The End Is Near!
A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The end is near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car.
One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"
A Yogi Walked into a Pizza Parlor...
What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?
"Make me one with everything."
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"
The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."
A Recently-Spotted Bumper Sticker:
What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"It's all right; I'll sit in the dark!"
A Priest's Job Promotion
A Catholic priest and a rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotions.
"What do you have to look forward to in terms of being promoted?" asked the rabbi.
"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the rabbi.
"Well, next I can become a bishop."
"Yes, and then?"
"If I work real hard and do a good job as bishop, it's possible for me to become an archbishop."
"OK, then what?"
Exasperated, the priest replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a cardinal."
Growing angry, the priest responded, "Well, with lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work, if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."
"Yes, and then what?"
"Good grief!" shouted the priest. "What do you expect me to become, God?"
"Well," responded the rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
The Business of the Bible
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
A Hymn with Punch
A preacher was finishing a rousing sermon against the evils of drink. His voice filling the church, he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
Growing more impassioned, he shouted, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
Finally, he thundered, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.
The song leader then stood up and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River.'"