about our child that's passed on, they don't realize that it stays with us the rest of our lives. We're much like you, we share our precious moments between ourselves, because, like you, only we know Shane inside and out. Oh yes, other people knew Shane too, and have their own precious memories, but mine and my hubby's are timeless jewels to us. This Circle of Love does allow us to talk about our children, when other's don't want to hear it or understand, and I'm grateful that I can open my heart here too, and very happy that you all feel the same. We can ALWAYS talk about our children here, as this Circle of Love, and everybody's feelings are honoured, understood and loved. Once again, a beautiful prayer for all Yvonne, your prayer's are always so heartfelt and we take comfort in them. Much, much love to you, and I know that Joe is helping his family that he loves, I hope you see a Dove soon. Lots of love and prayers to you Yvonne, God bless you,
Luv Sandy

1/2/2003 13:36

Hi Sandy, Verna and all you Angel moms. I'm back at work today, it is not easy to concentrate in numbers, after so many awful days, but I have to get to job done. I'm still in the valley, but trying to be strong for I asked God that instead of helping me on my grief, to dedicate that time to Solange, making sure she is close to HIM, and making her happier each day. I'm really tired today byt I;ll make it. I have my Dr's appointment Jan 10, she took vacation, and I need help deciding what to do about my house, and want to try to move back, but I don't know if can bear with it. I think that I will be putting Solange's things away, a little at a time, but when I think about it it hurts so much, and the construction at my sister's house it going to take a long time, I'm really very confused and I'm so tired that I can not make a decision. I took my little break to write to you and pray for all of us and ouc children. Love you all. Selva

1/2/2003 13:39

Hi dear Selva, I pray you're doing alright today, you know you're in our love and prayers!
Luv Sandy

1/2/2003 13:43

Hi Eva. I know how you are feeling right now, so does these wonderful Angel moms that has helped us so much. I'm too in the valley, I too lost my 20 year sold Solange Aug 15, 2002, she was all I had. But we must keep on praying there nothing else we can do. I have not been able to visit Solange's grave, not yet, I can't find the strengh to do that. All I have is pictures of her all around me at home and at my office, and even though I cry just by looking at it, I rather remember her that way ,always smiling. Keep coming back to this Circle of Love, you will find a lot of love and understanding here, they help me keep on going, Please know that you are not alone. We all love you and pray for you. Selva

1/2/2003 14:01

Hello dear Selva, we were posting at the same time too! Goodness yes, I can imagine it's hard concentrating after the very difficult days of the Holidays.
I think to some degree we're all happy that they're over. Offering up your prayers and grief for Solange is a wonderful thing to do, I have no doubt that Solange is enjoying her Heavenly reward. But I know what you mean, I pray for my Shane everyday too, and sometimes ask him to pray for me. I hope your Dr. will be able to help you sort out your mixed feeling about things, it's wonderful that you can stay at your sister's, and I pray that the construction takes place sooner than later. Selva, if thinking about putting a little of Solange's things away hurts so much, then don't do it just yet, I don't think you're ready. I don't mean to tell you what to do, but if it's that painful, and it's been so soon, then don't rush it. We still have Shane's things around, and I find comfort having them here, I'm still not ready to put them away. Talk to your Dr. and give yourself some time before you make any decisions, as you say, you're tired right now and confused, still in a lot of pain, so go slow right now, at your own pace, whatever you feel comfortable about. Try and rest up after work, and please post if you want to talk, you know we're here for you. Much love and prayers to you dear Selva,
Luv Sandy

1/2/2003 23:34

Hello angelmoms.I can't sleep right now..I need to be sleepy, for 6 am comes mighty early..tonight I came across a poem Matthew had wrote me during one of his "quiet times" at school..I will forever remember his sweet face "beaming" as I read it.Tonight I want to share it with you. Mom My mom is a friend.Someone you can depend on until the end. My Mom is a rose, in a meadow of dried marigolds. My Mom makes me proud. It does'nt bother me to hold her hand in a crowd. My Mom loves me so, she has ways to let me know. My Mom is the best,She has something that could beat the rest. My mom helps me out, she tells me everything's ok even when I shout. My Mom is my best friend, and I will love her until the end.....Love always and forever...Matt Parr

