Beliefnet
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Hey Steph!

I was thinking about what you said about your job. It's really tough when there's so much tension between your boss and your co-workers that you can't even do your work. I was in this situation a while back, and I have some thoughts that I hope will help.

First of all: Don't rush around mailing hundreds of resumes everywhere. I did that at first because I thought getting another job was the only solution. I just ended up wasting ridiculous amounts of time.

I started to make a real effort to be genuinely loving and kind. It helped me to look for people's talents and what they did well.

Just sit down and get quiet. Push out the thoughts that are driving you crazy--you know, "If I was in charge, things would be different," "If I quit, I can't pay the rent." Instead, start by focusing on the good things you already have in your life, like health, intelligence--and supportive friends like me! Also, think about the things you'd like more of, like considerate behavior and less stress.

Now comes the fun part--and I swear this works when you really try it--go to work and look for those good things. Really look. Even if it doesn't seem like much good is going on, keep looking for even the smallest tidbit of intelligence, or humor, or whatever's on your list. What's more, start expressing more of these qualities yourself (this can be hard, so stick with it). For example, if someone's acting exasperated, make sure you are being as patient as you can. Counteract the problem with its opposite thought. In fact, think of the exact opposite behavior of what the problem is and act that way!

Incidentally, this isn't about suppressing your feelings or faking it. What it's about is refusing to be controlled by negative situations or emotions, and instead allowing more joy and gratitude into your life.

One of the things that goes along with this is checking out how you're treating your co-workers in face-to-face encounters, and even how you think about them. In my situation, at first, I would take sides and make snide comments about people who were being jerks. But after a while, I realized this wasn't getting me anywhere; I just ended up even more irritable and annoyed.

I started to make a real effort to be genuinely loving and kind. It helped me look for people's talents and what they did well. One thing I discovered is that love's pretty versatile. Even when people weren't nice to me, it didn't bother me as much as it used to. And eventually, those people actually started being polite--even friendly--when I consistently refused to get into arguments or talk about people behind their back.

I think that as you do this, more good things will start to happen, and your job will either become more satisfying or a new opportunity will appear. Either way, you'll certainly find more peace--and so will the people around you.

Well, you know the rest...I did end up finding another job eventually, but that didn't happen until I got centered at my previous job.

Hope this helps...keep me posted!

Love,

Laurie
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