“And they lived happily ever after,” is the fairy tale ending many singles are looking for. The cultural dating norm insisting that singles should search to find their perfect match – soul mate – is one that has left some Christian singles scratching their heads. Nowhere in the Bible do we see this idea that God has one special someone for you that you must search to find.

In the Garden of Eden God creates for Adam a helpmeet and a suitable companion for him concluding that it is not good for man to be alone. Godly companionship is more of what the Bible is trying to convey here. The problem with society’s idea of soul mate is that it tries to accomplish the same goal of companionship apart from the wisdom of God. The Bible is not completely silent on this though. Let’s look at some Scriptures that describe three ideas of “soul mates” from the Bible’s perspective:

1 Samuel 18:1 – “And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

Here it’s clear that the biblical view of soul mate is being used to describe close friendship. Like the friend that finishes all of your sentences or the one you can have a full conversation with using no words at all. For Jonathan and David they shared a friendship so deep that they were willing to risk their lives for each other. This actually happened as Jonathan deceived his father King Saul to protect David’s life. The bond of friendship and strong, life-risking, love between friends is one way the Bible describes what could be termed “soul-mate.”

Deuteronomy 13:6 – “…thy friend, which is as thine own soul.”

This verse also shows that friends have the capacity to connect deeply on the soul level. I think it’s interesting the distinction that the Bible makes here. Because actually husband and wives are connected entirely, not just at the soul level. The Bible says the two become one because there’s certain levels of intimacy that can only be reached by a husband and wife. Friends may have matching personalities but it doesn’t mean that compatibility in this way is always suitable for marriage. For instance, many couples believe God’s idea is to bring together two complementary individuals… not identical. That way together their weaknesses can be the other's strength and vice versa.

Song of Solomon 3:4 - “I have found the one whom my soul loves.”

And finally from the most romantic Bible book, this verse is shared. The statement above suggests that there are some people we are attracted to –or our soul loves-- more than others, but attraction is not a substitute for God’s wisdom. I mean let’s face it. This is about the love story of the young King Solomon and the Shulamite and we all know how many wives he ended up having at the end of his life. So attraction at the soul level is not an indicator of lasting, true love.

The Bible does mention soul mates, but it’s not the same idea that the world has created in terms of “finding the one.” Instead of looking for a “sole" mate, inquire of God’s wisdom to find the one He has for you. Rather than looking for a perfect match, be a perfect match. Remembering that true love is sacrificial love, not self-serving. It is patient and kind. It refuses to be envious boastful or proud. It honors others, is not irritable and let’s bygones be bygones. It always protects, trusts, hopes for the best and endures through every circumstance. So don’t get caught up in the hype. Submit your love life to God, find someone who loves The Lord and has these qualities and you will have found your “soul mate.”

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