The 6 Biggest Myths of Teen Dating

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There are few moments in a parent’s life that cause more panic than when his or her teenager begins to date. How do you talk to your teenager about relationships and their future happiness in a way that really resonates? In order to do this, it’s important that your teen is prepared so that they can avoid disaster, protect her future and date smart for today and tomorrow. However, many parents feel ill equipped to guide their children through the crazy world of teen dating at a time when their child needs their help more than ever. On that same note, so many teenagers are looking for genuine information about dating and relationships, but are often misguided which can lead them on a destructive path. Here are the six biggest myths of teen dating that need to be debunked.

If I had a boyfriend or girlfriend, I would be happy.

Despite what we understand about happiness, many teenagers see a boyfriend or a girlfriend as the magical cure for their unhappiness. As your teenager places trust in the person they are romantically interested in, and in the “happiness” it brings, they often find themselves in a relationship that becomes increasingly more consuming and important to them. It’s crucial that they learn that happiness isn’t found in wealth, in youth, in fame or in a romantic relationship. Finding true and lasting happiness starts when we begin to define our purpose. If you think of the happiest people you know, they are generally those with strong connections to other people and a deep conviction of purpose in their lives. They can clearly articulate their mission in life and is often connected to something larger than themselves. While this type of happiness is hard to obtain, it’s deeply rewarding and should be what your teen is striving for.

I’m in love.

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As your teen begins to experience what they believe is love, they will want to express their emotions with greater intimacy and closeness. It’s important that your teen understands what love is before they make impulsive decisions in their relationship lives. It’s also important that they recognize that real love takes time to develop and it is sacrificial. Many teens don’t even give their relationships enough time to develop before they enter a new, bigger and scarier phase of their relationship. You and your teen should talk about the three stages of a relationship: lust, attraction and attachment. If your teen hasn’t heard of these terms or doesn’t know how the three stages differ from one another, how can he or she hope to be discerning about how they feel about their romantic interest?

I should always trust my feelings.

Our culture places too much emphasis on feelings and too little emphasis on thinking. Because of this, teenagers are far more likely than ever to live out this dating myth. The reason why this can be problematic is because emotions are fallible. There is a cultlike belief that you should follow your heart as you begin to date. But a teen’s emotions aren’t always trustworthy, especially when their brain is still developing and their brains value social bonding above all else. Of all the teen dating myths, this may be one of the most challenging to their belief system. For many teenagers, their default setting is that emotions trump rational thinking. That is why it is so critical that in our role as parents, we make every attempt to connect them with rational thinking at every turn.

Love and sex are the same thing.

Teenagers often understand intellectually that love and sex are different – and many say they want to wait until their in love to have sex. However, many of them don’t act as if they understand the difference. When love and sex are the same for your teen, the relationship goes too far too soon at a time in their life when they are too young to understand the implications. As the sex grows and the relationship shrinks, they begin to take tremendous risks physically, emotionally and with regard to their future. If your teen is oblivious to this, they may begin to believe that sex comes without consequences which can be extremely problematic.

Sex will enhance my relationship.

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Many teenagers believe that once they start having sex, it will enhance their relationship. But once they become sexually active and experience sex in an intimate relationship, they can feel trapped. Those feelings of dissatisfaction can be difficult to reconcile with feelings of love. It is crucial that your teenager understands that sex in the context of marriage is entirely different than sex outside of marriage. Research studies consistently show that married women have the most satisfying sex lives. Why? Because they are making love in the context of fulfilling relationships, not just having sex. They are living out God’s plan for sexual intimacy. If teenagers view sex as the heart of the relationship, that can take them to some very ugly places.

It’s OK to break up and get back together.

In this cycle, the teen will dump the person they are with, then go back to them, say it was a big mistake and seek reconciliation. Far too many teens crawl back to these relationships when they should be walking (or running) away. Once the relationship is rekindled, things between the couple will be better, but only for awhile. The flood of emotions in the restored relationship will eventually dry up, and a couple will soon be right back to where they were before the breakup. Thankfully, the break-up-and-get-back-together relationship is the exception and not the rule. But for someone who is mired in this relationship, there are additional dangers as well. Sometimes, these relationships can turn pretty ugly. If things don’t work, they should know that’s OK. Breaking up comes with the territory. It’s not the end of the world.

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