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Layla Pilar
I need help before I lose it...

This is my first time doing this but I hope that in time, it will help me get better. I found this site to be amazing so I joined in hopes that I can heal spiritually and emotionally.

I was in a relationship for four years. It ended because of me. I was selfish, abusive, and cruel. I've been seperated from this guy for six months but I can't let go. I love him so much and I pushed him away. I forced him to leave me because of my ways. I've been depressed ever since. I pray for God to guide us back into a good friendship. I didn't know how to love that's y I treated him in such a manner---only because I didn't know how to love myself. I cry when I think I'm happy. I pray that GOD end these tears of sadness and bring tears of joy. I pray for inner peace with myself and that I can become a better person. I just want him to know that I'm sorry. I'm still hurting and the hurt is bottled up inside as if I want to explode. Pray for me. I need spiritual healing. Bless me O' LORD. I know GOD is there because HE's answered my prayers a dozen of times. I know that HE may not come when u want him but I know for certain that HE's always on time.
LaylaP -12/6/2000
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Read Prayers.

8/1/2001 22:42

Dearest Layla, I'm so proud of you!! In reading your brief decription of your situation,I know that you realize that your behavior to the man you so deepley love was horrid.Since you know this way of treating anybody is unexceptable, you have a way of controling yourself!!!!I would suggest that you get some counceling quick, and find out the true reasons why you push the ones you love away. I have many theries why you do this, but, Layla you need to find these things out for yourself, its a journey that God has challenged you with. As for your young man, if you really love need to fix yourself again befor ever getting around him or anyother guy!!! ( If you truely love him) I would find him though, and let him know that the way you treated him was sickning and horrid, and ask for his forgiveness. Did you ask God to forgive you Layla??? Did you ask God to forgive you for all the things that you did to hurt your lover?? If your on drugs, you might want to concider stopping, really cant think straight when you're on a different level than most everybody eles.........I will pray for you Layla, and keep u in my thoughts, hope all is well, and u find ur way home to God.......and your wonderful young man!!! ur friend in Christ...........kelly

3/10/2002 12:57

Jesus please give this woman inner peace and strength. let her have a understanding relationship with hermate and let him understand her and mend there relationship. Amen


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