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Since the beginning of time, romantic partners have been cheating and while we hope the relationship is truly for better or worse, romantic relationships are not always as straightforward as we would hope them to be. Our close relationships can cause heartache and anxiety, but it’s also difficult to discuss lying and cheating openly. When the conversation about a spouse cheating comes up, people tend to get angry or they become defensive. While it can be extremely disheartening to have to deal with these issues, deception and infidelity are important to understand. Here are eight deadly lies cheaters tell themselves.

“I won’t get caught.”

Most cheaters tell themselves this lie. If they can believe and swallow this lie, then it’s a lot easier for them to continue cheating. This thought process also leads cheaters to become bolder and braver. They begin to escalate their risky behavior because they think they’re invincible. The truth is, you will get caught. While it is true that some men and women are able to carry on affairs for years without their spouses or romantic partners knowing, this is actually quite rare. It is more common than not for the cheater to get caught at some point. Despite what they may think in the moment, a cheater is not invincible.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

A cheater will do everything in their power to downplay and minimize the cheating. While a cheater will typically say what they’re doing is no big deal, this is usually accompanied with tons of lies. If it’s not that big of a deal, why is the relationship riddled with secrecy? If what they’re doing isn’t such a big deal, why are they so afraid to do it openly? The reality is, what they’re doing is a huge deal and they know if you knew the truth, it would devastate you and potentially end the relationship.

“It won’t happen again.“

More often than not, a person who has cheated and hasn’t gotten caught will likely cheat again. Cheaters typically aren’t satisfied with what they have. They can have an extremely devoted, loving and supportive partner, but that still won’t stop them from cheating again. Cheating is a very selfish, ego-driven act. Once your spouse has stepped out on you, they have already displayed their lack of respect for you. This doesn’t mean your spouse doesn’t have the ability to make a major change related to their cheating ways; however, if they’ve cheated in the past, it is very likely they will cheat again.

“You’re crazy.”

In order to rationalize and substantiate the cheating, many cheaters will blame the infidelity on problems in the relationship. When they get caught cheating and can’t lie their way out of it, they will make you out to be the crazy one. It’s really common for cheaters to try and convince their better half that they are actually the crazy ones in the relationship because it allows them to regain control of the situation. This eventually turns into mind games, and can lead to a lot of confusion, with you believing you’ve fallen short. While this isn’t true, after listening to this lie for a long period of time, you may actually start believing them.

“They’re just a friend.”

Biz Markie couldn’t have said it any better: Don’t ever talk to someone who says they’re just a friend. Lots of people find themselves wrapped up in physical relationships and flings with men and women who are a lot more than just friends. While there are many people who can maintain platonic friendships with men and women while they’re in a committed relationship, some can’t. If your partner and their “friend” have a history or something doesn’t feel quite right about their dynamic, there’s a possibility that something’s going on between them. If you find clues that lead you to believe that something’s up, they are probably up to no good. If you come across flirty texts, racy photos or simply see that they have intimate plans to meet up without your knowledge, something’s going on. Don’t dismiss it.

“Everybody is doing it.”

Cheaters often rationalize their cheating by telling themselves that everybody’s doing it too. They assume others are being unfaithful because they are. Though adultery is common in our culture, the reality is, not everyone is doing it. There are many faithful men and women out here who are willing to be loyal in their relationships. These couples prove that fidelity and commitment are possible, even in our society today.

“It wasn’t technically cheating.”

When your spouse has been caught stepping outside of the relationship, and they think that nothing is wrong because they weren’t technically cheating, then they’re not only lying to you, but also to themselves. Cheating isn’t just a physical act. It also involves having an emotional connection with another person. When you cheat, you are seeking romantic fulfillment outside of the relationship. They may not have gone all the way with physical contact, or maybe they didn’t feel like they were being unfaithful, but when someone else is filling the physical or emotional void your partner once filled, it’s cheating, whether they want to admit it or not.

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