6 Relationship Red Flags Christians Often Overlook

When we’re excited about a relationship, it’s easy to overlook the red flags. As Christians, we want to be married and find God’s match for us; this special person makes us feel wonderful (at least most of the time). We know some things about this person, but we sometimes fill in the gaps with what we want him or her to be like. Yet, we often don’t fill them in accurately. If these red flags are showing up in your relationship, don't ignore them. Not only will they sabotage your relationship, but also separate on your journey with Jesus. You also might find that some of the red flags actually relate to you, not the one you’re dating. Seek God's counsel in your relationship and pray for guidance and clearer understanding. If all signs continue to point you down this road, it's time to walk away. God wants more for you! Here are six relationship red flags Christians often overlook.

You’re Dating a Non-Believer

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This is becoming more and more common as more people in our culture are distancing themselves from religion. Some claim to be spiritual or believe in God but don’t buy into organized religion. Ultimately, their faith and many of their values don’t match yours and this is problematic for many reasons. If you are talking to someone who doesn't have a personal relationship with Jesus, you are headed down a complicated road and if you think they are going to find Christ as a result of being in a relationship with you, you are deceiving yourself. Before delving into any relationship with a non-believer, you really need to ask yourself this crucial question: who will come first, Christ or your partner? If the answer is Christ, your partner must understand that when it comes to the decisions you make, Christ comes first. Understand that your close relationship with Christ may complicate your relationship with the person you’re dating if they don't know Him.

Broken Trust

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Any relationship that you’re in that lacks trust will have major issues. Trust is something we all seek in our relationships. If trust is absent at the start of the relationship, it's a major red flag of your romantic interest's insecurities. It stunts the growth and development of a relationship. Broken trust that occurs as a result of actions within the relationship is another story. When it's broken or absent from our romantic relationships, it can stifle us. Luckily, as Christians, there's hope with God. God understands that sometimes people are untrustworthy. We will experience suffering because people have broken faith with us, sometimes because of no fault of our own. If we pray and ask God for help, we are given the strength to overcome that broken trust.

They Claim to Be in a Relationship With Christ But Are Not Truly Invested

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Just because someone you're dating professes to be Christian, doesn’t necessarily mean they have Biblical beliefs or true Christian values. Be cautious of those who profess to be Christian, but don’t model Christ in their actions. The Bible tells us there are many. Jesus warns: “These people say they are mine. They honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. And their worship of me is nothing but man-made rules learned by rote” (Isaiah 29:13). Titus 1:16 says “They claim to know God, but they deny Him by what they do. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit to do anything good.” Some of these candidates will sin on purpose, sinning now and disobeying God’s teaching. The Bible say, “Whoever says, ‘I know him,’ but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person” (1 John 2:4). Before we get involved in any romantic relationship, it's important that we keep our eyes and ears open for this truth.

Addictive Behavior

Beware of the person trapped in addictions, capable of seriously damaging or disabling a relationship. Not just the big ones we hear about: drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, sex or porn. Any activity, substance, object, or behavior that is a controlling focus of a person’s life can be an addiction: shopping, fitness, sports, etc. And all addictive behaviors disrupt and poison relationships. When you’re in a relationship with an addict, his or her addiction will always take priority over you. Nobody is completely free of habits, traits or compulsions. But steer clear of dating people who consistently elevate their hobbies, habits or happenings above their relationships. You’re not likely to win that competition, so drop out the game and move on before you get hurt.

Not Committed to Putting God First

When you’re committed to putting God first in your life and living out that commitment day by day, it’s a big mistake to move forward with someone who is not similarly committed. There’s just no reason to invest time in a romantic relationship with someone who has very different values from yours. We are spiritual creations, and being with someone who doesn’t have a spiritual connection to God will turn your life into one compromise after another. Everything a spiritually vibrant person does is oriented in the direction of God – how you invest your time, your resources and your abilities. A person who isn’t interested in God is headed in a different direction and serving another god – self, personal ambition, physical desires or other appetites.

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