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Justin Koch
My mother just killed herself;she was my only family


My mother, who I have lived with almost all of my adult life, who has supported me both emotionally and financially, killed herself this past Saturday evening. I need some luck; I need some magick...

I don't know what she did. She was asleep. I was in the same room with her for almost the whole day except for that 10 minutes I was in the shower. I have a part time job, the best and all that I could find or get after months of searching. I have no family or friends to fall back on. I have been struggling before all this with severe major depression, lacking the motivation to do the most rudimentary things. There was no life insurance, there is no family willing to support (I have never understood, we weren't black sheep). I have explored all these options and I don't know what to do. I need some magick, some luck, some fortune...She was everything to me. She always said that if anything happened to me she would have to be buried with me. I feel the same. She was my family.
 
JustinKoch -7/31/2006
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hotdoggie
8/11/2006 21:30

Dear lord;
you see and know all about Justin's loss.
Lord, grant him peace of mind and heart.encourage and help him to know that you are there for him and you will provide a way for him.
Grant him Comfort that only you can supply at this time.
may he feel thy presence and know that truly he is not alone.
might he realize it is not magic he needs or luck but he needs you in his life if he doesn't know you As savior and lord.might he commit his life to you and let you show him the way....
supply him with the support he needs right now and the knowledge to what he can do.
your grace is sufficient and you will make a way when there seems not to be one.
thank you Lord for what I know you are going to do for Justin if he but allows you to.
in thy name i pray amen.
Justin:just ask God for help and you shall receive.He is always willing to aid you and he will carry you through.
keep the faith and don't be discouraged.God bless.we will be praying for you.


duckdodgers21.5
8/11/2006 21:52

dear lord, be with our brother Justin. remind him that he is not alone but completly surrounded by people who do care, angels that comfort and you dear Jesus who will take the pain and burden he carries. let him ware your yolk that strenthens and sooths while he casts off his own fears and doughts. i cry for this man lord and raise him up to you with all of my heart. i know you hear his pain and love him beyond all love. please remind him lord of how loved he is. help him find his strength. except his mother with the open arms you embrace us all with. let him know that his mother is no longr in pain and loves him. HELP HIM TO REMEMBER HE IS NOT ALONE AND HE IS LOVED!!! amen


selinakylefan
8/12/2006 02:02

Most Gracious Goddess, Mother of us all, hear my prayer. i ask that you take Justin under Your Loving Arms. Comfort him, Great Mother, as only You can. heal his heart,be his constant companion, i beg of you. Give him Your Peace, and hug him tight to Your Eternal Bosom, where none are lost, and noone goes unloved. I thank You that You have heard my prayer, and that You always hear Your children when they pray, no matter by what name they invoke You. May this prayer be pleasing to my Grandmothers,the Ancient Ones, May the Seven Directions carry my work. This is my prayer, so mote it be.


patpruitt
8/12/2006 07:26

Heavenly Father, I ask that you give Jason the comfort that you have given me. I could not have made it throught the last year without your help, your love and your strength. Let Jason know that there are others who have lost our precious loved ones. My son left us to be with You over a year aago and it still seems like yesterday. It was not his choice but Yours and without you I would have gone with him. Lrt Jason know that you are our strength in these bad times and you will help him through if he will turn to you. I pray that you will give him the comfort and strength thatt you have given me.


joyful42day
8/12/2006 09:24

Dear Lord, I pray for Justin that you give him physical, spiritual and emotional strength during this most difficult time. I pray he will come to know and trust you as his Lord and Savior. Please lead, guide and direct him on the path which only you know is best. In Jesus name, Amen.


