How do the bride and groom tactfully convey that they want their guests to make charitable donations rather than give wedding gifts?

Couples can spread the message through word-of-mouth or through bridal registries, a service provided by more and more websites. One set of newlyweds, Ellen Butler and Eddy Bikales, placed the following insert in their wedding invitation and reported near-perfect compliance with their wishes:

Philanthropy is a Butler family tradition and tzedakah--roughly translated as "righteous giving"--is, as the Bikaleses practice it, an integral part of the Jewish faith. We've chosen four organizations that are working on issues that are close to our hearts to receive gifts in our honor. All four excel in lots of dedication and very tight budgets. Please support them and don't bring us presents.

Contributions will be anonymous. When sending a contribution, please refer to the Bikales/Butler wedding. Make your donations soon so we'll have totals to report by wedding time.

A list of the couple's chosen charities, with descriptions and contact information, completed the insert.