1/3/2003 08:53

Dear Eva, God Bless you dear, I know the pain you are in, the terrible pain of your loss of your beloved son Matthew. And only 15. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You don't have to try to be strong. Let God be your strength. It's only been a few months for you and will take a great deal of time to begin to feel like you're healing and can live again. You don't have to let go either, Matthew was your life and he'll always be a part of your life. You are coming out of the shock part of it and the reality of it is setting in and that's why the pain seems stronger and stronger. I remember in the beginning when people would tell me it gets easier I didn't believe them, I wondered how could it ever get any better, I lost my son, I felt like I was going to die myself and I wanted to die. But it does get easier to live with, we learn how, in our own way to live with it. It's like Sandy has said before and I've read this too, that our life is torn in two, the one we had before our loss and now the one we have with out our precious child. And we have to learn how to live this new life because it is changed forever. If that means staying away from others for awhile and just taking care of yourself, then that's what you do. I didn't want to be with anyone except my husband and 3 other children really for the first two years. Then gradually I began to step out a little at a time. I still have to guard myself from others. I was so angry, because everyone was always so happy, but I lost my son and I was in so much pain but they didn't seem to realize that. I'm doing better with that now, I have come to realize that most do not understand unless they've been there and that it's not there fault. I like you, had to be at the cemetary all the time, because that's where my Joe was. I couldn't believe it either that he was in that ground. It's still so painful when I go there, I know it's just his body and that his spirit is with Jesus, but it still hurts. They're our children, how can we not hurt like this? You have a strong faith in God Eva and that's what's going to carry you through all the rough times ahead. And along with all the prayers said for you be many who love you here and know your pain. What a beutiful poem written by your precious Matthew! It is awesome to know how much he truly loved his precious Mama. You are blessed Eva to have been blessed with Matthew, he's always watching over you now in heaven. He's your little angel!
~~~Dear Father, I come before Your throne today and ask that You would wrap Your loving arms around Eva and let her feel Your presence today in her pain. Let her know how very much she is loved and cared for. Lift her through the valley days and give her You comfort and peace that only You can give. Thank you for Eva coming to this circle of Love to share her pain with the rest of us. We have not found this circle by accident, it's only because of You that any of are here. Give Eva much needed rest as she puts her faith and trust in You. In Jesus Name, Amen. God Bless you Eva, I love you.
love, Yvonne<><

1/3/2003 09:03

Hello dear Eva, I hope you got some sleep last night, the nights can be very hard when you're the only one awake with your thoughts. Yes, 6am does come early! What a beautiful, heartfelt poem from your Matt! It must have moved you to tears when he gave it to you, it's right from his heart to your's. His love for you comes shining through with his words. What a beautiful poem to love and treasure now, I know you must keep it close to your heart. Thank you for sharing this loving poem from your sweet Matt with us all, it's so very special! Much love and prayers to you,
Luv Sandy

1/3/2003 09:27

Dear Selva, God Bless you too, the pain you are in is tremendous. It hasn't been that long for you and it's so hard to do anything, especially work. I commend you for even going back to work. I couldn't even function in the first year. I would cry all the time, I cried everyday for the first two years, I just couldn't seem to get past the tears. Thank God I had a job at home here (I'm a seamstress and I work out of my home) that I didn't have to go out into the world and try to keep my composure. I don't think I would have made it out there. I'm glad you took time off around the holidays. You have to do what works for you. These are difficult days for you and making decisions are not easy. Is it urgent that you make a decision about your house? I've read that you should try to avoid making any major decisions in the first year after a loss like this because you might come to regret it later. You are going on how you feel at the moment and not how it might affect you later on. So I would just encourage you to at least hold off for awhile longer and continue to seek the Lord in what to do and I will be praying for you in this too. I know it's painful, but you are still in the deepest grieving part of your journey. I still have Joe's clothes in his dresser just the way he left them 3 years ago. We moved all of his possesions home from his apartment and I haven't touched them yet and I don't know if I ever will, I want to hang onto how he was and how he lived his life. They aren't hurting anything by leaving them the way they are and no one else lives with us, this is the way it will stay for awhile or until I think it's time for me to do something with them. It's all when we're ready, each one of deals with it differently and in our own time and I think you will know when that is for you. I'm so sorry Selva, that you have to go through this loss of your precious Solange. She sounds like a beautiful girl and one that loved her Mama dearly. She's watching over you now and she is your 'Angel' in heaven looking down on her loving Mother. God bless you Selva.
~~~Dear Lord Jesus, I lift up Selva before You this morning and ask that You would give her wisdom in making the important decisions right now regarding her home. Show her what to do and the right time to do it. Let her have Your peace in anything she sets out to change. Continue to comfort her broken heart and bless her with Your peace in her spirit. In Jesus Name, Amen. God Bless you Selva, I love you and am pryaing for you!
Love, Yvonne<><

