Beliefnet

Here it comes again, the monster that is part of human nature. That is the feeling of jealousy. Jealousy arises when there is injustice, feeling of inadequacies--feeling left out, or can stem from rejection.

This is never something we like to admit, but we all have to tackle this. Sometimes if it becomes a deeper issue we need to get to the root of it with therapy and learning how to handle it better. Jealousy divides, kills self-worth, destroys relationships, and will damage your life and others. For example allowing jealousy to fester can make you explosive, resentful and make the atmosphere sour.

It will leave people wondering, “What is wrong with them?”  We don't need this.

Remember that jealousy can grow into a disease.

We can learn to let go and choose love. When good things happen to others and when life is in the toilet for you, what can one do? Be proactive. There are questions you can act to help you understand what is going on.

Fiction writer Robert A. Heinlein said: “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy.”

Ask questions: Like do you feel unworthy? What type of relationship did you have at home with parents and with siblings, is there a root of rejection to think about? Was your home environment repressive, or unloving? Do you feel it is middle child syndrome? Be honest about answers.

Watch out for comparison verses competition. Some competition will keep you on your toes, but comparison can lead to jealousy, and create a pit. We are unforgiving towards ourselves and tend to question our path when we compare ourselves with others.

Start focusing on you. It is a never-ending battle that will eat at your core, and remember this is closely linked to jealousy. Lisa Quast wrote an insightful article on this. She shared on Forbes that today with social media we are constantly reminded of others and their accomplishments. This can be promotions, career, family, or other accomplishments—this can bring on jealousy if you feel that you’re stuck.

Once you go down this road, it will never end. Make it a point to turn this around and wish them the best. Everyone is special and unique, don’t squander energy.

“There is an endless supply of people to whom you could compare yourself and your accomplishments, but, inevitably, you’ll always end up on the losing side of the comparison. That’s because there will always be someone who has done something that you wished you could also accomplish.”

Replace these thoughts with compassion. Maybe they’re suffering, or have been struggling for a long time. You don’t know the entire history. We don’t know about everything that goes on behind the scenes. We can assume, but there will be things that we don’t know. Perhaps someone gets a promotion and you don’t. Maybe they have more flexible hours, too. We don’t know the entire situation, so refrain from comparing, but ask for the reasons that you were not promoted or given time off. Then go from there. Count your blessings.

Gratitude is a choice—you’re not born with it. When we focus on what we do have it will help with jealousy. It will make you feel good and this will help love people more.

Being positive allows us to be grateful helps with moods. People who choose gratitude are happier, less angry, and can fend jealousy better. So, get a list of gratitude out when you feel jealousy is a struggle. Pray, create a thank you journal, or meditate on the good things you do have in life. Robert Emmons studied gratitude and is an expert on the positive results.

“The social benefits are especially significant here because, after all, gratitude is a social emotion. I see it as a relationship-strengthening emotion because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.”

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