Beliefnet

I can’t use another tie. Even if I could, I don’t want one. 

 

Go ahead ask me what I want for Father's Day. You won’t want to hear it. You can't buy it in a store and it doesn't come in sizes. Oh God, please don't buy me socks either. A shirt just won’t do. Here's the good news. What I want won’t cost you a cent.

 

"What?  I won’t have to waste my money on the Old Man? Great! But wait a minute. There must be a catch. This sounds too good to be true. I remember one thing you taught me, “If it sounds too good…it must be." Or something like that.

 

Okay. Here it is. All I want for Father's Day is your time. No, not another drive-by greeting as you punch the clock upon arrival and conveniently have to leave in an hour.

Give me a day, even a half-day.  Let's have lunch or go fishing. I don’t want to go to the movies. I want to look at you. I want to laugh with you. I want to sit quietly and do nothing for no particularly good reason.

 

No, I’m not like other fathers. I don’t do sports and a case of beer won't buy me off. I want you. I miss who you are and who we were. I want to get silly and roll down a hill. I want to talk about life and what you want from it.  Ask me anything, I’ll answer truly. Just give me the moment to hold onto once more.

 

I sit with the photo albums and thumb through decades of parties and magic captured in stillness. I touch your face at ten years old and hear you say, "I love you, daddy!" Say it again for me. I haven’t changed that much.  My heart will still skip a beat.

 

This picture was taken right after you came home from the hospital when you were sick.  You were burning with such a fever, I can still feel the heat on my lips. You fell asleep on my chest and when the fever broke we both woke up drenched. I still want to kiss you on the forehead and tell you how much I love you.  You're never too old to kiss your dad.

 

Here’s the ticket for the Ninja Turtles show I took you to and a stub from your first dance. I have circus tickets from yesterdays gone by and two tokens from the arcade. Look here are the pictures from the Faith No More concert in Philadelphia. I was so out of place there, but I went. 

 

Now I'm out of your life.

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