Year of Sundays

Year of Sundays


This Sunday: Church of Scientology

posted by Joel Gunz

L. Ron Hubbard never got over his failed audition for the role of Thurston Howell III.

Yep, we went there.  Today we took a 75 million year trip to the the Galactic Confederacy just for you. Stop back in a day or two and we’ll tell you all about it. Just as soon as we remove these annoying implants from our brains.



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Anonmagik

posted June 23, 2011 at 4:26 pm


Who is Xenu?

I’m going to tell you a story. Are you sitting comfortably? Right, then I’ll begin.

Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack.

Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were over-populated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan.

Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers).

These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed.

The story doesn’t end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a “thetan” in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper).

After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called “implanting”.

When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies.

As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today.

That is the end of the story. And so today everyone is full of these clusters of souls called “body thetans”. And if we are to be a free soul then we have to remove all these “body thetans” and pay lots of money to do so. And the only reason people believe in God and Christ was because it was in the film their body thetans saw 75 million years ago.

Well what did you think of that story?

What? You thought it was a stupid story?

Well so do we. Unfortunately this stupid story is the core belief in the religion known as Scientology.* If people knew about this story then most people would never get involved in it. This story is told to you when you reach one of their secret levels called OT III. After that you are supposed to telepathically communicate with these body thetans to make them go away. You have to pay a lot of money to get to this level and do this (or you have to work very hard for the organisation on extremely low pay for many years).

We are telling you this story as a warning. If you become involved with Scientology then we would like you to do so with your eyes open and fully aware of the sort of material it contains.

Most of the Scientologists that work in their Dianetics* centres and so called “Churches” of Scientology do not know this story since they are not allowed to hear it until they reach the secret “upper” levels of Scientology. It may take them many years before they reach this level if they ever do. The ones who do know it are forced to keep it a secret and not tell it to those people who are joining Scientology.

http://www.xenu.net

Now you have read this you know their big secret. Don’t let us put you off joining though.



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Joel Gunz

posted April 13, 2011 at 1:32 am


Hi Rebekah! Naw, we aren’t too worried about it.



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Rebekah

posted April 12, 2011 at 7:50 pm


Hey Manda & Joel!
I’m really looking forward to hearing about this visit – I am especially curious myself about the facinations/weirdness (IMHO) that is Scientology. But I was curious and wanted to ask before you post your “reviews”… given all the press and infamous reports of how sue-happy the Scientologist community is known to be (see the South Park creator’s credits at the end of the episode “Trapped in the Closet”, etc.) are you guys at all worried about/or considering what the reaction might be from the “church” if your response to their meeting is negative?

I for one hope that you don’t censor yourselves in the least, but I was curious if you guys had considered this, even in passing. Hope we’ll be reading it soon!



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foulmouthedpastorswife

posted April 11, 2011 at 10:55 am


he looks as if to say, “Lovie….When you can be your own best audience and when your applause is the best applause you know of, you’re in good shape.”



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