Today I made a pledge: no more sex. I am becoming a Secondary Virgin.
At church they have been after me to do this. Georgina especially has been praying for me for a long time, I know, and has really been giving me counsel about why God wants my body to remain pure. Finally I just did it today in prayer, saying "Lord, you know I have sinned against you. Forgive me Lord; I pledge to you, right here and right now, not to trample your wishes again in this matter, but to save myself for my husband. Send your Spirit to dwell within me and help me keep this pledge."
It will be hard, I think, not to have sex again until I am married--far harder than if I had just not had sex at all ever. But I know that with God's help I can do anything (Phil. 4:13).
When I lost my virginity that was definitely memorable and exhilarating, but this is more so!
God is so good to me! Today I felt moved to pray specifically for chastity--not only that I would not have sex, but that I would not want to have sex, and it is working!
It is amazing what happens in prayer. Today I prayed not only for the ongoing strength to save my body for marriage, but I was moved to pray for a deeper level of forgiveness. I know that God has already forgiven me, but I am still delighting in the memory of sex. I still sometimes think about that first time Jake and I had sex, in his bedroom listening to the radio while his parents were out of town. At the time I just enjoyed it--and it was really fun, you can bet!--but now I see how wrong it was and how it offended my Lord Jesus who is more important to me than any man, than Jake or anyone else. And I am moved to pray even harder for forgiveness.
Last night I had real evidence of God's awesome power. It is easy enough for me to swear off sex when I am sitting in my bedroom alone.It is harder when I am watching a movie at Hank's house. It was only our third date, you know. Maybe I should have insisted we go to a movie, not rent one, or maybe I should have invited someone else to come along, then I wouldn't have been so tempted. But there we were, and I was tempted, very tempted. But the Lord intervened. I remembered my promise, and I saw in my mind a picture of the Lord Jesus on the Cross and I knew that if he loved me enough to make that sacrifice for me then I could make the sacrifice of not having sex.