Pray for Saintly Intercession
Donna Freitas, Beliefnet relationships contributor and author of "Becoming a Goddess of Inner Poise: Spirituality for the Bridget Jones in All of Us":
If Britney and Kevin were to call the love-help-hotline and I happened to answer the phone, I'd immediately advise them to consider asking for divine intervention in a number of areas. Though Britney isn't Catholic (and she wears the Kabbalah red string popularized by Madonna), a little saintly intercession might be in order.
There is, of course, the ever-popular St. Anthony of Padua, finder of lost things. Perhaps a quick devotion to Anthony would help Kevin find the wedding ring that seems ever-so-conspicuously absent when he's partying down in Las Vegas. I'd also advise a little word with St. Angela of Foligno, the patron saint who helps guard against sexual temptation, again for Kevin, to help him resist those lap dances he's rumored to be enjoying on a regular basis.
For Britney? A talk with Rita of Cascia, patron saint who protects against loneliness, ought to be on the menu. This could help Britney face her dismay regarding Kevin's apparent preference for spending copious amounts of time with his guy friends in lieu of her. It's too bad for Britney and Kevin that the Catholic Church dropped Valentine as an official saint back in the '60s, since his specialty was happy marriages. Nevertheless, the confused couple could reach out to Sts. Luigi and Maria Beltrame Quattrocchi, recently canonized by the pope as models of married life.
Follow Jewish Marital Laws
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, Beliefnet relationships columnist and author of "Kosher Sex" and "Kosher Adultery":
Britney, there is simply no hope for you without a radical personality makeover. You are an embarrassment, plain and simple. You have helped to ruin the female recording industry and make it into cheesy soft porn. It's no wonder, therefore, that your relationships are so bad--the men you're with have no real respect for you. You are not a lady, so you attract womanizers rather than gentlemen. So here is my advice for your marriage:
1. Cover up. Put your clothes back on. Rediscover modesty, which will in turn make you more feminine and ladylike. Also, your modesty will make your husband less bored with your body, and he will lust after you more. (So will the public.)
2. Publicly repudiate your semi-nude modeling, which will in turn cause your husband to respect you more, as he sees you are becoming more serious about life.
3. Insist that your husband be completely involved in the lives of his children. By making your husband into a better man, you will endear him to you.
4. As Jews have done for three thousand years, practice a period of sexual separation in your marriage for 12 days out of every month, five days of menstruation and seven days thereafter. By doing so you both teach your husband not to relate to you as only a sexual object, and you allow both of your libidos to rebuild so that your sexual reunion is hot rather than lukewarm.
5. Bring G-d into your life. Go to church, start praying, both you and your husband together. Holiness and sanctity in your married life is essential to knitting you together both as bone of one bone, flesh of one flesh, and spirit of one spirit.
Throw Away the Polaroid
John D. Spalding, Beliefnet columnist and editor of SoMAreview.com:
My youth pastor used to say that the best marriage advice he ever received was, "If you're going to fight, at least fight naked and take lots of pictures." I would advise Britney and Kevin not to listen to my youth pastor.