And my desire [was] to forgive her on a daily basis because the hurt doesn’t go away instantly, I would like to say that it does but it doesn’t and it was about learning to trust God and to start to love her as God loves her and not as my fleshly self wants to because there are still days where I struggle with it. I struggle with the pain or something will happen or I’ll see something on TV and I’ll remember the pain and saying “How could my mom do that to me?” but them I’m reminded that – Michelle, you are committed to love her right where she’s at knowing that God will pickup the slack for you and your heart is not out there all by itself but that God is the one ultimately saying that “I love you and you can trust me, don’t put your trust in your mom because she’s going to let you down but put your trust to me and we’ll work through it.” It’s easier said I’m sure than done and it’s taken a lot of time. Ultimately, to kind of recognize it in myself that I was capable of walking away from her but also recognizing that with God I am capable of walking back in and loving her for the person that she is today and the person that she is limited in some areas and is great in other areas, the mom that I needed at 12 is different than the mom I need now at 30 years old and so our relationship is different and what I need from her is different.
I think like my mom on some levels. We’re truly optimistic and we want to love everybody and just kind of kill them with kindness but every situation is different and people need to set boundaries and ultimately I learned to set boundaries on the ranch with Jillian Michaels because I started to develop other relationships that kind of became toxic and I didn’t know how to set a boundary and say “Okay, you’ve gone too far. I need you to respect this boundary or we can’t be friends or we can’t talk about this topic if you can’t respect my boundaries.” So I think setting boundaries is step one and it was something I wasn’t capable of doing before stopping the talk with my mom.
How do you forgive someone when they refuse to admit or/are incapable admitting they were wrong or they hurt you?
I think that part is where it becomes not about the person but about wanting to keep the right relationship with God. My forgiving my mom has very little to do with her and who she is but it has everything to do with me putting my faith and my hope and my trust in God and saying “God, I choose to do this in obedience to you and it’s about righteousness and about holiness and it’s not about keeping score with the other person.” That’s the only way I know how to do it is to say “God I do this unto you and not unto this person because I don’t believe that this person is right but God through you I will extend grace and extend mercy to them because you’ve extended it to me.” That’s the only way I know to do it, is to shift the focus off this person and what they’ve done and what they don’t see that they’ve wrong and shift it back to God. God is the one who can change the heart of a king. He can absolutely change the heart of a parent or a loved one and I think as we start to pray positive things instead of God change them and make them better, God blesses them and give them a joy that they’ve never had and I think as you start to pray those things and you shift the focus off of the pain and you kind of shift it back onto God and what God can do for you and through you and in the life of that person.
That’s great. So what do you want people to really take away from you book? What do you hope that your book accomplishes in other people’s lives?
[I hope] they just walk away with a sense of – I’m not the only one who’s ever gone through this. I’m not the only one who’s ever felt this way or thought these things. I think more than not, I’m more normal or more like somebody than they realize. I’m nothing special in the day to day sense. I mean I had an opportunity that was amazing but who I am as a person is probably more similar to their lives than they realize and I think if I can do it, they can do it and whatever it is that they feel is holding them back. It may not be weight, it may not be that type of a struggle, but you can be the Biggest Loser of whatever is holding you back. You can become fearless and you can work on that because it will be a lifelong journey. So it’s kind of more just to inspire them to just move forward in their journey and really just keep focused. What question, when you are doing press for this kind of thing, what question are you never been asked that you always wish you would be asked?
Well almost everybody will ask me “Is it as hard as it looks?”, and “is Jillian as mean as she seems?” I would love it if one day people asked me if Jillian is really nice at the end of the day. They always ask if she’s really as mean and I’m like “She’s really nicer than you could imagine.” I don’t know. people ask a lot of questions. I think people kind of really made a strong connection to the show and so I don’t know what there could be that they haven’t asked as of yet. They always surprise me with something like “You want to know that really? Okay.” The biggest revelation is that when you are weighing in on the scale, it’s not like actually weighing you in that moment but we weighed earlier in the morning. So when people see it, they see that you lost a 10th of a pound and they are like “Well take off your watch. You will weigh less if you take off your watch” and I’m like “No, that wouldn’t have mattered, you already weighed.”
So they weigh you in the morning – I guess they don’t tell you what your weight is though right?
No you have no idea and that’s why they are able I think to weigh you in a very dramatic fashion because they already know the numbers.
I love how the numbers go jump up and down by like 30 or 40 pounds like they have the world’s worst scale.
Yes, they need to calibrate it because it’s kind of all over the place. It’s so funny. So I don’t know – the fact that you asked that question might be the one, one that I’ve never heard before.