1/3/2003 10:41

Hi Ivonne, Sandy, Verna, Eva and all you Beautiful moms. Thanks so much Yvonne for your prayers I really need it. I'm in a deep valley day. I'm at work and I do cry all day long, I have my own office so I don't have to face anybody when I cry and my co workers are wonderful people, they know that I'm feeling bad when I don't go out of mu office a lot and they respect that. They know Solange since she was 3 months old, we've been working together for 20 years and all of out children have grown together.I'm not taking any decision right now I'm following all you guys advice, it is just that I'm affraid that someone will notice there is nobody trehe and try to robb the house, although I have very good neighbors and they tell me they always keep an eye open, and then sometimes I feel that if I stay at my sister's house, Solange my feel I'm running away from my pain, like I say is a very messy situation going on in my brains, I hope God gives me the Light, but I asked HIM to dedicate the time to Solange instead of me, so I try not to bother HIM too much. Thanks again to all you wonderful Angel moms and Thank God for this Circle of love.Bless you all. Love Selva

1/3/2003 11:28

Dear Selva, I'm so glad you have wonderful co-workers that are also your friends that respect your privacy. They knew Solange too and can somewhat feel your pain. That has to be a blessing to you. You are in the right place. ~~~About your home, could you plug in some timers on your lamps in the evening to make it look like you're there? One in your living area, perhaps your kitchen and bedroom too and have them turn on and off at different times?~~~And you know what Selva, you aren't bothering God, He wants you to bother Him. He is your only strength right now and you need Him and when you can't pray, just know that all of us here are standing in the gap and praying for you. It's ok to stay at your sister's home for awhile and you aren't running from your pain. You just need to take it a little at a time and every time it gets a little easier to be around Solanges things. It will always hurt, but not as bad and the good memories of your precious daughter will begin to fill you up and you will smile again. I remember a few times in the early months where I had felt a true sense of peace come over my being and I knew it was because there were special people in my life that were closest to me, family and friends praying for me when I couldn't pray. Every time I tried to pray I would end up in so many tears that I just gave up, but I would always come back to my sweet Lord Jesus no matter what and He took me by his side and comforted me. That's how I got through it all and am still getting through it. The messy situation you say is going on in your brain is the deep grief you are in right now, it's just how grief works, you are not going crazy as you may think, we have all been there and know what you're going through. And God in His loving mercy toward you will give you the Light that you ask for. He is a loving God and wants you to be filled with His peace that passes all understanding. Solange is in a safe place in heaven and is being taken care of. I'm thankful Selva that you have come to this circle of love to share your pain with the rest of us. It is through sharing that we release some of the pain. God Bless you Selva and I am praying for you during this difficult time for you. I love you.
Love, Yvonne<><

1/3/2003 14:12

Hello dear Selva, Yvonne gave you some very good advice, Bereavement experts tell us not to make any major decisions the first year, because the pain is all-consuming, and we're not thinking with our heads right now, we're thinking with our hearts. That's a really good suggestion from Yvonne to buy some timers for your house, if you're worried about it, some lights on at night at your house would give you some peace of mind, and deter anyone from breaking in, thinking it's empty. And as dear Yvonne says, I don't know how you were able to go back to work either, thank God that you have such good friends at work and they support you. I barely left the house the first year, and like you, Yvonne, and everyone else, all I did was cry and hurt. And as Yvonne said, you're not bothering God, He wants to hear from you, He wants you to unburden your heart to Him, and He is there for you all the time, He loves you so much! He knows how badly you're hurting right now, He knows how intense your grief is right now. And you have our prayers, love and support, in this Circle of Love, and I'm so happy that you're posting, because, as Yvonne says, you have to let the pain out, and here you can do it knowing that we all care and will always be here for you, because we all understand the great pain you're in right now. I love you too sweetie, and I'm so happy that Our Lord led you here.
We're all praying for you Angel Selva, much love to you,
Luv Sandy

