Prayer Circles

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loss of son

I lost my son on 8-5-06. He was 22 years old. He was found at a drug dealers home in our small town. I see no justice in the future for this sensless act. I cannot seem to go on. I am lost and angry.

My son was my life. I had him when I was a young teenager, we grew up together. He was the first person in my life that I knew without a doubt loved me unconditionaly. He was suppose to always be with me. I feel nothing sometimes, that is when it really scares me. Sometimes I cry, get angry but mostly I just feel like an empty vessel. I have been going through a divorce for 2 years (married 20 yrs) and I have a teenage daughter who has epilepsy. My 42 year old sister died 20 months ago and now I have my 10 year old niece who is an insulin dependent type 1 diabetic. They both need constant care and I feel like I can't stop to take care of me. What is scarey is I really don't want to take care of me. I don't feel I deserve any happiness,love or joy. My son was and still is my life. I have always been a very positive person with alot of faith. It now just appears I only had that for other people. It does not seem to apply to me. I am not sure why i am writting this, I guess I need prayer.
ivynheaven -8/22/2006
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