nikki38
8/12/2006 10:03

Dear God, Please send Justin the guidance and resources that he needs. Please help him to see not only the sorrows in life, but also the joy. I pray that Justin will find a support group that will help him get through this. Amen


jesusandrenee
8/12/2006 10:14

"Father God" in the name of "Jesus", we come before you today praying for Justin's mind. "Father" we know that all of our righteousness is as filthy rags when it comes before you and we stand here today a long way from being righteous. We know that you are a forgiving "God" so we ask for forgiveness of our sins and we come before you today on behalf of Justin. We pray "Father" that you give him the wisdom and the knowledge to know that he doesn't need luck or magic because luck and magic are of the devil, we want him to understand that he needs faith and trust in you and that alone will suffice him. Help him to understand that you the way, the truth and the life and coming to you and believing you is what he needs to sustain him in this life. Lift his spirit "Father" so that he can see you more clearly and let him understand that he is not alone, he has you and you will never leave him nor forsake him. Arrest his mind and deliver him from the evil thoughts that permeate his way of thinking. Do with him as you did with Legion. Arrest him and free him at the same time because only you have the power to do it. We trust "Father" that Justin will move on with life and not think about death. Empower him "God" to be anointed with your presence, power and your way of thinking. These and other blessings we ask and recieve in the mighty powerful name of "Jesus". The name that frees us from the sin of this world and gives us eternal life with you "Father". Amen


arizonasedonaangel
8/12/2006 10:25

Hail MAry, full of grace. The lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus, Holy Mary, Mother of god, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Dear Lord, I pray for Justin whom lossed his mother. Please wrap your loving arms around him, put angels at his side. O lord, I ask for you to help Justin, mentally, physically and spiritual. I have been through this myself and you Lord is what got me through each day. Help Justin to known life still goes on and that you are there with him through the whole journey, good and bad, Please help Justin to understand that his mother is with you now in the kingdom of heaven. And tht she will always watching over him.


angela41food
8/12/2006 10:32

Dear Father God, protect Justin with your Power and comfort him with your MErcy for you are great and wonderful in all our eyes. Please whisper the Spirit of God into his heart, at his time of need-show him benevalance and lover ,as you do all of your children. Pray that someone visits him adn puts the seed of faith into his heart, mind and soul. Let Justin know that you are the one true
God-show him your ways Lord. We sing of your praises..Amen and Amen.

Thank you God for being merciful and benevelant.


Merlock
8/12/2006 12:34

O Lord Our God, King of the Universe, Loving Father to Us All,

Please be with Your child Justin; comfort him, Lord, and by Your Love please help him through his mother's suicide, to have strength, to have faith in You, and to be guided by You to what he needs to do. Help to lift him out of dispair and depression however possible, and help him to see Your Goodness in all things. Please also bless his mother's spirit, to ultimately reach You and bask in Your Eternal Glory and Love; and in this world and the next please bless all things for the best. Thank You, Lord, for Your countless blessings, in good times and bad;

In Your Holy Name,

Amen.


millionairess
8/12/2006 17:48

Dear heavenly Father. There are no mere words hat can really express how Justin is truly feeling right now but you are all knowing and you know the true pain that he is feeling. I ask in the mighty name of Jesus that you reveal to him in a way like you never have before of how much you love him and how much his existance is needed in order to make this world a better place. Lift all depression from him and replace it with sheer JOY for the Joy of the lord is our strength.

In Jesus name I ask these things amen


lmbookerossie
8/12/2006 18:47

Justin, you don't need luck or magic. You need God. If you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, He will make sure that you are taken care of in every area of your life. He can be your Provider, Protector, Comforter, Helper, Father, Friend, etc. He can be whatever you need because He is the great "I AM". I will uplift you in prayers. I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that your mother has committed suicide. I want you to know that you are not alone. It may appear so, but Jesus promised to never leave us nor forsake us. He has angels watching over you right now. There's no need for you to feel alone. Just because we don't see them, doesn't mean that they are not there. If you would like to talk or need prayer, feel free to email me at Lmbookerossie@yahoo.com--May God bless you and keep you safe in His loving arms.

Believer's Prayer

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

If you said the above prayer and meant what you said, you are now saved. Get into a good Bible-based church where God nor His Word will be compromised. Get baptized, read the Bible daily and start being the man that God put you on this Earth to be.


Scouter
8/13/2006 06:46

Lord - Justin is in need of healing. Healing of his grief. healing of his depression. Healing from his loneliness and economic hardships. Encircle him in your Healing Embrace. - Amen


nancy7161
8/13/2006 08:55

Justin I pray for peace, comfort,support andlove for you. MY father committed suicide when I was 21 years old. I was in so much pain I didnt think I could bear it. I got through it with counseling, prarers, and releasing my grief, Time will lessen the pain. Dont think that there is a timetable for this; you will heal with time, in your time. I am so very sorry; may peace and comfort be yours and I pray God is with you at all times; sometimes even carrying you if thats what you need.