1/3/2003 19:26

Hi all Angel moms: I left work at 4pm for I was deep into the valley, the temperture was dropping here in Miami, I heard it going to go down to at least 47, that in Miami is "heavy winter", and I started thinking that Solange did not like the cold weather, she was born in NY but was raised here in Miami and she enjoyed the beach and the hot weather, not like me who enjoy the winter , I remember everytime they anounced that it was going to be cold, she use to tell me well you must be very happy, and when it hit 90 degrees I used to tell her the same thing, well anyway I was feeling so sad that I came home to my sister's house, I turned on the news and imagine the first thing I heard was there are 5 teenagers missing in our county since dec 31, they all went out to a party in Miami Beach including a 4 month old baby of one the teen agers and so far they have not heard from them. I saw "that" pain in their mothers faces when they were asking for help from the community and showing the pictures , 3 boys , 2 girls and the 4 month old baby, and guess. "one of them is named Solange", that really got me crazy, first that is a very unsual name in the latin community, then the police found out that some money was taken out of one of the guys ATM account in Orlando, which is about 3 and a half hours from Miami, they are still investigating. Please Angel moms, help me pray for thos parents that are going through such a horrible time so they can find their children, I amd a such weak state of mind that I'm just trying to pray, but I believe in all your prayers that has helped me so much. Even if we don;t know their names lets pray for those parents, you can imagine the pain in their faces on TV.My sister is with me and my brother just left, they suggested that I watch the Fiesta Bowl for Miami is playing tonight and the whole city is planning to watch the game, and I will do that, but inside I will be praying for those families. Please help me on that. Love you all and thanks. Selva

1/3/2003 20:56

AY please my Angel Moms. Pray for me tonight. I'm having a very valley day. I thank you for your prayers. Love you all. Selva

1/4/2003 03:42

Subj: Re: Daily Prayer
Date: 1/3/2003 11:44:06 PM Central Standard Time

I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name. Revelation 3:8

Hello Angel Moms, ~ As we continue to lean on our Lord and Savior, it is my prayer that He will continue to provide us with those precious moments of peace for which we all pray!

Sometimes, when I am having a "valley day" or "valley period" I just let it happen. Especially on days when I feel I don't have the energy or the desire (As Selva says), to keep bothering God.:( So I turn my grief inwardly and refuse to try to keep on keeping on. This is how grief ... Or the evil one attacks our minds. Joyce Myers, another of God's very special angels, tells it like it is in her book: Battlefield of the Mind. [ISBN 1-57794-169-1](Formally ISBN 0-89274-7781) If you haven't read it, I urge you to do so as ASAP.

Eventually, I try turning my grief over to God, because I know that He has the power and the desire to ease my pain ... To restore my faith, and give me moments of relief from the intense pain and loss that I still feel so very strongly on some days...

Even after all this time. (over 6 years) :(

Most of the time, when I lose ground and fall back into the valley, it seems like it's just me and God. But, I know better. :) It is also the prayers that are being prayed for me by family and friends on a daily basis. Sometimes, I wish I could rush through the valley days. I have been on this journey lone enough to know that it is not wise to do so... No matter how much I wish I could. Grief is something that we must learn to live with slowly, and on a day to day basis. It becomes easier to handle once we begin to realize that God will see us through the valley days. And, for that, I am grateful.

Once that relief comes, however, I then ask God to help me to continue reach out to others whom I know are grieving deeply the indescribable pain of losing a child, or in some cases, children. That, has become one of my main purposes in life now. That God would consider using someone like me ... in spite of my weaknesses :) to tell others of His awesome power and unconditional love, is in itself, a miracle of His making. I will never understand it all. Because of His grace, however, I press on toward all He has in store for me. :)

Like each bereaved Mom ... I long for the day when I will hold my child in my arms again. I picture it all so vividly in my mind. When it's all said and done, I hope and pray that when I behold God's face ... I will hear Him say, "Well done, my faithful servant" ... "Well done!"

[For our newly bereaved moms who have lost a precious child/children]

Sharing one of the poems God gave to me to write ... three months before He called my precious Diane home. If only I had known! :( Please keep me in your prayers everyone ... And you know you all are in mine.

And, the Holy Spirit said ... "Go write this down!"

The Ultimate Purpose

God has a purpose in life for me
The problem is I can not see
The kind of purpose He had in mind
When He created me

So throughout life my life
Iíve tried to find
The goals and objectives
He had in mind ...
When He created me

When burdens seem too much to bear
When hearts are broken beyond repair
Itís then I ponder in my mind ...
The purpose He has for me

I know that time is passing by
I hope to discover
Before I die...
The purpose He has for me

I know in time God will reveal
The ultimate purpose --
which is now concealed ...
He will reveal for all to see...
The ultimate purpose He has for me!

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