What is your definition of self love?
Some day I will petition the dictionary people to change the definition for self-love, but for now to set the record straight, here’s a truthful definition for self-love: Self-love is the unconditional love and respect you have for yourself that is so deep, so solid, so unwavering that you choose only situations and relationships – including the one you have with yourself – that reflect that same unconditional love and respect.
In our culture, there are a lot of words other than self-love that people are much more comfortable using – self-esteem, self-awareness, self-care, self-worth, self-compassion – words that many people mistakenly believe are the same as self-love. While all the ideas expressed by these words are components of self-love, none alone is a synonym for self-love. Love is a specific, un-paralleled, and all-powerful vibration, and none of these aspects of self-love has that power on their own – but put them together and WOW! You’ve got a tree of self-love!
Is it possible to really love someone, if you don’t love yourself?
There are two answers to this question. First, loving yourself isn’t some destination you arrive at or some achievement you cross off the list. Self-love is commitment and a practice that you choose or don't choose in many moments every day. What happens for most women, who have been living by the Self-Sacrifice Handbook, is they are so busy giving love in its many forms to others – care, compassion, appreciation, acknowledgement, tending to their happiness – that they give more love than they have to give. They empty out their ‘love account’ if you will. And when that happens, because their self-worth is so tied to giving to everyone else, they keep giving but instead of giving from love, they give from obligation, resentment, guilt, fear and all kinds of other energies that aren’t love.
Secondly, without strong self-respect and self-honor (one branch on the self-love tree) you create unhealthy romantic relationships based on conditional love. This kind of relationship has love in it, but it’s love that’s been tainted with all kinds of conditions, pain, and generally yucky stuff that isn’t pure love. To have healthy relationships with others, you need a healthy branch of self-respect and self-honor, which comes only when you can make and keep this self-love promise, the premise of my first book Choosing ME before WE… I invite you all to take it now:
“I will never settle for less than my heart and soul desire.”
Christine Arylo, M.B.A., is an inspirational catalyst, teacher and self-love author who teaches people how to put their most important partnership first, the one with themselves, so that they can create the life their souls crave. The popular author of the go-to book on relationships Choosing ME before WE and the self-love handbook, Madly in Love with ME, the Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend, she’s affectionately known as the “Queen of Self-Love.” Arylo founded the international day of self-love on Feb 13th and is the co-founder of the self-love and empowerment school for women, Inner Mean Girl Reform School. www.ChristineArylo.com www.ChooseSelfLove.com