Babcy7161


livenlearn
8/13/2006 09:26

Justin - My prayers are with you. Your mother is still with you. She is your angel now. Take the time you need to grieve and listen to your mother's voice. I lost my father 8 month's ago. I did not think I could go on either. I do have family, but my father was my soulmate. The depression was so terrible I could not get out of the bed, I just wanted to die with him, I even felt like my son and mother would be better off without me in their lives at that point. A friend of my father's sent me the poem at the the bottom of this post and it changed my outlook (well, the poem and antidepressants) and I realized that my father would want me to live and live gloriously. I slowly got it together, got a job (non-stressfull) that got me out of the house and around people, and realized that there was a life worth living. While my dad's family did not care about me, I met new friend's that did! Make your own family! That is what your mom would want. Your mom could not bear life on this earth, but she is still part of you and she is still with you to guide you with God's help. Trust in them. They will not let you down. I know it is hard to believe at times especially when you are feeling angry and trying to make sense of why this has happened, but please try to believe. As time passes you will hear her voice guiding you.

I do not know you, but I can only imagine that you have so many gifts to offer. You have posted on this site...you don't want to die, you want help and you want to live. I am sorry that I keep going on and on, your situation is just so similar to mine, and my heart just weeps for you. I can just feel your pain. I still cry regularly, but that is o.k. We all must grieve, and you will too. There was a time when I first started back to work and I would cry every minute that I was not working. Now, the tears are occassional. Let yourself grieve, and keep your mother close. Cherish her, celebrate her life, share stories with others, whatever makes your process complete. If you are like me, you feel like you have lost half of yourself and you feel empty inside, and like there is not another person on the earth that understands you the way your mother did. My father and I had that kind of bond. If that is the case, revel in the fact that you had that! Most people spend their lives searching for just that.

As for the finances...go to the Probate Office ASAP as they will help you enormously, my dad did not have life insurance either not to mention tons of debt and they have been life savers.

When you are feeling completely destitute in mind, body, spirit, and financially try to remember that you are rich in the memories you hold with your mom.

Here is the poem, I hope it helps you like it helped me. My dad's friend sent it to me after my dad's death, and a friend of his parent's sent it to him after the death of his parent's. It helped us both. My thoughts and prayers will be constantly with you.

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free.

Miss me a little… but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared.
Miss me…but let me go.

For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It’s all part of the Master’s plan,
A step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sick of heart,
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.
Miss me…but let me go.
-Author Unknown


sandkat
8/13/2006 11:31

Dear Father,
Be with Justin at this time. Surround him with your love and let him know you do care. Lead someone to him who he can trust and who can help him through this difficult time.
In Jesus's Name I ask this....Amen


cjstel
8/13/2006 13:45

Dear Lord, Please allow Justin to feel your loving presence at this time. Allow him to know the joy that he is not alone. Please send your angels to surround him and lift him up. In your name I prayer. Amen


childoflivinglord
8/13/2006 13:48

JUSTIN, I PRAY FOR YOU, IN THE NAME OF JESUS,OUR LORD, TH


childoflivinglord
8/13/2006 13:56

JUSTIN, IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I PRAY THAT YOU ARE COMFORTED, IN YOUR MOTHERS DEATH. I ALSO PRAY THAT SOMEONE IS THERE FOR YOU TO COMFORT AND LEAD YOU TO BECOME A BELIVER IN GOD, IN THIS SPECIAL TIME, AND FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, THE LORD,JESUS IS THE BEST COMFORT, ANYONE CAN HAVE, HE WILL PUT HIS ARMS AROUND AND COMFORT YOU AND GIVE YOU PEACE AND REST. PLEASE GO TO A CHURCH AROUND YOU. PEAPLE WILL BE THERE TO HELP YOU IN THIS JOURNEY..YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE, GOD IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU, IF YOU OPEN THE DOOR TO HIM..PLEASE DO THIS, YOUR MOM WILL BE SO PROUD OF YOU, AND YOUR LIFE WILL TAKE A DIFFERENT COURSE FOR THE BEST. YOU SEE YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN, JESUS IS YOUR BEST FRIEND,FAMILY AND HELP IN ALL YOU DO. MAY THE LOVE OF JESUS SHINE THROUGH FOR YOU. AMEN...


