Beliefnet

hotFirst comes love then comes marriage. Whoa, wait! What is you’re not quite ready for the nuptials? How do you tell your significant other that you love them but marriage isn’t something you’re ready for? Couples are constantly under the scrutiny of a timeline. A couple receives internal pressure from each other in addition to added pressure from friends, family and society. The constraints that the world implicates on couples to get married is frightening and causes people to constantly question their marital status and whether or not they are living out their relationship “correctly.” And that’s exactly the problem with marriage – so many people cave into the pressure of finding someone to spend the rest of their life with that they get married for the wrong reasons.

Before you say I do, you want to make sure that you really do. It’s relatively easy to silence the people around you when they’re constantly bringing up the marriage question. However, how do tell your partner that you’re not ready?

First and foremost always make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. Don’t surprise your significant other with the news that you’re not ready for marriage. When the marriage conversation comes up explain your reservations and what needs to happen before you can walk down the aisle. In most cases, you’ll discover that being open and communicative is inviting. You’ll also discover that many of your personal issues with marriage can be resolved by having open discussions with your partner because they can set your mind at ease about various ordeals and give you constructive feedback. It’s important for couples to be on the same page and know where each other stands when it comes to their relationship. Some marriages struggle with communication and truth – unfortunately, these marriages will most likely end up in divorce or many years of unhappiness. It’s important to iron the foundation of your relationship out before saying the infamous two words.

Secondly, make an effort towards a future as a couple and as an individual. Ask yourself, “Why are you not ready for marriage?” Address those reasons and work towards resolving those questions. It’s important to grow as an individual and be self sufficient without your partner. If you’re unable to stand as an individual then you’ll never be able to stand as a married couple. Seek out therapy if you’re in need of healing wounds from your past, or make a list of goals that you’re attaining to accomplish before you settle down. If your partner sees that you’re putting effort towards your future then they’ll be able to accept your decision to wait on marriage. Unfortunately, if you’re not putting any effort towards the reserves that are holding you back then your partner will be less likely to wait around.

And lastly, it’s very important that you decide whether or not marriage is even something you truly want. If you are not interested in getting married then be honest with your partner because it is selfish to allow them continue on with the relationship if they need more. If you have your mind set that marriage is not in your cards then voice your reasoning and stand by your word. Many partners will stick around because they believe that they can change someone’s mind about marriage however, it’s important that their partner stand by their decision and reaffirm their wants.

Marriage is everywhere we look. It’s in the white picket fence and the house that it encircles, it’s on the Kay Jewelers commercial that insists every kiss beings with “K.” and it’s even depicted on commercials everywhere that show a picture perfect family with a husband and wife. It’s important to not allow societal views to direct your views towards marriage. Always be honest and open with your partner. Through truth and good communication you’ll find that telling your partner you want to hold off on marriage isn’t hard at all.

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