Why don't husbands realize this? A man whose attraction to his wife has waned thinks that the same is true for all other men as well. But to other men, she is shiny, new, and unconquered-even better, she is sinful and forbidden, the ultimate allure.
The net result is that the average husband contemplating an affair is convinced that his own wife would never do the same. He is the sexy and attractive one, not her. In my book Kosher Adultery, I quote a study in which husbands who were having affairs were asked if they thought their wives were cheating too. More than 90 percent responded, "My wife is not the type."
Indeed, it comes as a shock to most men that wives have affairs at all, even though Newsweek ran a cover story recently cataloguing the huge increase in female infidelity, which doubled between 1991 and 2002, according to a University of Chicago survey. Husbands can be real idiots: They don't realize that what leads wives into the arms of other men is a husband who never offers them affection or a hug.
How blind these men are! While their wives may not be cheating with their bodies, you can guarantee that they're cheating in their minds. Wives can tell when their husbands are not interested in them, and they subtly seek out a stranger's attention to compensate. Likewise, there is nothing that another man can spot more readily than a lonely and unhappy woman. So here is my advice to the husband who is thinking of straying. I admit it's strong medicine and should only be carried out by the brave among you. Go to your wife and gently persuade her to tell you to whom she is attracted-and whether she believes that her attraction is reciprocated. Go further. Get her to tell you if she has ever fantasized about these men.
Through this, you'll start to reinvent your marriage. Begin to see the male world through your wife's eyes. It will blow you away, and you will never again feel the need to find variety through the path of marital infidelity. You will have variety in spades, not through other women, but through the men who constantly remind you how attractive your wife is. When you go out to dinner, don't stare at the waitress with the low-cut blouse. Rather, look at how the male diners react to your wife as she walks by. You'll see that these men look at her in the same lustful way that you look at the waitress.
Your marriage will seem new all over again.