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Steven Ruch
My Dads death

Help with dealing with my fathers unexplained death.

My name is Melinda I am 20 years old.I need some words to help me with closure after my father died in a unexplained tractor-trailer accident. Its been almost 7 mths and I still cry every day knowing I dont have him anymore. Some one please help me find the way to forgive myself for not being there for him and find a way to let his spirit rest.

StevesDaughter -9/30/2002
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Read Prayers.

10/18/2002 02:26

Our prayers are with you and your loved ones this very moment. Knowing your father is in the hands of his beloved creator. May the blessings which your father has desired for you in his heart come to the future generations of your children. He is still very much apart of your life and his spirit remains with you today and always. Please ask not for forgiveness but for comfort and serenity where God close's one door he shall open the other, time is a virture from Ecclessastics: there is time for every purpose under the son of heaven. God Bless you , and may your wounds heal with knowledge he is with you in spirit daily.

11/25/2002 08:54

Heavenly Father please comfort Melinda and grant her the serenity to accept what has happened to her dad. Please let her know that her dad is still a part her and that his spirit will always remain with her. Heavenly Father, console her with the promises in your Word and the hope of everlasting peace. Heavenly Father, this I pray in the name of Jesus.

12/18/2002 13:31

Dear Melinda,

My father died suddenly on the 17th of September of this year. I know how you feel. It's hard when Daddy's little girl loses her Daddy. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Trust in God that the time you are spending without him is going to dissappear when put next to the eternity that you will spend with him. I know how long it seems. I can't bear to think of spending my life without my Dad myself, but I know that I have to keep going. Peace be with you....

Age 21

1/7/2003 23:31

Melinda, You are now advanced in Gods
kingdom, your fathers work is complete,
but it is now your yoke to bear the values that he instilled in you and carry them unto the next generation.
YOu will someday be with both your earthly Father and your Heavenly Father, that is a promise of our Lord
and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Peace be with you...a friend...

3/14/2003 13:10

Dear Melinda,
It's ok to just let it all out but just remeber your father is in a better place and he is waiting for you when it's your time to come home you are now in my prayers my dear and so is the rest of your family.
Just remeber your father still loves you and he is watching over you this very moment.

5/31/2003 03:42

My father just died ten days ago. I do know what you are going through, and I will put you in my prayers. We will get through this--we will prevail!

Age 20

6/11/2003 17:39

Sometimes when a loved one dies, the people left behind feel a tremendious amount of guilt over feeling happiness and closure. They feel as though if they don't spend their time mourning the loss then it's a disrespect to those who've passed on. I just want you to know that in life, you father wanted you to be happy. In death, he still wants you to be happy. So, does our Heavenly Father. Every time you smile, laugh, feel joy, extend charity and mercy towards are giving both your earthly father and Heavenly Father a gift. It's what all parents pray for. I know you can't be completely happy right now but try to be as often as possible. Know that every time you feel joy, you're answering your father's prayers.

-Cara (age 21)

6/22/2003 16:33

I know what you are feeling. I cant say I have grieved in the same way. I have losted my father and my mother both. But god will get you through this. I found the strength through him and reading psalms. Your father would want you to be happy. As time goes on the pain will pass I know I can testify to this I have been there.

7/15/2003 11:11

I lost my dad in June of this year. I know how you feel. But, knowing my dad is at peace helps. God bless you.

8/4/2003 18:05

Melinda, It's hard to go on when those we love leave this earth sooner than we expect. But our Faith is what keeps us strong. Just know that our Heavenly Father loves you & wants you to live life abundantly!! That also means experiencing joy when God brings it into our lives. I lost my younger sister at age 24 - 24 years ago -- and not a day goes by that I don't miss her -- but knowing her 3 baby daughters are now happily married - and am able to share stories of their mom with them has given me great joy over the years. Talking about the one you love is good for you - and learning to give your love to someone else wil help you get thru the sad times. God Bless you!! Anna

8/25/2003 22:54

When you are feeling really bad, talk to you Dad. He can hear you and it helps him just as much as it will help you. Just because someone passes over doesn't mean they don't miss us too! Please, please don't blame yourself for not being there. No one passes over alone. And crying is a great way to release the stress of grieving. The pain will eventually ease, the love will be forever. take care.

