Your Charmed Life

Your Charmed Life


Do You Use the Guest Towels? — a guest blog from Elizabeth Grant

posted by Victoria Moran

Do You Use the Guest Towels? 

by Elizabeth A. Grant

estgirl99.jpg

One
of the greatest obstacles I see with clients is that people have trouble
valuing themselves highly. Somewhere along the line, they took on a belief that
they aren’t worth much.

A
friend of mine is an artist, and she’s really struggling with this. She feels
discomfort charging people for what she loves doing anyway. I told her, “My
hairstylist, doctor and realtor love what they do. But I expect to pay them,
just like I would expect to pay you for one of the beautiful glass pieces you
create.” The fact is people feel “icky” getting something for nothing.

I
know a man who is a wedding photographer. He decided when he launched his
career that he would be “the” photographer for high-end weddings in his area.
He averages $80,000 per wedding – more than four times what most people pay for
their entire wedding! Now, does he have to deliver, so to speak, to charge that
much? Well, yes, he has to be a very good photographer. But is he 20 times
better than people charging $4,000? No way. People are willing to pay him
$80,000 because he told them he is worth
$80,000.

A
few years ago, three friends were supposed to come and stay with me for the
weekend. In preparing for the visit, I realized I only had one set of guest
towels. So I went out and bought two more sets. Something came up at the last
minute, and they weren’t able to make it. The following Monday, I was telling
my friend about it. I said, “I guess I’ll just return the towels since I don’t
need them anymore.” She said, “What do you usually dry yourself with?”

I
said, “The old towels.”

She
asked me to describe the towels to her. “Well, they don’t match my new bathroom
colors, and a lot of them have stains from coloring my hair,” I said. “And a
few of them have rips and snags from trips through the washing machine gone bad.”

She
said, “And if you had a new set, what would you be doing with these towels?” I
thought about this for a second and said, “Cut them up and use them as rags, I
guess.”

After
a pause she said, “So, basically, what you’re saying is you dry yourself with
rags.” 

In
realizing what I’d been doing, we burst into laughter. Oh my goodness, she was
right. I valued others’ comfort much more than my own. It was such a perfect metaphor
for what I thought of myself! That night, I went home and took all the old
towels out of my closet and put them where the belonged … in the rag basket!

A
strange thing happens when we value ourselves highly. People first gauge our
value by what we tell them it is. Then, we show them who we are. Then, they
form a judgment as to whether or not we are worth that amount of money, effort
or attention. When we undervalue ourselves, it’s not a case of people thinking,
“Wow! I really got a bargain!” (I mean that both in terms of money and of
emotional effort.) It’s human nature to treat things better that have a higher
value.

How
highly do you value yourself? Do you keep a neat and clean home, or quickly
clean before guests come over? In relationships, do you tolerate unloving and
substandard behavior from people? Do you value yourself enough to eat healthy
foods, and take care of your body? Do you value yourself enough to charge what
you’re worth?

And
of course, I just have to ask: Do you value yourself
enough to use the guest towels?

Elizabeth A. Grant is a
writer, editor and life coach. She specializes in helping people make their
dreams a reality. She can be reached at http://www.thequantumcoach.net

 Photo credit: estgirl99



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Comments read comments(11)
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Sonya Braun

posted December 9, 2009 at 2:36 pm


Thanks for sharing this, Elizabeth. I can totally relate to this. And I will have to think more on how much I value a clean house for me and my family.
My husband and I run a photography studio for women to capture their beauty and build their self-esteem. It’s in Winnipeg, Canada and is called “Eve Studios”. If it’s all right, I may just link them to this blog.



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Susan Mazza

posted December 9, 2009 at 3:28 pm


What a great story. A reminder not only to take a stand for ourselves in terms of our value, but also to treat ourselves well.



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Success Genie

posted December 9, 2009 at 6:39 pm


Elizabeth,
I loved your article. It was a great reminder to look at the little things we do and how they affect the larger ones.
We can only receive what we think we are worth.
I am going to make sure I use the guest towels the next time. :)



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Dorothy Woods

posted December 9, 2009 at 6:57 pm


How timely this blog was for me. At the present time I have had my world turned upside down and was feeling rather worthless. While I am still struggling, I have printed this blog and plan to read it several times a day! When the student is ready the teacher appears!!
Thank you Elizabeth.



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Christine

posted December 9, 2009 at 9:39 pm


What a GREAT blog Elizabeth! How eye opening and true it is.
I thought about it for awhile after I read it. I think women who are care takers, mothers naturally put them selves second and it can easily form into a habit of using “rags” instead of “towels” It definitely takes practice, committment and dedication to change these habits.
I look forward to your emails that I get regularly and am always inspired by them! Rock on girl! LOL



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Your Name

posted December 10, 2009 at 2:32 am


Hi Elizabeth,
That’s a great article and food for thought. I’ve been struggling with this issue for many many years and you opened my eyes. Now I only need to integrate it.
Thanks so much



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Elizabeth Grant

posted December 10, 2009 at 3:26 pm


Thank you all for taking the time to read the blog. I’m glad you enjoyed it! I loved having the chance to write “for fun” again.8f



