Beliefnet

people couple grievingEvery marriage has its ups and downs – some more than others. Divorce is the means to an end, but at what point do you avoid the divorce proceedings and inevitably fight for your marriage? Before you seek out separation options, try to remember why you fell in love and got married in the first place. Revisit the beginning of your love and figure out where things took a turn – then go from there.

A marriage takes two people, but it’s important to remember that each person is an individual. Ask yourself, what are you doing wrong within the relationship and how can you change? Don’t just talk it out, write down your reasons and go through them one by one. Then ask yourself, and honestly answer the question, will you benefit from the divorce or marriage – moreover, will you grow as an individual?

Now assess your communication skills and how your anger or absentness has come to this point. It’s relatively easy to point your finger, but it’s not as simple to admit the guilt and evaluate what you’re doing wrong as an individual. Taking ownership can help you clear your mind and give you the real answers that your marriage truly needs. Next you need to list the reasons why you’re not compatible with your partner. It’s important that you realize and accept there is no perfect person. Every person that you meet is going to have their downfalls and you’ll have to move past them. More importantly, you want to make sure that you’re not setting yourself up for a bigger relationship disaster in the future. A good relationship is full of compromises – and there is a lot of giving and taking.

Marriage can sometimes be emotionally exhausting; however the constant busyness that occurs in life can cause husbands and wives to place their spouse’s needs on the back burner. In reality, we’re all human beings and if it happens once in awhile it’s not the end of the world. The real problem is when an individual doesn’t make their spouse a priority. If you’re facing the possibility of divorce, ask yourself when is the last time you communicated in a loving way with your spouse. It doesn’t necessarily have to be intimacy; it can be as simple as holding hands or hugging. Now think about the past and try to remember if your significant other has complained about your absentness – make a plan to spend quality time together and rekindle the bond you once had.

If you’ve contemplated divorce, then you should have also visited the option of counseling. The thought of sitting with a therapist can seem heavy, but in all actuality it’s exactly what every couple essentially needs. Instead of thinking of the psychiatrist as a shrink, think of them as a referee – someone who is neutral and will give both sides an honest opinion. Seeking a therapist will keep things balanced and provide each individual with a plan on what needs to be worked on to save the marriage.

Salvaging a broken marriage is not an easy task, but if both individuals are willing to put forth the effort anything is possible. Keep in mind that a marriage is a joint effort – both parties must be willing to put in the work, otherwise there’s no avoiding divorce.

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