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Laura K
Mother suffering from past shame

I was diagnosed bi-polar two years ago. I am having trouble letting it be okay to be close to the ones I love from shame I feel for my past actions.

I'm in my forties and have had a long time to mess things up for myself and my family. I wasn't treated appropriately until then and didn't understand what was happening to me. I need your prayers that the grace of God will come down upon me and heal me of this shame.

I've made some horrible decisions due to the illness. The worst was that I let my children go with their dad when he divorced me. I committed "legal suicide" as one lawyer said. I thought it was what God wanted me to do. To turn the other cheek. To let him run as far with it as he could so that he would come to his senses. I was left with the stigma of being a bad mother.

A decision I made while in the throes of an illness has left me feeling condemned and ashamed. I have a hard time looking people in the eye about it, I am slow to stay in touch with my family, kids included.

I want to move back home where my family lives, and my husband and I need jobs there.

Please pray for me.

leb -9/29/2004
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