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I am 37 years old, very disabled and laying on a bed all day. I have rheuma and posttraumatic dystrophy all over my body.

I know God is around me, He even sent me an angel to help me, but I am drowning in grieve because I cannot do the things humans normally do, like taking care of myself. All I have left is this computer and besides that I am in deep pains, not a single doctor can take away. I am so scared I cannot face this life anymore very soon and right now I'd rather be dead than alive.

MIEPIE -12/15/2002
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Read Prayers.

12/18/2002 17:43

Dear Miepe,

We're sorry you feel so badly right now. We wish we had more help to offer here, but it sounds as if you would benefit from talking to a caring person who is trained to help. We have three resources you could try. We hope you will contact one of them as soon as possible. You deserve to get help, and to get it sooner rather than later.

1. If you are in the U.S., call 1-800-SUICIDE any time, day or night. When you call this free number, you will be connected immediately to a caring, trained counselor in your region. The sooner you make this call, the better.

2. If you can hold on for a few days, free anonymous crisis counseling is available by e-mail from an international charity called Befrienders International (known in this country as The Samaritans). Send an e-mail to and you will receive a caring response within 24 hours.

3. There is a website you may find helpful, called Suicide: Read This First.

You are in our prayers.

The Beliefnet Community Staff

12/21/2004 01:59

Dear Miepe,
I do not know if you will receive this ... I pray that you do ... and tonight I pray that you find some relief in your pain and your grief. I understand the pain because I also live in chronic pain.
There are days when I wake up and think why bother with another day and where will this day of pain lead me? Why me? Why this condition? Why this level of pain? What could I have ever, ever done to have ever deserved this awful, unfair life that has been bestowed upon me (us)? The answer of course should you not know is that you have done nothing to deserve this and it is so unfair and so difficult to try to accept the life given to us ... at times it seems nearly impossible.
On my worst days, my friend, I curse and cry and blame and fit, which only makes it all seem to hurt my body more, my spirit more and damage what little energy for a good day I may have had. So all I do is practice acceptace. Every day. Acceptance.
I have seen the way God uses his people (us), actually chooses I believe sometimes the best of his people, as an instrument to teach and to show others the way. The way back to him, the way out of the darkness, the way away from the evil and into the safety of his son's most loving arms.
Visualize that my friend. Jesus' loving arms around you, gently, holding and comforting you through this awful pain because He would never, ever want you to go through what he had to go through. Not for one minute.

Know that you are loved. MaryElizabeth

7/30/2007 01:31

Dear Miepe,
I have lived with chronic pain for years;I've had nerve blocks about once a year, fusion on my upper spine, and fibromyalgia and arthritis+asthma and severe drug allergies to make it interesting.
When you are on beliefnet next time, click on the support groups. I had been getting this newsletter for years without knowing they existed. I found them at the end of May--and I'm not alone; I've found caring people who understand how I feel because they are traveling this same road I am on.
I'm not alone physically, but no one truly knows what we are going through inside. I will tell you that some nights when I prayed "Now I lay me down to sleep..please let me die before I wake".
I've heard of theories that we pick which life lessons we will learn, and that pain and suffering are a fast track to not coming signing up for extra credit. Personally, I'd settle for being able to kick the previous me and ask,What were you THINKING?
I'll pray for your pain to lesson, and that I see you in some of the support groups soon. They've taken a weight off my soul--and I hope they do the same for you, Honey.


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