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Xana Nightwillow
I'm desparate


After struggling through years of mental illness, and facing hate and disgust because i'm bisexual and pagan, I'm losing the will to keep fighting.

I lift up a prayer to the God and the Goddess and seek healing and strength and the will to go on.


Whatever you believe, please pray for me. I've tried to kill myself twice in past years, and I'm feeling more desparate than ever right now.

To all my brothers and sisters who have come to this prayer circle, thank you and may you be blessed.

 
Xana_Nightwillow -4/29/2002
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Read Prayers.


BeliefnetGrace
5/1/2002 09:44

Dear Xana Nightwillow,

We're sorry you feel so badly right now. We wish we had more help to offer here, but it sounds as if you would benefit from talking to a caring person who is trained to help. We have three resources you could try. We hope you will contact one of them as soon as possible. You deserve to get help, and to get it sooner rather than later.

1. If you are in the U.S., call 1-800-SUICIDE any time, day or night. When you call this free number, you will be connected immediately to a caring, trained counselor in your region. The sooner you make this call, the better.

2. If you can hold on for a few days, free anonymous crisis counseling is available by e-mail from an international charity called Befrienders International (known in this country as The Samaritans). Send an e-mail to Jo@samaritans.org and you will receive a caring response within 24 hours.

3. There is a website you may find helpful, called Suicide: Read This First.

You are in our prayers.

The Beliefnet Community Staff


kitty33
5/14/2002 10:11

Xana,

I know exactly what you're feeling. I am bisexual and although I've been raised as a Christian, I do use some aspects of the pagan religion in my life. I've also attempted suicide twice, the second time being last July. I know the pain and self-loathing that you speak of and I urge you to seek out help if you haven't already. I started therapy immediately after my release from the hospital and it's done so much for me. Being able to release everything that I was holding inside and having a therapist that actually talked with me and helped me understand that I'm not the only one going through the pain was such a blessing to me. There are also many support groups that can help you. If you ever want to talk just email me:kittycollier@yahoo.com. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Bless you...


Kitty


liliele
5/18/2002 10:24

Hello Xana,

Firstly, I am sorry you are feeling this way, it is a horrible feeling that I know only too well. I can only write from my experience of depression and the lessons I have learned. I believe we set our own paths in life, we chose lessons for our own spiritual growth and to gain a deeper insight into ourselves. When we are unable to cope with life, I think it is important to remember that it is not the situation or our treatment but what we have learned in how to cope that hinders us, for if we have gathered the right coping strategies, then I think our spirits can cope with anything life throws at us. So firstly, how do you deal with these problems? If you run and hide, then you will always feel as though you are being chased. It is important to confront why you feel this way, and learn to let go of other peoples treatment, for it is their lessons you are holding on to, and especially their lack of wisdom. You have made yourself, and so you can create your own identity and path in life. There is no weakness in seeking help, it rather denotes courage and a strong will, use the goodness of others to see you through this time, you can and will suppass your fears.

Blessings

Liliele


liliele
5/18/2002 10:24

Hello Xana,

Firstly, I am sorry you are feeling this way, it is a horrible feeling that I know only too well. I can only write from my experience of depression and the lessons I have learned. I believe we set our own paths in life, we chose lessons for our own spiritual growth and to gain a deeper insight into ourselves. When we are unable to cope with life, I think it is important to remember that it is not the situation or our treatment but what we have learned in how to cope that hinders us, for if we have gathered the right coping strategies, then I think our spirits can cope with anything life throws at us. So firstly, how do you deal with these problems? If you run and hide, then you will always feel as though you are being chased. It is important to confront why you feel this way, and learn to let go of other peoples treatment, for it is their lessons you are holding on to, and especially their lack of wisdom. You have made yourself, and so you can create your own identity and path in life. There is no weakness in seeking help, it rather denotes courage and a strong will, use the goodness of others to see you through this time, you can and will suppass your fears.

Blessings

Liliele


Xana_Nightwillow
5/25/2002 21:19

Thanks everyone for your prayers and support. Some very positive things have happened in my life in the last week or so, and I'm getting my hope back. I send lots of love to you all!


hockey_diva
9/26/2003 09:53

Dear Xana Nightwillow, I am so happy that things are looking up for you. I am also happy that you chose to reach out to your brothers and sisters in your time of need. Always remember that even though, at times, the world seems cold and uncaring, there are many people out there, waiting to share their light and love with you. Have faith. Blessed Be.
Denise


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