I am listening to a great series right now about difficult people, let’s begin…..
Self- awareness is not the absence of mistakes, but the ability to learn and correct them
We all have that one person in our lives totally unaware of how they come across to others. You may find yourself even avoiding them as much as you possibly can. Being in their presence is honestly just too much at times. Here are some of the wonderful qualities those people possess.
The Interrogator- the more questions they ask, the more it feels like an interrogation
The One Upper- always has done more, been more, has more, knows more
The Incessant Talker- Can’t get a word in?
Debbie Downer- Glass half empty, always!
The Busy Body- In everyone’s business?
The Gossiper- Consistently has something to say about someone
The interrupter- Are you even listening?
The Exploiter- doesn’t keep your private life private
The Attention Seeker- Does whatever they can to draw attention to themselves
The Controller, the steamroller- My way is better
Being right is always better than loving you?! OUCH
Graham Cooke calls those individuals your grace growers but is sure doesn’t feel like your grace is growing; more like “abort, abort.”
Seriously, what is wrong with those people? They are beyond frustrating and life draining. There are times when we do need to re- evaluate relationships and possibly put them in another circle other than our inner. However, more often than not there actually may be something in us, yes, you and me that we don’t see.
Let’s think about this for a minute… What is our whole purpose for being in relationships with others? For me it is because I want to grow closer and deeper in love and friendship. I want the people in my life to feel loved, cherished and heard. Do I always do that? Unfortunately, no.
The common denominator I bring into all my relationships is me. The same is with you. Are we possibly missing the mark?
We all have opinions and we all have differences so how do we draw closer to others that are different from us?
2 Samuel- ( King David)
One evening, David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. He noticed a beautiful woman bathing and David sent someone to find her. The woman Bathsheba was married but David didn’t care. He sent his messenger to bring her to him and King David slept with her and she became pregnant. David then chose to have her husband killed. The results of David’s temptation and choices were devastating.
However, David was still quick to point out other people’s shortcomings ( sin). God sent the prophet Nathan to confront the king of his deception. See, David had quite the blind spot or should I say “another side” and often times so do we. The qualities we sometimes condemn in others can be our very own character flaws. However, David listened and did not justify his behavior but instead repented for losing his way. He was able to look into his own mirror and see what he had become. The very reason God speaks so much on meekness is because meekness changes us and those around us. All the qualities you long for, God has for you if you let Him in.
The truth of the matter is we only have control over ourselves not others.
Here are some things we can do to help ease our pain with our grace growers…
- Take a look in our own mirror- ask God to reveal your blind spots. In order to create intimacy we must have self awareness.
- Ask God in earnest prayer to help you see others they way He does.
- Ask God in earnest prayer to keep you away from people, places, and situations that may tempt you to do something outside of what God says.
- Meditate on scripture that combats against those weaknesses YOU (not the other person) has. Do you lack patient, understanding, empathy? Need to be a better listener, partner??? You will see how God will begin changing your heart, your actions, and then your words.
- Pray for healthy and honest relationships
Next, ask the 3 closest people to you the following ( honest feedback and no push back) Just listen.
What’s it like to be on the other side of me?
Doing this will help you get better insight into what others may be experiencing when in your presence. This is how we grow up and grow closer in relationships.