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Dear Pastor Paul,
I'm 16 years old and have decided to stay a virgin until I get married. I recently met a great new guy that I care about a lot. He doesn't go to my school, and doesn't know my feelings and my commitments. I'm so afraid to tell him because I might lose him over this. I know if he really loves me, he'll respect me, but that's easier said than done. How can I ask him to have a sexless relationship, when so many girls will be more than happy to oblige?

-- Sexless in San Fernando

Dear Sexless (your word, not mine),
Where have you been hiding? Don't you know that virginity is in? Everyone from Britney Spears to Jessica Simpson to Brendan Fehr ("Roswell") is speaking out about, or is pledging to maintain, their virginity until marriage. It is totally cool and OK not to have sex if that is what you are comfortable with.

It sounds like you are comfortable with it and that makes the boyfriend question easy. No person is ever worth compromising your own integrity. Without being self-righteous (nobody likes that!), set your personal moral standard and make sure your friends and boyfriends live up to it--or find new ones who will.

As far as breaking it to the boyfriend, put what you are offering him in the positive. Think of all the things you are going to offer him in this relationship: your friendship, your beautiful presence, someone on his side, your love, your affection--all these things he gains by staying with you.

If your boyfriend is just after sex, then he is going to take off and wasn't the right guy for you. Fear not and be patient--there are plenty of guys who are looking for exactly who you are.

 

 


 
Send questions and comments to PastorPaul@staff.beliefnet.com.
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Pastor Paul,
I'm 16 years old and have decided to stay a virgin until I get married. I recently met a great new guy that I care about a lot. He doesn't go to my school, and doesn't know my feelings and my commitments. I'm so afraid to tell him because I might lose him over this. I know if he really loves me, he'll respect me, but that's easier said than done. How can I ask him to have a sexless relationship, when so many girls will be more than happy to oblige?
--Sexless in San Fernando

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