Alam, now a 24-year-old Pakistani American living inWashington, D.C., got hundreds of responses from Muslims from around theglobe. Some condemned homosexuality, but mostly people wanted to talk about howto reconcile being gay or lesbian with their religion.
Islam, like many religions, condemns homosexuality. In manyIslamic countries, same-sex acts are punishable by harsh fines, jail,public whipping or death.
Beginning today, members of the Al-Fatiha Foundation, theorganization Alam started in 1998, will gather in San Francisco for athree-day conference under the banner "Reclaiming Our Faith and Reigniting Our Spirit."Alam's group has between 1,500 and 2,000 members who belong to ninechapters in the United States, Canada and England. The group will cap its conferenceby marching in Sunday's Gay Pride Parade.
"I've heard over and over you can't be gay and Muslim," Alam,who came to San Francisco for the convention, said during a recentinterview at a Castro district cafe. "It's an oxymoron. Sex is a taboo in ourfamilies, our communities and in our mosques. Now, we can point toAl-Fatiha, where we can address our issues and put a face to it."
Islam is one of the fastest-growing religions in NorthAmerica, with an estimated 6 million American Muslims. Alam and membersof Al-Fatiha see themselves as part of a younger generation of U.S. Muslims who arestruggling against oppressive tradition and stereotypes.
But the mere existence of the group upsets orthodox members ofthe Islamic faith.
"I ask those people to repent, turn to God and take Islamseriously," said Muzammil Siddiqi, president of the Islamic Society ofNorth America and the director of the Islamic Society of Orange County in Garden Grove."Being gay and Muslim is a contradiction in terms. Islam is totallyagainst homosexuality. It's clear in the Koran and in the sayings of the prophet Mohammed."
Siddiqi said he did not condone violence against gays, butsupported laws in countries where homosexuality is punishable by death.As in the Bible, Siddiqi said, the Koran includes the story of Lot, in which men whohave sex with men are punished.
"How can people accept something that is against the Koran,unless Muslims stop being Muslims?" Siddiqi said.
Now residing in New Jersey, Heydari attends support groups forparents of transgendered children. She also participates in Internetgroups where parents share their stories.
"I believe Islam, on its own, is not bad," said Heydari, 54."But governments and religious parties in different countries havesomehow taken advantage of loopholes to exercise their pressure against certain groups. Weare ready to sacrifice the health of a child for the sake of society."
Her daughter's sexual orientation is still concealed from herhusband's family in Iran.
Heydari said groups such as Al-Fatiha broaden people's minds,here and abroad.
"I don't think God wants any of his subjects to be punished orput in isolation," she said. "My daughter was born with this issue. Itdoesn't make her any different. As a parent, I don't love her any less."
Pakistan-born Surina Khan, the 33-year-old executive directorof the San Francisco-based International Gay and Lesbian Human RightsCommission, said gay Muslims were not alone in trying to find room to practicetheir faith in a hostile environment. Gays from conservative Protestant,Catholic and Jewish denominations have struggled for decades to worship God whileaccepting their homosexuality.
Al-Fatiha used Dignity/USA, a group for gay, lesbian, bisexualand transgendered Catholics that began in 1973, as a role model for itsprograms and mission.
Khan, who is not religious but was raised in a Muslim family,was disowned by her mother and brother when she came out as lesbian 12years ago.
Eventually, "they came to realize family is an importantinstitution," she said. "It took a lot of education and conversation.
"I believe in everybody's right to religious freedom, but alsothat no one has the right to impose their beliefs on anyone else," Khansaid. "Islam is a very tolerant religion. It just depends on whether you view it with aprogressive perspective or a fundamentalist perspective.
"One of the most liberating experiences in my life has been tolive with integrity, honesty, with family and friends."
In addition to the nine chapters, Al-Fatiha has a half-dozenInternet list servers, where people talk about dating, practicing theirfaith and cultural traditions, and dealing with disappointed parents. Its Web addressis www.al-fatiha.net.
"All of us realize how important it is to create dialogue,"Alam said. "That's why we gave this year's conference the theme'Reclaiming Our Faith.' We're connecting with our faith and spirit, which is not allowed inorthodox circles. We allow that. We bring that out."