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jane welsh

posted December 13, 2009 at 3:28 am


Thanks Elizabeth. I can so relate. I think my towels are OK, but my wardrobe is a bit sad, and yeah I feel sad a fair bit. I have issues around this though and I’d love your thoughts. Firstly it is so good to come to a site and see children to sponsor up top. Children in need. I have spent many months travelling in developing countries and it always influences my feelings of what resources I think I need and deserve, or feel good about owning without feeling like I am being greedy or selfish when so many people around the world go without basics like clean water or sanitation, or a reliable diet. There are so many issues here. The availibility of resources. more traditional thoughts are along the lines of there being a finite amount of resources (so is it not wise to aim to share them more evenly?), LoA believers say there is infinite abundance, and perhaps if we earn more and create more abundance, we can help less fortunate to have more abundance too, like sponsoring a child. I can see how that might work for cash and resources we can buy, but what about other things, say water? I guess we can always let the ice caps melt and desalinate ocean water, and find an alternative power source like solar to run this “expensive” way to get water. it takes 155,000 litres of water to produce 1kg of beef vs 800L to produce a large loaf of bread. If more people around the world eat meat (LoA believers I imagine believe that all people deserve to eat meat if they want, and they could attract it to them), will there be enough water to keep up? Growing cotton to produce towels is also thirsty on water. More of a concern to me is that it takes 1.5kg of chemical pesticides and fertilisers to produce one t-shirt (nonorganic, and good on you any people out there who are buying organic cotton towels or t-shirts). I am imagine a lot of that will wash into rivers and oceans. So what about pollution? The traditional thought is that the more products consumed the more pollution is created. will there be a tipping point where fish are no longer fertile, or we get sick from eating seafood who have been filtering pesticides for years? what is LoA thought on pollution of air, of water, of soil? what about erosion? livestock create twice as much soil erosion as grain crops. if we all just go for whatever level of consumption feels good, without consideration/concern for other factors, what will happen to our rivers, oceans, air, soil?? can we rely on believing that the answers will come quick enough. Maybe there will be such a shake up in 2012 that this will all be irrelevant anyway. what do you think about pollution in relation to buying things that feel wonderful, but we don;t necessarily need? how does of LoA help us find a great path in all of this?



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Elizabeth Grant

posted December 17, 2009 at 9:11 pm


Hi Jane. So nice that you took the time to comment, as I’ve enjoyed our correspondence before.
To clarify, the law of attraction is not a belief system, like a religion or a code of ethics. As you know (but other readers might not), it just says that everything is made up of energy and energy attracts to like energy. In going further into quantum concepts, it says that this energy is pure potential (it exists in a state of duality … so the potential for both extremes exists in the same time and space). When you observe something, you *change* it; you are directing it to act the way you want it to. You are telling it which part of the energy wave you choose to make your reality in that moment.
The best analogy I can think of is an actor in a TV show. The actor comes to work ready to make the director happy. He could provide a terrible performance or create a magnificent stunner.
There is a director, and she has a vision for how she wants the scene to play out. You could think of this as your intention for your life or the world around you.
They rehearse the scene, and the director assesses whether she likes it or not, and tweaks her vision and communicates this to the actor. Then, they shoot the scene for real. With the camera rolling, the actor now has an awareness he’s being watched. He knows the camera is rolling. He acts differently feeling the camera on him (don’t we all do this when a friend points a camera at us?).
The actor is the energy. You are the director, and you’re observing the energy (your life) through the camera (your filter). What happens to most people is they fail to give the actor a script, and they complain to him all day, telling him all the things they don’t like about his performance. I think any actor will tell you that a good script is the basis of an outstanding performance. The second thing that’s really important is that the director communicates clearly her vision of the *end result* she wants to achieve. The best directors, in fact, trust the actor and allow them to draw on their creative power to co-create something magnificent.
This is why teachers often say, “Energy flows where attention goes.” It *literally* goes where you put your attention. Yet, most people put almost all of their attention on what they don’t want … mainly they aren’t even aware of where there attention IS. (I call this your “background noise” … and this background noise is where you will find the truth of your life.)
The fact is that there are people — both rich and poor — who are selfish jerks, materialistic, whose moral choices fall short, and who don’t contribute to the well-being of the planet. The idea that people who understand the law of attraction would believe that gluttonous consumption is morally correct is a myth. It is probably the case that the people you learned LOA from don’t happen to share your moral views (or mine). 90% of the people I know who practice LOA are highly moral, responsible people (yet, everyone is flawed, including me, of course). They are givers, too.
How does LOA help the problems you mention? If like attracts like, and you direct your reality by where you put your attention, then I would encourage you to focus on what you want and give no more energy to what you don’t like in the world, except to see it as contrast to help you tweak where you are going. Instead of focusing on the lack of clean water, focus on your desire that everyone have clean water.
I have lived in the so-called vortex for long stretches — up to three years at a time. It is truly a magical way of life. It happens when 1)You are in a state of surrender to what IS, 2) you are living a life in line with who you truly are, deep in your core, and 3) you can let go completely and trust in the divine to bring you what you want, in its own time and in its own way. It is like a beautiful dance with the divine, and it is a glorious way to live.



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Louie

posted December 14, 2013 at 10:46 am


Hi friends, its impressive article concerning tutoringand entirely
defined, keep it up all the time.



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Annie Hoff

posted March 16, 2014 at 6:00 am


not wanting to take too much of my life philosophy from Kung Fu Pands.. “there is no secret sauce”

Its just goes to show.. if you tell people you are an 80K wedding photographer.. then you are..
its an interesting devle into the human mind set.. we have sort of been conditioned that if its expensive.. it must be good.. a bit of the “emperor’s new clothes”
and yes.. i expect to pay ( somewhere in the bill for the towels

Annie



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