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As I was thinking about what I wanted to write my first post about, it hit me, why not write a little bit about my journey thus far. My hope is that this blog will bring encouragement to other girls and women who are fighting their way through trials, doubts, fears, hopelessness, oppression, and confusion.

I was working in the corporate world in business development in a marketing role. Like many people, I had no real direction and needed to work to support my family. I slowly worked my way to a six- figure salary with countless struggles and obstacles. Even though, I was thrilled at what I had accomplished, I was in no way who God created me to be. I was literally drudging my way through each day knowing deep down, this was not my passion, nor my identity. Often times, we think our identity is tied to our work so for me, I thought “well, I guess this is just the way life is.” You get up, get dressed, put on a brave face and go tackle another day. The core of who I am was not matching up with this job or the persona I displayed for the public. Plain and simple, I was an impersonator! My inner voice was burning out.

When we are not operating from our true identity, we feel extremely unsettled. Our creator, created each one of us uniquely with a purpose and a plan and most importantly, for Him to be apart of that plan. I was following my own plan and it wasn’t fulfilling me at all. As I became more and more antsy for solutions, I took another job doing much of the same but with a smaller company that I thought I could make even more money with because I would play a more significant role within that company. As I ventured into this new role with “new” hope, slowly the false joy and false hope I had felt diminished. I was flailing in the position, praying daily for God to “do something, anything for me to be “successful”. In my mind success was closed sales, kudos, and money. “Why aren’t you working on my behalf, God?” ”Where are you, God?” “Don’t you care about me, God?” “ Why do you forsake me, God?” Ok, I am also a tiny bit dramatic but I did feel lost and I needed guidance. Do you know that our Lord has quite the sense of humor? If you really turn to Him with a pure heart and pure motives, don’t think He won’t rock your world like He did mine.

I was desperate and there were big blinking signs all around me that said “ Wrong Way”, “Danger Ahead” “Look Up” but I was spiritually blind and deaf so I crashed and left my job with no Plan B. I came home that day, not knowing if I was coming or going or who I even was anymore. The emotions ran deep and there were many, defeat, sadness, anger, failure, fear, worry, doubt, little self-worth and a dozen others. I felt numb from the pain.

My journey was not easy to say the least and tears were shed but I will tell you God is so good. God had such a different plan for me and the road with God is less traveled but it is absolutely the best place you can be. For the next two years, I really struggled financially and emotionally but I also decided to get to know the real essence of God. He worked in and through me in ways that I can’t even explain and I began to fall deeply in love with Him. I began to trust Him little by little and through that I also wanted to be trustworthy. I won’t sugar coat my story though, I was on my knees many, many days begging Him to pull me out of this pit. I was a single mother with kids to take care of and that scared the blank out of me. However, God provided for me each step of the way. It was not always how I wanted to be provided for but it was enough. I remember standing at my kitchen sink one morning looking out the window and it was the most beautiful day but all I could see was my gut wrenching circumstances. Then all of a sudden I got this download; you know a thought that just pops into your head. Now, I know it was a word from God and He said” Why, do you doubt me, daughter? Haven’t, I always taken care of you?” I cried like a baby because in that moment, I knew that I was really loved and He was with me. He had not forsaken me.

So, one day I sat down at my computer and I started to write. The only thing besides my children that would light me up was God. I began to just pour my heart out to Him and as time went on, it slowly turned into my testimony. What is absolutely crazy is that I have always wanted to write. I wrote my first children’s book years ago and gave the manuscript to my mother to keep for me. Was, God leading me to my calling, my passion? I believe He was but this road would have many bumps too. The difference is I asked Him to take control of my life. I wanted out of the driver’s seat.

I would spend my days looking for jobs on-line , writing, and still worrying about where my life was headed. Even though, I carried a great deal of fear, I knew in my soul that I was right where I was supposed to be. I knew He would carry me when I couldn’t see what was ahead. My job was to trust, be still and listen for His guidance. He wants us to live in the present with Him, not the past nor the future.

I would begin a blog that in just a few short months would grow substantially. I would finish my book, my story and as I write this piece, is in the hands of a publisher. Now, I don’t want you to think this journey has been all sunshine and wildflowers because at times It was more than I could handle. I have cried more in these last couple of years than I probably ever have. God stripped me of people and things but there is always a purpose behind His amazing plan. God is good and His love for us runs deep. We can trust Him.

One of my dreams was to write for Beliefnet and now here I am, God opened this door with such ease that I still have trouble believing that it is in fact a reality. I would not take one moment back because through His power, grace, and mercy, He is making me anew! Watch out world, I now have a voice and I am going to use it to uplift and encourage women in their journey through glorifying our King! Know this, you are safe in His presence and He will give you what you need and turn your life upside down in the best possible way. It is time for us all to start believing in miracles. I want to recommend my first book “ The Good and Beautiful God” by James Bryan Smith. This book is a game changer. Go get it!

 

Please feel free to post comments on what subject matter you would like me to tackle. I will boldly speak on your behalf. I am so excited to write for you precious, beautiful souls.  This is a safe space and remember you are daughters of the most high King-Shan xo

 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”- Jeremiah 29:11

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