4/24/2004 01:53

Dear Melinda i cant understand another human being completely but i can relate. I too have suffered threw the griefinses of death. But i assure u it is harder for u than him. He would want u to know hes safe and happy with no worryies or cares except that his daughter needs to move on with life. But keep him in ur heart and mind. always keep that love alive and u'll see him again. Dont let ur past become u let but let ur past help u grow into the version of beauty and rightousenes that God intened of his daughter. With all the love God bless and well keep u in our prayers.

5/18/2004 05:59

My prayers are with you and your family. may God Bless YOU and ease your pain. Donna Leigh Ruch

12/8/2004 19:56

People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME. When you figure out which it is you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly like that of your father. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out, and force you to take a stand. What you must realize is that your need has been met, your desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. I thank you for being in a small part of my life dear friend.


Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank you for this day and opportunity to serve you once again. I am grateful for this online forum so that others can reach out in their time of need and for this chance to perhaps add a small amount of understanding in this young woman’s life. I ask that you send her your divine guidance and bless her with your understanding for the loss of her biological father and earthbound parent. And I pray that through your eyes she sees your wisdom in all things and understands that through the help of your gospel and the atonement of your son Jesus Christ that all things have purpose and reason. And I say this in the name of your son Jesus Christ… Amen!

11/29/2005 11:00

My mother died of cancer. Though a year passed between her diagnosis and her death, it was a grueling year of watching her shrivel away to nothing while this thing ate her alive. The worst part of it, though, was the guilt of unresolved issues.

At the time my mother was diagnosed with cancer, we were having a feud over something that no longer matters. At the time, we weren't even talking. And while much was done, to circle the wagons afterwards, I never felt like our relationship recovered in the time we had left. Even on her deathbed, I felt she was still angry with me. The guilt that came with that was like a wrecking ball, laying waste to my life.

It took a while for me to distinguish the up-and-down drama of daily life from a lifetime of memories. It's unfair to judge yourself for what you did or didn't do, in the moment, especially against the backdrop of eternity. It's only natural to focus on the moment of death - or of the dramatic context of that final chapter - but it's also misleading.

It's a popculture joke to realize that death may come while you're driving, hanging a picture, driving a car or using the restroom. Death defies our desire for dignity or closure. What's less obvious is that death is just as sudden - and unexpected - to the survivors. People die while the rest of us are hanging pictures, using the bathroom or getting into arguments about nothing. Survivor's guilt is aggravated when death catches us unaware, and we later feel insensitive to something we didn't was coming - but would have felt bad enough if we'd only had more warning.

My prayer is that, in time, your perspective will be clearer and fairer to you than it is right now.

12/30/2005 11:35

I dont know if any of my words will help but I feel I have to offer them to you.

I lost my youngest brother in a car accident in 1994. He was 16 when he passed. The saddness and regret that I had lasted for many years. I'd always beat myself up for not being there for him, not letting him know how I felt, for not being able ot save him.
I killed myself for years with the thought that he would no longer be around.
The pain never really left me. I still have days where I cry selfishly for wanting him here instead of in the beautiful place where I know he is.
I have just learned to cope a bit more through the years.
I guess that I just pray you can find comfort and solice in knowing he's in a good place and that you two can be together again.
I wish the best for you in your time of pain.

peace be with you

3/24/2006 14:13

Hi Melinda, I can totally understand what your going through because I too lost my dad when I was 8. His death has made my growing up pretty tough! I shut myself in my own little world and would not let anyone in... I felt like that was my way of communicating with him.Still today, I talk to him all the time. I was at the point of actually hating God. That ended the day I gave birth to my first son! I learned t that moment that God my have taken something in my life that I loved dearly, but he had given me back so much more in return.....In time things will get better, but the ache in your heart will always be there. God knows what you need....

7/6/2006 21:59

Melinda, I really don't understand why you feel you were never there for your father. But only you can make that change now of becoming a better person, meaning being nice. The word "NICE" is a strong word. I'm sure when you were born and he held you in his arms, it was the greatest feeling a dad or mom could never forget is to hold their children when they are born. You may have a guilt of not leting your father be what you expected of him or vice versa. Because fathers sometime want their children to become better then them. "7 mths and I still cry every day knowing I dont have him anymore". Nothing wrong with crying, but think, would he want to cry every day for him. He wants you to be happy to enjoy the life of years ahead of you. My theory is "enjoy every day as if it was your last, and live every day to its fullest". Make him proud. I always tell my kids if you can be better than me than go for it. It will make me happier. Your fathers spirit will rest considering your tears are of pain. Painful tears release spirts in pain and free's them to the heavenly skies.
May God Bless you always.


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