So you want to be the world's greatest lover? Build into your mind and heart the following character traits possessed by all great lovers. These guidelines, gleaned from the Bible, will lead to great sex. Their effective use will show you how to truly arouse your mate's desire. Success is practically guaranteed, but it will take some real prioritizing and practice to incorporate them into your life.
Playfulness is perhaps best described by the words excitement, curiosity, laughter, eagerness and spontaneity. Playfulness is the ability to be unpretentious and unashamed as you demand things with enthusiasm and childlikeness. In your child ego state, your needs are important and fun and you expect pleasure.
You cannot work at creating better lovemaking-you and your mate have to play at it. This character trait can be practiced in other areas of your life and the lessons brought back into your sex life. Get silly; anticipate an event for a week or more; risk a new behavior; laugh until you have tears in your eyes or roll on the floor; tickle and chase each other around the whole house; get wide-eyed with awe and wonder about something. You are becoming a great lover.
The Bible says you are to love your neighbor or your mate just as you love yourself. Fun sex depends on a husband and wife who have learned to love themselves. This means you take care of your health and exercise your body to keep it in shape. You also need to work through to accepting and enjoying the body God gave you. Self-acceptance, self-esteem, and a good body image are healthy parts of sexiness and Christian self-love. Think of how difficult it is to sexually focus on your mate when you are embarrassed, inhibited, or self-conscious.
Another important part of love is respecting and unconditionally accepting your mate. If you want to find and focus on flaws, you will put a damper on your partner's sexiness and the whole lovemaking process. You reap the benefit (or destructiveness if you stay obsessive) of nurturing and helping your lover revel in sexual appeal. Every time you affirm some particular aspect of masculinity or femininity that you admire and enjoy, you lovingly increase your mate's sex appeal. Unconditional love and acceptance and affirmation set the temperature for some fantastic sex.
This may actually need to be emphasized as a separate virtue, but a loving person is a humble, forgiving person. If you really desire a fantastic love life, let go of the mistakes your mate makes and heal the disappointed expectations. Cut each other slack and gently, graciously acknowledge that you are both just human. Learn to laugh over shortcomings and revel in the intimacy that comes after working a problem through to an intimate forgiveness.
Love creates trust so you can try new behaviors and risk appearing silly. Love produces warm excitement and fun companionship. Love helps you to remember and desire to meet your mate's needs. Learn to be a lover! The best sex is long-term, and love is the oil that keeps this type of lovemaking running smoothly.
Second, be and informed and sexy lover by knowing your own body and sexual responses. You are the teacher of your mate. Do you know what turns you on and increases your desire? It will be difficult teaching your erotic needs to your partner if you are not aware of them. Tune in to your sexuality, and keep expanding your repertoire of sensual delights. Learn to become more easily and strongly orgasmic.
Third, develop a technical knowledge of sexuality. Sexual technique is not the be-all and end-all of a great sexual relationship, but its importance cannot be denied. Several chapters of this book are about technique. The couple with their act together sexually know how to create ambience and be uninhibitedly sensual and playful. They understand various positions of intercourse, and they have built a comfortable, exciting repertoire of sexual moves.
In making love, dishonesty destroys trust, allows boredom, and creates confusion and hostility. Great sex is based on mature lovers who can be honest with themselves and their mates. They are self-aware and can assertively communicate.
Many couples find it uncomfortable to initiate sexual conversations and openly discuss individual needs and desires. The wife may be upset because her husband gets defensive or pouts if she openly refuses sex or makes a small suggestion. The husband may be angry because his wife turns him down after he plays the romantic rituals like taking a quick shower or rubbing her back. These are times for great air-clearing, honest discussions, and confrontation as the couple openly express feelings and needs.