tre78
8/13/2006 14:30

Dear Lord, Please bless Justin and let him know that there are other resources out there for him. Please come into his mind and his heart and give him the strength Lord to get the help he needs. This is a cry for Help Lord and we know you are a loving and understanding Lord. Bless you Justin and I know with your continuing ask for help you will receive all you need and be a success. Thank you Lord. Amen.


missy9834
8/13/2006 17:46

Dear Lord, I just want to lift up Justin right now. He is going through a terrible loss and Lord I just pray that you comfort him right now and let him know that he can come to you and that you can give him the strength that he needs right now. Lord he's crying out not knowing where to turn and you are the only answer. You know the situation Lord, you know everything. Just be with Justin and show him the way. In Jesus name, Amen.


BABYAUDELIA
8/13/2006 18:20

DEAR GRACIOUS HEANENLY FATHER, MY HEART GOES OUT TO JUSTIN.WRAP YOUR LOVING AREMS AROUND HIM AND LET ME KNOW YOU ARE THERE AND THAT YOU CARE.ONLY YOU KNOW HES PAIN AND HEARTACHE. JUSTIN YOU DO NOT NEED LUCK OR MAGIC. YOU NEED TO HAVE FAITH IN JESUS AND TO KNOW HE CARES AND HE IS THERE FO RYOU KNOW AND ALWAYS. I PRAY SO VERY HARD FOR SOMEONE TO COME INTO YOU RLIFE TO HELP TO KNOW GOD AND TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT OUR LORD. I AM TRULY SORRY FOR YOU RLOSS. BUT, PLEASE DONT BLAME YOURSELF OKAY?? TRUST IN GOD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO HELP YOU GET THROUGH THIS. FIND YOU AN CHURCH AND MEET SOME FRIENDS AND HAVE FELLOWSHIP AND COUNSELING ALSO. DONT GIVE UP!!! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND MACKE SOME FRIENDS THAT WILL BE THERE FOR YOU TO HELP YOU. IF YOU HAVE NEED DOMEONE TO TALK TO; PLEASE EMAIL ME. "BABYAUDELIA@YAHOO.COM. GOD BLESS YOU!! LOV EYOU AND THINKING OF YOU AND PRAYING FOR YOU. GOD LOVES YOU!!! IN CHRISTS NAME I PRAY, AMEN


elayne55
8/13/2006 20:36

DEAR FATHER
I PRAY FOR JUSTIN THAT HE MAY HAVE YOU IN HIS LIFE TODAY AND THAT HE REALIZE YOU ARE HIS HOPE AND STRENGHT WHILE GOING THROUGH SUCH A TRYING TIME.I PRAY THAT HE BE SURROUNDED BY YOUR ANGELS.AND THAT HE MET PEOPLE IN HIS
LIFE WHO ARE POSITIVE AND SPIRITUAL TO
ENCOURAGE HIM TO LIVE AND BE STRONG.
I PRAY THAT HE DON'T GIVE IN TO THE
PRESSURE AND KEEP THE ARMOR OF GOD WITH
HIM EVERYDAY.
AMEN.


Enneth42
8/13/2006 22:31

Oh Great Spirit of Compassion,
There are times when words fail, when the mightiest prayers and words of comfort ring hollow. I would suspect this to be one of those times. And yet, I offer my simple prayer, such as it is for Justin. May it rise with the words and actions of many others to carry him through this desparate time.

Darkness falls,
A world is shattered
and hope is gone.

Light of lights, break through the darkness.
Heart of hearts, melt through the pain.
Morning Star glimmer brightly along death's dark horizon.
Bringing promise that in time, it will again be day.

Amen.

For what its worth, you can reach me at kconroy42@gmail.com if you need someone to talk to.

 
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